It took me months to open this book and I am glad I finally did.I had picked it up in the Spring to read on vacation, but then I lost interest for awhile. I had been scared off after re-reading the part about her Mother dying young on the back cover teaser…The story seemed more depressing then uplifting.
But somehow it traveled to the beach with me this summer and thank goodness, as The Ice Queen is a perfect beach read; light, thoughtful and surprising.What surprised me about the book were the intriguing characters and plot twists.The characters were complicated; no one is black and white.Each of us has hidden parts that may shock those around us – “If they only knew…” we wonder silently.
I have always been drawn to plots where the world sees one thing and reality is so much stickier.I like it because it reminds me to think in tones of gray.To remember that there is a completely unknown back-story behind each person that motivates their behaviors every day. The message to me is always the same – sometimes it is not about you.
The narrator of the story is often seen jumping to hysterical conclusions as displayed when she spies on her sister-in-law late one night returning library books, or why her lover only wants to make love in the dark, or even the cause of her mother’s death.The narrator’s inability to see beyond her own self-contempt blurs her perception of events – everyone doesn’t like her, she has no friends, she causes death…
Surprisingly she does have friends and those who care for her, but she can not see it because of her own self-loathing.Since she has not learned to take care of herself, she can not take care of her friendships or even a positive relationship with her brother.The narrator transcends her hurts finally by stopping her self-punishment.Unfortunately and of course, tragic events must unfold for the narrator to finally make peace with the past.
However, a satisfying peace is made and lessons can be gleaned by any reader about perception and reality.It is often a bit of both that creates the moments of your life, for better or worse…
This is a short guided meditation to manifest abundance in your life. Last week I focused on manifesting abundance through the imagery of a Chalice. This week we will manifest abundance with the now well-known idea of the Law of Attraction - “The Secret.” In this meditation discover manifesting is a full-sensory experience - not just your thoughts!
This podcast is focused on indentifying and transforming blocks to peace. Through this guided meditation you will identify three specific blocks to peace and begin to heal the blocks easily and effortlessly with your thoughts. Please join me on this transformation by listening to the podcast to the right. Peace be with you.
This guided meditation focuses on connecting to your ideal body. There is no perfect number, but there is a feeling of satisfaction. This meditation offers support as you transform into your ideal self emotionally and physically. Enjoy!
All of my life I have battled perfect – being perfect, not being perfect, expecting others to be perfect, wondering what is perfect…on and on the thoughts unravel…I think I have mastered my driving need to be “perfect” only to have it show up somewhere else.
It is during these times I am reminded of my stumbling and bumbling through life.Things are so clear cut in my mind, but when I really step back, I view my “two-steps-forward, one-step-back jig” over and over.And in fact, I am grateful.When I see this need to be “perfect” revealed - I see my hurts, but also the hurts of those around me.Not only do I have more compassion for others, but most importantly - I have more compassion for me.
When I surrender in my battle with perfect, I discover peace and acceptance.Not a peace built on certain circumstances, events or people, but a peace with self.True peace.
Do you ever feel like you are emotionally spinning?Maybe you have just had a difficult encounter with a relative or even a friend?You may be able to identify – this person drives me nuts, but the real question is, why?Why has this person been able to affect you?Chances are you have been “triggered.”
“Triggering” happens when some hidden emotional response is activated.My in-laws are professionals at this by using guilt to trigger emotional responses.For example, my husband’s parents will “talk” about each sibling to the other siblings trying to get them to speak to each other…”Oh, so-and-so, really does want to be more involved with your life, but he just doesn’t feel like you care enough…”This is an attempt by someone on the outside to “trigger” or force events in a certain way.
Even though my in-laws intentions are to bring the family closer, their manipulations stall any positive outcomes and actually inject more distance within the family structure.
Often you can identify “triggering” by how you feel inside…When someone or something is “triggering” you, you may feel a tightness in your stomach or chest.Your breathing may change.Things may feel more emotionally intense or you may even feel cornered into a certain defensive reaction.You are being “triggered.”
Now, no matter how well-adjusted and balanced you are today, each of us gets “triggered” every now and then.The trick is not to fear being triggered, but to manage your reaction to whatever happens to illicit an emotional response.So the real trick is, how to stop triggering?
You “trigger” because some place inside of you is feeling under attack.For example, my in-laws use guilt to “trigger” the idea of “being a good son, brother – a good son would call his brothers, visit more, etc.”The fact is my in-laws miss their family and want them to be close.Instead of stating this desire or want, they use manipulation to “make” it happen.They use passive aggressive tactics to avoid themselves getting “hurt” because when you overtly state your desires and wants to others, you make yourself vulnerable.You give others choice - they can choose to say, “No, I don’t want to do that,” and then what?
