On Wednesday, 3/30 Mercury went retrograde until 4/23. Yes, unison groans are welcome…and as usual, opportunities for healing past hurts present in the most unlikely of ways.  Expect friends and lovers from days gone by to contact you.  If an old friend/boss does contact you about a job – pay attention, this could be the job you’ve been waiting for!

Mercury governs communication and travel as well, so be aware of dropped phone calls, travel delays and computer crashes. If possible avoid signing contacts or making large purchases.  If you do need to sign paperwork, read the fine print three times at least!

There is a New Moon on April 3.  This is a very big energy day – the same kind of rigid tension as on 3/11 when the earthquake hit Japan last month.  Hence, be aware of your environment.  This not only speaks to your geographic location but your emotional life as well.  As we discussed on Indie Spirit yesterday, earthquakes and tsunamis come in all different shapes and sizes…

Remember, with all these planets clustered in Aries – the issues and obstacles that come your way this month are all about you.  It’s not about what your partner, boss or friends are doing, it’s just about you.  Are YOU happy?  It’s up to YOU to make the shift.  Gratefully with this new moon you have the ability to set in motion significant inner healing and physical well being.  You can finally find a diet/fitness programs that work for you.  You can get to the bottom of health issues.  You can heal old wounds.

Spring is here.  Time to clear away the old, dead leaves that clog the corners of your life.  Yes, a dark, cold storm can still come calling, but warmer days are on the rise…

Be well.

What is the difference between loneliness and solitude?  One is an experience of sorrow and the other replenishment.  Why?  Simply – you.  Yupe, it’s not pretty and you may want to rebel, but it’s true.  You create your reality through choices and the thoughts/beliefs you focus on each day. 

But here’s the good news – you can make a shift.  Being alone doesn’t have to equal lonely.  Here are a few tips to help you connect to the rejuvenation found in solitude.

1.    Rest.  I bet you are exhausted and you don’t even know it because you have always been this way.  Lay down on the floor or grass and feel your body supported by the earth.  Close your eyes and breathe in deeply.  Shift your legs gently from side to side – feel yourself really connected to the earth.  Rest.

2.    Read.  Not a magazine, a book.  Fall into another world and give yourself a break from reality.  Explore the world from your favorite armchair…

3.    Journal.  Write about anything and everything.  Instead of keeping your thoughts, fears and dreams locked within – let go.  Thoughts spinning in your mind can trap you into fear, but brought into the light – things can be hashed out. 

4.    Arts.  Draw, paint, play musical instruments – be creative.  When you participate in the arts, you allow your incessantly thinking mind to stop.  If you believe you can’t draw – get a coloring book.  Relax and play.

5.    Nature.  Go for a walk or hike and really examine the path around you.  Do you see any animals?  Are the leaves falling?  How does the ground feel beneath your feet?  Can you smell the changing seasons?  Sink into this moment with all your senses. 

6.    Meditate.  Meditation is a pathway to transformation – changing your thoughts does change your life. 

7.    Garden.  Nothing is more grounding or nourishing then hands in the dirt.  Just because the weather has shifted does not mean the growing season has ended – bulbs.  Plant bulbs outside for spring and indoors for beauty.  Try paperwhites and amaryllis in glass vases and enjoy the magic of new life unfold right before your eyes.

8.    Be still.  Sit by a window and see what is happening in your own backyard.  Does the yard need attention?  Are there any animals?  Birds?  How do you feel within as you look out?  What thoughts pop in?  Are they lifting you up or pushing yourself down?  Can you gently, kindly make a shift?

Of course there are moments when we may feel lonely, but when these moments stretch into a way of being – unhappiness and isolation are the result.  It does not have to be this way…It begins with you.

There are times in your life when you may feel as though you are stumbling through, destination unknown.  Maybe you are.  And then time passes and you begin to see the stumbling was really moving you forward to a truth or goal that had not yet been revealed. 

