Just discovered this LA band, The Airborne Toxic Event and I love them.  The sound is raw, plaintive, punk-like, and incredibly personal – think a cross between Violent Femmes and Crash Test Dummies.

 The album was written while lead singer Mikel Jollett was struggling with heartbreak, his mother’s cancer and his own health problems…Needless to say the album is full of raw emotions and surprisingly – humor. 

 In “Does This Mean You’re Moving On?” with the lines like, “Oh Christ, she’s not alone…” and “I’ll bet your friends all hate me now.  I get the strangest looks from that bitchy crowd…guess I am not quite over you.” – let the giggling begin.  Or in “Something New” – a priceless appreciation of hoping the fighting will stop and the therapy works…If you have been in therapy with your mate, well this is a riot.  Set to a hopeful, happy beat – the couple is falling apart…

 Another wonderful quality of the music is the shifting and building tempos of the different songs, such as in “Sometime Around Midnight.”  The song opens quietly, building softly by adding instruments and strengthening his voice with each bar until you hear his anguish refrain, “You just have to see her,”  over and over.  Who hasn’t been to this broken place?  

Must listen to: Gasoline, Does this Mean Your Moving On?, Sometime Around Midnight, Something New, Missy

For several days upon return from vacation I feel slightly brain damaged.  Possibly like I began the day with a martini or two before breakfast.  The light hurts and I would like to snooze all day – could I be a vampire?  Are those bit marks on my neck?  No. Just the press of a harried life barging back into my sun-soaked, easy thoughts of, “shall I eat by the pool or at the café?” 

 Ah, I smile and am reminded how very blessed I am.  Though addled and blurred, I am happy.  I love slipping into a different experience – hopping on a plane and going somewhere new in just a few short hours.  It reminds me how much bigger the world is… 

 Sometimes, in the slog of daily life, I can get fixated on a narrow viewpoint.  I may only see a few options for the direction of my life, but when go on vacation – suddenly the world opens more fully.  Two things happen – 1. I appreciate more what I have already, and 2. I expand to see more. 

 This blurry feeling allows me the space to integrate this expansion back into my daily life.  Life is fuller.  It is more then, “what’s for supper?” and paying bills.  It is this AND that.  It is adventure AND the dull grind of daily life with laundry, meals, etc.  It is life, up and down, blurry sometimes and clear at other moments.  So I wait for the blurring to pass, and clarity to rise again. 

 Are you waiting for the blurring to pass as well or have you found clarity?  

I’ve never been to Vegas, so when my annual college girls’ trip came round this year it seemed like a great idea.  Stay in a swank hotel, see a show, excellent spas and pools, have some laughs – all good and innocent…Well, my girlfriend called two days ago with the news that her college boyfriend is headed to Vegas for his Stag party…

 Let me describe her college boyfriend – think English and looks like Ichabod Crane.  I am not kidding.  He is a fantastic fellow, I rarely stopped giggling around him.  I have memories of him sitting on the couch in his boxers, next to my boyfriend, also in boxers – playing N0-friend-o (Nintendo) for hours…what a pair.

 Needless to I expect to come home in five days with aching ribs from giggling at a merry band of pasty and slightly bloated Englishmen doing there very best impressions of “I’m too sexy for this shirt, too sexy for this shirt…and I do a little spin on the catwalk”…Viva Las Vegas…

Started reading at 9am and was done by 3pm – fantastic beach read.  Hot sun?  Who cares.  In Just One Look by Harlan Coben you quickly become lost in a twisting plot of murder and mayhem with a liberal dash of humor.  A back review stated, you only put this book down to deadbolt the doors and windows.  Absolutely true – so I suggest reading in broad daylight, preferable in a public place as Eric Wu could be anywhere… 

I have never been a big fan of V.D. (my inside joke and nickname for Valentine’s Day – always makes me chuckle…) It’s a completely manufactured holiday by Hallmark and the florists, but still it is there.   And if you are alone – well, this holiday really magnifies that reality in sometimes frightening questions.  (Don’t you have a Valentine?  Why am I alone?  What’s wrong with me?)   STOP!  Take a breath – it’s 24 hours – pull yourself together and give these tips a try…

 1.  Reality check – this day shall pass.  Gratefully the day falls on a Saturday, so if you work in an office, school or the like – you do not have to see the relentless parade of delivered flowers and chocolates.  Mantra – this day shall pass.

