I leave tomorrow for my annual girl’s trip.  This year we are headed to Martha’s Vineyard.  No husband, no kids, no work, actual adult “me” time. Often, I’ve discovered during these annual trips, I see myself again. Amusingly, I witness the unique quirks of me over and over without the distraction of kids or a husband…

In my mind’s eye, I am wonderful, flexible traveler. In reality, not so much - sensitive stomach, sleeplessness due to excitement, finicky eater…When I step back and really see it, it’s ridiculous.

The dichotomy of my hopeful mind’s eye (I am a world-class traveler, ready to win the Amazing Race!), and the starch truth of my behavior (porta-potties cause me to wince involuntarily) - it is absurd.  This flexible person in my mind’s eye, well, she just doesn’t exist in reality. Do we all decide how we should be and quietly berate ourselves for not measuring up? The hum of disapproval vibrating in our minds.

I have discovered I am much happier when I operate in the world from the truth of my behavior. I am not a good traveler for all my so called good intentions, and now, I travel prepared – stomach cures, sleeping pills and power bars. I am who I am and I will not be entering the Amazing Race, ever.

When I return from these girls’ trips, I feel softened and empowered. I only go now with one other girlfriend because, well, we’re selfish.  My girlfriend and I met in the first few weeks of college. We have always been mistaken for sisters as we look, dress and act similarly even to this day. We are so much alike, yet our life choices have lead us on very different paths. She is in international law and single. I am married, mother of two and working from my home…Yet we are still sisters. 

For about five days each year we live like sisters again…We giggle, gossip, tease, re-tell the same stories over and over again, shop, eat and drink too much, and listen to the new stories each has to tell.  We have tried to include others, but it doesn’t lead to good places.  The only men we talk to are named Hector and carry trays with umbrella drinks.  We have a fantastic time.

Even with our very different lives, we are able to support each other still. She helps me access my identity before the rest of life crowded in. She helps me play and frankly, stay young.

Several years ago she inspired me to get back into a bikini…I had not worn a bikini in maybe 10 years—I was a Mom, that time had past, my body wasn’t perfect. Again, I heard the hum of disapproval vibrating within. But I did it anyway, and you know what, I looked good.

I looked around the beach and everyone was in bikinis, with all their different bodies for the entire world to see. There were no perfect bodies. Even the sixteen year olds had cellulite. I didn’t have to be perfect. Finally, my mind’s eye had softened to embrace reality. The disapproving hum disappeared, only to be replaced by the crashing of waves and laughter of sisters.

Recently a client asked, “How do you create a sacred space for meditation and quiet.”  These are some tips to create your own sacred space be it an entire room or a small shelf.

 I like to think of sacred spaces as being attached to your senses…

 1.       Visual - Color.  Colors trigger emotional responses from the inside.  Think of it, seeing “red” when you are angry or feeling “blue” when you are sad.  Try painting the sacred space or even the shelf, a calming color to help “queue” your internal response to “relax.”  My office is painted a gorgeous, blue-lavender hue and often my clients will comment how it feels like walking into Springtime upon entering the room…Use color as a way to sooth yourself, instead revving it up.

2.       Smell – Palo Santo and candles.  Whenever I smell burning Palo Santo, Holy Wood, I am instantly connected to divine peace. It smells like nature and mother earth to me.  I like lighting candles and Palo Santo before I meditate or spend time in my sacred space.  I’ve created my own ritual of sorts.  By lighting candles and burning holy wood, I intentionally mark a transition into my sacred space.  This in turn, creates a higher vibration thus more “sacred space.”

3.       Touch – images and photos.  I like to think of this as more about “touching” your heart then physical touch.  What are some images that immediately calm you when you look at them?  Mother Mary?  Angels? Frogs?  Pretty knit-knacks from long ago adventures?  Friends?  Anything that you adorn your sacred space with must be centered in love and tranquility.  Your sacred space is yours alone, a place that speaks to your own heart quietly.  Be creative and even open to what is important…Maybe a favorite rock or two will show up.

4.       Taste – water.  I like balance in sacred spaces.  Water balances fire - candles.  Water nourishes us.  It reminds us to be flexible and that our emotions can be fluid like the ocean.  I have a wonderful Kuan Yin statue that drips water.  Kuan Yin is an Eastern goddess focused on compassion for self and others.  (Kind of like the Mother Mary of the East without the virgin-birth story attached.)  Some clients leave small bowls of water with flower blossoms floating in their meditation spaces to keep the energy fresh.  A nice fountain can also do the trick which also leads to the last tip - sounds.

