For the past couple months I have had a plan to move our family to Costa Rica.  We have wanted to move abroad for about a year and while vacationing, we fell in love with Costa Rica.  We love the energy, the beaches/mountains, the climate (best in the world according to National Geographic!) and the people.  It is just fantastic.

We began thinking about moving to Costa Rica very seriously three months ago.  Things seemed to be opening in that direction.  I partnered with a wonderful new friend to run Yoga/Meditation Retreats in Atenas, Costa Rica this November.  I began researching and discovering all sorts of support already in place thus leading me to believe moving to Costa Rica was our path.

Six days ago I came down to Costa Rica to begin setting the retreats in motion and life shifted again.  The reality of being a gringo in a third world country become stunning disappointing.  Just by my white skin alone – I am assumed by Ticos (Costa Rican citizens) to be rich and the prices are automatically doubled.  By Tico standards of living (a family salary of roughly $12,000 a year) we are quite wealthy.  Anyone coming down to Costa Rica is considered wealthy by that standard, hence Ticos believe you can afford anything.

And here is the other cultural reality, they lie all the time because confrontation is frowned upon in this society.  Ticos prefer to make up stories, telling you what you want to hear, instead of the truth that very well may disappoint.  Ughh.  I’m not even going to go into their sense of service (sloooooooow) or time…two hours late is normal.

Have you ever read Eat, Pray, Love?  Horrible book in my opinion except for the part about different cultures and ‘taking advantage.’  Here in Costa Rica, Ticos double prices for gringos because they have so little – just try living on $12,000 a year…The doubling of prices is not an act of cruelty or malice, it’s really survival (think Maslow’s theory.) Although I understand this, for me, it is unacceptable to live in community where deception is status quo.  I would forever be on guard.  Ughhhh. 

For the past several years I have been connecting to more Goddess energy – softer, non-confrontational, peaceful resolution.  I want to be soft and loving, not on guard…Hence I have been very sad these past few days as reality meets the dream and the path can not be a permanent move Costa Rica at this moment.  Third world countries aren’t Disney and Tinker-bell isn’t flying through fireworks every night at ten.  So I have had to shift and accept the truth sometimes the dream cannot be reality…A tough pill to swallow at any age.

As my taxi this morning drove me to the airport I received a call.  It was my other driver, Walter, who had taken me all over Costa Rica with my new business partner/friend as we looked and found retreat spots.  Walter is amazing, completely trustworthy and honest.  He wanted to wish me well on my travels and let me know how kind/wonderful he thought I was…I thought to myself – what a great business man AND most importantly, I heard what spirit was trying to tell me – there are good people everywhere.  Here their need is greater then mine – things are muddy when people are hungry…and I can still see through the muck to the beautiful places and people that are the Costa Rica I fell in love with.  So I will be a forever visitor and not a permanent residence…Not such a bad deal.

Hmmmm, guess this means Spirit has other plans…can’t wait to see what unfolds!  With that, I’m off to Sonoma, Ca. this weekend for more business and pleasure.  This is an abundant life, warts and all.  How blessed am I???  Brilliantly!!!  Thank You GOD!

Morale: Focus on the good, be willing to shift if need be and Trust the path will open again.

Most of us don’t start from a place of radical trust – you have to get there on your own.  Often it is a crisis that brings you to radical trust – to the place of, “Hell, what have I got to lose?”

And that is where the magic happens.  You begin to flow.  New people show up, doors that were once closed open again, opportunities manifest suddenly and you discover Spirit had been there all along.  Just waiting to for you to stop struggling and follow the opening doors…Trust.

4.  Support.  How is your to-do’s list?  Pretty long?  Do you feel overwhelmed and unappreciated?  Can you just not get out of your own way sometimes?  Are you happy?  Do you have fun?  Most importantly, have you asked for help?

