I’m not sure you can teach happiness.  It’s really a by-product of listening to your heart, laughter or of even appreciating the beauty that surrounds you each day.  I’m not going to spin some ‘Polly-anna’ nonsense that every day could be sweet bliss.  Nope, it just doesn’t work that way, but what I can promise you is most days could be happy.

 It’s about where do you put your attention.  Do you focus on what you don’t have or what you do have?  Not sure – just try listening to yourself for a day.  Are you complaining or celebrating your life?  Are you pointing out the flaws in life, people, yourself?  Or are you noticing the leaves are just beginning to turn golden and fiery and maybe, just maybe that heralds in a more abundant time, a new beginning…

 What do you see?

Learn how to return your focus to yourself.  Summer has an outward energy – more socializing, more sunlight, more extroverted activities and sometimes we can get caught up in this other-seeking in strange ways.  Possibly blaming others for problems or looking to the outside for answers instead of within.  Fall is a great reminder to return the focus back to you.  The air is getting a bit crisper, propelling us both physically and figuratively inside. 

 Ask yourself are you too involved in the lives of others instead of what’s going on in yours?  Are you waiting for someone or something to act thus transforming your life or so you think?  Guess what?  It’s time to get your power back by returning the focus back to you and here’s how…

Recently a friend told me about a sermon she had just heard regarding the power of thoughts…

 Her priest spoke about the power of your thoughts and manifesting…He knew this married couple – every night the wife would belief she heard someone downstairs and force her husband downstairs to “check it out.”  No one was there, yet the husband dutifully checked each night.  This continued for thirty years.

 One night she was “sure” she heard something and this night when her husband checked – he met the barrel of a gun.  There was someone there trying to rob them.  The robber took the couple’s money, jewels and just as he was heading out the door, the husband said, “Hey, just a second, you’ve got to meet my wife, she’s been expecting you for thirty years…”

 …That which you focus your attention on expands…For better or worse.

Learn tips and strategies to succeed with your New Year’s Resolutions.  Discover how “falling off the wagon” doesn’t have to be the end of your resolution for 2009…

Last week while I recorded my podcast on “flexible thinking” – I kept thinking, “If you want a flexible mind, a flexible mind doesn’t just happen – you are presented with opportunities to be flexible and you choose to be flexible…” 

 A week ago Monday we had a plumbing disaster in our home.  The downstairs was flooded and the carpet ruined, but we have the proper insurance to make us whole again minus the deductible.   Instead of focusing on the timing (x-mas in two week!), the cost of the deductible or even the gross factor – I celebrated all new carpets (900 sq ft) for really so little out of my pocket in the scheme of things.  I stayed in this flexible and humorous attitude for about 48 hours…Then the hassles began…

 We had to leave the house for three days because of the sterilization and drying out factor.  Only I did not know this until the fumes were affecting my thinking Friday afternoon.  Quickly I scramble to find a rental for all of us – yes, the dog too and here is where the rub truly begins – where to stay with a dog???  I discovered hovels and shacks except dogs (not where I like to stay.)  Needless to say this is where I ran up against the challenge of staying flexible and the reality of I like my comforts…I had been so good about all of this – making a joke of it, focusing on the good and now the hovel…

 It was that first morning in the hovel that I remembered my thought the day before, “If you want a flexible mind – opportunities.”  I started laughing aloud and looked around for something positive to focus on.  Ok, it’s got the wood fireplace I like and I’ve got this puzzle…Relax.  Then I realized my mistake – when I was looking for rentals I forgot to use my pendulum. 

 Part of the reason I was so unsatisfied with our rental is I always find the best places to stay – swank and an unbelievable deal.  I use my pendulum for all kinds of guidance including identifying the best place to stay, events to attend and a variety of other “small stuff” that actually affects the quality of your daily life.  Over the years my pendulum has become an invaluable tool to weed threw the quagmire of options and discover gems.

 Then I remembered I still needed to make a reservation for Sunday night – this time I used the pendulum and found a gem of a place to stay.  Suddenly my hovel I sat in wasn’t so bleak anymore and I started to notice more – the gentle snow fall outside, the kindness of the front desk staff, the mountains that surrounded us…

 We walked outside only to be greeted by huge Elks with massive antlers casually eating the pine needles out of the window box.  It was amazing and magically to be so close to these wild beasts…and a memory none of us will ever forget, hovel and all.    

Each of us confronts stress every day, and how we choose to deal with this has a direct effect on our happiness and well-being.  Often our emotions cloud our ability to make good decisions and unwittingly we continue a negative pattern of stress-management.  Use these five easy suggestions to improve your capacity to handle the stressful events that come your way and begin living more contently today…

 1.       Breathe.  When stressful events occur, often our first response involves an involuntary level of panic; blood may rush to our faces, stomachs drop, breathing quickens…By stopping yourself and focusing your attention on three deep breaths, this allows all of your senses and self to become fully present in the situation.  From this present place, better decisions are made.  Clarity is achieved when you can detach from an emotional, automatic response and shift to a perspective of ration and reason.  

2.       Don’t blame – including yourself!  No matter how you slice it – here you are and there is something for you to learn right now – what is it?  Here’s a hint; it’s all about you.  How someone else is behaving may not be appropriate, but strip the extras away and it is still all about you.  Instead of pointing fingers at any one else or even yourself, what do you need to do right now?  What is your part and how can you make it better today?   (Warning: be careful not to fall into victim thinking – “I’m so bad” – that it keeps you from moving forward.  It’s not about blame, but opportunity.) 

3.       Ask for help/support.  If you are feeling stressed, sometimes one of the best things you can do is seek the counsel of a wise friend, therapist or spiritual advisor.  An outside perspective can illuminate personal blind spots that may be tripping you up over and over…

4.       Stay present and flexible – don’t spin out.  A thinking mind can be a dangerous thing – imagining the worst-case-scenarios can be almost intoxicating to obsess over, but stop yourself.  It is likely none of these worst-cases will come to pass and you have wasted all that time and energy as to be prepared – just in case the worst-case happens then you’ll know what to do…Stop.  These are future concerns, shift back to what can I do right now and keep your options open.  Rigid thinking of “if this happens, then…” traps you in repeating the same cycles over and over. 

5.       Focus on your desired outcome.  It is very easy to identify want you don’t want, but shift your focus to what you do want or how you would like your reality to be.  Whether you are having difficulty in a relationship, with money, family, it doesn’t matter – spend a few minutes each day thinking about how you would like your relationship to feel, or what it would feel like to have enough money, love…Your thoughts have power.  When you change your thoughts, you change your life – new doors open and opportunities appear…Try this for a week and watch the surprises bloom.

 Of course, the most essential tool and what frames all of these tips, is an unshakable sense of humor.  I am the first to say I have a gallows humor, but it has served me well to laugh at myself and the ridiculous situations I have found  myself  in at times – completely of my own making.  Just remember – if it doesn’t kill you, well then I guess you’re not dead…or the other answer, you GROW stronger.