Years ago I received great advice – take one step each day toward your goal.  Of course, the “goal” may be defined differently during the many phases of your life, but it is that forward energy that is most important.  This energy drives your ability to gently expand into your fullest self easily and effortlessly. 

It’s ok that there are periods in your life when you are confused.  In fact, expect it.  But know this is a phase.  As annoying as this truth is, confusion is an opportunity.  Confusion usually stems from some need inside of you not being met whether you are consciously aware of this or not.

Try journaling or reading about places or people that attract you.  Meditate.  Talk to friends you admire.  Listen to the compliments you are receiving in your life right now.  And most of all – move toward your dreams and goals – no matter what they are. 

One step, each day.  Read an article.  Make a phone call. Send an email.  Take a class. Create something. 

When you focus on your goals and desires (even the fleeting ones!), you focus on what you want in life – not a negative, self-defeating idea of what you don’t want.  Your thoughts direct your words and your words create your deeds.  Your deeds are your life. 

It all begins at the same place – choice.  Free will.  You chose to take that step each day or not.  So, what are your thoughts creating in your life today?  Is it leading to your goals or not?

Each of us confronts stress every day, and how we choose to deal with this has a direct effect on our happiness and well-being.  Often our emotions cloud our ability to make good decisions and unwittingly we continue a negative pattern of stress-management.  Use these five easy suggestions to improve your capacity to handle the stressful events that come your way and begin living more contently today…

 1.       Breathe.  When stressful events occur, often our first response involves an involuntary level of panic; blood may rush to our faces, stomachs drop, breathing quickens…By stopping yourself and focusing your attention on three deep breaths, this allows all of your senses and self to become fully present in the situation.  From this present place, better decisions are made.  Clarity is achieved when you can detach from an emotional, automatic response and shift to a perspective of ration and reason.  

2.       Don’t blame – including yourself!  No matter how you slice it – here you are and there is something for you to learn right now – what is it?  Here’s a hint; it’s all about you.  How someone else is behaving may not be appropriate, but strip the extras away and it is still all about you.  Instead of pointing fingers at any one else or even yourself, what do you need to do right now?  What is your part and how can you make it better today?   (Warning: be careful not to fall into victim thinking – “I’m so bad” – that it keeps you from moving forward.  It’s not about blame, but opportunity.) 

3.       Ask for help/support.  If you are feeling stressed, sometimes one of the best things you can do is seek the counsel of a wise friend, therapist or spiritual advisor.  An outside perspective can illuminate personal blind spots that may be tripping you up over and over…

4.       Stay present and flexible – don’t spin out.  A thinking mind can be a dangerous thing – imagining the worst-case-scenarios can be almost intoxicating to obsess over, but stop yourself.  It is likely none of these worst-cases will come to pass and you have wasted all that time and energy as to be prepared – just in case the worst-case happens then you’ll know what to do…Stop.  These are future concerns, shift back to what can I do right now and keep your options open.  Rigid thinking of “if this happens, then…” traps you in repeating the same cycles over and over. 

5.       Focus on your desired outcome.  It is very easy to identify want you don’t want, but shift your focus to what you do want or how you would like your reality to be.  Whether you are having difficulty in a relationship, with money, family, it doesn’t matter – spend a few minutes each day thinking about how you would like your relationship to feel, or what it would feel like to have enough money, love…Your thoughts have power.  When you change your thoughts, you change your life – new doors open and opportunities appear…Try this for a week and watch the surprises bloom.

 Of course, the most essential tool and what frames all of these tips, is an unshakable sense of humor.  I am the first to say I have a gallows humor, but it has served me well to laugh at myself and the ridiculous situations I have found  myself  in at times – completely of my own making.  Just remember – if it doesn’t kill you, well then I guess you’re not dead…or the other answer, you GROW stronger. 

4.  Support.  How is your to-do’s list?  Pretty long?  Do you feel overwhelmed and unappreciated?  Can you just not get out of your own way sometimes?  Are you happy?  Do you have fun?  Most importantly, have you asked for help?

