Trust.  The word “trust” sits on my desk in a small, silver frame.  I see it over and over all day long, reminding me, “trust.”  Sometimes I still struggle with trust – hence the reminder on my desk. 

 Sometimes just looking at the word calms me, but sometimes it frustrates me and I begin spinning.  Spinning because I feel like something is “not enough.”  Not enough money, not enough love, not enough truth, whatever – it remains “not enough.”  Being an action-oriented person, I act.  I can’t stay still as this “not enough” feeling is like drowning to me.  It’s been a very long time, but I’ve notice recently, I’ve begun spinning again.

 I’ve come up close to this “drowning” feeling again and this time, I’ve stayed with it.  I discovered this drowning feeling is really sadness.  Sadness that makes me feel.  Yes, feel.  When I am spinning and “acting out” – I fool myself with the illusion of being in control.  I don’t have feel when I am moving, however, when I eventually stop as we all must, I feel even worse. 

 The avoiding of the sadness magnifies the emotions more painfully.  The disappointments are more crushing.  The resentments are bigger and the unresolved issues grow…But this time – I have felt the sadness.  Maybe not at first, but sooner, and instead of running the other way, I’ve stayed with the sadness to discover more about myself and how not to be in this same place again. 

 Life is full of opportunities and not all of them come with a “smiley face.”  Sometimes it is in the disappointments the greatest clarity is found.  You see who you are and what you believe.  And if you can stop “spinning” – you discover “trust.” 

 Trust in something bigger then you.  Trust that unseen forces support you, even if it may not appear so at first glance.  Trust that your highest self is stretching to reveal itself again and again.  Trust, I bid you, Trust.