During the past couple months I have been witness to death.  A dear friend’s mother, small children and friends have died recently.  It has been an amazing lesson in living…

 Now is your time.  Today.  Nothing and I do mean nothing can make you appreciate life more than death.  Peace is to be enjoyed today and it is a choice…

 I have been honored, humbled and moved to receive updates of from a CaringBridge journal.  (CaringBridge.Org is a web site created to help you stay connected with loved ones during a serious health event.)  An old college frat brother of my husband’s is dying of brain cancer.  His wife updates the journal every few days.

 I can not begin to express how profoundly moved I am by her courage and grace as she moves through this transition.  Her beloved, the father of their child, her very best friend is moving onto another shore and she can but watch from the banks…How do you say good-bye?

 She is doing it well - celebrating small successes, humor, abounding love, tears and humbly she measures her days in conversations and words.  I am so grateful to be able to be an intimate witness of this family’s journey – I am better for it.

 Instead of shutting down, this woman’s heart bursts open – she has made to choice to celebrate and savor this moment.  Yes, she has made a choice to get into the boat with her husband.  To hold his hand until he reaches his own new shore…But she can not walk with him on his new beach, she must go back to the life they created together before this strange path unfolded.  She can only see in part right now…

 A couple weeks ago a dear friend’s mom died.  Unfortunately for this family there were many things left broken.  There are eight siblings in the family.  Before meeting the other siblings at the funeral, I only heard stories of the bickering.  In my mind I saw little kids fighting about who loves me best, hence when I saw this motley lot I was shocked to see they were all old people with gray hair.  For many of them, they had made the choice to be angry - forever. 

 Let’s be clear, most of us did not get the childhood we wanted.  There were real disappointments, betrayals, maybe violence and here we are.  I would say 90% of all parents are trying to do there best.  Unfortunately the best someone’s got can be stunning inadequate at times… 

 The wife I spoke of early could have made the choice to be angry – the situation is unfair.  Her husband was well just a year ago and now here they are.  I dare say this wasn’t the ending she wanted – it is cut too short. 

 And she responds with love, savoring the moments, the surprising conversations, thankful for the prayers holding them up and finding comfort in the sure knowledge – today she can only see in part, one day, one day she will see all…

 Information to create your own network of support through the CaringBridge.org. 

Fannie Flagg creates another small southern hamlet that one wishes to fall into – hilarious and heart-warming.  On the outset though, if you don’t like little old ladies with all their quirks and habits, skip it.  Myself, I expect to be an outrageous little old lady one day…

 Elner, Verbena, Norma and Tot each bring their own unique perspective to all they encounter.  Whether in heaven or at the beauty parlor, each has a voice that rings true with the reader.  Who doesn’t have a friend who looks like a monkey?  Thereby forcing you to rethink the whole evolution thing…

 This book is delightful – and a perfect distraction during the holidays.  Enjoy!   

Hoffman again creates moving, real characters engaged in the messy business of life.  The book revolves around the Moody family and of course, the name fits.  This is an unhealthy, struggling family – secrets, affairs and drugs abound, but also truth. 

 What happens when fathers ignore their children?  Is this a choice or is it a left over wound?  Born of your own longing for a life not lived…And better yet, where is grace found?  Can the unforgivable find forgiveness?  As always, yes, grace can find you in the strangest of places.    

 Be fairly warned though, I would not read this book if you are looking for something “happy, feel-good.”  However, the characters and the rawness of their experience stay with you in a good way.  In my own life, it has taken me years to discover – in every experience - I can only see in-part.  It takes many different voices to see all and even then it may take years. 

 For peace is only found when you choose to be peaceful.  It’s an annoying truth that you and only you, can transform your life from one of pain to peace.  It sounds almost too easy, possibly condescending, but blaming your past for where you are today only binds you to a broken place that could be, if you choose, to be left behind. 

Along with the celebration of the holidays, can be almost unbearable sadness.  The loss of loved ones is most keenly felt, for better or worse, during this season.  Death is a topic each of us often avoids – like a dirty, little secret that if we just ignore it long enough, maybe it will go away.  However it doesn’t…It just waits for each of us…death and taxes are about the only guarantees we’ve got.

