As the pundits and media make daily dire predictions about the economy, the environment, gas prices – a real “The sky is falling” mentality - take a moment and re-group.  Yes, these are economic dark days, but you do not have to be paralyzed by the ‘”what ifs” and other fears…Use these tips to create balance and reignite good intentions and prosperity in your life today… 

1.       Go outside.  The leaves are turning and a new season is upon us.  Sometimes in Autumn we drift back into old patterns, we may unconsciously horde things as to be ready for the winter or fall into “not enough” behaviors and thinking…This is a normal transition from the summer - a season of plenty - to fall, a seemingly odd mix of both abundant harvest and death. 

Instead of focusing on what is lost, shift your perspective.  When I see the leaves falling – I imagine gold and ‘good things’ falling into my life and all those around me.  I notice the plants that suffered in the hot, hot summer, now bloom with radiate color.  I become a witness on my daily walks of this changing season as it gently quiets with colder days and early frost.  I remind myself of the magic in the long, dark nights ahead and think of myself in a cozy cocoon.  This quiet slumber only lasts a few months, warmer days will come again.

2.       Bring the outside in – bulbs and potted plants.  You know those beautiful pots of flowers/plants on your deck/porch/patio from the summer – bring them inside before the frost comes and brighten up the inside of your home.* Suddenly your living spaces will feel invigorated with healing energy and thriving growth.  You may even get a new idea or two… 

Flower bulbs are another one of my favorites for both outside and inside the home.  I adore planting daffodils (naturalizing flower – multiplying flowers every year) in my perennial garden for Spring flowers and inside – paper whites and amaryllis.  In mid-October, I begin planting a new pot of bulbs every few weeks - hence I have flowers blooming all winter.  This constant blooming of fresh energy and color is a great comfort during the winter, reminding me of the quivering springtime just beyond the bend…

 *(Note to self - Before bringing the plants in the house, you may want to spray or let the pots sit in your garage for a few days to be rid of spiders, ants and other insects that my have found a summer home in your pots.)  

 3.  Pick a hobby – a friend in college and I would get together to “stitch ‘n’ bitch” or for the layman – cross-stitch sewing.  I paint today and I used to quilt.  The reason a hobby works so well at reducing stress is you can slip into a kind of “limbo-time.”  Your thoughts drift away as you focus on counting or color or measuring…In this suspended time, you become your best self.  Your ego falls away and you create from within.  You are in the flow.  By activating and stimulating creativity you not only positively affect your prosperity and well-being, but you also enhances your sex life.  Need I say more?  

 4.        Smells like comfort – cooking.  I know everyone tells you to save money and eat in, which is true, but you also gain more quality time with your family or roommate and eat healthier.  Find a cook book of 30-minute recipes or discover the mother of all inventions – crock pot!  The trick in cooking is following the recipes in the beginning and timing.  You will be shocked to discover how easy and fun it can be.  If you still are strapped for time during the week – make a big pot of chili or roast on the weekend and freeze single servings for later in the week.

5.       Volunteer.  Whether at your children’s school, homeless shelter or library it always feels good to give back.  By defining yourself as someone who gives through your deeds and words you activate the highest good within yourself.  When you connect to your highest self, you radiate positive energy. Maybe you have even noticed in the past while you volunteer, children and older folks are more drawn to you?  Your positive energy attracts more into your life and creates new opportunities.

6.       Laughter.  Watch funny movies, connect with friends or read any David Sedaris book and laugh out loud.  Why?  It feels good and lightens your mood.  Life can be a real pisser sometimes, but I swear, a little humor goes a long way.

7.       Manifesting and meditating.  By taking just a few moments every day to center yourself with three cleansing breaths and imagining in your mind’s eye “that which you desire” – well, these are the first steps to manifesting the life you long for.  Start today, and begin seeing yourself attaining that which you desire…How does it feel?  How does this affect your life for the better?  Feel “that which you desire” is already in your life today.  Through this process, you begins to integrate your outside desire into your real life slowly, almost effortlessly at times.  Try it for a week, just a few minutes before you fall asleep and witness the abundant surprises coming your way…

 Much of living an abundant life is about shifting your perception to one of expansion and plenty.  It is not about focusing on what you don’t like in your life, but what you do like - thereby expanding your possibilities.  Whatever you focus your attention on expands, thus by changing your focus, you change your life.

