Why are some people happy and others not?  There are certain factors that contribute to one’s ability to be “happy” under most circumstances.  These are a few…

 1.         Flexibility.  The old saying “once you make a plan, God laughs,” has proven true time and time again in my own life.  Being able to adjust to changing life events, even as minor as dinner plans, with flexibility and ease leads directly to happiness.  Why?  Flexibility means forsaking control – willingly.  Quite a feat to be sure, but a gift – only to be received if you are willing to give up control first.    

 2.         Don’t take it personally.  As my father wisely once said, “Some people are just a@@holes.”  You can be assured in your life that your will encounter some real “pains in the bottom”, difficult situations, unfairness, and other assorted crap.  Promise.  And the person sitting next to you, same thing.  The same goes with any other person you meet in your life too.  We are all stumbling through at times.  So, relax, take a breath and imagine what you would like to happen in whatever situation is causing you difficulty.  Focusing on what you want enables you to emerge from any frustration with clarity.

 3.         Humor.  Once you are able to either laugh at yourself or whatever the situation, you bring lightness to your heart.  Laughter feels good.  Watch funny movies, read amusing books, talk to a friend who always makes you laugh, go bowling.  Just by adding more laughter to your life and you will notice, gently a quiet lightness entering your thoughts and being.

 4.         Positive attitude.  I am not suggesting to live like some annoying, over-the-top Polly-Anna, but to live your life on the foundation that, “all is well.”  This isn’t to deny there are problems or tragedies in life, but it does focus on solutions instead of the difficulties.

 5.         Gratitude.  Happy people are reminded each day of their blessings – the good and the difficult.  As much as it drives me nuts, challenges are opportunities.  Opportunities to learn, to grow and most importantly, to know yourself better.  True gratitude is born out of compassion – just as much for yourself as others.

 6.         Confidence.  Not swaggering, but a calm knowing of ones own abilities.  Confidence also means knowing you will stumble on occasion, but the confident person knows not to make a habit of it. 

 7.         Presence.  Happy people live right now, in this moment – not dreaming about yesterday or fantasying about tomorrow.  Here and now – laughing about the things that others might be frustrated by, and knowing all is well… 

 8.         Choice.  All happy people know happiness is a choice.  Some days it’s easier to be happy, while other days may be a bit more of a struggle.  However, knowing that you have the choice to lift yourself up or push yourself down – often leads to better decisions.

 Happiness is not derived from one isolated event, but by attitudes and beliefs.  Gratefully, like choice, each of us has the power to change our attitudes and beliefs with time and attention. 

 Happiness isn’t for someone else, it’s for you.  It is for each one of us to sink deeply into the happiness of this moment, however mundane the pleasures.  May you discover happiness already waits for you, deep within.  

Over the years I have had many clients frustrated in dating, especially the dreaded first date.  I’m always slightly surprised by this as I loved dating when I was single, especially blind dates.  I even met my husband on a blind date, his first and last.  I loved the possibilities, the adventure and, of course, I have a wicked sense of humor, so any so-called-bad date was always worth a good story.

Dating doesn’t have to be an exercise in torture.  Ok, sure for some of us, talking to a box of rocks is easy, but for others, a different scenario.  For some, the thought of engaging in intimate conversation with a virtual stranger can induce stuttering and immediate brain cramping.    I have come to believe in five basic rules for the first date; they have served me and clients very well…

1.  Decide what you are looking for before you go out on the date.  Are you looking for a boyfriend/husband or a fling? Be honest with yourself.  If you really want a boyfriend/husband, decide before you put your big toe out the door what you want in a mate (i.e. humor, kindness, job security, honesty…)  Write down 5-10 things that are important to you.  This gives you a framework and clarity to make empowered decisions.

2.  Be willing to cut bait early.  Relax, this is not the last person on earth.  There will be other dates if this one does not work out.  Don’t settle for someone who just isn’t right.

3.  Believe what he says.  If he says he doesn’t want a serious relationship, he’s not a good at relationships or anything of the like, guess what?  He’s telling you the truth.  Red flags should be signaling you away from this disaster in waiting.  Run far away from this person.  No second date.

4.  Like him as is.  Don’t think, “Well, if he changed his job, or if this or that was different, I would like him.”  Again, I go back to, do not settle.  There are so many people looking for love — strive for an abundant life with your most perfect love.  You deserve your best life.

5.  I call this rule is the two nevers.  Never kiss on the first date and never call him after the first date.  He calls you.  Reality is, we all like a chase.  If he doesn’t call, well, it just means he didn’t call.  Don’t take it personally. Sometimes the sparks just aren’t there or maybe he has an ex that really isn’t out of the picture or maybe the timing is off.  It doesn’t matter.  I promise that you do not want to start your relationship feeling like your chasing him.  I had a girlfriend that would chase guy after guy away because she had to call him right away.  She came off desperate – not attractive.  She did not have a lot of second dates.

It is my belief the single most attractive quality a person can have is self-worth.  If you believe yourself worthy of a beautiful life, a beautiful love, you will not settle for “less-than.”  By knowing your worth and having clarity about what you want, you become a more confident person.  Confidence is incredibly sexy and not surprisingly, the more confident you become, the more people will be calling you for dates!