Salvia flowers have been popping into my mind all morning, so I began doing a little research…Salvia flowers represent healing and are given as a gift to others recovering from an emotional stress. A wish of healing and happiness born of self-esteem vibrates through these blooms, may it flow to your heart.

Somehow it just felt very right for cyber-Monday, so many relatives, so many to-do’s and all that really matters is – you. Peace be with you.

Today is your choice. You can choose to experience this day with the past firmly holding on or, you can choose peace. Peace does begin with you. It begins with compassion for yourself and all those around you.

Look for ways to be peaceful, maybe go for walk with a favorite relative or friend. I encourage you to reflect on the many gifts you have received this year (a vacation, a new or renewed friendship, a job, a healing…the possibilities are endless) and say “thank you” from deep within your heart. For gratitude is a key to opening the doors to an abundant life. It’s available to you at this very moment – will you use it today to unlock a new Thanksgiving Spirit???

The holidays, that magical time of year, when families get together, break bread and more often than not – drive each other crazy. Oh, so much fun. Fortunately, through my own experiences and helping clients through these annual traditions, I have discovered the secret to better family holidays: detachment. Detachment can be done with love and even a sense of humor. Here are some tips to help you learn how to detach while being true to yourself in any situation.

1. Breathe. Maybe you become cornered by a family member in an uncomfortable conversation or maybe it is the things left unsaid that get your blood pumping, scattered your thoughts. You may notice your breath becomes shallow or even more rapid. Guess what? Stress has entered the picture. It seems so simple and obvious, but truly abnormal breathing is the first indicator of stress. Once you notice a shift within yourself, begin concentrating on your breathing. Breathe in deeply, letting the air fill your chest down into your belly and exhale slowly. Repeat several times to feel settled again.

2. Let go. Guess what? Those annoying habits of your family members are not going away. The aunt who asks, “when are you going to get married?” or “why don’t you come and see me?” She is not changing, but your reaction to her can. Think of a few lines that can stop an uncomfortable line of questioning. My personal favorite is, “Ummm, that is an interesting idea, I’ll have to think about that,” smile and excuse yourself to help in the kitchen or escape out back. These unseemly questions really don’t have as much to do with you as they have to do with the person asking the questions. If you look beneath the question, you will probably discover the pain or sense of lack that drives the person posing the questions.

3. Trust. I firmly believe there is a valid reason for everything that happens. Instead of falling into the old emotional traps of family dynamics, begin to practice the witness. How to do this? Watch and listen. This holiday season try being quieter and not engaging with your two cents over and over. You will begin to notice the poor behavior of those around you stem from their own wounds, not you. Once you see the raw places in those you love, compassion walks through the door. You begin to see their poor behavior is just a smoke screen to disguise their own pain, and suddenly you notice they don’t bother you as much. Surprisingly, you begin to feel grateful for your life and you trust yourself more.

4. Minimize. As much as I wish it were otherwise, sometimes there are family members who are just not pleasant to be around – period. Maybe they drink too much, play passive–aggressive games or are bigoted, whatever. Do not make yourself be around unhealthy people for the sake of the family. This may seem impossible, but in reality it is not. You are an adult now and no longer are you subject to choices of those around you. If the above three tips are not enough to make the situation work, leave – because you will do or say something you will regret later.

5. Do good things for yourself. Arrange for some time by yourself to do something you like to do – meditate, make a cup of tea and read a trashy magazine, watch your favorite movie, or go for a walk. No matter how loving a family can be, it’s stressful. Holidays bring out a variety of emotions, both good and bad. So take good care of yourself, and you will notice you will have more patience with that inquisitive relative that wants to know, “What are you going to do with your life?” Ummm, that’s interesting question, I’ll have to think…yeah, you know the rest.

6. Look for the gift. When you choose a different response to old family patterns, everything begins to change. This positive change may start with you but it will extend outward. You may discover things don’t bother as much or that you may even laugh inside when those inevitable inappropriate questions come your way. By not reacting, you change the dynamics within your family and open the door for better relationships.

7. Remember – this too shall pass, so laughter helps. Find the absurd amusing. The ridiculous gifts are an opportunity to smile, even if it’s on the inside. My mother-in-law goes around her house at Christmas time and seemingly picks out the most useless piece of crap, wraps it up and sends it off to me with some slightly insulting note attached. This is my Christmas gift. It’s not that she doesn’t have any money, this is her own game. This used to drive me nuts, but now, I laugh along with all my mom and friends as the gifts approach the absurd. I will never forget when she sent me a shawl she bought in Ireland years ago but hated, so she thought I would like it. What?!? Unfortunately, she cannot recognize she is really hurting herself with this passive aggressive behavior as it has a direct affect on her relationship with our family. I can choose to be hurt or see what is really going on – this is her stuff, her game and I don’t have to play.

So as you approach the holidays this year remember, there are only 24 hours in any day of the year. Sometimes this is a blessing and sometimes a curse. I offer you patience and courage. Patience with yourself and others and courage to be the change you seek. Breathe.