Please listen to a discussion on what is a triggering and how to detach from your triggers.  Discover your triggers are indicators of unconscious distress that need your attention.  Learn a new technique to detach from whatever is blocking you today.

This guided meditation focuses on connecting to your ideal body.  There is no perfect number, but there is a feeling of satisfaction.  This meditation offers support as you transform into your ideal self emotionally and physically.  Enjoy! 

I had been feeling blue for awhile.  This damn snow just won’t stop.  Early Spring - one of the ugliest times of year, everything is brown and cold.  I have been taunted more then once by a day of blissful warmth and sunshine only to have the temperature drop thirty degrees in 6 hours.  What is that?  Is Mother Nature trying to drive me over the edge? 

 Then I went to the spa – a micropeel facial and a pedicure with that wax thing too.  I always laugh about a facial as you look like hell afterward – pinched and blotchy and this one was no exception.  The micropeel is a diamond encrusted suction tube that they drag across your face/neck to remove the dead skin – slightly painful at times, but I no longer look grayish.  The flush of youth has returned to my face…or maybe that is the slightly raw, red skin they promised as a side effect of the treatment…oh well.  Honestly, my pores have never looked better, even though I lost a layer or two of skin in the process…

 But the pedicure.  First one of the year.  I like to give my toes a break over the winter.  But I now have beautiful, rosy toes and am delightfully happy every time I look at them.  I had forgotten the pleasure of a pedicure.  To me – ultimate decadence.  I mean really, it’s not like I can’t do it myself.  I feel pampered and indulgent during the service.  I have even introduced my husband to this indulgence on a date night.  Needless to say a convert was born that afternoon.

 So, if you are feeling blue – remember the power of the pedicure and go directly to a nail salon.  I don’t care if you are a man or a woman – taking “extra-special” care of ourselves is important.  Give it a try – promise, you’ll be surprised… 

Over the years I’ve “done a lot of work” on my spirituality and emotional well-being.  I have been compelled to live “differently” than my family of origin.  Amusingly, what I discovered is to “live differently” you have to make different choices in essentially the same circumstances that first caused pain…perplexed?  Let me explain…

 Over the years I prided myself (should have been my first clue) in not being competitive - like the rest of the family.  Both my parents were coaches and teachers – intense competitors ultimately ending in an ugly divorce and my brother was a fantastic athletic with a keen desire “to win at all costs.”  So, I turned my back on all things to do with sports and competition – not me.  You wouldn’t catch me screaming at the TV, radio, team member, players because my team didn’t win.  I was better than that…or was I?  I came to discover my competitive streak lay in the covert - I am most competitive with myself and how I “should” be. 

Sometimes, husbands are really annoying.  For an Irish, redhead like me, this can cause problems.  During private sessions with clients and over many years of marriage, I’ve discovered a few tricks to avoid homicide when faced with you own beloved husband disguised as the village idiot.  May these tips help you avoid temptation…

1. Pedicure.  Pretty toes are very good to look at while you are having a “talk” with your husband about whatever said grievance is occurring.  As the ridiculous phases float out of his mouth you can distract yourself by watching the light reflect off your pretty toes.  Hot red means business!

2. Music.  Anything you love to be sung loudly.  Girl-power, angry songs are particularly satisfying, such as Melissa Etheridge in her angry years.  It is very helpful to release all those suppressed emotions physically.  Exercise is very helpful too.  However, by singing you are actually speaking the words you may be holding back in “talks” with your husband for whatever reason.  If you are not ready to say these things to him, sing them and get them out of your body.  You will feel better.

3. Journal and meditate.  Write it all out.  Maybe this is just an off day and you will be able to see that as you write.  Or, maybe, this is a bigger issue — possibly a culmination of old stuff, whatever.  It is good for you to release these emotions and experiences through writing.  It forces you to become present.  Another tool to become present is guided meditation.  The meditations lead you out of your incessantly thinking mind back into balance where you can make empowered decisions.

