Last week I discussed with my acupuncturist the ‘same’ argument my husband and I have every time he travels for an extended period.  My acupuncturist said to me, “It’s about vulnerability.”

 “I get that.  That’s the problem, I am being vulnerable and he runs away,” I reply justified.

 “No, no that’s not it.  It means you have to be ok with HIS fears, his vulnerabilities, when he is scared.  Vulnerability is not about just you.  It’s both of you.”

 “Oh, you got me, I don’t like it when his is scared.  I just want him to pull it together…”

 Aha, I get it now.  It’s those damn three fingers pointing back at me as I point at my husband!  I want my husband to support me when I am upset, but do I really allow that space for my husband?  Sometimes. 

 When I am feeling strong and confident I can provide that space, but still I do not like to see his vulnerabilities.  I like thinking of him as strong and empowered.  When he shows up less then this, it irrationally bothers me because it triggers me into thinking, I am unsafe.  Notice it triggers me into thinking I am unsafe, not that I really am unsafe.

 Understanding this difference allows me to be a better partner and empowers me.  When you are pointing your finger at the other, you give your power away as someone else is to blame and supposed to fix this for you.  UUmmm, how does this empower you?  Yes, it feels good to point at the other and blame, but does it solve your issue?  No, it leads to the ‘same’ arguments again and again and again. 

 So I ask you, “Are you ok with your partner’s vulnerabilities – really?”  If not, something to look at…   

Each of us is very good at pointing to when we “screw-up” but can the same be said about our successes?  If you’re asking yourself, “what successes?” well, this blog is for you… 

This morning I refrained from jumping into an old argument with my husband.  Yes, he was able to trigger me with idiotic behavior, but I was able to see this issue really had nothing to do with me.  I was able to settle myself within a few minutes and not become the dreaded – victim.  Instead of reacting to this issue personally, I was able to stay neutral and you know what?  The entire dynamic changed.  I didn’t feel like a victim, I felt empowered.

 And my husband, well, let’s just say it was an “Ah-ha moment” for him.  By not allowing my emotions to become the problem or issue, my husband’s idiot behavior was just that – his problem…

 Witnessing and acknowledging this change in my reaction not only integrates a “better-way-of-being” more fully into my life but also validates my own growth.  Each of us needs validation and each of us must discover how to achieve that validation without needing someone else’s approval or opinion.  Our own deeds and words can be enough.

 So what successes have you realized in the past 48 hours?  Have you been more patient with a child or spouse?  Most importantly – more patient with yourself?  Have you noticed when you did something well?  Did you handle something well at work?  Did you turn the other cheek?  Did you go out of your way to be kind to someone? 

 Whatever it is – celebrate your success!!!  Celebrating your successes – no matter how small – creates more confidence from within and you step just a little bit closer to your own wholeness.

Please listen to a discussion on what is a triggering and how to detach from your triggers.  Discover your triggers are indicators of unconscious distress that need your attention.  Learn a new technique to detach from whatever is blocking you today.

I am amused to see my previous blog about waiting…I just got my computer back.  The hard-drive failed about 11 days ago and since I work out of my home – no computer, no email, no contact with my site, nothing for 11 days.  Yikes!!!  What to do?  I painted a bathroom and watched the conventions.  Ughh.  Good and bad to be sure…I think next week I will focus on peace in my weekly meditation podcast.  Please, let me know if there are any specific issues you need suuport with as well.  Thank you for your patience as I get back to blogging and podcasts next week.

Blessings and peace, Kelly