Mary’s Time

For some Christmas is about the presents, the big meals or even seeing old friends and family…but for me, this is Mary’s time. I adore Mother Mary. Through her, I have learned to be a better me. Oh sure, this may sound trite, even a touch phony – but it’s true.

I did not always feel this way. I struggled with Mother Mary for years. I didn’t understand how she could just stand by and watch Jesus die on the cross. How could she not throw herself before the soldiers shouting, “Take me, take me instead?” What kind of mother was she? With time, I discovered, she was the best kind of mother.

Years ago when my own son was in a very real health crisis, I came to know Mary’s heart. Mary loved her son. She loved Jesus so much that she was able to stand at the foot of the cross as he bled and bled. She remained with him to his very last breath when he finally cried out to his father above. Mary stayed close by. She believed in Jesus and his own separate purpose.

Was it difficult? Unimaginably painful, just ask any parent of a suffering child. Some parents can’t stay though the suffering. Some parents runaway or reject seeing their child in pain. But many, many more faithfully stay and look for cures. Still others find grace when there are no cures. And there in the shadows Mary waits too, grace and peace swirl at her feet.

For Mary stayed – at the birth, in the raising of her precious son, at the feasts of celebration and sadly, at the cross too. As far as we know she did not try to sway Jesus from his purpose, she loved him. She trusted his boyhood days that found him arguing with the rabbis in temple when he should have been in the fields. She trusted in his many trips to the desert when he would came back ablaze with the divine, overflowing with new ideas. Such radical new ideas of faith…yet she trusted Jesus.

She also trusted in the unseen divine that sometime requires much…Did she not know herself the cost? The sting of judgment? Pregnant and without a husband, forced out by her community. Mary knew all too well the cost of faith…

Mary has come to me many times throughout my life. I am unbelievably blessed to have such intimate moments with her. The first time I experienced the presence of Mary as an adult I was overwhelmed. My first thought was I am not worthy, there are more important people/problems than me. I felt her outpouring love even more keenly at that moment and the words, “You are my beloved child, nothing is more important” boomed in my mind.

Words can not properly express the magnitude of this moment for me. The best I can say is my life split – before I was alone and after, I was forever held. Not only did I realize that I was held but that everyone was being held by unseen forces at every moment. I saw ways in my own childhood that Mary’s presence had been there even though I couldn’t see it at the time.

Here’s the important part – bad things happened and I am still the beloved child. I’ve made peace with my past. Even though there were certainly hardships, I know I wouldn’t be the person I am today without them.

Again, this may sound trite, too easy an answer, but it’s true. Peace is usually standing right next to you, but only you can truly believe you are worthy to partake in the feast…You’ll have to stop beating yourself up, judging your own failings – real or imagined, you’ll have to allow yourself to come down from your own self-imposed cross into the waiting arms of peace. For Mary is waiting there, loving you just the way you are, patiently waiting for you to come home…

Merry Christmas

Reading the Signs of the Season. Join us on Indie Spirit as we explore the symbols and meanings of the Winter Solstice, Yule Tide, Caroling, the Christmas tree and Santa Claus. Discover how this season is calling to you directly and offering rebirth – the Light is Returning, the Dark Days have been defeated again, REJOICE! Thurs, 11 am EST on Indie Spirit

Last night, 8ish, I checked my wall on facebook and read the funniest, most truthful statement by one of my friends, “Would it be Christmas without a family fight?”  I chuckled knowingly, I have yet to see it happen. 

 Something pops up every year, some crap happens.  In my family or more often than not, in my husband’s family, somewhere someone does something stupid, often insulting.  Fortunately/unfortunately I being one anchored to the belief that each of us creates our own reality (i.e. valid reason for everything that happens) can not avoiding seeing this every year as well.  The question is not why, but what for?  Hence no matter what the ‘work’ I’ve done, the crap is still happening.  Again I return to the question, what for?  Ultimately, I believe to gain peace.

 What comforts me most during this season, is the sanest people I know can lose it during the holidays.  You don’t have to be Charlie Sheen to screw up the day.  A well placed word or question can have the same impact as a fist.  Hello passive aggressive.

