Using your Natural instincts to empower your Life

 Hopefully you have discovered which one or two instincts drive many of your life choices.  Now the question is how to make it work for you?  Simple answer, detach.  It may seem kind of complicated or cold at first, but it’s easy once you get the hang of it.

 When you discover the drivers of your behavior, you are able to cross into the next level in life transformation – becoming the witness.  For example, say you have a dominate social instinct – guess what?  You automatically know how groups work and you can use it to your advantage as to which careers you follow or simply in any unknown social environment.  If you feel yourself being pulled into an old pattern of trying to please everyone, this can now signal you that something is amiss.  Now you can stop and re-assess what’s really going on by detaching from your pattern and stepping into a witness space to ‘see’ what’s really going on.

 A dominate sexual instinct can be fun because you always know who’s ‘got-it’ and that’s not always who you would expect.  Usually with a strong sexual instinct you are able to feel not only individual energy shifts but situational or environmental shifts.  Being so closely aligned with the physical, helps you identify even the most subtle energy shifts – thus listen to your body.  When you get that icky feeling, it’s time to go, no questions asked.

 A strong self-preservation instinct can help you see solutions and options where others can not.  You are willing to look at all the sides to discern the best path.  Sometimes this can delay or even paralysis your decisions, but it can also lead to the most empowered decision – you aren’t going with your gut, you’re making an informed decision.

 All three instincts can lift you up or cripple you, depending on how you choose to use them.  It’s an opportunity.  An opportunity to live your most empowered life, if you choose. 

“Friendship is a privilege, not a right.”  A friend of mine said this to me one night as we were painting our nails, watching trashy Melrose Place and gabbing about boys.  She doesn’t remember even saying it.  We were discussing something about mean girls in college and friendship…The details don’t matter though, it’s the words.

 Friendship is a privilege, not a right.  You don’t have to be friends with everybody, simple – right?  Drop the mean ones and real friends don’t do bad things anyway?  Really?  Friends don’t make mistakes?  You don’t make mistakes?

 About eight plus years ago this same friend of mine kind of lost it.  She had gotten married and well, things just weren’t working out the way she had envisioned.  She was lonely and one day I received a scathing email about not being there for her, her new baby and supporting her new life.

 I was shocked.  She was absolutely right, I had not been there for her, that much was true.  For I was in my own hell – my 15 month old son was struggling with constant seizures and a multitude of other health issues.  I wasn’t sleeping.  I was trying to find answers to these unknown seizures any where.  Doctors appointments, diets, remedies - we were in the midst of a very real health crisis…Frankly I had every right to send the hate right back to my so-called friend, but gratefully, somehow, I could see through the words to the real message – I miss you and I’m scared.

 Instead of getting mad and screaming at her, I told her what was going on in my own life.  Then I said I missed her and loved her too, but I couldn’t have a friend treating me this way.  I reminded her of her words and she found sanity again.  She was aghast at herself, apologizing and most importantly, we became closer.

 I have never held this against her because it allowed me the opportunity to be truthful, kindly and find resolution peacefully – things can work out.  This incident helped me transcend into a better me.   Oddly I never took any of it personally (how could I honestly say I have never pulled something like this before with someone else?)  I let any negative feeling go easily and effortlessly, only keeping the gratefully lessons. Conflict does not have to lead to destruction, it can lead to a better way…

 Conflict is a part of life.  With yourself, with your friends, with your family…How you react to conflict is often dependant on your prior experience with conflict.  You could have been taught conflict is best to avoid at any cost or even that conflict is exciting. 

 Instead of allowing conflict to be what it used to be or the end-all, I invite you to see it for what it could be, a new beginning…So be it.

5.  What is stopping you from living the life you have always dreamed of?  Money issues?  Spouse?  Relationships?  Family?  Responsibilities?  Could it be a fear of failure?  What if it doesn’t work? 

 This is the hinge point in transformation – can you transcend your fear of what if?  I bid you, courage – walk through your own unique fire and see what’s on the other side.  Use your own tools to support you – humor, intuition, friendships and a focused eye on what you do want.  Take a chance on you, you are worth it and after all, what if it’s fantastic on the other side, just waiting for you to take a chance????

4.  Are you trying to keep it the same?  Why?  Does the cost seem too great to make a change?  Does it seem impossible?  Are you afraid of hurting someone else if you do shift? 

 Whether you like it or not, this is your life.  Right here, right now.  When you place the needs of others always before your own, guess what?  You are always last on the list - your list and everyone else’s too.  You are teaching yourself and all around you that you come last. 