5.       Hearing – what are you listening to?  This is where things can be interesting…Are you listening to guided meditations?  Great, but what else?  Are you quiet in this space sometimes?  Have you opened the windows to hear what is going on outside – birds?  Have you tried listening to ocean sounds or relaxing music while you are sitting in your sacred space or looking at your shelf?  Try some different things and you will discover how your sacred space can support you in many ways.

 These are just a few suggestions to help you create your own sacred space.  I bet if you look around already in your life today, you can see that you’ve have already gathered your “sacred” tools…It’s really just you allowing yourself the space to blossom. 

In this guided meditation, you will be lead through a process of releasing negative energy with white light.  Expect to feel relaxed, refreshed and balanced each time you listen to this meditation.  Enjoy!

All of my life I have battled perfect – being perfect, not being perfect, expecting others to be perfect, wondering what is perfect…on and on the thoughts unravel…I think I have mastered my driving need to be “perfect” only to have it show up somewhere else. 

 It is during these times I am reminded of my stumbling and bumbling through life.  Things are so clear cut in my mind, but when I really step back, I view my “two-steps-forward, one-step-back jig” over and over.  And in fact, I am grateful.  When I see this need to be “perfect” revealed - I see my hurts, but also the hurts of those around me.  Not only do I have more compassion for others, but most importantly - I have more compassion for me.

 When I surrender in my battle with perfect, I discover peace and acceptance.  Not a peace built on certain circumstances, events or people, but a peace with self.  True peace. 

Guided meditation was at the center of my own personal transformation years ago.  I discovered what was blocking me from my best life was my own self-sabotaging believes that cycled over and over in my mind, and body dooming me to repeat the same mistakes again and again.  These beliefs stemmed from my own childhood – created as a way to survive a very dysfunctional environment. 

 For example, I have always struggled with “not enough.”  What I remember of my childhood sucked – alcoholic, violent and little money.  It is no wonder I had a “not enough” believe system.  I learned from an infant, “there was never enough love, money, time, safety…”  This ”not enough” belief carried over into my adulthood driving my choices and decisions in desperate ways.  I became stressed, panicked and fearful…Then a therapist suggested guided meditation. 

 Through guided meditation I was able to “re-write” my thinking.  It was like I had these old, negative tapes looping within myself and I needed new, positive messages to replace them.  Listening to guided meditations daily allowing me the space and time to create a new, healthy inner dialog. 

 It took awhile and I kept at it.  Before long I realized I liked these new beliefs.  I liked seeing myself as lovable, capable, safe…and doors opened, opportunities appeared.  My life transformed.

 My two meditation series are a result of this transformation.  They are really a step-by-step guided path out of a blocked life through meditation.  I like creating spaces for you to discover specific issues that are blocking you today.  And most importantly, to experience the process of healing over and over within the meditations - a healing that expands outward touching all aspects of your life.  It is magic to discover the keys to all your dreams already waits inside – only to be revealed by you. 

There are sure signs of post vacation blues – the fading suntan, irritability, peeling skin, a far-off glassy look in the eyes – it’s all there.  Yupe, that’s me – post vacation blues.

 I want to go back to the beach where my most pressing issues of the day were; should we have breakfast in bed or at the café?  Trashy magazine or book?  Which bikini?  I’m about ready to cry right now thinking about it…Ughhhh.

 Ok, I know I’m blessed.  Don’t get me wrong.  I am grateful to get away and all that…It’s just - coming back from vacation reveals to me how I long to travel more. I miss water more acutely as we travel back to land-locked Colorado.

 When I am absorbed in my daily life – mom, work, wife…Traveling seems like a luxury for someone else, some far off life…and then I find myself on a beach.  I slip into the “other life.”  The cool life, without meals to fix, dishes to wash…without responsibilities.  Before the children.

 About the fourth day on vacation I begin missing the children, my home, my kitchen and the on fifth day I’m ready to go back.  A joyful return happens, gifts for the kids, the clothes are washed and a few days pass…Then - post vacation blues.

 I don’t want to make any meals – where is Hector?  Isn’t someone coming by to pick up the towels?  Why is it not 84 degrees outside?  Is someone coming by with my afternoon snack?  And I realize what I like about vacation is becoming a kid again.  I know my blues today really stem from a mild resentment as I’ve slipped into the adult again.  Driving the car, cooking, answering to the title, “Mommy.”