4. Call a friend.  Sometimes just venting to someone you can trust is very helpful and can allow you to feel supported.  However, think carefully about who would be helpful to talk to before you call – chances are, whatever the issue is, it’s going to blow over sooner or later.  For example, calling your Mom to complain about your husband out drinking with the guys instead of being with you or the kids, is not going to endear him to your mother.  You could actually be creating more strain in your life.  Or, telling ALL of your girlfriends of your husband’s blunders keeps the past alive with many re-tellings and finger-pointing.  Hard to keep the high ground with petty behavior no matter how justified the indignation may be.

5. Girls’ Night.  Go have fun, laughter is essential.  Wallowing in self-pity is not productive for anyone.  Laughter will connect you to the space of, “everything is going to be ok.”  You’ll feel better and you may actually be able to breathe.

6. Send your husband out of your bed, either the sofa or guest room will do.  A little space is good.  I am not of the philosophy, “Don’t go to bed angry.”  Sometimes, you are angry and with good reason.  So give yourself the opportunity to calm down and get clear.  The separation will stop you from saying something you may regret later as well.

7. Get away.  Go on a vacation for a couple days, maybe even a week by yourself or with a girlfriend.  This is a last resort kind of thing.  Unfortunately, sending your husband down the hall doesn’t always work.  Either you are too angry, too tired, or just plain had it, to be able to find peace with this man you’ve married.  Getting away helps both of you detach a little and you get a break from whatever the problem is.  The problem truly becomes his problem when you remove yourself from the situation.

When you are finally able to relax and regain your footing, ask yourself this, real or imagined?  Is this a real issue or passing stupidity?  Let’s face it – men can say/do some pretty dumb things.  Not saying all men, but experience tells me I have heard some tales…

On the other hand, if this is a real issue - what is your part?  Unfortunately, you have a part in this too.  It is not, in fact, all him.  Maybe you just went along with it too many times, maybe he doesn’t appreciate you, maybe so many different things, but the truth is – somewhere inside, you said, “yes.”  Yes to less.

It is difficult to accept that you could be the one creating these opportunities to sabotage your life, but once realize this, you actually become empowered.  Empowered because you can make different decisions.  With clear and balanced thoughts and behaviors, you can make good decisions no matter what the situation.

So, when you are watching the light reflect off your very pretty toes as your beloved husband blurts out some offending nonsense, you will remain calm and think, “Is this a real issue or passing stupidity?”

Over the years I have had many clients frustrated in dating, especially the dreaded first date.  I’m always slightly surprised by this as I loved dating when I was single, especially blind dates.  I even met my husband on a blind date, his first and last.  I loved the possibilities, the adventure and, of course, I have a wicked sense of humor, so any so-called-bad date was always worth a good story.

Dating doesn’t have to be an exercise in torture.  Ok, sure for some of us, talking to a box of rocks is easy, but for others, a different scenario.  For some, the thought of engaging in intimate conversation with a virtual stranger can induce stuttering and immediate brain cramping.    I have come to believe in five basic rules for the first date; they have served me and clients very well…

1.  Decide what you are looking for before you go out on the date.  Are you looking for a boyfriend/husband or a fling? Be honest with yourself.  If you really want a boyfriend/husband, decide before you put your big toe out the door what you want in a mate (i.e. humor, kindness, job security, honesty…)  Write down 5-10 things that are important to you.  This gives you a framework and clarity to make empowered decisions.

2.  Be willing to cut bait early.  Relax, this is not the last person on earth.  There will be other dates if this one does not work out.  Don’t settle for someone who just isn’t right.

3.  Believe what he says.  If he says he doesn’t want a serious relationship, he’s not a good at relationships or anything of the like, guess what?  He’s telling you the truth.  Red flags should be signaling you away from this disaster in waiting.  Run far away from this person.  No second date.

4.  Like him as is.  Don’t think, “Well, if he changed his job, or if this or that was different, I would like him.”  Again, I go back to, do not settle.  There are so many people looking for love — strive for an abundant life with your most perfect love.  You deserve your best life.