2.  Make a plan.  Maybe you want to stay under the covers all day, but I encourage you to get together with friends and go bowling or ice skating – anything completely out of your norm.  Do something that takes you attention and focus off whatever negative spiral you are in.  It will distract you from “poor me” thinking and who knows who is ice skating today…

3.  Humor – if you are in a pitiful state, try to find just a little humor.  Watch silly movies, call friends who make you laugh…anything that can get you giggling will help you move through your emotions.

4.  Go outside.  Take a walk or go for a drive if it is too cold, but get out of the four-walls closing in!  A change of scenery will allow you to stop the incessant thinking of, “What did I do wrong?  Why me?  Will I ever be happy again?”  I promise you will feel better and be happy again (you were before, so why not?)

5.  Big girls/boys do cry.  It’s ok to be sad.  The tears do eventually dry up.  Just remember your tears are a wave, maybe of the tsunami variety, but a wave – you are the vast ocean.  Waves pass and the ocean remains.

6.  Get a new haircut, outfit and/or bedding.  Have you ever noticed how many people look better a few months after a break-up?  This is the upside of the break-up diet, i.e. can’t eat due to depression and sleeplessness.  As the song goes – wash that man (woman) out of your hair…your bed too.

7.  Buy yourself flowers and chocolate – the day before.  Whether you’re heart-broken or attached – don’t wait for someone else to tell you, “I love you, I value you.”  Do it yourself – then anything else that comes your way is gravy.   

 *Remember this is one day – 24 hours – this too shall pass…Happy bowling – don’t forget your socks! 

One word: rental.  Yes, there were some good parts (wrestling at Dad’s house while setting “boundaries” and the house of cougars…) however, a plot would have been nice.  Kind of left you waiting for Vaughn’s character to make jokes…My husband fell asleep.

I did really enjoy the white trash sister-in-law though.  Definitely a glimpse of what Britney Spear’s life would have looked like if she had not gotten famous years ago, but that does not make a movie.  Even one sprinkled with a few poignant moments…Trust me, wait for the rental. 

Gritty, sexy, funny and violent, oh and don’t forget the accents – this movie is an all-around good time.  It is a true guy’s flick and I loved it.  Violent, but not bloody.  Crass humor, but not without surprising and amusing undertones.  I liked the quick dialog and twisting plot – I still want to see that damn lucky painting!  And the movie’s characters are sensational.  As much as the crank-head rock star is detestable, he is sympathetic…

 Only problem – the movie is kind of like all the rest of his films.  So if you are fan, you’ll see a lot of the same actors from his other flicks and a similar, yet fun plot.  You won’t be disappointed, but if you didn’t like his other flicks, don’t bother…However specifically for any dubious ladies, Gerald Butler is pretty easy on the eyes for two hours and funny too…Think of all the points you could get for going along with his movie choice this time?  It will come in handy in December when all the Oscar contenders come out…

A little over a week ago I heard this great story on NPR, http://www.wnyc.org/shows/radiolab/episodes/2008/03/21/segments/93888 – it’s about music transcending cultural divides.  Gregory Warner is a reporter in Afghanistan and one day started playing “Those Were the Days My Friend” on his accordion. His translator, shocked, asks, “How do you know Afghan music?” Greg scratches his head and thinks, “But this is just some folk song my mom used to sing to me!”…

 My very favorite part of the story happens when Warner plays Johnny Cash’s “Ring of Fire” to a wild and thrilled Afghan audience.  Warner exclaims, “It was my best crowd ever!”  I love it!  Happy listening.