 Yes, I have heard all the “new-age talk” - bring vacation into your every day life.  Whatever.  If this was truly possible, why would you need a vacation?  Vacations to me are like “postcards” – a snapshot of a unique moment in time, both good and bad.  It’s ok that vacations hold a little glamour, little magic still.    

 What I really think needs to happens is more vacations…How ‘bout Disney in the fall?  Isn’t there some money from the government coming soon?  Ummm, I’m feeling better already.  Where to stay???

Sometimes, husbands are really annoying.  For an Irish, redhead like me, this can cause problems.  During private sessions with clients and over many years of marriage, I’ve discovered a few tricks to avoid homicide when faced with you own beloved husband disguised as the village idiot.  May these tips help you avoid temptation…

1. Pedicure.  Pretty toes are very good to look at while you are having a “talk” with your husband about whatever said grievance is occurring.  As the ridiculous phases float out of his mouth you can distract yourself by watching the light reflect off your pretty toes.  Hot red means business!

2. Music.  Anything you love to be sung loudly.  Girl-power, angry songs are particularly satisfying, such as Melissa Etheridge in her angry years.  It is very helpful to release all those suppressed emotions physically.  Exercise is very helpful too.  However, by singing you are actually speaking the words you may be holding back in “talks” with your husband for whatever reason.  If you are not ready to say these things to him, sing them and get them out of your body.  You will feel better.

3. Journal and meditate.  Write it all out.  Maybe this is just an off day and you will be able to see that as you write.  Or, maybe, this is a bigger issue — possibly a culmination of old stuff, whatever.  It is good for you to release these emotions and experiences through writing.  It forces you to become present.  Another tool to become present is guided meditation.  The meditations lead you out of your incessantly thinking mind back into balance where you can make empowered decisions.

4. Call a friend.  Sometimes just venting to someone you can trust is very helpful and can allow you to feel supported.  However, think carefully about who would be helpful to talk to before you call – chances are, whatever the issue is, it’s going to blow over sooner or later.  For example, calling your Mom to complain about your husband out drinking with the guys instead of being with you or the kids, is not going to endear him to your mother.  You could actually be creating more strain in your life.  Or, telling ALL of your girlfriends of your husband’s blunders keeps the past alive with many re-tellings and finger-pointing.  Hard to keep the high ground with petty behavior no matter how justified the indignation may be.

5. Girls’ Night.  Go have fun, laughter is essential.  Wallowing in self-pity is not productive for anyone.  Laughter will connect you to the space of, “everything is going to be ok.”  You’ll feel better and you may actually be able to breathe.

6. Send your husband out of your bed, either the sofa or guest room will do.  A little space is good.  I am not of the philosophy, “Don’t go to bed angry.”  Sometimes, you are angry and with good reason.  So give yourself the opportunity to calm down and get clear.  The separation will stop you from saying something you may regret later as well.

7. Get away.  Go on a vacation for a couple days, maybe even a week by yourself or with a girlfriend.  This is a last resort kind of thing.  Unfortunately, sending your husband down the hall doesn’t always work.  Either you are too angry, too tired, or just plain had it, to be able to find peace with this man you’ve married.  Getting away helps both of you detach a little and you get a break from whatever the problem is.  The problem truly becomes his problem when you remove yourself from the situation.

When you are finally able to relax and regain your footing, ask yourself this, real or imagined?  Is this a real issue or passing stupidity?  Let’s face it – men can say/do some pretty dumb things.  Not saying all men, but experience tells me I have heard some tales…

On the other hand, if this is a real issue - what is your part?  Unfortunately, you have a part in this too.  It is not, in fact, all him.  Maybe you just went along with it too many times, maybe he doesn’t appreciate you, maybe so many different things, but the truth is – somewhere inside, you said, “yes.”  Yes to less.

It is difficult to accept that you could be the one creating these opportunities to sabotage your life, but once realize this, you actually become empowered.  Empowered because you can make different decisions.  With clear and balanced thoughts and behaviors, you can make good decisions no matter what the situation.

So, when you are watching the light reflect off your very pretty toes as your beloved husband blurts out some offending nonsense, you will remain calm and think, “Is this a real issue or passing stupidity?”

