Escape. Run away. How often have you thought about it? Still, after all these years, the idea continues to attack your thoughts – is it possible? Yes and no - there is a fine line between healthy escape and denial.
Sometimes, you need to get away. Maybe you work too much, maybe you are in the midst of a very difficult personal issue, or maybe, you need to take a break from the stressful reality of your day to day life, whatever – escape is possible. Get in a car, a plane or even a train, and leave that which is the reality of your life. Why? Perspective.
For some odd reason driving 50 miles away from your life offers you a little breathing room. Exhale. It’s going to be OK. Somehow it is easier to step into that place, detachment, when the issue/reality isn’t crammed up your nose. Sometimes the best thing an action-oriented person like you (or me) can do is get away – if only to force yourself to stop. Stop thinking. Stop talking. Stop doing.
When you are in this mindset of non-action, you discover all this space. This empty space that you have been filling with all the stuff – worry at the top, delusions of control and ego below. The conversations, the phone calls and the deals that hold the tenuous balance of your happiness in place. It is when you get to this place that the line of escape and denial can blur.
This is your truth. What needs to be let go and what needs courage? Sometimes life is challenging, period. No easy way around, but straight through the crap. Are you, in fact, making this journey more difficult on yourself? What can you let go of to gain more peace in your life? And this is the rub, that which you give up must empower you, not deny your reality, or your issues.
For example, you can control your behavior, but not the behavior of others. Trying to make someone love or treat you better doesn’t work, but finding the clarity within to know what you need does. Once you know what you need, then you are ready to come home from your retreat to complete the next step on your path to peace – ask.
Asking for your needs to met may be a stumbling block, because asking implies your own worth, your own deserving to be happy. You deserve to live a beautiful, abundant life. So go escape, to discover what you need and come home — ask, and you shall receive.
Being successful is no far off place. It is probably closer then you think, but, at this vantage point in your life it may feel a million miles away. Ask yourself, do you have the mindset to see the opportunities to your best life? Being successful is not about always making the “right” move every time, but about maximizing all your moves.
Once you’ve lived past thirty, you can finally get a little perspective on your life. If you really look at your life, there is a pattern. Even the mistakes, the “wrong” choices, taught you lessons. You may not have enjoyed the process, but you can see the benefits in the chaos – the so called “silver lining.”
Sometimes delay is a good thing. During delays you often acquire more knowledge and experience, laying a foundation for your future success. However, it is during these delays that I believe people can veer off the path by becoming frustrated in the process.
Whether it’s losing faith in your product, yourself or the old “not enough time”, here are some suggestions that have helped my clients to remain on the path to success and may they support you…
Believe in yourself and your product. This is where it all begins – you. How is your self-esteem or self-confidence? If you don’t think well of yourself, no one else will, plain and simple. Which of course, will transfer to your product and you will miss opportunities. So how you feel about yourself matters and directly impacts your success. If this is an issue for you, try saying to yourself five different times a day, “I believe in myself. Success enters my life easily and effortlessly from all around me.” It may feel awkward at first, but soon you will notice a calming effect.
You deserve success. How did that feel when you read this? Any twinges? If so, this is also an area to examine. Not only do you need to believe in yourself, but you have to feel worthy of success too – back to you again. You may try adding, “I deserve and accept a beautiful life,” to your daily mantra above to help support a new, deserving belief in your life.
Have a plan. It’s all well and good to believe that you deserve success, but what does that mean? What would success look like to you and what are the steps to get there? This is a big hurdle for many because it requires putting your words into action. Just as your thoughts and intensions call new opportunities to you, you must be willing to act upon their arrival. For example, maybe you want a new job making more money. There are steps between today and a new job. Do you know what these are? Do you need more education? Have you looked in the paper or online? Think about what success is to you and then write it out. Include the steps to achieve the success you desire. Then each day, do one thing to move you in that direction – read an article, make a phone call, research, whatever, at least one a day. You will notice your life shifting, easily and effortlessly almost, into a new, more successful direction.