Each of us needs help, yet very few of us are good at asking for it.  You want to do it yourself.  You don’t want to bother or inconvenience others.  You worry about what people might think.  The result is you fall deeper into the quagmire.  You become exhausted and resentful, however you and you alone are responsible for getting to this place.

Stop with your denials, exclaims and pointing fingers at family, kids, duty, whatever…I’m not buying it.  In your mind you may have this idea that if you ask for help, it’s a sign of weakness or failure – wrong.  I see it as a sign of strength.  (Now I’m not talking about going overboard in this direction as well – balance.)  It’s the development of discernment – what is mine to fix and what is not. 

Support comes in many forms – spouses, friends, life coaching, support groups, books, therapists, online, religion…It is all around you, so there are no excuses of access.  You may choose to see them as for somebody else, but all that opinion really achieves is keeping you down.

Hence, back to you, do you need support?  And whom could you ask today to help?

5.  Where do you like to go on vacation?  Think about it – are you a beach person?  Mountains?  Does a big city escape sound delightful?  Or are you more interested in wandering a vineyard?  What do you like to do on vacation?  Read?  Play?  Explore a new area? 

 Now here is the transformational question – can you get more vacation into your life now?  Maybe you can’t get to the beach or mountains this year, but you could go explore a town you’ve never visited before and stay within a few hours of your home.  Or this summer you could go for more picnics and walks. Maybe you can simple choose to stretch out on a huge blanket in the sun to read and doze the afternoon away… 

 The good things in life aren’t to be saved up for a week here and there on vacation.  Good things aren’t to be put off day after day until the ‘right’ moment.  Life is meant to be savored this moment.  “Suck the marrow of the day,” so to speak.  This is your life, now go have some fun!

4.  Who do you want to be?  Just you – not the ‘you’ your parents, lover or even friends want you to be, but who do you want to be?  Do you want to be generous?  Do you want to be funny?  Do you want to be happy?  Do you want to be sexy?  Do want to be successful?

 Here’s the thing, I bet you know what you don’t want, but do you know what you do want?  When you focus your attention on the don’ts, you can never get to what you do want or who you want to be.  There’s a negative mindset that attaches to the don’ts and that is all you can see in any situation – how it doesn’t work, you don’t like this or that…So today instead of focusing on what you don’t like about a person, a situation or even yourself, concentrate on what you do like…Not surprisingly you will notice when you focus on the do-likes about a person or situation, suddenly things are better.  You have more energy.  You are in a better mood and life is better… 

3.  What do you love?  Not who, but what – do you love adventure?  Challenges?  Drawing?  Hiking?  Reading?  Laughing?  Travel?  Whatever it is, do you have enough of it in your life right now?  Or do you hear excuses tripping from your lips – there isn’t enough time…Is your day so packed with your to-do’s and work that you exclude the very things in life that bring you real pleasure? 

 Sure a drink after a long day may feel relaxing, but it is not rejuvenating.  Each of us is responsible for our own happiness.  Really, it’s up to you to fill your days with good things in life as well as ‘duties.’  Certainly there are periods in each of our lives when money is tight and responsibilities run deep.  This is exactly when those good things are essential.  Unfortunately we often push these joys off to another day – when we can afford it, when there is enough time…Stop, life is right now. 

 I invite you to expand.  Begin to expand your thinking to include more.  More beauty – plant some seeds and watch the miracles unfold.  More fun – when’s the last time you played hop-scotch or a pick-up game of anything?   More time – who decided you needed a list this full anyway?  It is time to let go of a perfect ‘image’ of how life should look and begin developing a life that does work…

What mistake do you keep making?   First thing that pops in your head – what is the mistake you keep making over and over?  Money?  Love?  Balance?  Diet?…Ok, got it?

 Now the transformational question – what are you accomplishing by keeping this pattern?  Does it proof yourself to be bad or deficient in some way?  Does it keep you down?  If you take a moment and really look at your repeating pattern, you can be certain of one thing – this pattern is firmly locked to your ego.  What if instead of being right, you chose a path of peace.  What if you surrendered having it your way and focused on a peaceful solution for all?

