Sometimes one of the hardest things to do is to listen to your inner voice.  You know that voice, the one that tells you if something is a good idea or not.  Unfortunately, sometimes our heads or our egos get in the way of the listening to that little voice…

 How many times have you thought – if I had just listened to that little voice instead of thinking too much or just pushing through?  Like taking “one last run” on a ski day only to get hurt?  Or just having a bad feeling about something, but doing it anyway only leading to mishaps?

 Several years ago I came face to face with the consequence of not listening to that little voice.  I was on vacation with a couple of girlfriends in Maui and two of us decided to wake up early the first morning go swimming with wild dolphins.

 We were excited when we got to the local beach early and spotted several dolphins out past the waves.  What we also noticed was the size of the waves – they were huge.  At the waters edge, I said I was not going in and my friend kind of looked at me shocked.  I had heard that little voice telling me to stay on the beach, but then I did a funny thing – I went in anyway.

 Not ten feet out, I knew I was in trouble.  I was being sucked down by the undertow.  I couldn’t stay up, one wave after another pushed me down and all I could think was, “Kelly, this is so stupid.  You knew not to go into the water and your Irish got you into this.  You have two beautiful children at home and this is your choice?”  Needless to say I was pissed at myself, swearing at my stupidity and then the survivor stepped in. 

 I saw a large rock over to my left and I knew if I got there I could at least catch my breath and decide how to get back to shore.  Somehow I got to the rock and clung.  Over and over I keep thinking about God and the hymnal words, “clinging to the rock.”  I smiled and knew it was going to be alright – I was clinging to my rock, my God.  I caught my breath and managed somehow to dash myself against the rocks at the water’s edge.  Thus I made it to shore, be it battered, bleeding and shaken. 

 When I finally made it out of the water, a healer I did not know happened to be on shore waiting for me and my oh my, the scolding I received!  I didn’t even say a word and in she started, “Kelly, what are you doing? You have work to do here – people need you.  You heard the voice, now you have to listen better.  What are you thinking?  You know you have important work to do…”  On and on she lectured until she knew I was properly chastised.  Then she had me smelling flowers and walking barefoot to try to get back into my body.  It worked and I never saw her again after that day.

 I was shaken that morning on the beach, and honestly I think still am, but in a good way.  I listen better.  I heard that voice years ago on the beach but I ignored it.  I made a choice - yes, free will.  We always, always have choices that can either lift ourselves up or push ourselves down.  We decide over and over every day.

 Interestingly, I think I made the right decision to go into the water that day.  The lessons I learned from that experience were profound and have always stayed with me - for the better.  It was terrifying and life-affirming in the ocean.  I learned to trust my inner voice.  It had been there all along, guiding me, but I chose not to listen.  Now, I choose to listen.   

Do you ever feel like you are emotionally spinning?  Maybe you have just had a difficult encounter with a relative or even a friend?  You may be able to identify – this person drives me nuts, but the real question is, why?  Why has this person been able to affect you?  Chances are you have been “triggered.”

 “Triggering” happens when some hidden emotional response is activated.  My in-laws are professionals at this by using guilt to trigger emotional responses.  For example, my husband’s parents will “talk” about each sibling to the other siblings trying to get them to speak to each other…”Oh, so-and-so, really does want to be more involved with your life, but he just doesn’t feel like you care enough…”  This is an attempt by someone on the outside to “trigger” or force events in a certain way.

 Even though my in-laws intentions are to bring the family closer, their manipulations stall any positive outcomes and actually inject more distance within the family structure.

 Often you can identify “triggering” by how you feel inside…When someone or something is “triggering” you, you may feel a tightness in your stomach or chest.  Your breathing may change.  Things may feel more emotionally intense or you may even feel cornered into a certain defensive reaction.  You are being “triggered.” 

 Now, no matter how well-adjusted and balanced you are today, each of us gets “triggered” every now and then.  The trick is not to fear being triggered, but to manage your reaction to whatever happens to illicit an emotional response.  So the real trick is, how to stop triggering? 

 You “trigger” because some place inside of you is feeling under attack.  For example, my in-laws use guilt to “trigger” the idea of “being a good son, brother – a good son would call his brothers, visit more, etc.”  The fact is my in-laws miss their family and want them to be close.  Instead of stating this desire or want, they use manipulation to “make” it happen.  They use passive aggressive tactics to avoid themselves getting “hurt” because when you overtly state your desires and wants to others, you make yourself vulnerable.  You give others choice - they can choose to say, “No, I don’t want to do that,” and then what? 

 So, how to get from, “they drive me crazy - triggering,” to witnessing what is really going on, i.e. the in-laws miss their family.  One technique I discovered years ago is “writing with God.”    

 Whenever you are feeling uncertain about things or are triggering, get a few sheets of paper out and begin writing with God. 

 For example:

 Kelly:  I hate my in-laws.  They f*&5ing suck.  If I have to hear another passive aggressive crap out of their mouth, etc…

God: Yes, they do suck.

Kelly:  Yeah, they really suck. Why are they so crazy?  Who tortures grown children this way?  Etc, etc…

God: Kelly, they are sad and miss something that is lost to them. Etc…

 (Notice rational voice begins entering the conversation in opposition to ego-centered defensive response.)

 The fact is your ego is the “triggered” response.  Using this technique allows you to release all your negative thoughts and comments – your ego defense, instead of the usual biting your lip and stuffing all these words deep inside.  By using this technique, you are able to release your own negative reactions, thus begin to detach and witness truth – your highest self, your God-response is brought forth.  This “higher” place is present inside you right now, waiting to lift you up, but first you have to release your “triggered-ego” by acknowledging the hurt and pain that is present first. 

 Give it a try…you will be surprised to discover your highest self is waiting, inside you right now, waiting to help you transform your life.  Your highest self is the path to happiness and peace everyday.  The choice is yours.