5.  I call this rule is the two nevers.  Never kiss on the first date and never call him after the first date.  He calls you.  Reality is, we all like a chase.  If he doesn’t call, well, it just means he didn’t call.  Don’t take it personally. Sometimes the sparks just aren’t there or maybe he has an ex that really isn’t out of the picture or maybe the timing is off.  It doesn’t matter.  I promise that you do not want to start your relationship feeling like your chasing him.  I had a girlfriend that would chase guy after guy away because she had to call him right away.  She came off desperate – not attractive.  She did not have a lot of second dates.

It is my belief the single most attractive quality a person can have is self-worth.  If you believe yourself worthy of a beautiful life, a beautiful love, you will not settle for “less-than.”  By knowing your worth and having clarity about what you want, you become a more confident person.  Confidence is incredibly sexy and not surprisingly, the more confident you become, the more people will be calling you for dates!

We live in a society of complaint.  Each of us has our own “victim” story that we hold dear, our deep reservoir of excuses of why life is not working out as planned and who or what is to blame.  Without a doubt each of us have been “victims” in certain experiences or events, but no longer are we in those spaces today, yet continually we identify ourselves as “victims” over and over.  What keeps us in a victim state?  An inability to forgive.

Forgiveness, it’s such a tricky thing.  Who does not want to deem themselves to be someone who forgives?  We are taught “forgiveness” is what we “should” do, but do you?  Do you really forgive those who hurt you?  Offend you, maybe even insult you or worse?  And what if those hurts are abhorrent, seemingly above forgiveness?  Do you still forgive?  Yes, but let me explain — forgiveness is not absolution for your perpetrator, but an inward act of healing and grace for yourself.

I believe when you withhold forgiveness you live in the past.  You tie yourself to your victim story, the places you are broken.  We all have broken places, wounds that never quite heal.  In fact, it is in these very wounded places that we can connect to one another in the most profound way, because hurts are a great equalizer in humanity.

Each of us has been to a dark place in our lives, hurt and broken, and so too has the person sitting next to you been to this same dark place.  Our individual wounds may have different names and experiences, but underneath it is the same - pain.  To escape this pain, we blame others, withhold forgiveness and carry on our victim story disempowering our lives at every turn.

I was just about thirty when I discovered I wasn’t a victim.  Yes, of course, there had been terrifying moments of truly being a victim over the years, but I discovered a new philosophy through reading books by Dr Wayne Dyer about “there is a valid reason for everything that happens.”  It is quite a bitter pill to swallow – the concept that you are responsible for everything that has happened in your life.

When I first read this, my reaction was immediate horror – how could I be responsible for any of those horrible experiences?  And then, I looked at my life again and I saw the web.  The complex reality of all these experiences and there impact on my life for better and worse.  I saw the silver linings in the horrific events.

Yes, in certain moments, surely I was a victim, but after that moment in time, it is how I related to that event that I either continued to be a victim or found the courage to transcend.  This is not to deny the anguish or even heartache of these events, but to go beyond the pain to gain new understanding.  The understanding that events and experiences happen, but I am not defined by just that staggering moment.  Instead, I am defined by my courage as I face disappointments, failures, betrayals, and even hurts.

When you transcend and take responsibility for everything that happens in your life, you step into your power.  For me this is when I discovered a deeper connection to Spirit.  I began to understand my soul’s purpose and see the underlining truth – this is my life today, I chose who I want to be every day.  The events and experiences of my past have lead me to this place and I am grateful to finally be able to view past disappointments and hurts to discover courage.  Once you discover the silver lining, it is almost impossible to maintain the resentment to withhold your forgiveness.

Let me be clear, this does not excuse the offense, nor does this mean you need to contact the offender to let them know they are forgiven.  (However, in most cases this would be the goal.)  Truly, forgiveness begins within.  It begins with self.  Can you forgive yourself for your own mistakes, real or imagined?  Forgiveness is no far off place.  It is here, today, waiting for you to step into…Courage.

