Maybe you are fighting with a spouse, a child, a parent or even a co-worker, guess what?  The problem is you.  I know this is annoying, but it’s true.

 Years ago, I would walk into my therapist office to report all the things my husband was doing wrong and the therapist would constantly redirect me back to myself – much to my annoyance.  Didn’t she get it?  If he would just do this different and that, then everything would be fine.  Uuuuummmmm, nope, she didn’t buy it and after awhile I understood.  The only, only person who is really going to make you happy is you.

 Now this doesn’t fit the fairy tail most of us bought with the castle and Prince Charming.  There is no one person as Jerry Maguire famously said, “who makes me complete.”  No, that’s a movie and this is real life.  You choose your thoughts and your life everyday.

 Now if you are rebelling right now, that’s good, because we are hitting close to the truth.  Let me give some examples of what I am suggesting…

 Say you are a stay-at-home parent and your mate is leaving you “stuck” with the kids/house while he/she goes out to work and sometimes play.  My question to you is, why aren’t you having any fun?  The reply of “who would take care of things” is not an answer but a set up.  Do you have a parent/child relationship with your spouse?  What role do you play? 

 Maybe your spouse is taking advantage of your kindness and guess who’s partly responsible for that dynamic? – yupe, you.  Why?  Because you are getting something out of this too – you get to be “better.” 

 Or maybe you go off to work and your partner has is so easy.  What do they do all day?  No stress, no schedule, get to exercise, no boss.  Can you feel the resentment building in this scenario???

 In marriage we make small concessions along the way to “take care of” our partner, however somewhere along the way we tend to get lost.  Our good intentions usually end up biting us in the bum later.  I wouldn’t say this is anyone’s fault as much as a natural course of learning and growing with another person. 

 What is interesting to note in the above scenarios is both are projections.  Although there is some truth in both situations, most of what binds us to a dysfunctional dynamic is “not enough.”  Not enough time, space, love, money, sleep, self-worth, sex…not enough, not enough me. 

 Hence, I invite you to look at your problems anew and discover what is your part and ask yourself, how can I take better care of me???