Everyday we are bombarded with a noisy world.  Something is always buzzing in the background.  The so-called soundtrack of your life whether it is the radio, the hum of computers and appliances, planes flying overhead, the voices of others – it is constant.  We are ourselves uncomfortable with silence as we fill the quiet spaces in natural conversation with mindless chatter – embarrassed by the silent lapses.

The constant noise around me sometimes draws me into its endless spinning.  I become like the sounds around me – constantly vibrating and moving, not listening.  I become so fixated on my sound and my moving that I forget to stop.  I become so fixated on the “I,” the Ego, that I forget to trust.  I become my own God – I am in charge, I can do it all - forsaking my true God in service of my Ego.

This is when I fall.  Somehow, something happens and I am reminded to stop and listen.  I see the Psalms of the Old Testament, “Be still and know that I am God,” and I remember I am the beloved child of God, and no one shall ever separate me from this knowledge.  A certain peace washes over me.  I am amused again to see my feet of clay that never do go away, but reappear again and again in new ways teaching me compassion.

In this humbled state, I am able to sit in the silence and know I am not alone.  This quiet does not call me to fill it with my own chatter, my own ego, but the silence draws me closer to my own longing to be whole.

When I meditate with this truth, this longing to be connected with a living God, I hear the silence talking to me - inviting me into the fullness of my life with opportunities and people who suddenly materialize as if by magic.  God is great and sometimes you need to provide the space, the silence, for a living God to speak directly to you.  May you discover the silence is waiting for you too, calling you to peace.

Sometimes, husbands are really annoying.  For an Irish, redhead like me, this can cause problems.  During private sessions with clients and over many years of marriage, I’ve discovered a few tricks to avoid homicide when faced with you own beloved husband disguised as the village idiot.  May these tips help you avoid temptation…

1. Pedicure.  Pretty toes are very good to look at while you are having a “talk” with your husband about whatever said grievance is occurring.  As the ridiculous phases float out of his mouth you can distract yourself by watching the light reflect off your pretty toes.  Hot red means business!

2. Music.  Anything you love to be sung loudly.  Girl-power, angry songs are particularly satisfying, such as Melissa Etheridge in her angry years.  It is very helpful to release all those suppressed emotions physically.  Exercise is very helpful too.  However, by singing you are actually speaking the words you may be holding back in “talks” with your husband for whatever reason.  If you are not ready to say these things to him, sing them and get them out of your body.  You will feel better.

3. Journal and meditate.  Write it all out.  Maybe this is just an off day and you will be able to see that as you write.  Or, maybe, this is a bigger issue — possibly a culmination of old stuff, whatever.  It is good for you to release these emotions and experiences through writing.  It forces you to become present.  Another tool to become present is guided meditation.  The meditations lead you out of your incessantly thinking mind back into balance where you can make empowered decisions.

4. Call a friend.  Sometimes just venting to someone you can trust is very helpful and can allow you to feel supported.  However, think carefully about who would be helpful to talk to before you call – chances are, whatever the issue is, it’s going to blow over sooner or later.  For example, calling your Mom to complain about your husband out drinking with the guys instead of being with you or the kids, is not going to endear him to your mother.  You could actually be creating more strain in your life.  Or, telling ALL of your girlfriends of your husband’s blunders keeps the past alive with many re-tellings and finger-pointing.  Hard to keep the high ground with petty behavior no matter how justified the indignation may be.

5. Girls’ Night.  Go have fun, laughter is essential.  Wallowing in self-pity is not productive for anyone.  Laughter will connect you to the space of, “everything is going to be ok.”  You’ll feel better and you may actually be able to breathe.

6. Send your husband out of your bed, either the sofa or guest room will do.  A little space is good.  I am not of the philosophy, “Don’t go to bed angry.”  Sometimes, you are angry and with good reason.  So give yourself the opportunity to calm down and get clear.  The separation will stop you from saying something you may regret later as well.

7. Get away.  Go on a vacation for a couple days, maybe even a week by yourself or with a girlfriend.  This is a last resort kind of thing.  Unfortunately, sending your husband down the hall doesn’t always work.  Either you are too angry, too tired, or just plain had it, to be able to find peace with this man you’ve married.  Getting away helps both of you detach a little and you get a break from whatever the problem is.  The problem truly becomes his problem when you remove yourself from the situation.