The holidays, that magical time of year, when families get together, break bread and more often than not – drive each other crazy.  Oh, so much fun.  Fortunately, through my own experience and helping clients through these annual traditions, I have discovered the secret to better family holidays: detachment.

Detachment can be done with love and even a sense of humor.  Here are some tips to help you learn how to detach while being true to yourself in any situation.

1. Breathe.  Maybe you become cornered by a family member into an uncomfortable conversation or maybe it is the things left unsaid that get your blood pumping, scattered your thoughts and suddenly you notice your breath becomes shallow or even more rapid.  Stress has entered the picture.  It seems so simple and obvious, but truly this is the first indicator of stress.  Once you notice this shift within yourself, begin concentrating on your breath.  Breathe deeply, letting your breath fill your chest down into your belly.  Repeat until you feel calm return.
2. Let go.  Guess what?  Those annoying habits of your family members are not going away.  The aunt who asks, “when are you going to get married?” or “why don’t you come and see me?”  She is not changing, but your reaction to her can.  Think of a few lines that can stop an uncomfortable line of questioning.  My personal favorite is, “Ummm, that is an interesting idea, I’ll have to think about that,” smile and excuse yourself to help in the kitchen or escape out back.  These unseemly questions really don’t have as much to do with you as they have to do with the person asking the questions.  If you look beneath the question, you will probably discover the pain or the lack that drives the person posing the questions.
3. Trust.  I firmly believe there is a valid reason for everything that happens.  Instead of falling into the old emotional traps of family dynamics, begin to practice the witness.  How to do this?  Watch and listen.  This holiday season try being quieter and not engaging with your two cents over and over.  You will begin to notice the poor behavior of those around you stem from their own wounds, not you.  Once you really see the raw places in those you love, compassion walks through the door.  You begin to see their poor behavior is just a smoke screen to disguise their own pain, and suddenly you notice they don’t bother you as much.  Surprisingly, you begin to feel grateful for your life and you trust yourself more.
4. Minimize.  As much as I wish it were otherwise, sometimes there are family members who are just not pleasant to be around - period.  Maybe they drink too much or are bigoted, whatever.  Do not make yourself be around unhealthy people for the sake of the family.  This may seem impossible, but in reality it is not.  You are an adult now and no longer are you subject to choices of those around you.  If the above three tips are not enough to make the situation work, leave - because you will do or say something you will regret later.

5. Do good things for yourself.  Arrange for some time by yourself to catch your breath and do something you like to do – meditate, make a cup of tea and read a trashy magazine, watch your favorite movie, or go for a walk.  No matter how loving a family can be, it’s stressful.  Holidays bring out a variety of emotions, both good and bad.  So take good care of yourself, and you will notice you will have more patience with the inquisitive relative that wants to know, “Where have you been?”  Ummm, that’s interesting question, I’ll have to think…yeah, you know the rest.

6. Look for the gift.  When you choose a different response to old family patterns, you begin a change.  This positive change may start with you but it will extend outward.  You may discover things don’t bother as much or that you may even laugh inside when those inevitable inappropriate questions come your way.  By not reacting, you change the dynamics within your family and open the door for better relationships.

7. Remember – this too shall pass, so laughing helps.  Find the absurd amusing.  The ridiculous gifts are an opportunity to smile, even if it’s on the inside.  My mother-in-law goes around her house at Christmas time and seemingly picks out the most useless piece of crap, wraps it up and sends it off to me with some slightly insulting note attached.  This is my Christmas gift.  It’s not that she doesn’t have any money, this is her own game.  This used to drive me nuts, but now, I laugh along with all my friends as the gifts approach the absurd.  I will never forget when she sent me a shawl she bought in Ireland years ago but hated, so she thought I would like it.  What?!?  Unfortunately, she cannot recognize she is really hurting herself with this passive aggressive behavior as it has a direct affect on her relationship with my husband.

So as you approach the holidays this year, remember  there are only 24 hours in any day of the year.  Sometimes this is a blessing and sometimes a curse.  I offer you patience and courage.  Patience with yourself and others and courage to be the change you seek.  Breathe.