5.  Where do you like to go on vacation?  Think about it – are you a beach person?  Mountains?  Does a big city escape sound delightful?  Or are you more interested in wandering a vineyard?  What do you like to do on vacation?  Read?  Play?  Explore a new area? 

 Now here is the transformational question – can you get more vacation into your life now?  Maybe you can’t get to the beach or mountains this year, but you could go explore a town you’ve never visited before and stay within a few hours of your home.  Or this summer you could go for more picnics and walks. Maybe you can simple choose to stretch out on a huge blanket in the sun to read and doze the afternoon away… 

 The good things in life aren’t to be saved up for a week here and there on vacation.  Good things aren’t to be put off day after day until the ‘right’ moment.  Life is meant to be savored this moment.  “Suck the marrow of the day,” so to speak.  This is your life, now go have some fun!

4.  Who do you want to be?  Just you – not the ‘you’ your parents, lover or even friends want you to be, but who do you want to be?  Do you want to be generous?  Do you want to be funny?  Do you want to be happy?  Do you want to be sexy?  Do want to be successful?

 Here’s the thing, I bet you know what you don’t want, but do you know what you do want?  When you focus your attention on the don’ts, you can never get to what you do want or who you want to be.  There’s a negative mindset that attaches to the don’ts and that is all you can see in any situation – how it doesn’t work, you don’t like this or that…So today instead of focusing on what you don’t like about a person, a situation or even yourself, concentrate on what you do like…Not surprisingly you will notice when you focus on the do-likes about a person or situation, suddenly things are better.  You have more energy.  You are in a better mood and life is better… 

3.  What do you love?  Not who, but what – do you love adventure?  Challenges?  Drawing?  Hiking?  Reading?  Laughing?  Travel?  Whatever it is, do you have enough of it in your life right now?  Or do you hear excuses tripping from your lips – there isn’t enough time…Is your day so packed with your to-do’s and work that you exclude the very things in life that bring you real pleasure? 

 Sure a drink after a long day may feel relaxing, but it is not rejuvenating.  Each of us is responsible for our own happiness.  Really, it’s up to you to fill your days with good things in life as well as ‘duties.’  Certainly there are periods in each of our lives when money is tight and responsibilities run deep.  This is exactly when those good things are essential.  Unfortunately we often push these joys off to another day – when we can afford it, when there is enough time…Stop, life is right now. 

 I invite you to expand.  Begin to expand your thinking to include more.  More beauty – plant some seeds and watch the miracles unfold.  More fun – when’s the last time you played hop-scotch or a pick-up game of anything?   More time – who decided you needed a list this full anyway?  It is time to let go of a perfect ‘image’ of how life should look and begin developing a life that does work…

What mistake do you keep making?   First thing that pops in your head – what is the mistake you keep making over and over?  Money?  Love?  Balance?  Diet?…Ok, got it?

 Now the transformational question – what are you accomplishing by keeping this pattern?  Does it proof yourself to be bad or deficient in some way?  Does it keep you down?  If you take a moment and really look at your repeating pattern, you can be certain of one thing – this pattern is firmly locked to your ego.  What if instead of being right, you chose a path of peace.  What if you surrendered having it your way and focused on a peaceful solution for all?

 One of my own stumbling blocks that can sometimes drag me back into my ego is my temper.  I have one of those red-head, Irish kind of tempers that can sometimes lead to an intense vocabulary quickly.  I have learned to remain quiet when I am pissed and give myself some time.  I have learned it is more important to me to show up with people the way I choose, even if that means postponing conversations, instead of spiraling into a heated exchange for the sake of immediate resolution.  Dare I say that sometimes my bad temper has little to do with the others, as much as with myself? 

 Thus on most occasions I have learned to self-monitor my reactions to the unexpected events and people in my life the way I choose.  By creating a little space around myself with time and self-awareness, I am able to show up the way I want and make more empowered decisions from a clear mind, not impassioned emotions. 

 Now, back to you – what mistake do you keep making and today, try something new.  Try to frame your response with how can I show up the way I want.  Maybe you need time, maybe you need to let go or maybe, only you know…

1.       What is your favorite time of day?

2.       What mistake do you keep making?

3.       What do you love?

4.       Who do you want to be?

5.       Where do you like to go on vacation?

 Over the next week, I will explore each one of these questions…

  1.  What is Your Favorite time of Day?  Are you a morning person?  Night owl?  Understanding this simple rhythm about yourself allows you to make more empowered decisions.  Why?  You can choose to focus on projects and make your most important decisions during your individual ‘peak’ times of day.  You’ll discover that things just flow better during this time of day for you.  You are less apt to be impatient or careless. 

 Of Course, the flip side of this is you also have a natural low in your energy each day as well.  During this low energy period you are more prone to irritability or frustration…Now look at your life – how do you set up your day?  Are you focusing on your most important projects during your peak times?  Do you even allow yourself the flexibility to notice your different energy levels throughout the day, or do you always expect 110% from yourself every moment?  

 Understanding your own individual energy peaks and valleys helps you to take better care of yourself.  It can queue you to eat, take a ten minute rest or give you that extra energy to succeed in whatever you are doing.  You are learning to self-monitor yourself.  Without the ability to self-monitor, we become exhausted and out of balance.  However, today, you are taking one more step to the wholeness and peace you seek…

Using your Natural instincts to empower your Life

 Hopefully you have discovered which one or two instincts drive many of your life choices.  Now the question is how to make it work for you?  Simple answer, detach.  It may seem kind of complicated or cold at first, but it’s easy once you get the hang of it.