When you are finally able to relax and regain your footing, ask yourself this, real or imagined?  Is this a real issue or passing stupidity?  Let’s face it – men can say/do some pretty dumb things.  Not saying all men, but experience tells me I have heard some tales…

On the other hand, if this is a real issue - what is your part?  Unfortunately, you have a part in this too.  It is not, in fact, all him.  Maybe you just went along with it too many times, maybe he doesn’t appreciate you, maybe so many different things, but the truth is – somewhere inside, you said, “yes.”  Yes to less.

It is difficult to accept that you could be the one creating these opportunities to sabotage your life, but once realize this, you actually become empowered.  Empowered because you can make different decisions.  With clear and balanced thoughts and behaviors, you can make good decisions no matter what the situation.

So, when you are watching the light reflect off your very pretty toes as your beloved husband blurts out some offending nonsense, you will remain calm and think, “Is this a real issue or passing stupidity?”

The holidays, that magical time of year, when families get together, break bread and more often than not – drive each other crazy.  Oh, so much fun.  Fortunately, through my own experience and helping clients through these annual traditions, I have discovered the secret to better family holidays: detachment.

Detachment can be done with love and even a sense of humor.  Here are some tips to help you learn how to detach while being true to yourself in any situation.

1. Breathe.  Maybe you become cornered by a family member into an uncomfortable conversation or maybe it is the things left unsaid that get your blood pumping, scattered your thoughts and suddenly you notice your breath becomes shallow or even more rapid.  Stress has entered the picture.  It seems so simple and obvious, but truly this is the first indicator of stress.  Once you notice this shift within yourself, begin concentrating on your breath.  Breathe deeply, letting your breath fill your chest down into your belly.  Repeat until you feel calm return.
2. Let go.  Guess what?  Those annoying habits of your family members are not going away.  The aunt who asks, “when are you going to get married?” or “why don’t you come and see me?”  She is not changing, but your reaction to her can.  Think of a few lines that can stop an uncomfortable line of questioning.  My personal favorite is, “Ummm, that is an interesting idea, I’ll have to think about that,” smile and excuse yourself to help in the kitchen or escape out back.  These unseemly questions really don’t have as much to do with you as they have to do with the person asking the questions.  If you look beneath the question, you will probably discover the pain or the lack that drives the person posing the questions.
3. Trust.  I firmly believe there is a valid reason for everything that happens.  Instead of falling into the old emotional traps of family dynamics, begin to practice the witness.  How to do this?  Watch and listen.  This holiday season try being quieter and not engaging with your two cents over and over.  You will begin to notice the poor behavior of those around you stem from their own wounds, not you.  Once you really see the raw places in those you love, compassion walks through the door.  You begin to see their poor behavior is just a smoke screen to disguise their own pain, and suddenly you notice they don’t bother you as much.  Surprisingly, you begin to feel grateful for your life and you trust yourself more.
4. Minimize.  As much as I wish it were otherwise, sometimes there are family members who are just not pleasant to be around - period.  Maybe they drink too much or are bigoted, whatever.  Do not make yourself be around unhealthy people for the sake of the family.  This may seem impossible, but in reality it is not.  You are an adult now and no longer are you subject to choices of those around you.  If the above three tips are not enough to make the situation work, leave - because you will do or say something you will regret later.

5. Do good things for yourself.  Arrange for some time by yourself to catch your breath and do something you like to do – meditate, make a cup of tea and read a trashy magazine, watch your favorite movie, or go for a walk.  No matter how loving a family can be, it’s stressful.  Holidays bring out a variety of emotions, both good and bad.  So take good care of yourself, and you will notice you will have more patience with the inquisitive relative that wants to know, “Where have you been?”  Ummm, that’s interesting question, I’ll have to think…yeah, you know the rest.

6. Look for the gift.  When you choose a different response to old family patterns, you begin a change.  This positive change may start with you but it will extend outward.  You may discover things don’t bother as much or that you may even laugh inside when those inevitable inappropriate questions come your way.  By not reacting, you change the dynamics within your family and open the door for better relationships.

