Yes, it’s stick season again – frigid temperatures, no snow, no green grass, only dead brown for miles and miles with barren trees appearing like sticks planted in the ground.  Warm sunshine seems far off and the dampness begins to seep into your emotions.  Maybe you are a little more irritable, have a nagging cold or even just feeling a little blue…These are a few suggestions I’ve used in my own life and offered to clients to bring a little sunshine back, days before Spring has sprung. 

1.         Buy fresh flowers.  Put them wherever you can see many times a day.  The room will immediately brighten and you will feel just a little bit lighter inside.

2.         Get a birdfeeder and watch spring come to you.  This gives you something to look at besides the blur of sticks and brown that your backyard has become.  I have hung one right outside my kitchen window and I watch them while I am cooking or washing dishes.  Now, instead of seeing a barren, lifeless space out my window, I see families of nuthatches having breakfast while I sip my tea.

3.         Read a book or go to a movie about someplace warm you would like to visit.  You can fall into a different world - soaking up the fresh berries and brilliant colors to your heart’s content. These images can become postcards in your mind to revisit for their warmth as you shiver in your cold car on the way to work, usually in the dark.<

/span>4.         Plant seeds.  I know you did this is first grade, but you will love it, again.  It is like watching a miracle unfold before your eyes.  Pansies are easy to grow and a longtime bloomer.  Take it one step further by getting a pretty pot, dirt & seeds (under $5) and give it to a friend – share the sunshine! 

5.         Get back into your community.  Winter can be very isolating.  I personally struggle with not becoming a hermit.  Not because I don’t want to see anyone – but because it is so cold out there!  Get out there anyway.  Go to church, meet friends for lunch, go to a party, even throw a party yourself, anything to reconnect with people.  I think January sometimes becomes a month of retreat.  The holidays can be a time of stress for many.  Retreat is a good option, but only for awhile - too long and your healthy retreat becomes isolating and depressing.  So call a friend and make a date.

6.         Take a class or workshop.  Try out something new and that appeals to your “fun” self.  You will meet new people and maybe even discover a new skill you never new you had before.  And I bet when the workshop is over, Spring is right around the corner.

7.         Plan a vacation.  This is my all-time favorite distraction from cold weather and brown – beaches and umbrella drinks.  Go to Tripadvisor.com and begin dreaming, planning and manifesting.  Pick a place and visualize yourself there on vacation.  Feel the water, the sand between your toes, the sun caressing your cheeks…The more you do this, somehow things begin to fall into place…money shows up, time frees up and you are on the beach.  Thinking it into being. 

  I hope these suggestions help you as much as they have helped me and my clients.  My kids and I planted seeds this weekend and we all are eagerly anticipating the miracle about to unfold.  Are there any tips you have discovered?  Please let me know as I am always interested.

Recently several of my friends and clients have had babies and are experiencing some new issues with nursing and babies.  Here are a few tips to survive and thrive during this time…

 1.         To breast feed or not:  Do not let anyone bully you into this choice – including your husband.  You have given 10 months to growing this precious bundle of joy inside and if nursing is not for you – don’t.  Yes, we all know the benefits of nursing, but all are outweighed by “over-whelmed, stressed-out mom.”  I did breastfeed for 7-8 months each time, but truly, besides the painful, sore nipples in the beginning – I had no issues with milk production, infections or the like…So this was not difficult for me.  Really look at yourself and decide what is best for you?

2.         Nursing and bottles: If you do decide to nurse, you will hear a lot of different advice about when to introduce bottles as to avoid nipple confusion.  Personally, if you have a baby who does not have difficulty “latching on” - use a bottle of pumped milk within the first week.  The experts will tell you to wait 4 -6 weeks as to avoid nipple confusion – wrong.  By waiting all that time, it becomes a big drama to introduce the bottle later.  One of my children would not accept a bottle at all – nightmare…Also, have your mate provide the bottle as to help support baby bonding for them and go take a shower or break.  Continue to have your mate provide bottles as to avoid the situation that only “you” can quiet the baby – this can feel gratifying in the beginning, but trust me, you will be setting yourself up for headaches later when the crying is louder.