Be flexible. This may seem a little confusing at first, but it kind of goes to the old saying, “Once you make plans, life happens.” This is very true fortunately, so stay open. Let me explain. Once you shift your belief system to a successful mindset – you attract success. Things that were blocked before come flying into your life. This, in turn, disrupts your “plans” – well, maybe not. Sometimes, you discover your plans were too small and life has something better in store for you…So stay flexible, be ready to expand into the fullness of life as it unfolds.
Use your fears to balance yourself. Whenever you get really close to success, fear walks in the door, almost its final hurrah. Fear hides as doubts, anxiety, sleeplessness, certain people, the list goes on and on…but I now see fear as an opportunity. Fear to me is an indicator of imbalance which means I need support. Sometimes I can give this to myself through meditation and prayer, but sometimes it means I need to reach out to my husband, friend or a mentor for encouragement and reassurance. Find a support system for yourself as you transition to this new life.
Finally, remember patience and courage — the patience to allow yourself the opportunity to transform your life to its fullest potential and the courage to walk and stumble through that transformation.
Years ago a friend whispered, “Courage,” in my ear during a pivotal time in my life. I can still remember the strength hearing that word vibrated through my body. Courage, not condescending, “It’ll be ok. Don’t worry,” but strong and faithful courage. It actually helped me to be a little more patient too. So I offer you courage, as you discover your path to a successful, abundant life.
We live in a society of complaint. Each of us has our own “victim” story that we hold dear, our deep reservoir of excuses of why life is not working out as planned and who or what is to blame. Without a doubt each of us have been “victims” in certain experiences or events, but no longer are we in those spaces today, yet continually we identify ourselves as “victims” over and over. What keeps us in a victim state? An inability to forgive.
Forgiveness, it’s such a tricky thing. Who does not want to deem themselves to be someone who forgives? We are taught “forgiveness” is what we “should” do, but do you? Do you really forgive those who hurt you? Offend you, maybe even insult you or worse? And what if those hurts are abhorrent, seemingly above forgiveness? Do you still forgive? Yes, but let me explain — forgiveness is not absolution for your perpetrator, but an inward act of healing and grace for yourself.
I believe when you withhold forgiveness you live in the past. You tie yourself to your victim story, the places you are broken. We all have broken places, wounds that never quite heal. In fact, it is in these very wounded places that we can connect to one another in the most profound way, because hurts are a great equalizer in humanity.
Each of us has been to a dark place in our lives, hurt and broken, and so too has the person sitting next to you been to this same dark place. Our individual wounds may have different names and experiences, but underneath it is the same - pain. To escape this pain, we blame others, withhold forgiveness and carry on our victim story disempowering our lives at every turn.
I was just about thirty when I discovered I wasn’t a victim. Yes, of course, there had been terrifying moments of truly being a victim over the years, but I discovered a new philosophy through reading books by Dr Wayne Dyer about “there is a valid reason for everything that happens.” It is quite a bitter pill to swallow – the concept that you are responsible for everything that has happened in your life.
When I first read this, my reaction was immediate horror – how could I be responsible for any of those horrible experiences? And then, I looked at my life again and I saw the web. The complex reality of all these experiences and there impact on my life for better and worse. I saw the silver linings in the horrific events.
Yes, in certain moments, surely I was a victim, but after that moment in time, it is how I related to that event that I either continued to be a victim or found the courage to transcend. This is not to deny the anguish or even heartache of these events, but to go beyond the pain to gain new understanding. The understanding that events and experiences happen, but I am not defined by just that staggering moment. Instead, I am defined by my courage as I face disappointments, failures, betrayals, and even hurts.
When you transcend and take responsibility for everything that happens in your life, you step into your power. For me this is when I discovered a deeper connection to Spirit. I began to understand my soul’s purpose and see the underlining truth – this is my life today, I chose who I want to be every day. The events and experiences of my past have lead me to this place and I am grateful to finally be able to view past disappointments and hurts to discover courage. Once you discover the silver lining, it is almost impossible to maintain the resentment to withhold your forgiveness.
Let me be clear, this does not excuse the offense, nor does this mean you need to contact the offender to let them know they are forgiven. (However, in most cases this would be the goal.) Truly, forgiveness begins within. It begins with self. Can you forgive yourself for your own mistakes, real or imagined? Forgiveness is no far off place. It is here, today, waiting for you to step into…Courage.
