Along with the celebration of the holidays, can be almost unbearable sadness. The loss of loved ones is most keenly felt, for better or worse, during this season. Death is a topic each of us often avoids – like a dirty, little secret that if we just ignore it long enough, maybe it will go away. However it doesn’t…It just waits for each of us…death and taxes are about the only guarantees we’ve got.
I have a comfortable relationship with death. I believe in a Christian model, however, I also believe we come back over and over. Each of us has certain work to do in our lifetime along with the free will to realize that work or not. I believe most of the people involved in my life today, I have been with before in previous lives.
Several years ago my step-sister died. She died sadly – alone. At first there were hints of a suicide and that is what distressed me. I was worried her soul was lost and wandering – not knowing the grace that was available to her. I learned of her death on a Sunday night and that Monday I had already planned to visit a mentor to train on Mediumship.

So the next day I went to my mentor very upset – worried that somehow Nicky was lost. We set the space and called Nicky to us. Immediately she came in…she was so sad, but her first words were about suicide. It was not a suicide, but a mistake – she just wanted to feel better with a little more drugs, “just a little more.” That was Nicky. After she made the “no suicide message” clear, you could feel her sadness and she taught me about free will.

She had said in this life she thought she could do it – beat the addictions, but she couldn’t. She spoke of the love that was in her life always available (family and friends) but that she never accepted while she was alive. She helped me to understand each of us has choices. Nicky chose drugs over and over – she couldn’t help herself and that is when I found peace.

I understood each of us has our own “cross to bear.” Nicky didn’t choose the drugs because of any one person. No, this was her life, her choices and I could love her still. I remembered her as a child and making friends with everyone – she accepted each person as beautiful and interesting. This probably led to problems as an adult, but I know the very essence of Nicky’s soul is love – not perfect, but love all the same.

When we closed the session that day, I knew Nicky would be ok. I believed in her – her soul. I know her beauty and kindness will come back again and we will meet again. Maybe not in this lifetime, but I know she is never lost from me. She speaks with angels now, across the thin veil – healing her wounded places and biding her time until she comes back again…

I went to see the movie the Golden Compass last week.  I have read all three books in the series with waning interest.  What began turning me off in the second and third books was his obvious and negative view of religion.  The books – instead of making me question religion and its role in society – I became repelled by his obvious dislike of all things holy.

 Now I get the complaints about religion – violence in the name of God, a way to control the masses…Heard it all before, even spilling from my own lips at times.  I too had a Mother who identified herself as a recovering Catholic and pretty much my entire childhood was shrouded in negative views of any church and of course, God.  However, I was still curious…I have always thought it a bit naïve to criticize something not fully examined. So as an adult I joined a several different Bible studies to discover the truth for myself.

 Surprise of all surprises, I discovered a living book that spoke to my life right now.  Interestingly, the first Bible study I did was with a fundamentalist Christian (I am most definitely not) because I wanted to challenge myself.

 We read the Gospel of Matthew and one day we were reading Jesus words about his message.  He discussed how men would use his message and twist it to there own meaning, however love was truly the center.  Amusingly, as we discussed this passage, we began to disagree.  My friend really believed if you don’t follow the bible (really a fundamentalist interpretation) then to hell you go…What did you not read the loving words of Jesus – ALL are welcome????  She really could not see an all-inclusive loving God and certainly no other interpretations of God through other religious books were acceptable.

 Personally, I don’t feel any religion has a lock on God.  God is for all of us no matter how you find him/her whether through meditation, nature, different religions, books, whatever.  My image of God is clearly displayed in the story of the Prodigal Son. 

The father, i.e. God, runs arms outstretched for his wayward child.  The son only needs to turn to his father, who has been looking down the road hoping to see his child return.  The father celebrates the return and even chastises his other son for being resentful of the celebration.  I so understood that other brother’s anger and then I realized the truth.  No matter what you have done, God is there, pouring out his love and calling you home. 

 I don’t have to be perfect to be in relationship with God.  I can stumble, I can fail.  It doesn’t matter, God still waits and longs for me – each of us no matter what.  That is power, that is love. 

 So as I read each book in Philip Pullman’s series, I became more repelled.  It malice and distain for religion became more clear with each page; evil angels, the Magisterium (in the Catholic Church, an actual board of power,) the issue of souls, etc.  Honestly, it smacks of an immature and fixated negative view of religion.  I really wonder if he has done any real challenging scholarship on spirituality and religion.  I get the feeling that Mr. Pullman has no respect for spirituality and actually has a “less-than” view of those who do.

In fact when I finished the last book all I could think was, “Wow, this is sad.  How depressing to be so cut off from the magic of life.  How can do you find peace?  So lonely.”  I can honestly say I have no desire to read anything by him again, because I just have no interest in witnessing material that pedals hate, separation from God and violence towards kids guised as a children’s book.  Yuck.  This seems to at least be something that could reserved for adult books. 

What do you think?

Sometimes I forget I love Christmas.  Sometimes I get sidetracked by all the stuff, the impending arrival of relatives, the gifts, the ill-will of certain individuals, even myself.  I forget I love Christmas, because on this day so many, many years ago – I know a God that began to live with me.  I know a God that sent his child, really his own self, to live among men – not as a King with riches to spare, but as an “everyman” brought into this world through an unwed mother, poor, but never abandoned. It took me years to understand the significance of this…When we think of God – maybe we think all-powerful, the ultimate “in-control.”  Surely the God of the Old Testament displayed this imagery both positively and negatively.  (Let us not forget rainbows where a sign of God’s never-ending love after he leveled humanity…an earlier version of flowers as a make-up gift I’m thinking.)   The God of the New Testament is the vision I most closely relate to…This is the God that runs arms out-stretched for his prodigal son – aaaghh, this is my God.  A God that knows no limits – that is always available to me if only I would just turn my face to him, to her.   Long ago, in the dark of night, a couple struggled to bring a child into the world.  Joseph did his best, finding shelter where there seemed to be none.  Mary lay her newborn in the only resting space available to her – a manger where animals surely ate from moments before.  Did she know that this was the beginning?  The child she held in her womb so tenderly, even as those around her must have pointed fingers and whispered?  Did she really believe anyone bought her stories of angels? This was the beginning – confusing, slightly scandalize, but a miracle none the less.  If you believe the story, Jesus the son of God, then you know the miracle.  The Jews of Jesus’ day were on the lookout for a savior who was promised to save them.  Of course they were looking for a King in the guise of maybe someone like the powerful King David.  Isn’t that always what we believe – might and bravado will win out?  Some things never change… But, how does the savior come?  Poor, son of an unwed mother, on the margins of society – the last, almost forgotten among us.  Why did he come from the least among us?  I believe he came this way to know us better, to support each of us more.  Haven’t each of us been marginalized, less-then sometime?  Jesus came to be with us, not above us.   This is my God who came to the world, frail and helpless, dependant on the kindness of others.  He came to be loved and maligned.  He came to heal.  He came bearing the name Emanuel – translated “God with us.” He came to live with us, as I believe he still does everyday in so many different ways.  Reminding me always – I too am a beloved child of God.  May you have a very, merry Christmas.   Peace be with you.