3.         Are you the only person that can quiet the baby?:  When the baby starts crying, do you immediately begin breastfeeding?  This is dangerous territory for both you and your mate.  Of course, in the beginning this makes sense, but as you master nursing – are you allowing your mate to really bond with the baby?  I remember when we had my daughter and the odd sense of power as to be the “one” who could quiet the baby by merely handing the baby and breastfeeding.  However this dynamic becomes your worst nightmare as suddenly any time the baby starts crying she/he is handed immediately over to you for you to “fix.”  This gets old – quick, and then you become resentful of your mate for not being able to help out with the crying baby – the problem you helped to create…Hence, vicious circle.  So make a bottle for the baby and mate, and leave the house, go for a walk, whatever – they will work it out.

4.         Have you become a chew-toy?:  Are you breastfeeding all the time?  Not just during growth spurts?  Guess what?  You have now passed from providing comfort and sustenance for your baby to “chew-toy.”  Have you tried a binky?  Again this has been the cause of much debate – the whole nipple confusion issue again and teeth…I again go back to, what is good for you and the baby?  My daughter had a binky in her face ‘til three and my son never touched it - much to my dismay.  Babies like to suck on things - plain and simple, some are more oral then others.  You decide what is best for you and your family. 

5.         When to wean:  The experts push for a year.  Not for me.  At seven months old my daughter had become so busy during the day that she wanted to nurse all night.  After several nights of this, I soon realized I was becoming the meanest person in the room due to no sleep.  She weaned in about a week.  My son was/is plagued by allergies and I weaned at eight months because I could not get my diet clean enough as to not affect him.  His skin problems cleared up a day or two after I stopped nursing – probably should have stopped earlier.  Again, do not be pressured by anyone – they do not give any prizes for nursing the longest, etc…A girlfriend stopped nursing after about a month – she had run into problem after problem, stressed-out, but her husband still wanted her to continue…She stopped and was able to calm down because she wasn’t always worried about the baby not “getting enough.”  And then, I have lots girlfriends/clients easily nursing for a year – personal choice, no wrong decisions.  Look at where you are in your life and decide what would support you and your baby best.

 I hope these tips can help to answer a few of your concerns.  Please remember that this is a vulnerable time for new Moms and Dads – sensitivities run high.  A little patience with yourself and others goes a long way…Experts are just people with another opinion and in most cases; you can weigh the choices/options best for your family - not a stranger from a book.

Please listen to a discussion about possible blocks while meditating and some easy solutions to “fix” them.

Over the years, both through meditating myself and supporting my clients in their practices, I have discovered some blocks that may be halting your progress with meditation.  Here is some guidance to help you through these blocks…

 1.         “I can’t quiet my mind.”  I believe this is the first big hurdle in meditating to overcome.  First, try guided meditation instead of attempting to pick meditation up on your own in the silence.  This gives you something to guide you out of your incessantly thinking mind.  Don’t worry, as your practice develops you will be able to meditate in silence and find peace, but first, you have to open the door to this quiet place inside gently.  Berating yourself for “not getting it” fast enough just hurts you and really plays to your ego.  Think of it like any hobby or sport you pick up – it takes time and guidance to become comfortable. 

 2.         “I don’t have time.”  Almost all my clients in my private practice want to add meditation to their life, but time is a big stumbling block.  Even for myself I sometimes run into this problem.  That’s partly why I created my Everyday Meditation series – daily ten–minute meditations.  I’m not of the school you have to meditate for 20 minutes or more a day.  I’m a Mom, wife and  business owner…I do not live in an Ashram where I have hours to devote to a meditation practice – I live in the very real, busy world.  So if you only have 5 minutes right now, take it – spend five minutes concentrating on your breath.  I promise you will feel better and surprisingly, the 5 minutes will stretch longer as you feel more comfortable and relaxed with your practice.

