Are you doing all the ‘right’ things, yet still disappointments are coming your way?  You may be wondering ~ when is enough, enough?  Join us Thursday on Indie Spirit @ 11 am EST as we explore these patterns and discover solutions through Meditation, the Energy/Moon Report, much laughter and some fantastic Indie Music.

Here we are, the first Monday of the New Year and I have a secret for you on how to make this year better ~ your thoughts. Where are your thoughts right now? Are you worrying about something? Anxious about the future? Stressed about a job? A relationship? A health crisis?

Here’s the secret part – you can’t control any of those events named above. You can’t control the housing market or the weather or even the behaviors/actions of any other person in your life right now. What you can control is your reactions and/or your thoughts. You can control how big anything can feel emotionally by how/where you focus your thoughts. You can be Mindful.

Try this, think of a person or situation that you are concerned about. Feel things as you normally experience them – thinking about worst-case scenarios and ‘what-if’s.’ Now how do you feel?

Now shift your thinking – believe things work out. Adapt an attitude of faith that the person can and do find their way through. Maybe not in the timing of your preference, but in the timing other’s highest and best. Imagine things working out for those around you and most importantly – for YOU.

Now how do you feel? Bigger? Calmer inside? Sink into that peaceful place of mindfulness.

Here’s one thing to remember – yes, life is scary sometimes. People we love get hurt, jobs are lost, hearts are broken, debts can overwhelm and still the best support you can give anyone (including yourself!) is a firm belief they (you) will be victorious.

Be Mindful and unlock Peace in any situation…

Today is your choice. You can choose to experience this day with the past firmly holding on or, you can choose peace. Peace does begin with you. It begins with compassion for yourself and all those around you.

Look for ways to be peaceful, maybe go for walk with a favorite relative or friend. I encourage you to reflect on the many gifts you have received this year (a vacation, a new or renewed friendship, a job, a healing…the possibilities are endless) and say “thank you” from deep within your heart. For gratitude is a key to opening the doors to an abundant life. It’s available to you at this very moment – will you use it today to unlock a new Thanksgiving Spirit???

The holidays, that magical time of year, when families get together, break bread and more often than not – drive each other crazy. Oh, so much fun. Fortunately, through my own experiences and helping clients through these annual traditions, I have discovered the secret to better family holidays: detachment. Detachment can be done with love and even a sense of humor. Here are some tips to help you learn how to detach while being true to yourself in any situation.

1. Breathe. Maybe you become cornered by a family member in an uncomfortable conversation or maybe it is the things left unsaid that get your blood pumping, scattered your thoughts. You may notice your breath becomes shallow or even more rapid. Guess what? Stress has entered the picture. It seems so simple and obvious, but truly abnormal breathing is the first indicator of stress. Once you notice a shift within yourself, begin concentrating on your breathing. Breathe in deeply, letting the air fill your chest down into your belly and exhale slowly. Repeat several times to feel settled again.

2. Let go. Guess what? Those annoying habits of your family members are not going away. The aunt who asks, “when are you going to get married?” or “why don’t you come and see me?” She is not changing, but your reaction to her can. Think of a few lines that can stop an uncomfortable line of questioning. My personal favorite is, “Ummm, that is an interesting idea, I’ll have to think about that,” smile and excuse yourself to help in the kitchen or escape out back. These unseemly questions really don’t have as much to do with you as they have to do with the person asking the questions. If you look beneath the question, you will probably discover the pain or sense of lack that drives the person posing the questions.

3. Trust. I firmly believe there is a valid reason for everything that happens. Instead of falling into the old emotional traps of family dynamics, begin to practice the witness. How to do this? Watch and listen. This holiday season try being quieter and not engaging with your two cents over and over. You will begin to notice the poor behavior of those around you stem from their own wounds, not you. Once you see the raw places in those you love, compassion walks through the door. You begin to see their poor behavior is just a smoke screen to disguise their own pain, and suddenly you notice they don’t bother you as much. Surprisingly, you begin to feel grateful for your life and you trust yourself more.

4. Minimize. As much as I wish it were otherwise, sometimes there are family members who are just not pleasant to be around – period. Maybe they drink too much, play passive–aggressive games or are bigoted, whatever. Do not make yourself be around unhealthy people for the sake of the family. This may seem impossible, but in reality it is not. You are an adult now and no longer are you subject to choices of those around you. If the above three tips are not enough to make the situation work, leave – because you will do or say something you will regret later.

5. Do good things for yourself. Arrange for some time by yourself to do something you like to do – meditate, make a cup of tea and read a trashy magazine, watch your favorite movie, or go for a walk. No matter how loving a family can be, it’s stressful. Holidays bring out a variety of emotions, both good and bad. So take good care of yourself, and you will notice you will have more patience with that inquisitive relative that wants to know, “What are you going to do with your life?” Ummm, that’s interesting question, I’ll have to think…yeah, you know the rest.