Recently I was on vacation in Martha’s Vineyard and noticed lots of people wearing “Black Dog” apparel.  The Black Dog is a local business established in 1971 (I know this because I too now have a t-shirt with this information…) that has become quite popular on the island.  Quickly I realized is this is part of the “vineyard uniform” – daily wear for everyone. 

 And it hit me – every destination vacation has it’s own uniform…Hawaii, yupe, all the tourists wear Hawaiian shirts, skirts and dresses; in Disney – buttons, clothing of all sorts, hats…In Caribbean – braids, they only look good on 10% of the population but about 90% of woman give this a try…Boots/hats in Texas…In Ireland, throw me a wool sweater and some plaid…etc, etc…and the worst part is – I’m guilty of most these fashion blunders myself (thank God not the braids though.)  I suffer from the old motto, “When in Rome…” 

 A friend that I travel with believes this is a display of each person’s desire to bring vacation home, hence you buy the same crap.  I agree but I also think it’s about sharing the experience.  The uniform, however silly, makes vacation feel even further away from your reality left at home.  Not many of us can imagine wearing Caribbean braids to a sales meeting with the boss or how about a sarong?  However on vacation – anything goes…

  Hence you can find me buying Hawaiian music on Maui dressed in a bikini/sarong or t-shirts in the Black Dog Café for everyone in my family.  When in Rome, baby…

I leave tomorrow for my annual girl’s trip.  This year we are headed to Martha’s Vineyard.  No husband, no kids, no work, actual adult “me” time. Often, I’ve discovered during these annual trips, I see myself again. Amusingly, I witness the unique quirks of me over and over without the distraction of kids or a husband…

In my mind’s eye, I am wonderful, flexible traveler. In reality, not so much – sensitive stomach, sleeplessness due to excitement, finicky eater…When I step back and really see it, it’s ridiculous.

The dichotomy of my hopeful mind’s eye (I am a world-class traveler, ready to win the Amazing Race!), and the starch truth of my behavior (porta-potties cause me to wince involuntarily) – it is absurd.  This flexible person in my mind’s eye, well, she just doesn’t exist in reality. Do we all decide how we should be and quietly berate ourselves for not measuring up? The hum of disapproval vibrating in our minds.

I have discovered I am much happier when I operate in the world from the truth of my behavior. I am not a good traveler for all my so called good intentions, and now, I travel prepared – stomach cures, sleeping pills and power bars. I am who I am and I will not be entering the Amazing Race, ever.

When I return from these girls’ trips, I feel softened and empowered. I only go now with one other girlfriend because, well, we’re selfish.  My girlfriend and I met in the first few weeks of college. We have always been mistaken for sisters as we look, dress and act similarly even to this day. We are so much alike, yet our life choices have lead us on very different paths. She is in international law and single. I am married, mother of two and working from my home…Yet we are still sisters. 

For about five days each year we live like sisters again…We giggle, gossip, tease, re-tell the same stories over and over again, shop, eat and drink too much, and listen to the new stories each has to tell.  We have tried to include others, but it doesn’t lead to good places.  The only men we talk to are named Hector and carry trays with umbrella drinks.  We have a fantastic time.

Even with our very different lives, we are able to support each other still. She helps me access my identity before the rest of life crowded in. She helps me play and frankly, stay young.

Several years ago she inspired me to get back into a bikini…I had not worn a bikini in maybe 10 years—I was a Mom, that time had past, my body wasn’t perfect. Again, I heard the hum of disapproval vibrating within. But I did it anyway, and you know what, I looked good.

I looked around the beach and everyone was in bikinis, with all their different bodies for the entire world to see. There were no perfect bodies. Even the sixteen year olds had cellulite. I didn’t have to be perfect. Finally, my mind’s eye had softened to embrace reality. The disapproving hum disappeared, only to be replaced by the crashing of waves and laughter of sisters.