 3.         “I fall asleep.”  During workshops this often comes up because my clients believe they fall asleep during the meditations. Upon ‘waking’ from the meditation they don’t remember anything, except they feel much better.  This “falling sleep” response is when your conscious mind goes to sleep because it is not interested in what is going on.  For example, maybe you’ve gotten in the car to go to the store and upon arrival you don’t remember driving there?  Well, you’ve probably driven there dozens of times and now it has become automatic, your mind is free to think of other things instead of directions.  Another reason for this “falling asleep” response is the topic of the meditation may be too upsetting to look at directly and again, your mind is protecting you by falling asleep and allowing the healing to first begin in your sub-conscious.  I often intentionally fall asleep to meditations knowing its healing affects on my sub-conscious.  If you are feeling better after the meditation, except it, don’t fight it.  Again, as you heal your sub-conscious, this ‘falling asleep’ response will just slip away and you will become more present and ‘awake’ during your meditation.

 4.         “I don’t like the imagery in the guided meditation.”  While I was teaching a meditation workshop a student complained that she hated meadows and couldn’t fall into the meditation due to this.  The meditation we had just finished was set in a meadow and connecting to safety.  She kept saying how barren and dead meadows are…This was surprising to me because meadows are magical places for me full of life.  I asked her to look at her language and her life.  The meadow she created was in her own mind – she made it barren, without life.  The meditation was in fact informing her of this barren view point.  I suggested she herself put life into the image in the meditation – adding trees, flowers, birds, etc.  This is actually a direct opportunity to heal.  This is a gift of meditation to gently heal yourself in your own time. 

 5.         “I know I’m not doing it right. I must be missing something.”    Maybe you’ve read you can be closer to God or manifest things through meditation, but you are not feeling this.  Relax. We live in a society that loves to compare – restrain yourself.  Ask yourself this, do you feel better – maybe calmer after meditating?  Yes, you are doing it right.  Let this practice unfold in your life gently.  I promise magic will happen.

 I hope this helps you overcome some blocks in your own meditation practice.  If you have any further questions or concerns, please contact me.  I am here to help.  So be it.   

Confusion runs high at the end of a relationship. Over and over, the same refrain, voiced by client after client, “Is he going to call?” The very words make my heart ache at their desperation. Ugh. The same thought enters my mind, “Of course he will, but hopefully, by then you won’t care.”

Let me tell you a secret, 99 times out of 100 he or she will call again. Maybe not this week or next, maybe in a year, but unless you are a total nut case, he’ll call. And here’s why: you have unfinished business. It is my experience that if you are “desperate” to hear from anyone, things are unresolved. To get to that level of anguish, I’m betting this has been an unhealthy or out of balance relationship for awhile. The clincher is when a client begins reciting all the ways she/he has helped the person in question “live a better life.”

I have found a better question to ask is, Why am I so desperate for him/her to call? What am I avoiding by focusing on him/her? Loneliness, isolation, depression, abandonment, addiction?

The truth is that breakups suck. There would not be so many songs, books and movies about the subject if it was otherwise, but there is an unhealthy and a healthy path. When a healthy relationship goes awry, of course, there are tears, deep sadness, hurts, but it does not lead to this desperate place of “Is he going to call again?” This phrase screams, “co-dependant, big fights, slamming doors.” All reason and rational thought go out the window and the anguished refrain, “Do you think he’s going to call?” begins falling from your lips with frightening regularity…

Let me ask you another question, if you are desperate for her to call right now, ask yourself, is this the first time you have felt this way in this relationship? This queasy, nervous space with aching all over it, or have you been here again and again? He left you waiting that time. You discovered something. This nervous, clinging space has become familiar, a habit really.

Let me tell you something else I have discovered: you can break a habit. It doesn’t happen overnight, but by new, healthier thoughts and beliefs you focus on everyday until you have the new habit of being in healthy relationships.

How to do this?  Try meditating or picking up a new habit such as hiking or just getting outside more.  Check out my resources page to discover an interesting book to support you during this process.  Go take a workshop about something that interests you and even meet new people interested in things you like to do.  Above all, get busy - so, when he/she does call and he will, you will see him for what he really is - someone you don’t want to call you.

 Each of us would love to “peak forward” a bit and gain insights for a better life.  Psychics offer this possibility, however there are some things to know before making an appointment…

 1.         Psychics are not always right.  Most good psychics will tell you only about 80% (on a good day!) of future predictions will come to pass.  Why?  Well, I tell my clients, what I am showing you is possibilities – you still have sway over future events both positively and negatively.  I like to use future events to empower your life today.