Each of us needs help, yet very few of us are good at asking for it.  You want to do it yourself.  You don’t want to bother or inconvenience others.  You worry about what people might think.  The result is you fall deeper into the quagmire.  You become exhausted and resentful, however you and you alone are responsible for getting to this place.

Stop with your denials, exclaims and pointing fingers at family, kids, duty, whatever…I’m not buying it.  In your mind you may have this idea that if you ask for help, it’s a sign of weakness or failure – wrong.  I see it as a sign of strength.  (Now I’m not talking about going overboard in this direction as well – balance.)  It’s the development of discernment – what is mine to fix and what is not. 

Support comes in many forms – spouses, friends, life coaching, support groups, books, therapists, online, religion…It is all around you, so there are no excuses of access.  You may choose to see them as for somebody else, but all that opinion really achieves is keeping you down.

Hence, back to you, do you need support?  And whom could you ask today to help?

When to act and when to wait – isn’t that the rub?  In relationships as in life we have to make decisions all the time.  From the mundane, what’s for supper? To the serious, should I take this new job?  For some people decision-making seems to be easy, while others seem to struggle with even minor decisions…

Frankly I think we all struggle, no matter our style.  What often trips us up is ourselves – our egos.  We think everything is about us whether we want to admit or not.  People are rude to you, not the rest of the crowd.  She/he is taking it out on only you.  You take things personally, even while you try to laugh it off…Sound familiar?

Since we are in the midst of mercury retrograde, this is a great time to work on discernment.  Why?  Things are going wrong. Communications, travel, and messages are all messed up.  Thus creating perfect opportunities to take life personally with offenses – real or imagined.

Therefore when these offenses, a.k.a. opportunities come your way (and they will!), I invite you to do the opposite of your ‘normal’ response.  If you traditionally speak your mind, keep quiet.  Yet if you are usually, ‘mum is the word’ – now is the time to find your voice.  You’ll be surprised with your results.

The only way you learn discernment is through living – being the idiot in some moments and stunningly brilliant in others.  I’ve tried to avoid the idiot-side during this mercury retrograde by using the opposite technique in conflicts and/or odd situations – keep quiet and wait for others to come to me.  Honestly I’ve been astounded by what I’ve learned.  Maybe you will too, give it a try…

For each of us there are unconscious drivers, or instincts that frame all our decisions-making processes.  The instincts can be broken down into three separate groups – sexual, social and self-preservation.  Now remember this is not a conscious choice, just a part of who you are automatically and understanding your own drivers helps you make more empowered decisions.

 Here is how the three instincts work – we use all three.  However one instinct is usually dominate, with another instinct right next to it to reinforce the imbalance.

 For example, my husband’s dominate instinct is social.  When you have dominate social instinct you can walk into any room and know almost automatically who’s who.  You know who has the power, you understand the politics of the group and you know how to get them to like you.  Being liked by the group is very important to you…This instinct can be very helpful in your career if you learn how to use it to your advantage, not to an obsession.

 A dominate sexual instinct does not mean you are sex-crazed (though it could…)  For this individual, when you walk into a room, you know immediately who has the ‘mojo.’  You could care less if the group likes you, it’s just a few that are important to you.  Again this can be very helpful as you feel more empowered in yourself as a person, however too out of balance and you are making poor life choices.

 The final dominate instinct is self-preservation.  This person brings a sweater with them and a snack in their bag, just in case.  This person is prepared.  Sometimes too prepared – fearing the worst case-scenarios around every corner.  Being liked by the group is really only necessary to this person as a way to stay safe.

 Each of us are able to choose from all three instincts to use in a  specific situation, but you tend to go with the same one or two, often leading to imbalance.  As I said before my husband has a very strong social instinct with self-preservation right behind.  As a child he was the peacemaker and his world felt safe if everybody liked him and got along…Unfortunately that’s a lot of work as an adult – everybody liking him to get along…That strategy may have worked as a child, but now it creates problems.

