5.  What is stopping you from living the life you have always dreamed of?  Money issues?  Spouse?  Relationships?  Family?  Responsibilities?  Could it be a fear of failure?  What if it doesn’t work? 

 This is the hinge point in transformation – can you transcend your fear of what if?  I bid you, courage – walk through your own unique fire and see what’s on the other side.  Use your own tools to support you – humor, intuition, friendships and a focused eye on what you do want.  Take a chance on you, you are worth it and after all, what if it’s fantastic on the other side, just waiting for you to take a chance????

4.  Are you trying to keep it the same?  Why?  Does the cost seem too great to make a change?  Does it seem impossible?  Are you afraid of hurting someone else if you do shift? 

 Whether you like it or not, this is your life.  Right here, right now.  When you place the needs of others always before your own, guess what?  You are always last on the list – your list and everyone else’s too.  You are teaching yourself and all around you that you come last. 

 Of course, there are times when it is appropriate to place the needs of others in front of your own, but you would be surprised by how few and far between this is in normal every day life.  People are not infants forever and illness, well, this is tricky, but I assure you, you just you, whether a caregiver or a patient, need to put your own needs at the top of your own list.  We all serve best from a place of fullness, not lack…

 How about if when you place the needs of others in front of your own – this does not inherently mean you are last?  Maybe move yourself down to second of third?  Do you run into any hang-ups or negative thoughts?  Around deserving, enough or possibly love?  Well now, you are getting to the foundation of the problem – what do you want and what if you deserved it?  What is stopping you? 

3.  Notice the word my in the above question, my truth.  It’s no doubt you are relaying the facts as you experience them, but are you feeling them?  Are you really listening to that internal voice that is naggingly right?  Are you going along to get along instead of voicing your own needs?

 Sometimes in life we find ourselves in unexpected places.  It didn’t just happen, there were many choices and compromises made along the way that lead to this less-than place, and even though you may not have intended it, you are here.  

 Instead of blaming or getting angry that someone else isn’t showing up the way you would like, ask yourself, what do I want?  I’m betting you don’t have an easy answer to that, but you can probably tell me what you don’t want.  Your focus needs to shift from what you don’t want (this thinking only attracts what you don’t want – where your thoughts focus, things expand…) to what you do want.  Begin making a list or dreaming about what you do want. 

 More importantly begin taking responsibility for your own dreams coming true.  Yes, those around you can support and love you, but you and you alone are the writer of your own life.  Players come and go, but you continue to create your life every day. 

2.  Ok, you’ve identified you are in a pattern, now it’s time to look at your part – what are you doing the same?  Stop with the reasons why you are doing it the same and just focus on your part.  There is no one person to blame. 

 For a pattern to be established everyone has to go along with their part over and over again – especially if it’s a negative pattern.  The reason you are always broke isn’t because the universe is out to get you, it’s because not only do you make the same poor money decisions over and over, but you also believe yourself to be someone who is always broke.  The universe is just showing up how you believe it to be.  (Tip: Got to change your belief…)    

 As I have previously said, it does not do you any good to berate yourself for not getting it yet – you will.  To change anything it takes practice and time.  You have to intentionally respond differently to the same problems. This takes energy and a commitment to being present – you are not going to respond how you always have.

 It won’t feel normal at first to respond differently and that’s ok.  Some people around you may not like you changing the pattern and that’s ok too.  When you are ready, you will make a change.  For the alternative – staying in this less-than place – becomes more and more unacceptable as the days pass… 

January is long.  After all the hubbub of holiday gatherings beginning in November, January can feel an odd mix of relief and loneliness.  The dark days fill with almost endless nights and your thoughts – whirling, spinning in your head…Did he really say that?  What did she mean?  Can you believe that happened – it was horrible…Over and over – examining each incident, every offense, all the words…Why?  You stay connected.

