Why are some people happy and others not?  There are certain factors that contribute to one’s ability to be “happy” under most circumstances.  These are a few…

 1.         Flexibility.  The old saying “once you make a plan, God laughs,” has proven true time and time again in my own life.  Being able to adjust to changing life events, even as minor as dinner plans, with flexibility and ease leads directly to happiness.  Why?  Flexibility means forsaking control – willingly.  Quite a feat to be sure, but a gift - only to be received if you are willing to give up control first.    

 2.         Don’t take it personally.  As my father wisely once said, “Some people are just a@@holes.”  You can be assured in your life that your will encounter some real “pains in the bottom”, difficult situations, unfairness, and other assorted crap.  Promise.  And the person sitting next to you, same thing.  The same goes with any other person you meet in your life too.  We are all stumbling through at times.  So, relax, take a breath and imagine what you would like to happen in whatever situation is causing you difficulty.  Focusing on what you want enables you to emerge from any frustration with clarity.

 3.         Humor.  Once you are able to either laugh at yourself or whatever the situation, you bring lightness to your heart.  Laughter feels good.  Watch funny movies, read amusing books, talk to a friend who always makes you laugh, go bowling.  Just by adding more laughter to your life and you will notice, gently a quiet lightness entering your thoughts and being.

 4.         Positive attitude.  I am not suggesting to live like some annoying, over-the-top Polly-Anna, but to live your life on the foundation that, “all is well.”  This isn’t to deny there are problems or tragedies in life, but it does focus on solutions instead of the difficulties.

 5.         Gratitude.  Happy people are reminded each day of their blessings – the good and the difficult.  As much as it drives me nuts, challenges are opportunities.  Opportunities to learn, to grow and most importantly, to know yourself better.  True gratitude is born out of compassion – just as much for yourself as others.

 6.         Confidence.  Not swaggering, but a calm knowing of ones own abilities.  Confidence also means knowing you will stumble on occasion, but the confident person knows not to make a habit of it. 

 7.         Presence.  Happy people live right now, in this moment – not dreaming about yesterday or fantasying about tomorrow.  Here and now - laughing about the things that others might be frustrated by, and knowing all is well… 

 8.         Choice.  All happy people know happiness is a choice.  Some days it’s easier to be happy, while other days may be a bit more of a struggle.  However, knowing that you have the choice to lift yourself up or push yourself down – often leads to better decisions.

 Happiness is not derived from one isolated event, but by attitudes and beliefs.  Gratefully, like choice, each of us has the power to change our attitudes and beliefs with time and attention. 

 Happiness isn’t for someone else, it’s for you.  It is for each one of us to sink deeply into the happiness of this moment, however mundane the pleasures.  May you discover happiness already waits for you, deep within.  

Escape.  Run away.  How often have you thought about it?  Still, after all these years, the idea continues to attack your thoughts – is it possible?  Yes and no - there is a fine line between healthy escape and denial.

Sometimes, you need to get away.  Maybe you work too much, maybe you are in the midst of a very difficult personal issue, or maybe, you need to take a break from the stressful reality of your day to day life, whatever – escape is possible.  Get in a car, a plane or even a train, and leave that which is the reality of your life.  Why?  Perspective.

For some odd reason driving 50 miles away from your life offers you a little breathing room.  Exhale.  It’s going to be OK.  Somehow it is easier to step into that place, detachment, when the issue/reality isn’t crammed up your nose.  Sometimes the best thing an action-oriented person like you (or me) can do is get away – if only to force yourself to stop.  Stop thinking.  Stop talking.  Stop doing.

When you are in this mindset of non-action, you discover all this space.  This empty space that you have been filling with all the stuff – worry at the top, delusions of control and ego below.  The conversations, the phone calls and the deals that hold the tenuous balance of your happiness in place.  It is when you get to this place that the line of escape and denial can blur.

This is your truth.  What needs to be let go and what needs courage?  Sometimes life is challenging, period.  No easy way around, but straight through the crap.  Are you, in fact, making this journey more difficult on yourself?  What can you let go of to gain more peace in your life?  And this is the rub, that which you give up must empower you, not deny your reality, or your issues.

For example, you can control your behavior, but not the behavior of others.  Trying to make someone love or treat you better doesn’t work, but finding the clarity within to know what you need does.  Once you know what you need, then you are ready to come home from your retreat to complete the next step on your path to peace –  ask.

Asking for your needs to met may be a stumbling block, because asking implies your own worth, your own deserving to be happy.  You deserve to live a beautiful, abundant life.  So go escape, to discover what you need and come home — ask, and you shall receive.