6. Look for the gift. When you choose a different response to old family patterns, everything begins to change. This positive change may start with you but it will extend outward. You may discover things don’t bother as much or that you may even laugh inside when those inevitable inappropriate questions come your way. By not reacting, you change the dynamics within your family and open the door for better relationships.

7. Remember – this too shall pass, so laughter helps. Find the absurd amusing. The ridiculous gifts are an opportunity to smile, even if it’s on the inside. My mother-in-law goes around her house at Christmas time and seemingly picks out the most useless piece of crap, wraps it up and sends it off to me with some slightly insulting note attached. This is my Christmas gift. It’s not that she doesn’t have any money, this is her own game. This used to drive me nuts, but now, I laugh along with all my mom and friends as the gifts approach the absurd. I will never forget when she sent me a shawl she bought in Ireland years ago but hated, so she thought I would like it. What?!? Unfortunately, she cannot recognize she is really hurting herself with this passive aggressive behavior as it has a direct affect on her relationship with our family. I can choose to be hurt or see what is really going on – this is her stuff, her game and I don’t have to play.

So as you approach the holidays this year remember, there are only 24 hours in any day of the year. Sometimes this is a blessing and sometimes a curse. I offer you patience and courage. Patience with yourself and others and courage to be the change you seek. Breathe.

Are you getting anxious for another Holiday with the family? Can you feel yourself beginning to brace for those awkward questions posed by Aunt Judy? Or is it falling into old patterns that has you squirming?…This year can be different. Join us Thurs @ 11am on Indie Spirit for solutions, laughter, a Thanksgiving meditation and fantastic indie music…Come, join the Thanksgiving. http://www.blogtalkradio.com/indieonair

For the next 24 hours try this exercise – speak your life into being.  Speak as though the life you desire is unfolding right now.  For example, want a new job?  For the next 24 hours say to yourself, I have a new job – it’s fantastic.  I can’t believe it – just fell into my lap.  Feel this new job.  Think about the new office, maybe your desk is there – what photos are on the desk?

Or maybe you are lonely and want a fuller life.  What if you began saying to yourself – people like being around me.  I get invited places.  People feel good when they are around me.  I have good friends.

Or possibly you feel overwhelmed, stressed and are looking for support.  What if you said to yourself, support shows up, unbelievably when and where  I least expected it.  Feel how good it would be to feel supported, feel a lending hand enter your life…

Just give it a try and let the magic unfold – opportunities appear and doors open when you believe…What have you got to lose, but everything to gain????

What is the difference between loneliness and solitude?  One is an experience of sorrow and the other replenishment.  Why?  Simply – you.  Yupe, it’s not pretty and you may want to rebel, but it’s true.  You create your reality through choices and the thoughts/beliefs you focus on each day. 

But here’s the good news – you can make a shift.  Being alone doesn’t have to equal lonely.  Here are a few tips to help you connect to the rejuvenation found in solitude.

1.    Rest.  I bet you are exhausted and you don’t even know it because you have always been this way.  Lay down on the floor or grass and feel your body supported by the earth.  Close your eyes and breathe in deeply.  Shift your legs gently from side to side – feel yourself really connected to the earth.  Rest.

2.    Read.  Not a magazine, a book.  Fall into another world and give yourself a break from reality.  Explore the world from your favorite armchair…

3.    Journal.  Write about anything and everything.  Instead of keeping your thoughts, fears and dreams locked within – let go.  Thoughts spinning in your mind can trap you into fear, but brought into the light – things can be hashed out. 

4.    Arts.  Draw, paint, play musical instruments – be creative.  When you participate in the arts, you allow your incessantly thinking mind to stop.  If you believe you can’t draw – get a coloring book.  Relax and play.

5.    Nature.  Go for a walk or hike and really examine the path around you.  Do you see any animals?  Are the leaves falling?  How does the ground feel beneath your feet?  Can you smell the changing seasons?  Sink into this moment with all your senses. 

6.    Meditate.  Meditation is a pathway to transformation – changing your thoughts does change your life. 

7.    Garden.  Nothing is more grounding or nourishing then hands in the dirt.  Just because the weather has shifted does not mean the growing season has ended – bulbs.  Plant bulbs outside for spring and indoors for beauty.  Try paperwhites and amaryllis in glass vases and enjoy the magic of new life unfold right before your eyes.

8.    Be still.  Sit by a window and see what is happening in your own backyard.  Does the yard need attention?  Are there any animals?  Birds?  How do you feel within as you look out?  What thoughts pop in?  Are they lifting you up or pushing yourself down?  Can you gently, kindly make a shift?

Of course there are moments when we may feel lonely, but when these moments stretch into a way of being – unhappiness and isolation are the result.  It does not have to be this way…It begins with you.

Each of us confronts stress every day, and how we choose to deal with this has a direct effect on our happiness and well-being.  Often our emotions cloud our ability to make good decisions and unwittingly we continue a negative pattern of stress-management.  Use these five easy suggestions to improve your capacity to handle the stressful events that come your way and begin living more contently today…

 1.       Breathe.  When stressful events occur, often our first response involves an involuntary level of panic; blood may rush to our faces, stomachs drop, breathing quickens…By stopping yourself and focusing your attention on three deep breaths, this allows all of your senses and self to become fully present in the situation.  From this present place, better decisions are made.  Clarity is achieved when you can detach from an emotional, automatic response and shift to a perspective of ration and reason.  

