“Now remember with Saturn going retrograde, karma is due.  Old lovers are going to contact you.  It’s resolution time baby!”  I said on Indie Spirit last week…

As these words came tripping out of my mouth days ago, I was thinking, oh Kelly, heed the warning sister…Yesterday I was contacted by a long, lost lover.  He found me on Facebook, of course.  He is far, far away in another country ~ bored in the middle of the night.

This man was not someone I loved, nor was I someone he loved, but we shared a magical escape once a long time ago.  He wanted to know if I still had my tattoo.  He wanted to tell me he has never forgotten my tattoo or me…

We wrote of kids, marriage and laughed about our own adventures.  We chatted up happy lives of here and now.  It was somewhere in the middle of the chat, I felt myself detach – why was this happening?  Ok, Saturn retrograde, yeah, yeah…but what do I need to hear and what could lead me astray?

And he wrote it again, “I just wanted you to know I will never forget you or the adventure…”

I responded with a laughing, “Never ever.”  Just then I realized he was making sure I didn’t ever forget about him.  He needed to be SEEN as that guy from that night.  He needed to be tattooed into this memory.  For it was tattooed onto him.

Now I could be lead astray here, wanting this experience to be more, but it’s not about me.  Yes, it is a compliment to be contacted and remembered, but it really has nothing to do with me. It’s about him.  Just as my reaction years ago was about me…

We were in Ireland celebrating my Mother’s 50^th Birthday with my stepfather, Mom, nine-year-old sister and me.  It was kind of ‘the best of times/worst of times trip.’  For an entire week my mother treated me like I was nine instead of 26.  We could only stop at places in the travel guide Fodor’s.  Needless to say by the last night in Ireland I was ready to cut loose.  My family flew out that day and I was alone for a night…well, not for long.

It was a night to remember.  Completely separate from me and my life in the states.  When I got back to the states I told a friend about my adventure and he reflected back to me, “I think you just needed to prove to yourself you weren’t a child but a woman.”

He was right.  I needed to prove to everyone I was not a little girl!  I laughed immediately and that became my focus of that experience – being in the fullness of womanhood.  Empowered, attractive, fiery, passionate, bold and laughter.  Celtic Brigit energy surely.

Fast forward to now.  This lover of my youth is now a middle-aged man.  Something drives him to connect again to that brash, young man from long ago.  He is compelled to be seen fully as that man from that night.  He needed to know that guy is in there, somewhere.  Only he knows the reasons why and I will not ask.  My life is here.

For my Celtic Brigit energy has only grown wiser.  The Goddess Brigit has three faces – the maiden, the matron and the crone.  I have left the maiden on distant shores years ago.  I am in the matron phase with a beloved husband, beautiful children and a graceful life.  Yet amusingly, I have been gratefully reminded that I am still that lass of yesterday too – empowered, attractive, fiery, passionate, bold and laughing.  Glad some things never change.  Thank you Saturn Retrograde.

Listen to a discussion about animal guides for 2010 and if you have not already identified your guide for this year, I hope you’ll join me for a little guided meditation at the end of the podcast.  The meditation will not only relax you but connect you to your own divine support – you’ll receive real and tangible images to help guide you to your best year…

Listen to a discussion of New Year Resolutions vs. Intentions.  Explore what works best for you and make this year different – one to remember…

These past months I feel a bit like I’m in the boat, sails up yet no rudder – the wind is sporadic.  Sometimes I seem to be spinning in the same circles around and around.  Other times – I feel dead in the water yet still other days, I find myself zooming off into directions unknown.  Interestingly I know I am not alone.

 I hear it over and over from my friends, from people I haven’t spoken to in months and from many of my clients – I just don’t know which way to turn, but something’s gotta give.  I’ve questioned myself – is this how it has always been?  Are we always on the edge in some way or is this something bigger?

 I am relentlessly optimistic.  I always, always, always believe there is a brighter day.  The darkest part of the night only emboldens me to hold on tighter and wait for dawn, as I know it comes.  Unfortunately it doesn’t always come in my timing however…Gratefully one of the gifts in being almost forty years old is I’ve known miracles.  I have seen amazing things come to pass out of nowhere, hence I know dawn comes…eventually. 

 I have learned that sometimes wandering the desert or in a rudderless boat can carry you to places unexpected and magical.  Somehow I had forgotten this – I had become one of the adults in The Little Prince…

 A few weeks ago, I decided to enjoy the boat again, even if the rudder seems to be missing for awhile.  I know my compass is true, the people I love are abroad and the adventure is now…

What can you harvest from your life right now?  What fruits have been nurtured during these warm months only to be revealed today?  Let’s explore the possibilities together through guided meditation.  Come, receive your Harvest today.

Sometimes I forget I am blessed.  I start spinning with the ‘to-do’s’ and the very important matters of life like toilet paper and milk.  I focus exclusively on the needs right before me – make lunches for camp, drive, write for an hour, exercise, what’s for supper, go to the store, drive to camp, snack time, to the garden…My head is down and I march through.

