You either like Lewis Black or you deem him annoying – I am of the former group.  I enjoyed this book immensely particularly chapters jesus loves me, this I know; golfing in the kingdom and in the land of seagulls and gingham.

 Black is honest and funny.  He loves the ritual and mystery of a ‘higher power’ yet hates it’s translation through the tongues of fools, conmen or worse, murderers.  It seems to rattle his senses a bit and for a man who protests at having no faith, me thinks he protests too much.  An examined faith is a living faith.  I would say Black’s religion has a lot of wicked humor, love for all and a healthy dose of raunchy sex.  Enjoy!

Kings of Leon deliver yet another sexy, inspired album.  For me, however, it begins bleak – skip first two tracks (I know Closer and Crawl were big abroad but seriously, it makes you feel like – slash your wrists and call it a day…depressing.) 

 The tracks Sex on Fire, Use Somebody, Manhattan, Revelry, Notion, I Want You and Be Somebody are hot, plain and simple.  Take your clothes off to the left please.  There is a reason all over the trashy magazines have pics of all these famous people having illicit affairs and attending these concerts.  This music has a naughty yet intense edge to it – listen to Be Somebody or Cold Desert to understand this concept.   

 Kings of Leon are family (3 brothers and a cousin) who named themselves in honor of a grandfather and father, “Leon.”  I think this closeness absolutely enhances the intensity of the music because they are ‘safe’ to be more vulnerable in the writing and the creation of sound.  Happy listening!  

I jumped on the Mad Men bandwagon this weekend.  I’m completely hooked.  I love the characters.  Each one has secrets, often behaving badly in one way or another only to shine a day later.  We witness the dregs and glory of each character as they struggle in quiet desperation – a desperation that is all too familiar our own lives. 

 Each of us struggles with moments of ‘quiet desperation.’  Sometimes these moments may stretch into how your life feels all the time.  It may seem like the grass is in fact greener over there on a different lawn or possible on that road not taken.  But that is an illusion that leads only to chaos – just watch Mad Men.

 The main character Don Draper is that illusion.  This man is miserable – on the inside, but all the world sees is someone irresistible.  Women want him and men want to be like him – yet he is lost.  He is desperate to feel – anything – to get into his own life.  Yet he can not – he tries with booze, work, success and many, many women to fill the ever-expanding emptiness within, but he is still empty.  In fact, more empty, for when he looks into the eyes of his daughter or son he knows each day he is less the man he wanted to be…Good stuff!!!

 It is easy to believe the person down the street or even in the next cubicle has it so much better than you, but that is just a myth.  Each of us struggles with our own brand of quiet desperation – maybe you cling to a past that needs to be let go, or hold to an idea of how it is supposed to look, or maybe something is ‘not enough’…

 I encourage you to stop looking over the fence and be where you are.  Forgive yourself for whatever failures or transgressions you have made, real or imagined – let go of the past.  Today is a new day and maybe, just maybe you will discover your own backyard is pretty nice place to be.   

“What?  I am not shutting down because that would mean I’m getting old…”  The horror.  I sat in my acupuncturist office slightly stunned…We were discussing sex and how at 39 years old, my sex drive is ever increasing. 

My friends and I (all late thirties/early forties) recently were discussing how much our sex drive has changed.  For those of us having sex with our partners (half were not, but that is another tail…) – the two weeks before ovulation are, shall we say, game on, while the following two weeks are, well, not.  I joke that my body is just trying to get one more baby in – a mantra of “must procreate” vibrates throughout causing amusing results.

 First off, in those first weeks in the cycle, I attract lots of men – this has got me believing in pheromones.  They must smell/hear my ovaries message of, sex, sex, sex.  When I was in Vegas last, my friend and I happened to be in that first part of our cycles at the same time.  I had just told her of my theory when two drinks were delivered from the gentlemen at the end of the bar…we just about fell out of our chairs laughing, along with spilling the drinks…

 …back to the doctor’s office, sitting stunned – “I’m shutting down?”…Yes, in a sense I got that with the ovaries shouting – just one more! But I avoid the shutting down part because that might imply I was aging and that can not be???  Why I feel 29/30 years old? 

 And suddenly I was laughing inside, this monthly curse, which I have almost dreaded my whole life, whether through inconvenience or interference, has now become precious.  (Hearing a chuckling God inside, reminding me to be humble at every turn.) 

Ughhh, wow, life is a kick, just when you get it all figured out – flip.  What was dreaded once now becomes a friend and life, here and now, becomes just a little more precious…

Before I got married – I was like all the rest, believing in fantasies, “When I’m married, we will always have hot sex.  I love my fiancé.”  Fast-forward several years – two small children and no sleep – guess what?   The sex wasn’t so hot anymore, in fact, we weren’t really having sex too much and then I remembered my words from years ago…Ugghhh.  How could I have been so naïve???

 I still remember the day, about five years ago, when I was kissing my husband and thinking, “Was I ever turned on by this man?”    How could this be?  I believed him to be my true love – we were meant – yet I felt dead inside when we kissed.  Warning: red lights flashing!!!  Like many before us, we headed off to marriage counseling and discovered we both had things to work on…

 Fast-forward to today, little wiser, little more humble, and back to hot sex.  Why?  I abandoned an idea of how my marriage “should” look and began to create a marriage that does work for both of us.  I’m not saying it’s perfect or without issue, but I am happier with me and how I view my marriage. 

 I realized I had to stop pointing to my husband as to why I was not happy and begin to examine the three fingers pointing back at me.  As an old therapist used to say, “He makes himself an easy target, but what are you doing here?” 

 What “shoulds” do you need to give up in your significant relationship?  He “should” know that hurts my feelings.  She “should” have been there for me this way.  He “should” know what I like.  She “should” know I love her.  What “shoulds” are getting in your way today?

Does your relationship feel stuck?  Going through the same patterns over and over?  Bored?  Read Passionate Marriage.  My husband and I just finished reading this life-changing book.  I’m serious – life-changing, however – not for the faint of heart.  This book is blunt with a capital “B.”

 Schnarch believes the dynamics of your relationships, for better or worse, are displayed in your sexual behaviors (i.e. who wants what, frequency, satisfaction…)  Thus what’s happening or not happening in the bedroom, is just another stage for the “real issues” of your relationship – trust, deserving, respect, etc. 

 Maybe you think you and your partner “can’t communicate anymore,” Schnarch explains how you are in fact very much communicating and how, why, when…There are about 4 or 5 couples he follows through their “time in the crucible.”  The whole concept of emotional fusion and self-soothing was keenly beneficial to not only my relationship with my husband but with everyone else in my life.

 This is a must read!