This week in California a fifteen year girl was gang raped as 20 or more persons watched.  She was at her school dance.  It lasted longer than two hours.  The horror of this assault is stunning to me and it always, always has me shaking my fist at God.  Where was God?  How can a loving God allow this to happen?  What evil dwells in the hearts of men to do this? 

Too many times I have heard a version of this same event from friends and even lovers.  How can this happen?  I don’t know.  I try to tell myself, ‘there is a valid reason for everything that happens, everything in your life is a creation of you,” and these words feel hollow – insensitive really.  Why?

 I hear in my mind, you can only see in part, you can only see in part…My mind flashes when I was molested by a relative at fifteen and I think, oddly it has made me a better person.  I am more empathetic of not only the victim but surprisingly the perpetrator too.  I have come up close to darkness and discovered my light still shines.

 I discovered we are not defined by the horrific moments in our lives but there aftermath.  How do you put it back together and still live an abundant life?  Gently, one small piece at a time.

 Bad things will continue to happen and I will continue to occasionally shake my fist at God.  And God will understand.  I flash to Jesus, his son, abused and tortured.  I remember how much I struggled with the sign of the cross.  It was so depressing – a place of unimaginable agony and I smile. 

 Today I love the cross because now I see love.  I remember people saying this to me years ago and I thought they were nuts, yet now I see differently.  I see that God sent his son to be with us.  Be with us. Be with us in joy and in sorrow.  To experience not only the good in life but also it’s darkest corners.  Why?  To know God is with you.  Really with you – as he has felt the cut of the spear, the betrayal, nakedness and the abandonment – all before a crowd, who did nothing.  I guess things haven’t changed too much in 2000 years.

 I know some in that crowd were afraid and some joined in the game.  Both responses still make me sad. 

 I can only see in part, I can only see in part, I can only see in part…