2.       Don’t blame – including yourself!  No matter how you slice it – here you are and there is something for you to learn right now – what is it?  Here’s a hint; it’s all about you.  How someone else is behaving may not be appropriate, but strip the extras away and it is still all about you.  Instead of pointing fingers at any one else or even yourself, what do you need to do right now?  What is your part and how can you make it better today?   (Warning: be careful not to fall into victim thinking – “I’m so bad” – that it keeps you from moving forward.  It’s not about blame, but opportunity.) 

3.       Ask for help/support.  If you are feeling stressed, sometimes one of the best things you can do is seek the counsel of a wise friend, therapist or spiritual advisor.  An outside perspective can illuminate personal blind spots that may be tripping you up over and over…

4.       Stay present and flexible – don’t spin out.  A thinking mind can be a dangerous thing – imagining the worst-case-scenarios can be almost intoxicating to obsess over, but stop yourself.  It is likely none of these worst-cases will come to pass and you have wasted all that time and energy as to be prepared – just in case the worst-case happens then you’ll know what to do…Stop.  These are future concerns, shift back to what can I do right now and keep your options open.  Rigid thinking of “if this happens, then…” traps you in repeating the same cycles over and over. 

5.       Focus on your desired outcome.  It is very easy to identify want you don’t want, but shift your focus to what you do want or how you would like your reality to be.  Whether you are having difficulty in a relationship, with money, family, it doesn’t matter – spend a few minutes each day thinking about how you would like your relationship to feel, or what it would feel like to have enough money, love…Your thoughts have power.  When you change your thoughts, you change your life – new doors open and opportunities appear…Try this for a week and watch the surprises bloom.

 Of course, the most essential tool and what frames all of these tips, is an unshakable sense of humor.  I am the first to say I have a gallows humor, but it has served me well to laugh at myself and the ridiculous situations I have found  myself  in at times – completely of my own making.  Just remember – if it doesn’t kill you, well then I guess you’re not dead…or the other answer, you GROW stronger. 

Recently I have been contacted by many new clients struggling with strange things going on at their homes.  It seems that between midnight and 3:30ish am something odd is afoot.  Their dogs are barking at doorways, sleeplessness, feelings of being watched, unexplained anxiety and irritability are just a few of the complaints…

 If you are experiences any difficulties such as these, here are a few things to consider…

 Spring is a time of forward energy and anger.  In Eastern medicine it is viewed to be closely aligned with anger and the liver.  The idea is the anger acts as a force to break through – for a seed or plant, this would provide the energy to break through the ground and join the sun again.  Interestingly, Eastern medicine also divides the day into two hour intervals.  The intervals identify when your body/emotions are more susceptible to certain energies.  The hours of 1 am to 3 am are associated with the liver.

 The liver is said to process anger and emotions.  The liver is also related to water – which of course, our culture has long associated with emotions.  Are you angry?  And do you drink a lot of alcohol?  This could suggest you have repressed issues with anger and unspoken emotions.  Try drinking more water to flush your system of any stuck emotions or toxins. 

Another aspect to consider is the very energy that surrounds us.  For many individuals who channel masters and the like, now is said to be a time of great shifting.  The recent earthquakes (more are predicted by this group) are intended to not only open the hearts of all people by wanting to help those who are affected, but also to change the very core of the earth – readying the planet for a total shift in consciousness.  Karen Bishop is an excellent resource of this belief.

 She believes at this moment not only in the shifting earth, but that there are many ‘visiting’ entities.  Some are good and some are bad.  You have the ability to send any of these negative beings away with just the phrase, go back to the light.

 Personally, as of late I have been missing things.  I was in a session last week with a client and my pen just disappeared.  I had just gotten up and left the room to find a pen – my client and I even joked about kids and missing pens.  I put the pen on my desk and not five minutes later it was gone.  My client was speechless as we both saw me get the pen and put in on my desk.  It lay right next to us as we were talking.  Then it was gone.  She was aghast and I was laughing – damn leprechauns.  

 I’m kind of used to these kind of games and I know the pen will show again where I least expect it.  When you are more sensitive to your world, you will discover magic is still afoot.  I like to think of it as the universe letting me know it is all around me every moment and also letting me know who is really in charge – not me!

 So, if some odd things are happening right now you have options.  You can clear yourself and your home.  (How to smudge your home or office.)  You can have a sense of humor.  You can journal to discover and release any anger or negative emotions you are holding.  Finally you can seek help if need be, it’s there, waiting for you.   Ask and you shall receive.

New beginning can happen any day.  It’s an internal decision to make a shift, sometimes by choice and sometimes by circumstance.  The real question is, are you ready for a new beginning?  Are you ready to stop living on a path that doesn’t work and move to a path that does?  That shift can begin today…if you choose.