 That is until life bumps into me – I see a commercial about small kids with cancer.  I hear a story on NPR about a guy with leprosy (what?  Isn’t that gone?) or another inspiring story about two girls helping other kids struggle with military deployed parents.  I see a woman in the community with cancer, again, hug her kids.  Flipping through the channels, I pause on Michael J. Fox’s new show – Adventures of an Incredible Optimist on TLC.  The next channel is a news story about the hunger in Iran, Iraq, Palestine, Africa…My shelves are full, even my garbage is full…

 And there it is, I am so very blessed.  I may worry and fret about the time-table of events, but above all, I am blessed.  I am before you in grace, poured out for me over and over…poured out for you too, but can you drink from the well of peace?  Or must you continue to spin???

Maybe you are fighting with a spouse, a child, a parent or even a co-worker, guess what?  The problem is you.  I know this is annoying, but it’s true.

 Years ago, I would walk into my therapist office to report all the things my husband was doing wrong and the therapist would constantly redirect me back to myself – much to my annoyance.  Didn’t she get it?  If he would just do this different and that, then everything would be fine.  Uuuuummmmm, nope, she didn’t buy it and after awhile I understood.  The only, only person who is really going to make you happy is you.

 Now this doesn’t fit the fairy tail most of us bought with the castle and Prince Charming.  There is no one person as Jerry Maguire famously said, “who makes me complete.”  No, that’s a movie and this is real life.  You choose your thoughts and your life everyday.

 Now if you are rebelling right now, that’s good, because we are hitting close to the truth.  Let me give some examples of what I am suggesting…

 Say you are a stay-at-home parent and your mate is leaving you “stuck” with the kids/house while he/she goes out to work and sometimes play.  My question to you is, why aren’t you having any fun?  The reply of “who would take care of things” is not an answer but a set up.  Do you have a parent/child relationship with your spouse?  What role do you play? 

 Maybe your spouse is taking advantage of your kindness and guess who’s partly responsible for that dynamic? – yupe, you.  Why?  Because you are getting something out of this too – you get to be “better.” 

 Or maybe you go off to work and your partner has is so easy.  What do they do all day?  No stress, no schedule, get to exercise, no boss.  Can you feel the resentment building in this scenario???

 In marriage we make small concessions along the way to “take care of” our partner, however somewhere along the way we tend to get lost.  Our good intentions usually end up biting us in the bum later.  I wouldn’t say this is anyone’s fault as much as a natural course of learning and growing with another person. 

 What is interesting to note in the above scenarios is both are projections.  Although there is some truth in both situations, most of what binds us to a dysfunctional dynamic is “not enough.”  Not enough time, space, love, money, sleep, self-worth, sex…not enough, not enough me. 

 Hence, I invite you to look at your problems anew and discover what is your part and ask yourself, how can I take better care of me???

Today I am going to guide you through a process of opening the door to that which you desire – be it health, a new job, or maybe, simply, a brand new beginning…This is a powerful experience that not only connects you more fully to your desires but also offers insight into the blocks or true possibility of this desire…

Reminder: The future is emotional.  Due to this, it can change – thus nothing is absolute, only possibilities…It is the energy that drives your decisions at this moment that determines your future.  What is the energy driving your life today?  Fear?  Hope?  Anxiety?  Trust?  Love?

 * Do you need to make a shift?  Try my guided MP3 meditation, I Meet Success,  to quickly shift your energy to one of success and happiness.  You have the power to create the life you have always longed for by taking charge of your emotional well-being through guided meditation.  Change your thoughts and you change your life…Peace is possible

Think of the last time you said, “I want ____.”  Maybe it happened today when you ordered a latte or when you went shopping last or maybe when you were thinking about what was missing in your life – a relationship, love, money, sex, faith, hope, a job…I invite you to try this little game out, rephrase your want into asking. 

 For example if you are thinking right now, “I want love,” try rephrasing it to “I ask for love to be present in my life today.”  Feel the difference in the undercurrent of energy holding ‘want’ or ‘ask’. 

 ‘Want’ implies a lack and the question of deserving.  Fore when you say I want this, you create distance between you and that which you seek.  ‘Want’ speaks to unmet desires, an allusive hole within to be filled with this and that but above all passive.  ‘Want’ silently implies you are not worthy while also limiting your options to just one possibility. 

However ‘ask’ suggests you are worthy of receiving.  ‘Ask’ also opens the door to more.  By asking for love to be present in your life, you open the definition of love to include friends, family, strangers…The energy of ‘want’ fixates your desires in one or two small possibility.  In contrast by ‘asking’ you expand the possibilities beyond your own immediate desire – possibly the love you asked to be present today comes to you through a new friendship, that leads to a party, that leads to laughter and more new connections which leads to an extra sparkle around you and suddenly there is a love interest standing next to you…all because you opened to more…  

 Reminder: “Ask and you shall receive,” was the phrase, not “Want and you shall receive”…