So, how to get from, “they drive me crazy - triggering,” to witnessing what is really going on, i.e. the in-laws miss their family.One technique I discovered years ago is “writing with God.”
Whenever you are feeling uncertain about things or are triggering, get a few sheets of paper out and begin writing with God.
For example:
Kelly:I hate my in-laws.They f*&5ing suck.If I have to hear another passive aggressive crap out of their mouth, etc…
God: Yes, they do suck.
Kelly:Yeah, they really suck. Why are they so crazy?Who tortures grown children this way?Etc, etc…
God: Kelly, they are sad and miss something that is lost to them. Etc…
(Notice rational voice begins entering the conversation in opposition to ego-centered defensive response.)
The fact is your ego is the “triggered” response.Using this technique allows you to release all your negative thoughts and comments – your ego defense, instead of the usual biting your lip and stuffing all these words deep inside.By using this technique, you are able to release your own negative reactions, thus begin to detach and witness truth – your highest self, your God-response is brought forth.This “higher” place is present inside you right now, waiting to lift you up, but first you have to release your “triggered-ego” by acknowledging the hurt and pain that is present first.
Give it a try…you will be surprised to discover your highest self is waiting, inside you right now, waiting to help you transform your life.Your highest self is the path to happiness and peace everyday.The choice is yours.
Years ago my father introduced me to a tradition that was able to bring peace into our relationship.My parents divorced when I was about ten years old and my Dad moved south, far away from me.We really didn’t speak often as my parents had one of those horrendous divorces.I probably saw him a half a dozen times before heading to college in Burlington, VT.
Needless to say, we did not have much in common and frankly, I kept myself slightly aloof from him as he left long ago…During college he began making attempts to be a part of my life.He would take me skiing with my boyfriend, send money finally and call more often.
One memorial weekend he asked me if I would like to do the graves with him.Strangely enough that was one place we both liked to go – cemeteries.We both liked wandering around old graveyards reading headstones and admiring the artistry of the marble works.
My Dad grew up in Middlebury, VT.Most of that side of the family still lives there and our relatives are buried in several different cemeteries in the area.I agreed, not really knowing what I was getting into.He picked me up early that Sunday morning and I looked in the backseat to see all kinds of supplies – gardening tools, cups and to my surprise, chilled champagne.
We began chatting about where we were going first and my Dad started telling stories.He loves telling stories, but this time the stories were of friends he had lost in Vietnam, Uncles wounded in WWII and scandalous adventures of my family I never knew.I laughed, really laughed and I saw my father for the first time as more than the man that left.
He was flawed certainly, but he was trying.Trying to become a family again.I saw for the first time how young he was when my parents got married and I found compassion that was not there before.
At each grave we cleared away the weeds, and planted pansies and marigolds.We offered champagne toasts and funny stories to those long gone.Quietly, without knowing when, a gentle peace had slipped into my Dad and my relationship.
I finally had come to love my father again.I realized wasn’t abandoned any longer.I had found my way back to him and this family through the memories and stories of those long past.That day, together, we found peace again in pansies and laughter.This peace has made all the difference and I am grateful.
When I was nine years old I fell off a bike.It was horrible.I was flying down a hill and my flip-flops fell off.I had those pedals that had the spiky surfaces so I couldn’t put my bare feet on the pedals or risk impalement. I started panicking because my speed was increasing every moment with the descent - I had to do something fast.Thinking my best option was going onto the grass, I steered my bike to the left and hit an edge.Suddenly, I was hurling threw the air only to land on my forehead.Ouch.
Blood seemed everywhere and my wailing began.I walked down the rest of the hill to my aunt’s house, tears streaming and looking for Mom.Unfortunately, Mom was out and Dad was there.Let’s just say he was useless and leave it at that.Not surprisingly, I didn’t ride a bike again for a long time and when I did, it was a white-knuckle, tense experience.
Fast-forward to today and now I am the Mom with two kids riding bikes.My kids kept asking me to go for bike rides with them too, not just Daddy or the sitter.I would say with a shrug, “I don’t have a bike.”Then my husband bought me a beautiful purple and hot pink cruiser with a big basket.I had no more excuses, so I tried riding again.
Against every instinct I began riding my bike.My daughter and I started riding to and from her school every day and after a week or two, I noticed things were changing.I stopped gripping the handle bars for dear life.I felt more comfortable riding and most of all, I liked it again. It was fun riding on my pretty, purple bike – I felt so young again, even carefree.
Mind you, I will never wear flip-flops while biking ever again and I still don’t make a whole lot of conversation as I don’t want to somehow get distracted and fall.However, each day I’m a little more confident and most of all, I feel as though I am reconnecting to that little girl inside who was hurt so many years ago. She’s healing and coming out again…and I am happy to welcome her home.