How do you mend a broken heart?  How does it get broken?  Is it in one event?  Or are there dozens of offenses before the crack?  Oh, I wish I knew.  For me, it happens over time, dozens of offenses forcing me to dodge and weave hoping to keep my balance.  Some days I can, and some I can’t. In my early twenties, I dated a man, really a boy, who I adored.  It was an incredibly, passionate relationship.  I discovered passion is a slippery thing, it goes both ways.  The intensity you love is equal to the intensity you hate.  My, my does can that lead to interesting times…We stayed together six years. Our break-up was a pitiful good-bye, lasting a year of push and pull.  The end did not result from a lack of love; it ended because of all the hurts.  The wounds left to fester and grow.  He was an alcoholic.  I suspect he still is. I grew up with a father who drank too much and a mother who yelled too much.  My old boyfriend was like home.  I loved and hated home as I loved and hated him.  I’m sure I even became the woman who yelled too often, much to my disgust. I remember after he left, laying in bed, weeping for hours - hurting so deeply from the inside.  I would take deep breaths in all the time because I felt like I couldn’t breathe — never enough air, never any relief.   Over and over, in my mind I would repeat this poem my mother once said to me, “I told my soul to be still and wait. Without love, For I know not what to love. Without hope, For I know not what to hope for. But in the waiting, there is faith.  There is love, hope and faith in the waiting.  I told my soul to be still and wait.”  If I said it enough times, finally a peace would descend.   Comforting me, even if it lasted only a little while. Today I know that comfort was God.  I was ceaselessly praying with my poem.  As I lay in my bed at night, I would imagine myself held in the palm of God’s hand.  I started going to church.  It was when I gave up, that my heart began to mend. I can’t say it happened over night.  It was a process and time was a huge part of it.  I can’t even say it won’t happen again.  But what I can say is, I have faith.  There is love, hope and faith in the waiting.  In that space, God waits for me.  I am held there and gently reminded “courage.”  I told my soul to be still and wait.

Being successful is no far off place.  It is probably closer then you think, but, at this vantage point in your life it may feel a million miles away.  Ask yourself, do you have the mindset to see the opportunities to your best life?  Being successful is not about always making the “right” move every time, but about maximizing all your moves.

Once you’ve lived past thirty, you can finally get a little perspective on your life.  If you really look at your life, there is a pattern.  Even the mistakes, the “wrong” choices, taught you lessons.  You may not have enjoyed the process, but you can see the benefits in the chaos – the so called “silver lining.”

Sometimes delay is a good thing.  During delays you often acquire more knowledge and experience, laying a foundation for your future success.  However, it is during these delays that I believe people can veer off the path by becoming frustrated in the process.

Whether it’s losing faith in your product, yourself or the old “not enough time”, here are some suggestions that have helped my clients to remain on the path to success and may they support you…

1. Believe in yourself and your product.   This is where it all begins – you.  How is your self-esteem or self-confidence?  If you don’t think well of yourself, no one else will, plain and simple.  Which of course, will transfer to your product and you will miss opportunities.  So how you feel about yourself matters and directly impacts your success.  If this is an issue for you, try saying to yourself five different times a day, “I believe in myself.  Success enters my life easily and effortlessly from all around me.”  It may feel awkward at first, but soon you will notice a calming effect.
2. You deserve success.  How did that feel when you read this?  Any twinges?  If so, this is also an area to examine.  Not only do you need to believe in yourself, but you have to feel worthy of success too – back to you again.  You may try adding, “I deserve and accept a beautiful life,” to your daily mantra above to help support a new, deserving belief in your life.
3.  Have a plan.  It’s all well and good to believe that you deserve success, but what does that mean?  What would success look like to you and what are the steps to get there?  This is a big hurdle for many because it requires putting your words into action.  Just as your thoughts and intensions call new opportunities to you, you must be willing to act upon their arrival.  For example, maybe you want a new job making more money.  There are steps between today and a new job.  Do you know what these are?  Do you need more education?  Have you looked in the paper or online?  Think about what success is to you and then write it out.  Include the steps to achieve the success you desire.  Then each day, do one thing to move you in that direction – read an article, make a phone call, research, whatever, at least one a day.  You will notice your life shifting, easily and effortlessly almost, into a new, more successful direction.
4.  Be flexible.  This may seem a little confusing at first, but it kind of goes to the old saying, “Once you make plans, life happens.”  This is very true fortunately, so stay open.  Let me explain.  Once you shift your belief system to a successful mindset – you attract success.  Things that were blocked before come flying into your life.  This, in turn, disrupts your “plans” –  well, maybe not.  Sometimes, you discover your plans were too small and life has something better in store for you…So stay flexible, be ready to expand into the fullness of life as it unfolds.
5. Use your fears to balance yourself.  Whenever you get really close to success, fear walks in the door, almost its final hurrah.  Fear hides as doubts, anxiety, sleeplessness, certain people, the list goes on and on…but I now see fear as an opportunity.  Fear to me is an indicator of imbalance which means I need support.  Sometimes I can give this to myself through meditation and prayer, but sometimes it means I need to reach out to my husband, friend or a mentor for encouragement and reassurance.  Find  a support system for yourself as you transition to this new life.