 It may seem strange but the fights, angst and worry keep you in relationship with those you pretend to no longer care about.  Think about it – when you don’t really care, you are neutral.  When you fight/worry over someone, you reactivate connection.  In a way this feeds the connection.  You get to think about them and judge their actions/behaviors from your own other place. 

 Forget the messy business of real communication and speaking to the person, you’ll have the discussion/arguments in your mind…over and over and over.  Imagining what you could have said, what you will say next time, the witty comebacks…and there’s January spinning within.

 I invite you to stop.  Give everyone a break – the holidays can stir up emotions in the most grounded of folks.  Hence emotions can run high during the first few days/weeks of January.  Take a nice deep breath in – down into your belly.  Exhale.  Let’s try one more.  Feel your shoulders relax.  It’s ok, really it is ok.

 This is a time of quiet, a turning inward.  A time when being alone is essential.  This alone time is a chance to rest, rejuvenate and create.  It is the opportunity to slip into your own cocoon of transformation…

 The quiet can be frightening at first.  When it’s quiet you can’t avoid the real issue – you.  Yupe, back to you again.   It’s where the struggle began and where all paths lead back to – you. 

 If you are spinning – write, meditate, seek out support and most importantly, stop.  At some point you have to decide to think about something else, to stop yourself and force yourself to be a different way.  It’s not going to feel comfortable.  Why?  It’s different, you’re doing it in a new way, of course it would feel a bit awkward at first.  But do it a different way anyway.  Within a short time, what was awkward becomes normal. 

 This month use the quiet to discover hidden talents, write, rest and most of all, unlock peace.  Let the quiet tuck you into solitude and rejuvenation – the flowers will bloom in later in Springtime, now is a time to quietly transform…

Be still and know I am.

Be still and know I.

Be still and Know.

Be Still.

Be.

Last week I discussed with my acupuncturist the ‘same’ argument my husband and I have every time he travels for an extended period.  My acupuncturist said to me, “It’s about vulnerability.”

 “I get that.  That’s the problem, I am being vulnerable and he runs away,” I reply justified.

 “No, no that’s not it.  It means you have to be ok with HIS fears, his vulnerabilities, when he is scared.  Vulnerability is not about just you.  It’s both of you.”

 “Oh, you got me, I don’t like it when his is scared.  I just want him to pull it together…”

 Aha, I get it now.  It’s those damn three fingers pointing back at me as I point at my husband!  I want my husband to support me when I am upset, but do I really allow that space for my husband?  Sometimes. 

 When I am feeling strong and confident I can provide that space, but still I do not like to see his vulnerabilities.  I like thinking of him as strong and empowered.  When he shows up less then this, it irrationally bothers me because it triggers me into thinking, I am unsafe.  Notice it triggers me into thinking I am unsafe, not that I really am unsafe.

 Understanding this difference allows me to be a better partner and empowers me.  When you are pointing your finger at the other, you give your power away as someone else is to blame and supposed to fix this for you.  UUmmm, how does this empower you?  Yes, it feels good to point at the other and blame, but does it solve your issue?  No, it leads to the ‘same’ arguments again and again and again. 

 So I ask you, “Are you ok with your partner’s vulnerabilities – really?”  If not, something to look at…   

Each of us is very good at pointing to when we “screw-up” but can the same be said about our successes?  If you’re asking yourself, “what successes?” well, this blog is for you… 

This morning I refrained from jumping into an old argument with my husband.  Yes, he was able to trigger me with idiotic behavior, but I was able to see this issue really had nothing to do with me.  I was able to settle myself within a few minutes and not become the dreaded – victim.  Instead of reacting to this issue personally, I was able to stay neutral and you know what?  The entire dynamic changed.  I didn’t feel like a victim, I felt empowered.

 And my husband, well, let’s just say it was an “Ah-ha moment” for him.  By not allowing my emotions to become the problem or issue, my husband’s idiot behavior was just that – his problem…

 Witnessing and acknowledging this change in my reaction not only integrates a “better-way-of-being” more fully into my life but also validates my own growth.  Each of us needs validation and each of us must discover how to achieve that validation without needing someone else’s approval or opinion.  Our own deeds and words can be enough.

