That day is upon us, Valentine’s Day.  A girlfriend and I have referred to it as “Happy V.D.” for years, followed by much giggling.   Valentine’s Day is  quite a conundrum.  I like the idea of celebrating love, but find the whole day, kind of a set up for failure.

If I chose to say I am above that “kind of manufactured display of love” and not participate, certainly I’m unhappy.  Where are my chocolates?  Thank God, I no longer work in an office where the relentless parade of delivered flowers consumed me.  I can honestly say, what I dislike the most, is the exclusionary aspect of the celebration.  You don’t have a Valentine?

I did a little research on the origins of Valentine’s Day using the Wikipedia encyclopedia, only to discover its beginnings had little to do with “romantic love”…

The feast of St. Valentine was first decreed in 496 by Pope Gelasius, possibly as an attempt to supersede the pagan holiday of Lupercalia that was still being celebrated in fifth-century Rome.  Valentine was the name of one or more martyred Christian Saints.  Nothing is known about them except “their feats were known to God”  - a dubious beginning to be sure.

It was in the 14th century that author Geoffrey Chaucer first associated the feast with the notion of “romantic love.”   Ummmm, so we can thank an author with a knack for refined “fart” jokes for this celebration…There is a certain kind of symmetry to that I think.

As you can guess, I do like to participate in Valentine’s Day.  However, I have modified it to fit me.  I send Valentines to my girlfriends.  I give my husband instructions, “Chocolate and lingerie.”    (“Lingerie” can easily be exchanged for “shiny baubles” depending how I feel about my dress size that year.)  I buy my husband and my kids something small with homemade cards attached.  And, I buy myself flowers.   Pretty, pretty flowers.  Happy V.D.

There’s a plumber in my kitchen right now.  Trying to clear our kitchen sink.  I keep hearing rumblings of, “I have never seen this before,” and “Well, I’ll be.”  Frankly, I’m a little nervous about the impending bill.

This is the second time he has been here in four days.  The problem had been getting worse and worse.  The water would just not drain.  Dirty water, sitting in my sink, slowly, ever so slowly draining away. Leaving a ring of slime around the bottom.  I called the plumber after many vain attempts with maximum strength Draino and a plunger.

I am grateful the plumber is here, the expert.  The first time he came, we had thought it was fixed, but after a day, we realized the problem was still there.  It was better, but not fixed.  So back he is today.

As I hear him working and rumbling,  I can not help but look at the symbolism.  I do not believe anything happens in isolation.  As Wayne Dyer says, “There is a valid reason for everything.”

I believe the Universe is conspiring to make us whole, guiding us to our best self.  We receive information and/or signs all the time.  Much of our intuition is seeing/reading the signs all around us and gleaning the most insight to make the best decisions.

Water has many different meanings for me, one being emotions.  For the past few weeks my husband and I have been, shall we say, “discussing an issue.”  Needless to say, without resolution.  Thus it is  not surprising to me that my sink has been all clogged up.  Dirty, water, old stuff mixed with the new, sitting in my kitchen sink.  Truly in the center of my home, in the center of my life.

I was thrilled last week when the plumber came and seemed to fix the problem so easily and quickly.  My husband let me know the sink was still not working the next day.  I went to where we all seek refuge –denial.  “Dear, it’s fine.  You don’t know.  What did you put down there?”  Later too, I discovered he was right, the problem was still not fixed.  The next day I called the expert again, the plumber.

He came with much bigger equipment this time,  but today, happily, he fixed it.  The clog was very deep.  He had needed to go further down the pipe last time.  He was even baffled at times today before he finally completely cleared the problem.

As I watched the plumber drive away, I smiled and was gratefully  reminded that sometimes the clogs are very deep and with the right equipment, the right support they can be cleared away.

My husband and I resolved our “issue of discontent” later that day.  We had found the support we needed to make the best decision and the problem was cleared away.

Sometimes, husbands are really annoying.  For an Irish, redhead like me, this can cause problems.  During private sessions with clients and over many years of marriage, I’ve discovered a few tricks to avoid homicide when faced with you own beloved husband disguised as the village idiot.  May these tips help you avoid temptation…

1. Pedicure.  Pretty toes are very good to look at while you are having a “talk” with your husband about whatever said grievance is occurring.  As the ridiculous phases float out of his mouth you can distract yourself by watching the light reflect off your pretty toes.  Hot red means business!

2. Music.  Anything you love to be sung loudly.  Girl-power, angry songs are particularly satisfying, such as Melissa Etheridge in her angry years.  It is very helpful to release all those suppressed emotions physically.  Exercise is very helpful too.  However, by singing you are actually speaking the words you may be holding back in “talks” with your husband for whatever reason.  If you are not ready to say these things to him, sing them and get them out of your body.  You will feel better.

3. Journal and meditate.  Write it all out.  Maybe this is just an off day and you will be able to see that as you write.  Or, maybe, this is a bigger issue — possibly a culmination of old stuff, whatever.  It is good for you to release these emotions and experiences through writing.  It forces you to become present.  Another tool to become present is guided meditation.  The meditations lead you out of your incessantly thinking mind back into balance where you can make empowered decisions.

4. Call a friend.  Sometimes just venting to someone you can trust is very helpful and can allow you to feel supported.  However, think carefully about who would be helpful to talk to before you call – chances are, whatever the issue is, it’s going to blow over sooner or later.  For example, calling your Mom to complain about your husband out drinking with the guys instead of being with you or the kids, is not going to endear him to your mother.  You could actually be creating more strain in your life.  Or, telling ALL of your girlfriends of your husband’s blunders keeps the past alive with many re-tellings and finger-pointing.  Hard to keep the high ground with petty behavior no matter how justified the indignation may be.

5. Girls’ Night.  Go have fun, laughter is essential.  Wallowing in self-pity is not productive for anyone.  Laughter will connect you to the space of, “everything is going to be ok.”  You’ll feel better and you may actually be able to breathe.

6. Send your husband out of your bed, either the sofa or guest room will do.  A little space is good.  I am not of the philosophy, “Don’t go to bed angry.”  Sometimes, you are angry and with good reason.  So give yourself the opportunity to calm down and get clear.  The separation will stop you from saying something you may regret later as well.

7. Get away.  Go on a vacation for a couple days, maybe even a week by yourself or with a girlfriend.  This is a last resort kind of thing.  Unfortunately, sending your husband down the hall doesn’t always work.  Either you are too angry, too tired, or just plain had it, to be able to find peace with this man you’ve married.  Getting away helps both of you detach a little and you get a break from whatever the problem is.  The problem truly becomes his problem when you remove yourself from the situation.

When you are finally able to relax and regain your footing, ask yourself this, real or imagined?  Is this a real issue or passing stupidity?  Let’s face it – men can say/do some pretty dumb things.  Not saying all men, but experience tells me I have heard some tales…

On the other hand, if this is a real issue - what is your part?  Unfortunately, you have a part in this too.  It is not, in fact, all him.  Maybe you just went along with it too many times, maybe he doesn’t appreciate you, maybe so many different things, but the truth is – somewhere inside, you said, “yes.”  Yes to less.

It is difficult to accept that you could be the one creating these opportunities to sabotage your life, but once realize this, you actually become empowered.  Empowered because you can make different decisions.  With clear and balanced thoughts and behaviors, you can make good decisions no matter what the situation.

So, when you are watching the light reflect off your very pretty toes as your beloved husband blurts out some offending nonsense, you will remain calm and think, “Is this a real issue or passing stupidity?”