 All I can say is there is a reason New Year’s is just on the heels of Christmas – resolutions and “never again’s” can often be heard tripping from the lips of one and all…

 Therefore, let me invite you to peace.  Let go of the words, the offenses real or imagined, any disappointments of the past few days…just let it go.  Peace is a choice.  You decide where to focus your thoughts and energy each day.  It may feel hard to let go of the offenses (really this is just your ego wanting you to be a victim…) but who are you really hurting by holding on?    You, and if you have kids – them too.  Leave or let go, pretty much that simple.

 I suggest a good sense of humor and me, heck I’m going shopping today with one of my very best friends.  Hello retail therapy – what sales to be had with no helpful digs…Happy Day!

Along with the celebration of the holidays, can be almost unbearable sadness.  The loss of loved ones is most keenly felt, for better or worse, during this season.  Death is a topic each of us often avoids – like a dirty, little secret that if we just ignore it long enough, maybe it will go away.  However it doesn’t…It just waits for each of us…death and taxes are about the only guarantees we’ve got.

I have a comfortable relationship with death.  I believe in a Christian model, however, I also believe we come back over and over.  Each of us has certain work to do in our lifetime along with the free will to realize that work or not.  I believe most of the people involved in my life today, I have been with before in previous lives.   

Several years ago my step-sister died.  She died sadly – alone.  At first there were hints of a suicide and that is what distressed me.  I was worried her soul was lost and wandering – not knowing the grace that was available to her.  I learned of her death on a Sunday night and that Monday I had already planned to visit a mentor to train on Mediumship. 

 So the next day I went to my mentor very upset – worried that somehow Nicky was lost.  We set the space and called Nicky to us.  Immediately she came in…she was so sad, but her first words were about suicide.  It was not a suicide, but a mistake – she just wanted to feel better with a little more drugs, “just a little more.”  That was Nicky.  After she made the “no suicide message” clear, you could feel her sadness and she taught me about free will.

 She had said in this life she thought she could do it – beat the addictions, but she couldn’t.  She spoke of the love that was in her life always available (family and friends) but that she never accepted while she was alive.  She helped me to understand each of us has choices.  Nicky chose drugs over and over – she couldn’t help herself and that is when I found peace.

 I understood each of us has our own “cross to bear.”  Nicky didn’t choose the drugs because of any one person.  No, this was her life, her choices and I could love her still.  I remembered her as a child and making friends with everyone – she accepted each person as beautiful and interesting.  This probably led to problems as an adult, but I know the very essence of Nicky’s soul is love – not perfect, but love all the same. 

When we closed the session that day, I knew Nicky would be ok.  I believed in her – her soul.  I know her beauty and kindness will come back again and we will meet again.  Maybe not in this lifetime, but I know she is never lost from me.  She speaks with angels now, across the thin veil – healing her wounded places and biding her time until she comes back again…

* If you are interested in reading/learning more about past lives, I suggest the book Many Lives, Many Masters.

If you are looking for some hip Christmas music try Hotel Café Presents Winter Songs, Various Artists – go listen to Winter Song by Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson first thing.  It is tender and exquisite.  The tune reminds me of waves with its ebb and flow rhythm – which immediately connects you to shifting emotions…”My voice a beacon in the night…my words will be your light…to carry you to me…Is love alive?…I’ll be your harvester of light…and send it all tonight…so we can start again…”  Trust me, go listen.  Unbelievably romantic and haunting…and haven’t we all tried to be beacons in the night, hoping to carry you to me?

 Other memorable songs on the CD – The Christmas Song, Frosty the Snowman, a lovely Mistletoe, Sleigh Ride, a playful All My Bells Are Ringing, and the sexy Maybe Next Year (X-mas Song) – who doesn’t love a bad girl?  Maybe next year I’ll be good…

 Skip Katy Perry’s White Christmas and bullet-to-my-temple Blue Christmas…Horrible, please ladies, go back to your real genres.   Happy listening!