 Myself, I have a dominate sexual instinct with self-preservation right behind.  In my past I have used sex to feel safe in relationships and to feel empowered.  Unfortunately if I operated exclusively from this mindset, I am not allowing myself to be more than sex.  The world is too big and exciting to have to operate from such a narrow vision of self.

 Another friend is dominated by a self-preservation instinct with social instincts directly supporting it.  For her, there is never enough.  Many of her decisions about career and relationships hinge on the question, is this safe?  So much of life passes her by because she is paralyzed by the what if’s and what will they think?

 Take a look at yourself.  What is driving your decisions?  Do you want to feel safe?  Do you use sex as a tool?  Does being liked by the group matter too much?  Email me with any questions that may arise.

 Next time we will discuss how to use your instincts to empower your life instead of hindering it…

Last year I went to Vegas for the first time.  My girl’s trip was taking me to the Wynn that year and I was thrilled.  Almost everyone in my regular life had a negative opinion of this impending trip.   

I heard; it has bad energy, too much drinking, sleazy people, unclean and immoral and my favorite said to me by my acupuncturist, what good can come of a happily married woman going to Vegas?  Hello projections and opinions – where did these people think I was going to hang out?  Stripe clubs and street corners?  Of course all these negative comments only made me more determined to go…However I was concerned about the cost.  Vegas, unless you’re winning, can be expensive quick – of that much I was sure.  Thus I was confused – should I or shouldn’t I go? 

Meditation helps me to get clear and become quiet – within the quiet I can often hear guidance.  Loudly, clearly the message came through to go on the trip and the money would be taken care of.  My eyes popped open and I thought of course, I’ll throw dice and get a huge tip.  Off to Vegas.

 On the third day in Vegas I was down maybe twenty bucks but I was really enjoying myself.  I loved always dressing up, the shows, free drinks, the shopping, the lights, the dancing, the pools, our hotel…It was fabulous.  As my girlfriend and I walked through the casino that day, a few older gentlemen with piles of chips in front of them called to us to throw dice and I thought – that’s it, my money.  Before I could say a word, my friend waved them off and said to me, “Kelly, you of all people can win here.  Just feel the game call to you.  You know you can do this.”

 I thought, she’s right, I can do this, I can create my own winnings.  Not five minutes later I saw the slot machine for me – Queen of Hearts – redhead like me, nickel slot (I didn’t even know they had nickel slots…)  I pulled maybe three times, probably spent 40 cents total, and $868 appeared.  Happy, screaming day!  We were idiots, giddy with success and the best part – we cashed out and ran up to our rooms to lock it in the safe.  The trip paid for itself.

 I had been so quick to think someone else needed to give this to me instead of realizing I can create it myself.  Amusingly this was the beginning of a wonderful pattern – most of my vacations somehow pay for themselves now.  It’s remarkable really and I feel it is a direct result of being in flow with the universe, an abundant universe that is always looking to support and lift you up. 

 I invite you to slip into your own quiet meditative state and discover what magic is waiting for you…create your own winning today.

8 Simple step to living more abundantly today.

Are you Feeling stuck?  Guess what?  You are not alone.  A couple days ago a friend and I were discussing how nothing seems to be moving – all the hopeful possibilities that were appearing on the horizon are, as the saying goes, dead in the water…I then remembered Mercury goes retrograde on May 7 – yuck – a time of much inaction and confusion.  Later that same day, Karen Bishop’s most recent post happened in my mailbox and I was reminded that sometimes, whether we like it or not, we enter the waiting game… 

I suggest to you that May is a time of waiting, watching and hopefully, shifting.  If you are like me, you can feel a change coming, but from where?  How will it look?  This tension in transformation is exhausting and when you are locked within transformation, sometimes you forget that this is temporary – it feels like this will go on forever, but it will not.  It is temporary. 

So if you find yourself in a waiting game, here are a few suggestions on how to use the energy and discover the hidden gifts held within this still period in time…

 To read Karen Bishop recent post on feeling stuck.

Learn how Mercury Retrograde will effect you, Astrologyzone.com with Susan Miller.