Dating can be an exercise in torture, but it doesn’t have to be! Join us Thurs on Indie Spirit @ 11 am EST as we discuss the Do’s and Don’ts of Dating.  Expect simple tips, meditation, great music and much laughter as Classic & Kelly reveal what guys/gals are really thinking…Indie Spirit Show on Blogtalk Radio.

Are you running into the same old Patterns?  Instead of getting stuck in a negative spiral of, “Why me?”  Discover how to ask yourself, “What for?” and find real solutions.Join us tonight on http://www.blogtalkradio.com/indieonair for solutions, meditation, laughs and you just may learn something.  Also discussing Mercury Retrograde and You!

5.  Where do you like to go on vacation?  Think about it – are you a beach person?  Mountains?  Does a big city escape sound delightful?  Or are you more interested in wandering a vineyard?  What do you like to do on vacation?  Read?  Play?  Explore a new area? 

 Now here is the transformational question – can you get more vacation into your life now?  Maybe you can’t get to the beach or mountains this year, but you could go explore a town you’ve never visited before and stay within a few hours of your home.  Or this summer you could go for more picnics and walks. Maybe you can simple choose to stretch out on a huge blanket in the sun to read and doze the afternoon away… 

 The good things in life aren’t to be saved up for a week here and there on vacation.  Good things aren’t to be put off day after day until the ‘right’ moment.  Life is meant to be savored this moment.  “Suck the marrow of the day,” so to speak.  This is your life, now go have some fun!

4.  Who do you want to be?  Just you – not the ‘you’ your parents, lover or even friends want you to be, but who do you want to be?  Do you want to be generous?  Do you want to be funny?  Do you want to be happy?  Do you want to be sexy?  Do want to be successful?

 Here’s the thing, I bet you know what you don’t want, but do you know what you do want?  When you focus your attention on the don’ts, you can never get to what you do want or who you want to be.  There’s a negative mindset that attaches to the don’ts and that is all you can see in any situation – how it doesn’t work, you don’t like this or that…So today instead of focusing on what you don’t like about a person, a situation or even yourself, concentrate on what you do like…Not surprisingly you will notice when you focus on the do-likes about a person or situation, suddenly things are better.  You have more energy.  You are in a better mood and life is better… 

3.  What do you love?  Not who, but what – do you love adventure?  Challenges?  Drawing?  Hiking?  Reading?  Laughing?  Travel?  Whatever it is, do you have enough of it in your life right now?  Or do you hear excuses tripping from your lips – there isn’t enough time…Is your day so packed with your to-do’s and work that you exclude the very things in life that bring you real pleasure? 

 Sure a drink after a long day may feel relaxing, but it is not rejuvenating.  Each of us is responsible for our own happiness.  Really, it’s up to you to fill your days with good things in life as well as ‘duties.’  Certainly there are periods in each of our lives when money is tight and responsibilities run deep.  This is exactly when those good things are essential.  Unfortunately we often push these joys off to another day – when we can afford it, when there is enough time…Stop, life is right now. 

 I invite you to expand.  Begin to expand your thinking to include more.  More beauty – plant some seeds and watch the miracles unfold.  More fun – when’s the last time you played hop-scotch or a pick-up game of anything?   More time – who decided you needed a list this full anyway?  It is time to let go of a perfect ‘image’ of how life should look and begin developing a life that does work…

What mistake do you keep making?   First thing that pops in your head – what is the mistake you keep making over and over?  Money?  Love?  Balance?  Diet?…Ok, got it?

 Now the transformational question – what are you accomplishing by keeping this pattern?  Does it proof yourself to be bad or deficient in some way?  Does it keep you down?  If you take a moment and really look at your repeating pattern, you can be certain of one thing – this pattern is firmly locked to your ego.  What if instead of being right, you chose a path of peace.  What if you surrendered having it your way and focused on a peaceful solution for all?