 So what successes have you realized in the past 48 hours?  Have you been more patient with a child or spouse?  Most importantly – more patient with yourself?  Have you noticed when you did something well?  Did you handle something well at work?  Did you turn the other cheek?  Did you go out of your way to be kind to someone? 

 Whatever it is – celebrate your success!!!  Celebrating your successes – no matter how small – creates more confidence from within and you step just a little bit closer to your own wholeness.

I read this book on New Year’s Eve/Day and I was surprised.  My husband had given the book to me as a Christmas gift.  I had never heard of it before, but my husband has a way of knowing my heart – so I gave it a try…

 Interestingly, I really enjoyed the book when I read it and have referred several friends and clients to it, but now that I look at the book in hand – again, I’m surprised…Upon my first reading a couple months ago, I was fascinated by her many different techniques to bring intuition and spirit more present in you life.  I still am and think some techniques are very useful.

 However, as I look at the chapter titles, I remember nothing of her words, her beliefs.  Well, actually one part of her writing does stand out and always will – her discovered root meaning of the word magic is “to bring light to.”  Being also a lover of words and magic – this definitely resonated with me and gave her writing voice authority as I continued to read.

 I don’t think less of the book; I am just reminded that what is important will rise up.  Yes, now that I reflect further, she did reveal a bit about her life and how she came to her beliefs, but it is the techniques to incorporate magic into your daily life that is the importance of the writing.

 I encourage anyone interested in living a more magical life to read this book and even try out a few of her techniques – like me, you will be surprised. 

Sometimes I forget I love Christmas.  Sometimes I get sidetracked by all the stuff, the impending arrival of relatives, the gifts, the ill-will of certain individuals, even myself.  I forget I love Christmas, because on this day so many, many years ago – I know a God that began to live with me.  I know a God that sent his child, really his own self, to live among men – not as a King with riches to spare, but as an “everyman” brought into this world through an unwed mother, poor, but never abandoned. It took me years to understand the significance of this…When we think of God – maybe we think all-powerful, the ultimate “in-control.”  Surely the God of the Old Testament displayed this imagery both positively and negatively.  (Let us not forget rainbows where a sign of God’s never-ending love after he leveled humanity…an earlier version of flowers as a make-up gift I’m thinking.)   The God of the New Testament is the vision I most closely relate to…This is the God that runs arms out-stretched for his prodigal son – aaaghh, this is my God.  A God that knows no limits – that is always available to me if only I would just turn my face to him, to her.   Long ago, in the dark of night, a couple struggled to bring a child into the world.  Joseph did his best, finding shelter where there seemed to be none.  Mary lay her newborn in the only resting space available to her – a manger where animals surely ate from moments before.  Did she know that this was the beginning?  The child she held in her womb so tenderly, even as those around her must have pointed fingers and whispered?  Did she really believe anyone bought her stories of angels? This was the beginning – confusing, slightly scandalize, but a miracle none the less.  If you believe the story, Jesus the son of God, then you know the miracle.  The Jews of Jesus’ day were on the lookout for a savior who was promised to save them.  Of course they were looking for a King in the guise of maybe someone like the powerful King David.  Isn’t that always what we believe – might and bravado will win out?  Some things never change… But, how does the savior come?  Poor, son of an unwed mother, on the margins of society – the last, almost forgotten among us.  Why did he come from the least among us?  I believe he came this way to know us better, to support each of us more.  Haven’t each of us been marginalized, less-then sometime?  Jesus came to be with us, not above us.   This is my God who came to the world, frail and helpless, dependant on the kindness of others.  He came to be loved and maligned.  He came to heal.  He came bearing the name Emanuel – translated “God with us.” He came to live with us, as I believe he still does everyday in so many different ways.  Reminding me always – I too am a beloved child of God.  May you have a very, merry Christmas.   Peace be with you.