 Of course, there are times when it is appropriate to place the needs of others in front of your own, but you would be surprised by how few and far between this is in normal every day life.  People are not infants forever and illness, well, this is tricky, but I assure you, you just you, whether a caregiver or a patient, need to put your own needs at the top of your own list.  We all serve best from a place of fullness, not lack…

 How about if when you place the needs of others in front of your own – this does not inherently mean you are last?  Maybe move yourself down to second of third?  Do you run into any hang-ups or negative thoughts?  Around deserving, enough or possibly love?  Well now, you are getting to the foundation of the problem – what do you want and what if you deserved it?  What is stopping you? 

3.  Notice the word my in the above question, my truth.  It’s no doubt you are relaying the facts as you experience them, but are you feeling them?  Are you really listening to that internal voice that is naggingly right?  Are you going along to get along instead of voicing your own needs?

 Sometimes in life we find ourselves in unexpected places.  It didn’t just happen, there were many choices and compromises made along the way that lead to this less-than place, and even though you may not have intended it, you are here.  

 Instead of blaming or getting angry that someone else isn’t showing up the way you would like, ask yourself, what do I want?  I’m betting you don’t have an easy answer to that, but you can probably tell me what you don’t want.  Your focus needs to shift from what you don’t want (this thinking only attracts what you don’t want – where your thoughts focus, things expand…) to what you do want.  Begin making a list or dreaming about what you do want. 

 More importantly begin taking responsibility for your own dreams coming true.  Yes, those around you can support and love you, but you and you alone are the writer of your own life.  Players come and go, but you continue to create your life every day. 

2.  Ok, you’ve identified you are in a pattern, now it’s time to look at your part – what are you doing the same?  Stop with the reasons why you are doing it the same and just focus on your part.  There is no one person to blame. 

 For a pattern to be established everyone has to go along with their part over and over again – especially if it’s a negative pattern.  The reason you are always broke isn’t because the universe is out to get you, it’s because not only do you make the same poor money decisions over and over, but you also believe yourself to be someone who is always broke.  The universe is just showing up how you believe it to be.  (Tip: Got to change your belief…)    

 As I have previously said, it does not do you any good to berate yourself for not getting it yet – you will.  To change anything it takes practice and time.  You have to intentionally respond differently to the same problems. This takes energy and a commitment to being present – you are not going to respond how you always have.

 It won’t feel normal at first to respond differently and that’s ok.  Some people around you may not like you changing the pattern and that’s ok too.  When you are ready, you will make a change.  For the alternative - staying in this less-than place – becomes more and more unacceptable as the days pass… 

There are times in your life when surrender is the only path to peace.  You have done all you can do and the circumstances are beyond your control.  Today, begin to surrender with meditation…

Please enjoy this guided meditation.  I wanted to provide you a way to quickly ground yourself and provide an easy pathway to peace no what kind of holiday kookiness is unfolding around you…Peace be with you.   

Today we are going to try a technique I call active meditation.  This technique guides you into total relaxation as we unlock your own unique gifts.  Discover real answers and support on your path to peace.  Come, let’s begin our journey… 

If you are struggling with where you are in your life right now – I invite you to examine your inner dialog.  What are you thinking about?  Are you worrying?  Are you what-if-ing your days away?  Are you flexible? 

 Maybe you’ve tried manifesting exercises before with what you thought was little success, but guess what?  I’m betting it worked – just not the way you wanted it too. 

 Manifesting isn’t about doing certain exercises or meditations (although they can help!) it’s about your inner dialog.  Are you lifting yourself up or pushing yourself down?  Worry attracts more things to worry about.  Positive thinking leads to possibilities.  Thoughts really do expand.

 Again I invite you to look at your own inner dialog – are you berating yourself for things left undone?  Are you patient?  Do you give yourself a break or are you a relentless perfectionist?  Are you complaining your life away?  Is it someone else’s fault?  Regrets?  Are you calling yourself names?  Do you feel good about life?

 Guess what?  It starts with you.  Somehow, someway you have to make a shift.  What is one thing you can do today to improve your inner dialog?

 Suggestions: 1.       Cues -  place words or pictures around your home and workspace to remind yourself of peace, trust, love…

2.       When you discover yourself complaining – shift your language without yelling at yourself, “Why can’t I do better?”

3.       Journal.

4.       Guided meditation – try I Meet Success or my free download, My Best Self.

5.       Laugh more – it’s a lot easier to be flexible when you are happy.  Connect to friends, watch silly movies (Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe), read funny books (anything by David Sedaris) or simply, play.  What did you like to do as a kid and can you do that now?  

 Real change is not waving a magic wand or overnight decisions.  Real change is many, many steps.  It is not sexy or exciting – it’s breaking a habit.  Sometimes one of our bad habits is negative thinking.  It takes time to shift your language just because it takes time for a new language to integrate into your thoughts.  How many years have you been thinking in a certain way and now you would like a new way? 

 Relax, have patience with yourself – you are on you way…