Are you looking to be happy? Maybe you wonder if it’s a place you just keep missing on the map? Here’s the thing, it’s not a destination, it’s more like a movable feast.

The definition of happiness changes. What you thought would make you happy years ago, often becomes a source of frustration later. You discover it’s in those middle moments that happiness really blooms. It’s in the imperfection.

You still chuckle about that rained out picnic so many summers ago or that unexpected late night card game with friends, wine and oh so many jokes…Happiness happens. It’s a feeling that grabs hold you and usually all those around you, if you allow it. It depends on flexibility, kindness and compassion. Something we all need a little bit more of each day.

Instead of looking for happiness today, I invite you to let it happen. When this day unfolds, with its ups and downs, respond with flexibility, kindness and compassion. You will be amazed how in the most unexpected of moments – happiness blooms.

Do you have a Holiday Hangover?  Are you stressed-out and overwhelmed with Hanukah, Christmas and New Year’s coming up fast?  Stop and join us on Indie Spirit as we laugh, meditate and discover common sense solutions to life’s ups and downs.  Don’t miss out on the Moon/Energy Report – New Moon on the 5^th and Mercury is going retrograde soon…Indie Spirit Radio Show @ Thursday, 11 am EST.

Are you getting anxious for another Holiday with the family? Can you feel yourself beginning to brace for those awkward questions posed by Aunt Judy? Or is it falling into old patterns that has you squirming?…This year can be different. Join us Thurs @ 11am on Indie Spirit for solutions, laughter, a Thanksgiving meditation and fantastic indie music…Come, join the Thanksgiving. http://www.blogtalkradio.com/indieonair

We laughed so much last week, we are back on ‘Dating and You’ again this week on Indie Spirit. Learn the He Said/She Said Top 5 Player Moves to watch out for. Join us for much laughter, great indie music, meditation and more. Thurs on blogtalk at 11am est. http://www.blogtalkradio.com/indieonair

On Indie Spirit this week we are again chatting about Affairs and You. So many excellent questions came in this week – we just couldn’t resist getting into this juicey topic again! Expect much laughter, good advice, meditation and indie music. Join us 11 EST on Indie Spirit – BlogTalk.

Has your life been affected by an AFFAIR? Do they matter?  Why do they happen? Is Forgiveness possible?  Join us on Indie Spirit This Thursday, 10/14, as we discuss Affairs and Relationships on Blogtalkradio @ 11 am EST.  Discover what is possible with tips, meditation and more than a few laughs…Come, join in the chat. http://www.blogtalkradio.com/indieonair

Years ago my father introduced me to a tradition that was able to bring peace into our relationship.  My parents divorced when I was about ten years old and my Dad moved south, far away from me.  We really didn’t speak often as my parents had one of those horrendous divorces.  I probably saw him a half a dozen times before heading to college in Burlington, VT.

 Needless to say, we did not have much in common and frankly, I kept myself slightly aloof from him as he left long ago…During college he began making attempts to be a part of my life.  He would take me skiing with my boyfriend, send money finally and call more often.   

One memorial weekend he asked me if I would like to do the graves with him.  Strangely enough that was one place we both liked to go – cemeteries.  We both liked wandering around old graveyards reading headstones and admiring the artistry of the marble works.   

 My Dad grew up in Middlebury, VT.  Most of that side of the family still lives there and our relatives are buried in several different cemeteries in the area.  I agreed, although not really knowing what I was getting into.  He picked me up early that Sunday morning and I looked in the backseat to see all kinds of supplies – gardening tools, cups and to my surprise, chilled champagne. 

 We began chatting about where we were going first and my Dad started telling stories.  He loves telling stories, but this time the stories were of friends he had lost in Vietnam, Uncles wounded in WWII and scandalous adventures of my family I never knew.  I laughed, really laughed and I saw my father for the first time as more than the man that left.

 He was flawed certainly, but he was trying.  Trying to become a family again.  I saw for the first time how young he was when my parents got married and I found compassion that was not there before. 

 At each grave we cleared away the weeds, and planted pansies and marigolds.  We offered champagne toasts and funny stories to those long gone.  Quietly, without knowing when, a gentle peace had slipped into my Dad and my relationship.

 I finally had come to love my father again.  I realized wasn’t abandoned any longer.  I had found my way back to him and this family through the memories and stories of those long past.  That day, together, we found peace again in pansies and laughter.  This peace has made all the difference and I am grateful. 

Happy Memorial Day!  May peace find each of us.

For many folks, happiness feels like some far off place, for someone else, but it waits for you.  If you are struggling to connect to deep happiness from within, I invite you to examine five different areas in your life today.  Maybe you will discover where you stumble and possibly block happiness unwittingly…

1.      Inner dialog

2.      Faith

3.      Intuition

4.      Support

5.      Drive

1.  Inner dialog, or more specifically, what you say to yourself all day long.  Do you encourage yourself or tear yourself down?  Here’s the rub, you are interpreting your life every moment.  What you focus on becomes your life.  If you have a negative attitude, it frames all your beliefs.  Hence if you think life is hard, guess what?  Life is going to be hard. 

So first, examine your inner dialog.  Do you point out faults in others or yourself?  Do you look for solutions?  Do you learn from your mistakes or do you keep repeating them?  Do you ask anyone repeatedly if you look fat and/or attractive?  Any bells ringing?

If so, you are looking on the outside for a better way, instead of within.  Our life is created by our thoughts; how we think about people, places, our childhoods, ourselves, our families, our success…If you change your thoughts, things change. 

Instead of thinking you are trapped in a pattern, a relationship, a job, a car, debt, whatever…I encourage you to look again and ask yourself, What For?  What do I need to do today to move into balance?  How can I follow my dream?  What one step can I make today?

Tomorrow we shall look at 2. Faith.

Watching your loved ones suffer is hard.  Harder still is not trying to ‘fix’ the problem or the person yourself.

 It is almost impossible for me to hold my tongue when I see my loved ones struggling.  Most of the time I am able to withhold my advice by the simple truth, I am not really doing any of them any favors when I interfere.  Sure, it feels good to me to offer my so called wise council, but am I really helping?  Or am I denying them their own empowerment by wanting them to do it my way?

 I may think I am saving them from making the wrong choice, but don’t we all know it’s in those mistakes that the greatest lessons can be discovered?  Within the lesson, transformational moments happen – ultimately unlocking each person’s own separate peace. 

 When I step in, I deny my loved ones this opportunity.  I learned awhile ago that when you really love someone you allow them their failures.  There is room for mistakes and you continue to love them.  You may not excuse or accept all the behaviors, but with healthy boundaries, you can still love them as they stumble through the quagmire to a new day. 

 Hence instead of offering unsolicited advice, I encourage you to tell your loved ones you belief in them.  Maybe you do need to connect them to outside support.  Do, and then step back.  Return your focus to what you can fix, you. 

 You will discover much of your pointing at another’s problems is really masking your own real hurts that need healing.  This is your work.

 Later this week I will discuss healthy boundaries and family.  Please email me any specific questions that I can include in the discussion.

Instead of getting stuck in “Why me?”  Ask yourself, “What for?”  What do you need to learn?  If you are having trouble understanding your responsibility in this situation, ask yourself the following questions.

 1.         Is there a pattern?

2.         What am I doing the same?

3.         Am I telling my truth?

4.         Am I protecting someone’s feelings by keeping it the same? (can be your feelings…)

5.         What am I afraid of?