2.         Get referrals.  I suggest only making appointments with people you have been referred to, researched online or spoken to yourself.  Let’s face it, there are scams everywhere - so be smart.  Lots of psychics have web sites where you can read about them, styles of intuitive reading(tarot, runes…), articles they’ve written, etc.  Discover what resonates with you.  This little extra work will pay off in a good reading.

3.         Bring specific topics to look into for your appointment.  Chances are - the psychic will touch upon your big issues without need of your input.  However, I believe each of us gets the reading we “need” instead of maybe the one we “want.”  So the psychic may not immediately focus on the topic you desire without guidance from you.

4.         Be open.  Chances are the psychic will tell you some things you were not expecting, both good and bad.  Some of the words will resonate with you at the session while others words will become clear in your mind days, even weeks later.  Most psychics offer to record the appointment so you can go back later and listen.  Often, as you listen again, you will hear things you missed the first time.  

5.         Have fun and remember this is information.  I have been going to psychics since my early twenties and have been reading for others since 1996.  I love psychic or intuitive readings – however, over the years, I have seen persons who have been completely wrong as well as persons who are on the money nine times out of ten.  Use the information gleaned from your session to empower your life, not a crutch to wait for the inevitable outcomes.

  Psychic readings can be a powerful tool to transform your life.  They offer a chance gain insights, heal old wounds, to begin to live your best life today.  May it be so.    

I’m not one of those people who has New Year’s Resolutions, but I do have intentions for a better year.  I feel the New Year offers a chance of rebirth, a fresh start, a cleaning away of the old to make way for the new.  Over the years, I’ve developed an exercise for myself and my clients to enhance the process of cleansing from the last year and welcoming a fresh, abundant new year into your life.

I do this exercise once a year, sometimes in January or around my birthday in the springtime.  I don’t think the calendar date matters as much as your own personal desire for a clean slate and a new beginning.

First, write down everything you did not like about last year.  No censoring.  Include all your disappointments.  Difficulties in love.  Financial struggles, fights with family or coworkers.  Concerns with health.  The loss of someone you love.  Ended relationships.  Possibly the loss of a beloved pet.  Moments you let others down, even yourself.  Get everything out.

This may bring you to tears: that’s ok.  Let it out.  By writing these experiences you can release the negative energies that tie you to the past.

Once you have finished, read through the pages.  Upon finishing say out loud, “I am grateful for the lessons I have learned from these experiences.  I now release myself of the past and the pain.”  Then destroy the pages through burning, or the like.  Once the pages are completely gone, say out loud, “I welcome love, joy and abundance into my life today and every day.”

Now write out all the things you did like about this past year.  Things you’ve learned.  New relationships.  Advances in your career.  Family.  Vacations.  Spirituality.  Great books or movies that have stayed with you.  Any experience that brings you profound love for others or yourself.  Acknowledge all the gifts this year has brought into your life.

Again by writing it all out you experience the joy of those moments all over again.  It becomes tangible and more real.  Once you’ve completed the pages, read through them and then say out loud, “I am grateful for the love I have received and freely given.  I am blessed.  Thank you.”  Set the pages aside for later.

The next part is truly my favorite part of this exercise; writing a letter to your self.  The letter is everything you would like to see happen or accomplish this next year.  I divide the letter into seven parts; self, career, financial, relationship with significant other, health, motherhood and spirit.

You can modify the parts to fit your life.  Everything you write down is for your best life.  Think big and stay positive.  Dream the very best year and write it down.  Be specific.  Your thoughts become words, your words become deeds and your deeds build your life.  Let go of the “what ifs” and any fears that come up.

Personally, I have struggled with fear my entire life.  I read somewhere once that, “fears are dragons that keep us from our most precious treasures.”  For me those treasures are love and freedom.  What are your most precious treasures?  What blocks you from those treasures?

Once you have completed the letter and are satisfied with it, take this letter and the pages you set aside previously and put them in an envelope.  Address the letter to yourself, place a stamp on it and put it in the mail.  This is very important: DO NOT SKIP THE POSTAL SYSTEM.  The message must go out into the universe, freeing you to receive your most abundant year ever.  When I get the letter back in the mail, I don’t open it.  I put it in a drawer, knowing my message has been received and the universe is conspiring to make it so.