There are moments in each of our lives when we must stand alone. Can you take these moments and show to the world your most brilliant self? It’s waiting within each of us – shimmering, golden light ready to burst forth…Today can be one of those days…

Join us this week for a very special Indie Spirit as we Honor Veteran’s Day on Thurs, 11-11 at 11 am EST – an auspicious day and time indeed for Transformation, Gratitude, Unity and Renewal. Join us as we discuss the concept of Survivor Thinking, Loss and Gratitude along with enjoying some great indie music and a healing meditation. Come, join the thanksgiving. Indie Spirit Radio

There are moments in each of our lives when we see things clearly.  We get it.  We understand the ‘why is this happening?’ immediately.  Clarity.  However what you choose to do in those moments is the transformational part.  Do you seize the clarity and right your path, or do fears bind you to the same?

Fears of ‘can I do it?’ or ‘what if I make a mistake?’  ‘What will people think?’  Or could it be that physical or emotional pain ties you to a past that just won’t allow for true happiness?

Surprisingly clarity can be the result of making all the right moves or all the wrong moves.  Clarity can show up at 2 am or three years from now…the only truth you can expect from clarity is – it shows up when you least expect it.  And you feel it from deep within because it’s the truth.

Some people hide at these moments.  They talk themselves out of the truth that is staring them in the face.  For clarity is usually inconvenient.  Decisions need to be made and clarity is just staring at you, almost taunting you.  The other aspect of clarity that you can discover is, it’s about freedom.  It’s a moment of free will.  No controlling or putting a lid on things works at these moments – they are raw.  That’s when things can get messy, for awhile and then…something more.  Fuller living.

Often we want to think our way through life.  Follow a plan.  But life doesn’t like to follow a plan; it’s much sticky than that.  So you wander through life, bumping into the reality that you can’t think your way out of anything, no matter how hard you try.  No matter how late you stay up, no matter how many re-plays in your mind…You can’t think your way out of anything.

However, if you use a mind, body and spirit approach – well the opportunities are endless.  This is where clarity is born, from listening to your intuition, your passions and your heart.  Amazingly this is also when you discover the possibilities for happiness are endless too…

Sometimes the sun IS breaking through right around the corner…just a little further.

Yes, it’s stick season again – frigid temperatures, no snow, no green grass, only dead brown for miles and miles with barren trees appearing like upright sticks on the horizon. Warm sunshine has moved South. It’s dreary and the damp days may begin to seep into your emotions. Maybe you are a little more irritable, have a nagging cold or even just feeling a little blue…These are a few suggestions I’ve used in my own life and offered to clients to bring a little sunshine back.
1. Buy fresh flowers. Put them wherever you can see many times a day. The room will immediately brighten and you will feel just a little bit lighter inside.

2. Get a birdfeeder and watch life spring back. Within 24 hours of hanging the feeder – you will have birds aplenty. It gives you something else to look at besides the blur of sticks and brown that your backyard has become. We have a family of cardinals that have just moved in to the bushes. Now, instead of seeing a barren, lifeless space out my window, I see red birds flitting, juncos twittering and woodpeckers diving for breakfast while I sip my tea.
3. Read a book or go to a movie about someplace warm you would like to visit. You can fall into a different world – soaking up the fresh berries and brilliant colors to your heart’s content. These images can become postcards in your mind to revisit for their warmth as you shiver in your cold car on the way to work, usually in the dark.

4. Plant indoor bulbs like paperwhites. I know you did this is in first grade, but you will love it again. It is something akin to watching a miracle unfold right before your eyes. Just grab a glass vase, put some rocks or marbles in the bottom, fill with water to just cover the rocks and place the bulbs on top so just the bottoms are in the water. Now wait. Each day the bulbs will grow more, first a mass of unbelievable roots, then bright green shoots and ultimately fragrant white, blooms. It is a wonderful reminder of how much goes on in the unseen foundation or earth of our lives, holding us up, helping us to bloom.
5. Get back into your community. Winter can be very isolating. I personally struggle with not becoming a hermit. Not because I don’t want to see anyone – but because it is so cold out there! But get out there anyway. Go to church, meet friends for lunch, go to a party or throw a party yourself, anything to reconnect with people.
6. Take a class or workshop. Try out something new and that appeals to your “fun” self. You will meet new people and maybe even discover a new skill you never new you had before.
7. Plan a vacation. This is my all-time favorite distraction from cold weather and brown – beaches and umbrella drinks. Go to Tripadvisor.com and begin dreaming, planning and manifesting. Pick a place and visualize yourself there on vacation. Feel the water, the sand between your toes, the sun caressing your cheeks…The more you do this, somehow things begin to fall into place…money shows up, time frees up and you are on the beach. Think it into being.
I hope these suggestions help you as much as they have helped me and my clients. Are there any tips you have discovered? Please let me know as I am always interested.

Sometimes it is where you choose to put your attention. Do you focus on the brilliance bursting at the edges of your life or the browning grass beneath your step?

Dating can be an exercise in torture, but it doesn’t have to be! Join us Thurs on Indie Spirit @ 11 am EST as we discuss the Do’s and Don’ts of Dating.  Expect simple tips, meditation, great music and much laughter as Classic & Kelly reveal what guys/gals are really thinking…Indie Spirit Show on Blogtalk Radio.