 One of my own stumbling blocks that can sometimes drag me back into my ego is my temper.  I have one of those red-head, Irish kind of tempers that can sometimes lead to an intense vocabulary quickly.  I have learned to remain quiet when I am pissed and give myself some time.  I have learned it is more important to me to show up with people the way I choose, even if that means postponing conversations, instead of spiraling into a heated exchange for the sake of immediate resolution.  Dare I say that sometimes my bad temper has little to do with the others, as much as with myself? 

 Thus on most occasions I have learned to self-monitor my reactions to the unexpected events and people in my life the way I choose.  By creating a little space around myself with time and self-awareness, I am able to show up the way I want and make more empowered decisions from a clear mind, not impassioned emotions. 

 Now, back to you – what mistake do you keep making and today, try something new.  Try to frame your response with how can I show up the way I want.  Maybe you need time, maybe you need to let go or maybe, only you know…

New beginning can happen any day.  It’s an internal decision to make a shift, sometimes by choice and sometimes by circumstance.  The real question is, are you ready for a new beginning?  Are you ready to stop living on a path that doesn’t work and move to a path that does?  That shift can begin today…if you choose. 

What are healthy boundaries?  Are you not supposed to feel for another’s pain?  Are you not supposed to help out?  Is offering advice bad?

 Here’s how you can quickly identify healthy boundaries – check in with your stomach and heart.  When you are tilting towards unhealthy there is an emotional pull you can actually feel from your stomach and/or heart.  It’s almost like an energy rope pulling or sucking you in a certain direction (I must save them!  I have to step in!)  There is desperate feeling in the air.

 With healthy boundaries you feel grounded, maybe your feet even feel heavy.  Your heart may still hurt for someone, but it is more like a squeeze then an uncontrollable pull. 

 It’s not usually the specific activity that identifies something as unhealthy but the emotions that are driving the support/boundary.  Sometimes people really do need extreme support offered by you, but the cost does not have to be your well-being. 

 How to do keep healthy boundaries?  By taking care of you every day.  That means checking in with yourself daily; eating and sleeping well; laughing; using humor when all else fails and when you feel that negative energetic pull, that’s your queue to consciously ground your energy down.  Down through your feet until you feel a sense of balance return.

 So, are you feeling grounded today?

Watching your loved ones suffer is hard.  Harder still is not trying to ‘fix’ the problem or the person yourself.

 It is almost impossible for me to hold my tongue when I see my loved ones struggling.  Most of the time I am able to withhold my advice by the simple truth, I am not really doing any of them any favors when I interfere.  Sure, it feels good to me to offer my so called wise council, but am I really helping?  Or am I denying them their own empowerment by wanting them to do it my way?

 I may think I am saving them from making the wrong choice, but don’t we all know it’s in those mistakes that the greatest lessons can be discovered?  Within the lesson, transformational moments happen – ultimately unlocking each person’s own separate peace. 

 When I step in, I deny my loved ones this opportunity.  I learned awhile ago that when you really love someone you allow them their failures.  There is room for mistakes and you continue to love them.  You may not excuse or accept all the behaviors, but with healthy boundaries, you can still love them as they stumble through the quagmire to a new day. 

 Hence instead of offering unsolicited advice, I encourage you to tell your loved ones you belief in them.  Maybe you do need to connect them to outside support.  Do, and then step back.  Return your focus to what you can fix, you. 

 You will discover much of your pointing at another’s problems is really masking your own real hurts that need healing.  This is your work.

 Later this week I will discuss healthy boundaries and family.  Please email me any specific questions that I can include in the discussion.

…Liking yourself.  When you like yourself, you accept yourself.  As life twists and turns, you respond with humor and compassion.  You allow yourself mistakes without judgment, as you know that nobody, including you is perfect. 

 When you like yourself, you aren’t threatened by another’s success.  You know there is enough for all and you are grateful.

 And best of all, when you like yourself, it shows.  There’s a certain glow of self-worth that radiates from those who like themselves.  It is attractive and you’ll notice, those who like themselves seem to have people around that like them too…

 How about you, do you like yourself?  Can you laugh with yourself, instead of at yourself?  Have you discovered the secret to happiness?