4.  Are you trying to keep it the same?  Why?  Does the cost seem too great to make a change?  Does it seem impossible?  Are you afraid of hurting someone else if you do shift? 

 Whether you like it or not, this is your life.  Right here, right now.  When you place the needs of others always before your own, guess what?  You are always last on the list – your list and everyone else’s too.  You are teaching yourself and all around you that you come last. 

 Of course, there are times when it is appropriate to place the needs of others in front of your own, but you would be surprised by how few and far between this is in normal every day life.  People are not infants forever and illness, well, this is tricky, but I assure you, you just you, whether a caregiver or a patient, need to put your own needs at the top of your own list.  We all serve best from a place of fullness, not lack…

 How about if when you place the needs of others in front of your own – this does not inherently mean you are last?  Maybe move yourself down to second of third?  Do you run into any hang-ups or negative thoughts?  Around deserving, enough or possibly love?  Well now, you are getting to the foundation of the problem – what do you want and what if you deserved it?  What is stopping you? 

3.  Notice the word my in the above question, my truth.  It’s no doubt you are relaying the facts as you experience them, but are you feeling them?  Are you really listening to that internal voice that is naggingly right?  Are you going along to get along instead of voicing your own needs?

 Sometimes in life we find ourselves in unexpected places.  It didn’t just happen, there were many choices and compromises made along the way that lead to this less-than place, and even though you may not have intended it, you are here.  

 Instead of blaming or getting angry that someone else isn’t showing up the way you would like, ask yourself, what do I want?  I’m betting you don’t have an easy answer to that, but you can probably tell me what you don’t want.  Your focus needs to shift from what you don’t want (this thinking only attracts what you don’t want – where your thoughts focus, things expand…) to what you do want.  Begin making a list or dreaming about what you do want. 

 More importantly begin taking responsibility for your own dreams coming true.  Yes, those around you can support and love you, but you and you alone are the writer of your own life.  Players come and go, but you continue to create your life every day. 

2.  Ok, you’ve identified you are in a pattern, now it’s time to look at your part – what are you doing the same?  Stop with the reasons why you are doing it the same and just focus on your part.  There is no one person to blame. 

 For a pattern to be established everyone has to go along with their part over and over again – especially if it’s a negative pattern.  The reason you are always broke isn’t because the universe is out to get you, it’s because not only do you make the same poor money decisions over and over, but you also believe yourself to be someone who is always broke.  The universe is just showing up how you believe it to be.  (Tip: Got to change your belief…)    

 As I have previously said, it does not do you any good to berate yourself for not getting it yet – you will.  To change anything it takes practice and time.  You have to intentionally respond differently to the same problems. This takes energy and a commitment to being present – you are not going to respond how you always have.

 It won’t feel normal at first to respond differently and that’s ok.  Some people around you may not like you changing the pattern and that’s ok too.  When you are ready, you will make a change.  For the alternative – staying in this less-than place – becomes more and more unacceptable as the days pass… 

Dance – Flip on the tunes, grab your microphone (aka favorite hairbrush) and shake-it!  Nothing and I do mean nothing can change your mood for the better faster than getting up and moving around to a grinding beat. 

 Play – a card game, Wii, draw, cook, create anything…Stop looking at the to-do list and begin having more fun.  How did life get so serious anyway?  Too much thinking, not enough playing.

 Dream – a vacation, a new job, a new beginning…Before dreams become reality, first the dreaming…Do some research online, journal, watch travel DVDs and begin talking to new people.  Expand your horizons, be open – who knows where your dreams will carry you…

 Set an Intention – What is one shift you could make today for the better?

 Forgive – does a name pop in when you see the word forgive?  Is it you?  Forgive yourself.  Remember you’re learning, growing into a better you.  Mistakes are to be expected (opportunities…)  When you really forgive yourself, others can be forgiven too and peace becomes possible again.  (Create forgiveness with meditation.)

 Be grateful – for the air you breathe, the food you eat, the warm bed you slip into each day…be grateful.

 Today is a good day to…be.  Who do you want to be?