I have been doing this exercise for several years with great success.  Not everything works out the way I envision.  Sometimes it is even better and sometimes not, but I am always surprised.  This exercise helps you release the negativity and pain of the past year thus not bringing it into the new year.  It also allows you the opportunity to bring the good things of the past into the next year.  Most of all it opens the door to a more abundant life in the New Year.  May it be so.

Sometimes, husbands are really annoying.  For an Irish, redhead like me, this can cause problems.  During private sessions with clients and over many years of marriage, I’ve discovered a few tricks to avoid homicide when faced with you own beloved husband disguised as the village idiot.  May these tips help you avoid temptation…

1. Pedicure.  Pretty toes are very good to look at while you are having a “talk” with your husband about whatever said grievance is occurring.  As the ridiculous phases float out of his mouth you can distract yourself by watching the light reflect off your pretty toes.  Hot red means business!

2. Music.  Anything you love to be sung loudly.  Girl-power, angry songs are particularly satisfying, such as Melissa Etheridge in her angry years.  It is very helpful to release all those suppressed emotions physically.  Exercise is very helpful too.  However, by singing you are actually speaking the words you may be holding back in “talks” with your husband for whatever reason.  If you are not ready to say these things to him, sing them and get them out of your body.  You will feel better.

3. Journal and meditate.  Write it all out.  Maybe this is just an off day and you will be able to see that as you write.  Or, maybe, this is a bigger issue — possibly a culmination of old stuff, whatever.  It is good for you to release these emotions and experiences through writing.  It forces you to become present.  Another tool to become present is guided meditation.  The meditations lead you out of your incessantly thinking mind back into balance where you can make empowered decisions.

4. Call a friend.  Sometimes just venting to someone you can trust is very helpful and can allow you to feel supported.  However, think carefully about who would be helpful to talk to before you call – chances are, whatever the issue is, it’s going to blow over sooner or later.  For example, calling your Mom to complain about your husband out drinking with the guys instead of being with you or the kids, is not going to endear him to your mother.  You could actually be creating more strain in your life.  Or, telling ALL of your girlfriends of your husband’s blunders keeps the past alive with many re-tellings and finger-pointing.  Hard to keep the high ground with petty behavior no matter how justified the indignation may be.

5. Girls’ Night.  Go have fun, laughter is essential.  Wallowing in self-pity is not productive for anyone.  Laughter will connect you to the space of, “everything is going to be ok.”  You’ll feel better and you may actually be able to breathe.

6. Send your husband out of your bed, either the sofa or guest room will do.  A little space is good.  I am not of the philosophy, “Don’t go to bed angry.”  Sometimes, you are angry and with good reason.  So give yourself the opportunity to calm down and get clear.  The separation will stop you from saying something you may regret later as well.

7. Get away.  Go on a vacation for a couple days, maybe even a week by yourself or with a girlfriend.  This is a last resort kind of thing.  Unfortunately, sending your husband down the hall doesn’t always work.  Either you are too angry, too tired, or just plain had it, to be able to find peace with this man you’ve married.  Getting away helps both of you detach a little and you get a break from whatever the problem is.  The problem truly becomes his problem when you remove yourself from the situation.

When you are finally able to relax and regain your footing, ask yourself this, real or imagined?  Is this a real issue or passing stupidity?  Let’s face it – men can say/do some pretty dumb things.  Not saying all men, but experience tells me I have heard some tales…

On the other hand, if this is a real issue - what is your part?  Unfortunately, you have a part in this too.  It is not, in fact, all him.  Maybe you just went along with it too many times, maybe he doesn’t appreciate you, maybe so many different things, but the truth is – somewhere inside, you said, “yes.”  Yes to less.

It is difficult to accept that you could be the one creating these opportunities to sabotage your life, but once realize this, you actually become empowered.  Empowered because you can make different decisions.  With clear and balanced thoughts and behaviors, you can make good decisions no matter what the situation.

So, when you are watching the light reflect off your very pretty toes as your beloved husband blurts out some offending nonsense, you will remain calm and think, “Is this a real issue or passing stupidity?”