Finally, remember patience and courage — the patience to allow yourself the opportunity to transform your life to its fullest potential and the courage to walk and stumble through that transformation.

Years ago a friend whispered, “Courage,” in my ear during a pivotal time in my life.  I can still remember the strength hearing that word vibrated through my body.  Courage, not condescending, “It’ll be ok.  Don’t worry,” but strong and faithful courage.  It actually helped me to be a little more patient too.  So I offer you courage, as you discover your path to a successful, abundant life.

We live in a society of complaint.  Each of us has our own “victim” story that we hold dear, our deep reservoir of excuses of why life is not working out as planned and who or what is to blame.  Without a doubt each of us have been “victims” in certain experiences or events, but no longer are we in those spaces today, yet continually we identify ourselves as “victims” over and over.  What keeps us in a victim state?  An inability to forgive.

Forgiveness, it’s such a tricky thing.  Who does not want to deem themselves to be someone who forgives?  We are taught “forgiveness” is what we “should” do, but do you?  Do you really forgive those who hurt you?  Offend you, maybe even insult you or worse?  And what if those hurts are abhorrent, seemingly above forgiveness?  Do you still forgive?  Yes, but let me explain — forgiveness is not absolution for your perpetrator, but an inward act of healing and grace for yourself.

I believe when you withhold forgiveness you live in the past.  You tie yourself to your victim story, the places you are broken.  We all have broken places, wounds that never quite heal.  In fact, it is in these very wounded places that we can connect to one another in the most profound way, because hurts are a great equalizer in humanity.

Each of us has been to a dark place in our lives, hurt and broken, and so too has the person sitting next to you been to this same dark place.  Our individual wounds may have different names and experiences, but underneath it is the same - pain.  To escape this pain, we blame others, withhold forgiveness and carry on our victim story disempowering our lives at every turn.

I was just about thirty when I discovered I wasn’t a victim.  Yes, of course, there had been terrifying moments of truly being a victim over the years, but I discovered a new philosophy through reading books by Dr Wayne Dyer about “there is a valid reason for everything that happens.”  It is quite a bitter pill to swallow – the concept that you are responsible for everything that has happened in your life.

When I first read this, my reaction was immediate horror – how could I be responsible for any of those horrible experiences?  And then, I looked at my life again and I saw the web.  The complex reality of all these experiences and there impact on my life for better and worse.  I saw the silver linings in the horrific events.

Yes, in certain moments, surely I was a victim, but after that moment in time, it is how I related to that event that I either continued to be a victim or found the courage to transcend.  This is not to deny the anguish or even heartache of these events, but to go beyond the pain to gain new understanding.  The understanding that events and experiences happen, but I am not defined by just that staggering moment.  Instead, I am defined by my courage as I face disappointments, failures, betrayals, and even hurts.

When you transcend and take responsibility for everything that happens in your life, you step into your power.  For me this is when I discovered a deeper connection to Spirit.  I began to understand my soul’s purpose and see the underlining truth – this is my life today, I chose who I want to be every day.  The events and experiences of my past have lead me to this place and I am grateful to finally be able to view past disappointments and hurts to discover courage.  Once you discover the silver lining, it is almost impossible to maintain the resentment to withhold your forgiveness.

Let me be clear, this does not excuse the offense, nor does this mean you need to contact the offender to let them know they are forgiven.  (However, in most cases this would be the goal.)  Truly, forgiveness begins within.  It begins with self.  Can you forgive yourself for your own mistakes, real or imagined?  Forgiveness is no far off place.  It is here, today, waiting for you to step into…Courage.