These are a few of my favorite things in 2009… 

Williams-Sonoma Mini Croissants – Next Thanksgiving, Christmas or Easter morning, make life oh so much easier with these yummy treats.  The regular size is too big, go with the minis.  It may seem a bit pricey until you eat them – then you’ll be looking for excuses to have these in the freezer all year long.  The croissants can be made individually, it’s just the ‘sitting out overnight’ that requires just a little touch of forethought…

 Large Bar Soap – Maybe you are scratching your head, but hear me out…Instead of saving the pretty soap for guests – use it yourself.  Try a lavender or linden scent.  What you will discover is it feels special, luxurious to use nice soap.  A touch of the spa every morning, hence you feel special all day long…

 Francesca’s Collections – A girlfriend and I discovered this store (online) shopping awhile ago.  It is best described as like Anthropologie minus the massive price tag.  The clothes are hip and artsy.  They get shipments in three times a week and there are ridiculous sales aplenty.

 Costa Rica – When I first saw pictures of Costa Rica, I immediately thought of Hawaii (without the long plane ride and high costs…)  Hummingbirds, butterflies and dragon flies abound in this lush paradise.  The people are great, the food/water is clean, there is no violence to speak of and it is unbelievably affordable.  The ocean is warm and the sun is hot.  Perfecto – going back in March…

Blind Pilot: 3 Rounds and a Sound – This CD is a playful mix of quirky, vulnerable lyrics with unexpected pacing and instrument choice (horns, banjo, xylophone – what???…)  The boys of Blind Pilot are storytellers – twisting words and meanings, such as in “One Red Thread.”  It is haunting, hypnotic and sexy all at the same moment as the narrator reflects on early selfish love…Or in “Two Towns From Me” with it’s dreamy, sing-along quality…Or the toe-tapping rhythm of “The Story I Heard” melded with pleading, longing words…Love this CD.  Sounds like: The Thorns.

Capri Blue Aloha Orchid Candles – Slip into heaven and light this candle.  It truly makes any space smell like fresh flowers and the islands – add gentle music and an umbrella drink, you are on vacation…

VRBO.COM – I have had fantastic luck renting homes internationally and in the states through this site.   The prices are great and you can let your own tastes/desires be your guide.  A word of caution – chat with the owners before picking a place, you’ll be surprised how much of a difference this can make later if you run into any issues…

That Old Cape Magic by Richard Busso – Surprisingly this is the book that stayed with me all year.  It’s about a married couple and how things can all change in an afternoon…The characters are complicated and hilarious.  The pre-wedding supper is without question – priceless.  Russo perfectly illustrates how perception, memory and reality don’t always add up…

Homemade Jams – This year I’ve become a bit obsessed making jams. from blueberry to cranberry to raspberry and lots of berries in between…It’s all good.  I never knew how easy jam was to make and what a perfect gift for sharing…Downside: once you go homemade, there’s no going back to stores (expensive habit depending on the time of year!)

Wii – Everybody has fun and the kids play for hours and hours – leaping, twirling in the air.  I never laughed so hard getting beat by a seven year old!

Mad Men – Sure it’s slow and slightly depressing, but the characters are awesome.  Strangely, it sometimes feels like I’m witnessing what my own family used to whispers about  years ago – illegitimate kids (couple uncles passed off as cousins), affairs (everywhere), alcoholism (everywhere)…I swear I feel like I am finally coming to understand my own past better as the stories of my grandparents/aunts/uncles come alive watching this show.  I knew they drank/smoked a lot, but I didn’t know how normal it was back then…And finally the mean things my relatives did to each other long ago make sense.  Geez, they were all drunk in fantastic clothes playing hard…

Mad Men often illuminates the masks we all wear every day to make our own separate peace with the decisions we make each day…

Sprungli Chocolate – Let these miniature truffles in the flavors hazelnut, plain, champagne, cappuccino and bourbon vanilla (contains alcohol) melt in your mouth.  These chocolates are unbelievably tasty – so worth the long distance order…I finally understood what all the fuss was about Swiss Chocolate when I tasted these – Yum!

What became one of your favorites this year????

If you are struggling with where you are in your life right now – I invite you to examine your inner dialog.  What are you thinking about?  Are you worrying?  Are you what-if-ing your days away?  Are you flexible? 

 Maybe you’ve tried manifesting exercises before with what you thought was little success, but guess what?  I’m betting it worked – just not the way you wanted it too. 