Sometimes I forget I love Christmas.  Sometimes I get sidetracked by all the stuff, the impending arrival of relatives, the gifts, the ill-will of certain individuals, even myself.  I forget I love Christmas, because on this day so many, many years ago – I know a God that began to live with me.  I know a God that sent his child, really his own self, to live among men – not as a King with riches to spare, but as an “everyman” brought into this world through an unwed mother, poor, but never abandoned. It took me years to understand the significance of this…When we think of God – maybe we think all-powerful, the ultimate “in-control.”  Surely the God of the Old Testament displayed this imagery both positively and negatively.  (Let us not forget rainbows where a sign of God’s never-ending love after he leveled humanity…an earlier version of flowers as a make-up gift I’m thinking.)   The God of the New Testament is the vision I most closely relate to…This is the God that runs arms out-stretched for his prodigal son – aaaghh, this is my God.  A God that knows no limits – that is always available to me if only I would just turn my face to him, to her.   Long ago, in the dark of night, a couple struggled to bring a child into the world.  Joseph did his best, finding shelter where there seemed to be none.  Mary lay her newborn in the only resting space available to her – a manger where animals surely ate from moments before.  Did she know that this was the beginning?  The child she held in her womb so tenderly, even as those around her must have pointed fingers and whispered?  Did she really believe anyone bought her stories of angels? This was the beginning – confusing, slightly scandalize, but a miracle none the less.  If you believe the story, Jesus the son of God, then you know the miracle.  The Jews of Jesus’ day were on the lookout for a savior who was promised to save them.  Of course they were looking for a King in the guise of maybe someone like the powerful King David.  Isn’t that always what we believe – might and bravado will win out?  Some things never change… But, how does the savior come?  Poor, son of an unwed mother, on the margins of society – the last, almost forgotten among us.  Why did he come from the least among us?  I believe he came this way to know us better, to support each of us more.  Haven’t each of us been marginalized, less-then sometime?  Jesus came to be with us, not above us.   This is my God who came to the world, frail and helpless, dependant on the kindness of others.  He came to be loved and maligned.  He came to heal.  He came bearing the name Emanuel – translated “God with us.” He came to live with us, as I believe he still does everyday in so many different ways.  Reminding me always – I too am a beloved child of God.  May you have a very, merry Christmas.   Peace be with you.

The torture of the holidays is upon us once again.  I am always of mixed emotions.  I love the holidays and they drive me crazy.  I think they call that schizophrenia.  I don’t think I am alone in these mixed feelings that may require more than breathing techniques or the cocktail hour to begin at three in the afternoon (its five o’clock somewhere…) 

For me the problem really lay in the weeks before Christmas Day – the packages in the mail.  I don’t know about you but I have some relatives that enjoy engaging in “passive aggressive nuts.”  I like to think of the package arrivals as bombs waiting to explode gross into my house.   

I haven’t figured out what to do with them yet…Every year I have a new tactic – open, not to open, give to goodwill, etc.  There are a few things we can not do – open them with our kids, because unfortunately, these relatives play favorites and one of my children is always receiving “less-than.”  To say that this makes me crazy is – an understatement.  One year we made this mistake and to watch the excluded child to see all the presents but one book go to the other was heartbreaking.   

And of course these bombs of Christmas cheer trigger all kinds of old hurts and unmet desires of Christmases past.  Good times.  Thanks a bunch…can’t wait ‘til next year.  So, what to do? 

I think all you can do – take care of yourself.  Instead of focusing on all those other people in your life, stop and focus on yourself.  Close your eyes.  Are you spinning?  Feel the ground under your feet.  What do you need today?  What can you do today to directly support yourself during this holiday season? 

Ideas:  buy yourself a special Christmas gift, take a bubble bath, meditation, get a massage, read a favorite magazine, call a friend, make cookies, volunteer, go for a walk at night and see all the lights.  What’s your great idea?  

Personally I am going to spend the afternoon wrapping gifts for my kids and husband.  It always makes me happy to wrap presents and make pretty bows.  I even think Mrs. Claus dropped off something special for me too…I think a big, sparkling bow will go on that one.