I have a comfortable relationship with death.  I believe in a Christian model, however, I also believe we come back over and over.  Each of us has certain work to do in our lifetime along with the free will to realize that work or not.  I believe most of the people involved in my life today, I have been with before in previous lives.   

Several years ago my step-sister died.  She died sadly – alone.  At first there were hints of a suicide and that is what distressed me.  I was worried her soul was lost and wandering – not knowing the grace that was available to her.  I learned of her death on a Sunday night and that Monday I had already planned to visit a mentor to train on Mediumship. 

 So the next day I went to my mentor very upset – worried that somehow Nicky was lost.  We set the space and called Nicky to us.  Immediately she came in…she was so sad, but her first words were about suicide.  It was not a suicide, but a mistake – she just wanted to feel better with a little more drugs, “just a little more.”  That was Nicky.  After she made the “no suicide message” clear, you could feel her sadness and she taught me about free will.

 She had said in this life she thought she could do it – beat the addictions, but she couldn’t.  She spoke of the love that was in her life always available (family and friends) but that she never accepted while she was alive.  She helped me to understand each of us has choices.  Nicky chose drugs over and over – she couldn’t help herself and that is when I found peace.

 I understood each of us has our own “cross to bear.”  Nicky didn’t choose the drugs because of any one person.  No, this was her life, her choices and I could love her still.  I remembered her as a child and making friends with everyone – she accepted each person as beautiful and interesting.  This probably led to problems as an adult, but I know the very essence of Nicky’s soul is love – not perfect, but love all the same. 

When we closed the session that day, I knew Nicky would be ok.  I believed in her – her soul.  I know her beauty and kindness will come back again and we will meet again.  Maybe not in this lifetime, but I know she is never lost from me.  She speaks with angels now, across the thin veil – healing her wounded places and biding her time until she comes back again…

* If you are interested in reading/learning more about past lives, I suggest the book Many Lives, Many Masters.

What happens when you discover the ones you love best are intent on hurting you?  And what if, they are your family?  This book focuses on secrets, mental illness and childhood wounds.  Exquisitely written, the book reveals a family and a community still reeling from a past tragic event that threatens to be repeated today.

 Marnie and Diana are sisters, born into a dysfunctional family and they spend much of their early years clinging to each other for safety.  The father has left for greener pastures, thus leaving them with their mother, a brilliant artist.  Unfortunately, the mother is also mentally unstable and really unfit to be a mother.  Yet somehow the girls make it into adulthood on the kindness of their neighbors and own innate talents. 

 Both sisters battle their own memories and fears of turning into their Mother in some way, big or small.  Almost every woman I know fears this pull of becoming, “just like her.”  And when mental illness complicates the picture, this pull becomes even more real and frightening…

 I know this family.  Yes, a more extreme version of mine, but I recognized their mother - a confusing mix of love and cruelty.  Her intentions are to be a supportive, thoughtful mother, yet her fears cloud her words and deeds.  Her words and actions begin as support, only to twist oddly, thus inflicting pain… 

 I know this mother.  My mother has always been one to point out any flaws or mistakes I make because in her mind she is “helping me.”  She is revealing to me all my “not enoughs” before someone else can.  Instead of being my biggest fan growing up, she was my critic, “judging - to protect me from the others.”  Needless to say, this was crippling.  By trying to protect me from possibly failing or emotional pain, she guaranteed I felt “less then” because she always found fault.

 Interestingly, I know I am not alone in this dynamic.  When I went to college, I soon realized many of my friends also struggled with this type of dynamic with one or both of their parents as well.  Gratefully I also discovered my Mom may be difficult, highly dysfunctional,  but she is not the worst of them.   And I also was reminded; her unintended cruelty was always mixed with love.  (This does not excuse the offenses, rather to give them context…)

 People are not perfect.  Some battle demons daily to keep a tenuous grasp on reality.  Some days they succeed and some days they do not.  Some days I don’t hold it together and I fall into despair, only to crawl my way out later when I find the light again.    

 This book begins in the dark.  The characters crawl around each other and their collective issues blindfolded.  Each wounded in part, only to discover healing in the light of truth - as it is for each of us.