 Manifesting isn’t about doing certain exercises or meditations (although they can help!) it’s about your inner dialog.  Are you lifting yourself up or pushing yourself down?  Worry attracts more things to worry about.  Positive thinking leads to possibilities.  Thoughts really do expand.

 Again I invite you to look at your own inner dialog – are you berating yourself for things left undone?  Are you patient?  Do you give yourself a break or are you a relentless perfectionist?  Are you complaining your life away?  Is it someone else’s fault?  Regrets?  Are you calling yourself names?  Do you feel good about life?

 Guess what?  It starts with you.  Somehow, someway you have to make a shift.  What is one thing you can do today to improve your inner dialog?

 Suggestions: 1.       Cues -  place words or pictures around your home and workspace to remind yourself of peace, trust, love…

2.       When you discover yourself complaining – shift your language without yelling at yourself, “Why can’t I do better?”

3.       Journal.

4.       Guided meditation – try I Meet Success or my free download, My Best Self.

5.       Laugh more – it’s a lot easier to be flexible when you are happy.  Connect to friends, watch silly movies (Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe), read funny books (anything by David Sedaris) or simply, play.  What did you like to do as a kid and can you do that now?  

 Real change is not waving a magic wand or overnight decisions.  Real change is many, many steps.  It is not sexy or exciting – it’s breaking a habit.  Sometimes one of our bad habits is negative thinking.  It takes time to shift your language just because it takes time for a new language to integrate into your thoughts.  How many years have you been thinking in a certain way and now you would like a new way? 

 Relax, have patience with yourself – you are on you way…

For the next 24 hours try this exercise – speak your life into being.  Talk about your life as if the life you desire is happening right now.  For example, want a new job?  For the next 24 hours say to yourself, I have a new job – it’s fantastic.  I can’t believe it – just fell into my lap.  Feel this new job.  Think about the new office, maybe your desk is there – what photos are on the desk?

 Or maybe you are lonely and want a fuller life.  What if you began saying to yourself – people like being around me.  I get invited places.  People feel good when they are around me.  I have good friends.

 Or possibly you feel overwhelmed, stressed and are looking for support.  What if you said to yourself, support shows up, unbelievably when I least expected it.  Feel how good it would be to feel supported, feel a lending hand enter your life…

 Just give it a try and let the magic unfold – opportunities appear and doors open when you believe…What have you got to lose, but everything to gain????

These past months I feel a bit like I’m in the boat, sails up yet no rudder – the wind is sporadic.  Sometimes I seem to be spinning in the same circles around and around.  Other times – I feel dead in the water yet still other days, I find myself zooming off into directions unknown.  Interestingly I know I am not alone.

 I hear it over and over from my friends, from people I haven’t spoken to in months and from many of my clients – I just don’t know which way to turn, but something’s gotta give.  I’ve questioned myself – is this how it has always been?  Are we always on the edge in some way or is this something bigger?

 I am relentlessly optimistic.  I always, always, always believe there is a brighter day.  The darkest part of the night only emboldens me to hold on tighter and wait for dawn, as I know it comes.  Unfortunately it doesn’t always come in my timing however…Gratefully one of the gifts in being almost forty years old is I’ve known miracles.  I have seen amazing things come to pass out of nowhere, hence I know dawn comes…eventually. 

 I have learned that sometimes wandering the desert or in a rudderless boat can carry you to places unexpected and magical.  Somehow I had forgotten this – I had become one of the adults in The Little Prince…

 A few weeks ago, I decided to enjoy the boat again, even if the rudder seems to be missing for awhile.  I know my compass is true, the people I love are abroad and the adventure is now…

Let go of the stress and be guided into relaxation easily and effortlessly…

I’m not sure you can teach happiness.  It’s really a by-product of listening to your heart, laughter or of even appreciating the beauty that surrounds you each day.  I’m not going to spin some ‘Polly-anna’ nonsense that every day could be sweet bliss.  Nope, it just doesn’t work that way, but what I can promise you is most days could be happy.

 It’s about where do you put your attention.  Do you focus on what you don’t have or what you do have?  Not sure – just try listening to yourself for a day.  Are you complaining or celebrating your life?  Are you pointing out the flaws in life, people, yourself?  Or are you noticing the leaves are just beginning to turn golden and fiery and maybe, just maybe that heralds in a more abundant time, a new beginning…

 What do you see?