7. Remember – this too shall pass, so laughing helps.  Find the absurd amusing.  The ridiculous gifts are an opportunity to smile, even if it’s on the inside.  My mother-in-law goes around her house at Christmas time and seemingly picks out the most useless piece of crap, wraps it up and sends it off to me with some slightly insulting note attached.  This is my Christmas gift.  It’s not that she doesn’t have any money, this is her own game.  This used to drive me nuts, but now, I laugh along with all my friends as the gifts approach the absurd.  I will never forget when she sent me a shawl she bought in Ireland years ago but hated, so she thought I would like it.  What?!?  Unfortunately, she cannot recognize she is really hurting herself with this passive aggressive behavior as it has a direct affect on her relationship with my husband.

So as you approach the holidays this year, remember  there are only 24 hours in any day of the year.  Sometimes this is a blessing and sometimes a curse.  I offer you patience and courage.  Patience with yourself and others and courage to be the change you seek.  Breathe.

Meditation sounds so evolved, so Eastern philosophy, “way out there.”  But I’ll tell you a secret; it works.  Through meditation, I am able to bring into my life today that which I seek, be it peace or abundance.

This isn’t a new concept.  Oprah has been talking about “The Secret” all year.  By focusing your thoughts on a specific issue or desire, you bring it into your life.  For me, it is during meditation I am able to manifest my best self and bring that force into my life today.

Years ago, when someone first suggested meditation to me, it seemed too hard.  How could I possibly focus on one thing and be quiet?  I imagined myself sitting in a room with a flickering candle, soft new age music in the background and smiling like a lunatic.   Are you kidding me?  Not likely. However, the concept achieving a quiet mind through meditation was still very attractive to me as I struggled constantly with a busy, worrying mind.    Then I found guided meditation.

Guided meditation differs from other meditation practices, because you are verbally led throughout the experience.  The “experience” being at the core for me as I can finally be free of my incessantly thinking mind by concentrating on the unfolding meditation.  I become part of the true present and this is where I find my quiet mind.  It is within this quiet place I find healing and am able to create a beautiful life.

That’s why I began using meditation with my clients.  Early on in my private practice I discovered at the end of the sessions, my clients were in a balanced and receptive state for positive change in their lives.  I began using short guided meditations at the end of sessions to ground positive change into their bodies and open their lives to the abundance that always surrounds us.

Quickly, my clients and I noticed how effective this process had become.  It is through meditation that each of us can connect with our deepest desires and needs.  The more you stay in touch with these needs or desires, the quicker they can manifest in your life.  You become your highest self and begin living your best life every day.

What’s all this talk about “manifesting abundance and prosperity” and why, you may ask, is it not in your life today? The answer is simple. You haven’t found the path to allow abundance into your life. Maybe you have certain negative beliefs about money, maybe you don’t think you deserve it, or maybe you just haven’t thought you could manifest abundance into your life today. Well, you do deserve an abundant, beautiful life and you can manifest that life into reality with meditation.

As you grow up, you acquire belief systems through your experiences and the modeled behavior of the adults around you. Since many of us come from dysfunctional homes, it is quite possible that you have created certain belief systems or habits of thinking that bind you in unhealthy life patterns. You are always broke. Nothing ever works out. As a child, you needed these beliefs systems to explain and survive the world you were in, but now, you are no longer a child.

Now these “survival beliefs” are in fact sabotaging your life. You are not a very good partner in life if you have an underlining belief that, “Nothing ever works out.” Guess what? You will prove your self right time and again as nothing works out.

Try this exercise; think about all the things you want, that you don’t have right now. Love? Prosperity? New house? New car? Money? Anything…now, notice how you feel inside. You are feeling the lack, the cold empty spaces that begin to make you feel smaller and smaller. Isolated and trapped in your own unhappy experience of “Not enough,” as the list of all your unsatisfied wants increases.

Now imagine that you have in your life today, that which you seek. Say to yourself, “Abundance flows into my life easily and effortlessly. All my needs and wants are met today.” Take a breath and feel quiet peace relax your body. Balance returns. Notice where you feel this in your body. Warmth expands from the inside making you feel larger, more connected to today.

As you work with guided meditation, new beliefs begin taking the place of self-defeating thought patterns and you become more connected to your own thoughts. Instead of sabotaging your experiences with old beliefs, you actually become more present in your life. You are in charge of your thoughts, instead of your thoughts being in charge of you.

Finally, you will be empowered to make the best choices in your life for you, instead of reacting to the choices made by others. Through meditation you can become your highest self and manifest your best life into reality. As the saying goes, where your mind goes – your thoughts expand. Expand into your most abundant life