 When you discover the drivers of your behavior, you are able to cross into the next level in life transformation – becoming the witness.  For example, say you have a dominate social instinct – guess what?  You automatically know how groups work and you can use it to your advantage as to which careers you follow or simply in any unknown social environment.  If you feel yourself being pulled into an old pattern of trying to please everyone, this can now signal you that something is amiss.  Now you can stop and re-assess what’s really going on by detaching from your pattern and stepping into a witness space to ‘see’ what’s really going on.

 A dominate sexual instinct can be fun because you always know who’s ‘got-it’ and that’s not always who you would expect.  Usually with a strong sexual instinct you are able to feel not only individual energy shifts but situational or environmental shifts.  Being so closely aligned with the physical, helps you identify even the most subtle energy shifts – thus listen to your body.  When you get that icky feeling, it’s time to go, no questions asked.

 A strong self-preservation instinct can help you see solutions and options where others can not.  You are willing to look at all the sides to discern the best path.  Sometimes this can delay or even paralysis your decisions, but it can also lead to the most empowered decision – you aren’t going with your gut, you’re making an informed decision.

 All three instincts can lift you up or cripple you, depending on how you choose to use them.  It’s an opportunity.  An opportunity to live your most empowered life, if you choose. 

Yesterday I was reminded again how much I love intuition.  It has become an unbelievably helpful tool in my daily life that has shown up in surprising and rewarding ways…

 In March we are headed back to Costa Rica to celebrate my Birthday.  We’ve got the villa set, but unfortunately the plane tickets have seemed very expensive.  Several weeks ago I mentally decided the price and times that were fair and worked best for me.  I have been waiting for prices to drop accordingly.  Every day I checked kayak.com and specific airlines waiting for the sale I was sure was coming…

 On Monday Frontier’s prices dropped, but the dates weren’t right.  I woke up yesterday slightly panicked thinking, ok, switch the dates around Kelly, you’ve got to buy today!  As I am in the process of buying the tickets, the prices drop again and the right dates lined up – I’m golden.  The tickets were bought, and this morning when I checked the same flights – they had gone up $1700.  Joy of all joy!  Not only am I keenly aware of the benefit of listening to that little voice, but my pocketbook is oh so happy too!

 Are you listening to that little voice?  Need help unlocking your intuition?  Contact me. 

“Friendship is a privilege, not a right.”  A friend of mine said this to me one night as we were painting our nails, watching trashy Melrose Place and gabbing about boys.  She doesn’t remember even saying it.  We were discussing something about mean girls in college and friendship…The details don’t matter though, it’s the words.

 Friendship is a privilege, not a right.  You don’t have to be friends with everybody, simple – right?  Drop the mean ones and real friends don’t do bad things anyway?  Really?  Friends don’t make mistakes?  You don’t make mistakes?

 About eight plus years ago this same friend of mine kind of lost it.  She had gotten married and well, things just weren’t working out the way she had envisioned.  She was lonely and one day I received a scathing email about not being there for her, her new baby and supporting her new life.

 I was shocked.  She was absolutely right, I had not been there for her, that much was true.  For I was in my own hell – my 15 month old son was struggling with constant seizures and a multitude of other health issues.  I wasn’t sleeping.  I was trying to find answers to these unknown seizures any where.  Doctors appointments, diets, remedies – we were in the midst of a very real health crisis…Frankly I had every right to send the hate right back to my so-called friend, but gratefully, somehow, I could see through the words to the real message – I miss you and I’m scared.

 Instead of getting mad and screaming at her, I told her what was going on in my own life.  Then I said I missed her and loved her too, but I couldn’t have a friend treating me this way.  I reminded her of her words and she found sanity again.  She was aghast at herself, apologizing and most importantly, we became closer.

 I have never held this against her because it allowed me the opportunity to be truthful, kindly and find resolution peacefully – things can work out.  This incident helped me transcend into a better me.   Oddly I never took any of it personally (how could I honestly say I have never pulled something like this before with someone else?)  I let any negative feeling go easily and effortlessly, only keeping the gratefully lessons. Conflict does not have to lead to destruction, it can lead to a better way…

 Conflict is a part of life.  With yourself, with your friends, with your family…How you react to conflict is often dependant on your prior experience with conflict.  You could have been taught conflict is best to avoid at any cost or even that conflict is exciting. 

 Instead of allowing conflict to be what it used to be or the end-all, I invite you to see it for what it could be, a new beginning…So be it.

5.  What is stopping you from living the life you have always dreamed of?  Money issues?  Spouse?  Relationships?  Family?  Responsibilities?  Could it be a fear of failure?  What if it doesn’t work? 

 This is the hinge point in transformation – can you transcend your fear of what if?  I bid you, courage – walk through your own unique fire and see what’s on the other side.  Use your own tools to support you – humor, intuition, friendships and a focused eye on what you do want.  Take a chance on you, you are worth it and after all, what if it’s fantastic on the other side, just waiting for you to take a chance????

4.  Are you trying to keep it the same?  Why?  Does the cost seem too great to make a change?  Does it seem impossible?  Are you afraid of hurting someone else if you do shift? 

 Whether you like it or not, this is your life.  Right here, right now.  When you place the needs of others always before your own, guess what?  You are always last on the list – your list and everyone else’s too.  You are teaching yourself and all around you that you come last. 

 Of course, there are times when it is appropriate to place the needs of others in front of your own, but you would be surprised by how few and far between this is in normal every day life.  People are not infants forever and illness, well, this is tricky, but I assure you, you just you, whether a caregiver or a patient, need to put your own needs at the top of your own list.  We all serve best from a place of fullness, not lack…

 How about if when you place the needs of others in front of your own – this does not inherently mean you are last?  Maybe move yourself down to second of third?  Do you run into any hang-ups or negative thoughts?  Around deserving, enough or possibly love?  Well now, you are getting to the foundation of the problem – what do you want and what if you deserved it?  What is stopping you?