The torture of the holidays is upon us once again.  I am always of mixed emotions.  I love the holidays and they drive me crazy.  I think they call that schizophrenia.  I don’t think I am alone in these mixed feelings that may require more than breathing techniques or the cocktail hour to begin at three in the afternoon (its five o’clock somewhere…) 

For me the problem really lay in the weeks before Christmas Day - the packages in the mail.  I don’t know about you but I have some relatives that enjoy engaging in “passive aggressive nuts.”  I like to think of the package arrivals as bombs waiting to explode gross into my house.   

I haven’t figured out what to do with them yet…Every year I have a new tactic - open, not to open, give to goodwill, etc.  There are a few things we can not do – open them with our kids, because unfortunately, these relatives play favorites and one of my children is always receiving “less-than.”  To say that this makes me crazy is - an understatement.  One year we made this mistake and to watch the excluded child to see all the presents but one book go to the other was heartbreaking.   

And of course these bombs of Christmas cheer trigger all kinds of old hurts and unmet desires of Christmases past.  Good times.  Thanks a bunch…can’t wait ‘til next year.  So, what to do? 

I think all you can do – take care of yourself.  Instead of focusing on all those other people in your life, stop and focus on yourself.  Close your eyes.  Are you spinning?  Feel the ground under your feet.  What do you need today?  What can you do today to directly support yourself during this holiday season? 

Ideas:  buy yourself a special Christmas gift, take a bubble bath, meditation, get a massage, read a favorite magazine, call a friend, make cookies, volunteer, go for a walk at night and see all the lights.  What’s your great idea?  

Personally I am going to spend the afternoon wrapping gifts for my kids and husband.  It always makes me happy to wrap presents and make pretty bows.  I even think Mrs. Claus dropped off something special for me too…I think a big, sparkling bow will go on that one.

Over the years I have had many clients frustrated in dating, especially the dreaded first date.  I’m always slightly surprised by this as I loved dating when I was single, especially blind dates.  I even met my husband on a blind date, his first and last.  I loved the possibilities, the adventure and, of course, I have a wicked sense of humor, so any so-called-bad date was always worth a good story.

Dating doesn’t have to be an exercise in torture.  Ok, sure for some of us, talking to a box of rocks is easy, but for others, a different scenario.  For some, the thought of engaging in intimate conversation with a virtual stranger can induce stuttering and immediate brain cramping.    I have come to believe in five basic rules for the first date; they have served me and clients very well…

1.  Decide what you are looking for before you go out on the date.  Are you looking for a boyfriend/husband or a fling? Be honest with yourself.  If you really want a boyfriend/husband, decide before you put your big toe out the door what you want in a mate (i.e. humor, kindness, job security, honesty…)  Write down 5-10 things that are important to you.  This gives you a framework and clarity to make empowered decisions.

2.  Be willing to cut bait early.  Relax, this is not the last person on earth.  There will be other dates if this one does not work out.  Don’t settle for someone who just isn’t right.

3.  Believe what he says.  If he says he doesn’t want a serious relationship, he’s not a good at relationships or anything of the like, guess what?  He’s telling you the truth.  Red flags should be signaling you away from this disaster in waiting.  Run far away from this person.  No second date.

4.  Like him as is.  Don’t think, “Well, if he changed his job, or if this or that was different, I would like him.”  Again, I go back to, do not settle.  There are so many people looking for love — strive for an abundant life with your most perfect love.  You deserve your best life.

5.  I call this rule is the two nevers.  Never kiss on the first date and never call him after the first date.  He calls you.  Reality is, we all like a chase.  If he doesn’t call, well, it just means he didn’t call.  Don’t take it personally. Sometimes the sparks just aren’t there or maybe he has an ex that really isn’t out of the picture or maybe the timing is off.  It doesn’t matter.  I promise that you do not want to start your relationship feeling like your chasing him.  I had a girlfriend that would chase guy after guy away because she had to call him right away.  She came off desperate – not attractive.  She did not have a lot of second dates.

It is my belief the single most attractive quality a person can have is self-worth.  If you believe yourself worthy of a beautiful life, a beautiful love, you will not settle for “less-than.”  By knowing your worth and having clarity about what you want, you become a more confident person.  Confidence is incredibly sexy and not surprisingly, the more confident you become, the more people will be calling you for dates!