 One of my own stumbling blocks that can sometimes drag me back into my ego is my temper.  I have one of those red-head, Irish kind of tempers that can sometimes lead to an intense vocabulary quickly.  I have learned to remain quiet when I am pissed and give myself some time.  I have learned it is more important to me to show up with people the way I choose, even if that means postponing conversations, instead of spiraling into a heated exchange for the sake of immediate resolution.  Dare I say that sometimes my bad temper has little to do with the others, as much as with myself? 

 Thus on most occasions I have learned to self-monitor my reactions to the unexpected events and people in my life the way I choose.  By creating a little space around myself with time and self-awareness, I am able to show up the way I want and make more empowered decisions from a clear mind, not impassioned emotions. 

 Now, back to you – what mistake do you keep making and today, try something new.  Try to frame your response with how can I show up the way I want.  Maybe you need time, maybe you need to let go or maybe, only you know…

1.       What is your favorite time of day?

2.       What mistake do you keep making?

3.       What do you love?

4.       Who do you want to be?

5.       Where do you like to go on vacation?

 Over the next week, I will explore each one of these questions…

  1.  What is Your Favorite time of Day?  Are you a morning person?  Night owl?  Understanding this simple rhythm about yourself allows you to make more empowered decisions.  Why?  You can choose to focus on projects and make your most important decisions during your individual ‘peak’ times of day.  You’ll discover that things just flow better during this time of day for you.  You are less apt to be impatient or careless. 

 Of Course, the flip side of this is you also have a natural low in your energy each day as well.  During this low energy period you are more prone to irritability or frustration…Now look at your life – how do you set up your day?  Are you focusing on your most important projects during your peak times?  Do you even allow yourself the flexibility to notice your different energy levels throughout the day, or do you always expect 110% from yourself every moment?  

 Understanding your own individual energy peaks and valleys helps you to take better care of yourself.  It can queue you to eat, take a ten minute rest or give you that extra energy to succeed in whatever you are doing.  You are learning to self-monitor yourself.  Without the ability to self-monitor, we become exhausted and out of balance.  However, today, you are taking one more step to the wholeness and peace you seek…

Using your Natural instincts to empower your Life

 Hopefully you have discovered which one or two instincts drive many of your life choices.  Now the question is how to make it work for you?  Simple answer, detach.  It may seem kind of complicated or cold at first, but it’s easy once you get the hang of it.

 When you discover the drivers of your behavior, you are able to cross into the next level in life transformation – becoming the witness.  For example, say you have a dominate social instinct – guess what?  You automatically know how groups work and you can use it to your advantage as to which careers you follow or simply in any unknown social environment.  If you feel yourself being pulled into an old pattern of trying to please everyone, this can now signal you that something is amiss.  Now you can stop and re-assess what’s really going on by detaching from your pattern and stepping into a witness space to ‘see’ what’s really going on.

 A dominate sexual instinct can be fun because you always know who’s ‘got-it’ and that’s not always who you would expect.  Usually with a strong sexual instinct you are able to feel not only individual energy shifts but situational or environmental shifts.  Being so closely aligned with the physical, helps you identify even the most subtle energy shifts – thus listen to your body.  When you get that icky feeling, it’s time to go, no questions asked.

 A strong self-preservation instinct can help you see solutions and options where others can not.  You are willing to look at all the sides to discern the best path.  Sometimes this can delay or even paralysis your decisions, but it can also lead to the most empowered decision – you aren’t going with your gut, you’re making an informed decision.

 All three instincts can lift you up or cripple you, depending on how you choose to use them.  It’s an opportunity.  An opportunity to live your most empowered life, if you choose. 

For each of us there are unconscious drivers, or instincts that frame all our decisions-making processes.  The instincts can be broken down into three separate groups – sexual, social and self-preservation.  Now remember this is not a conscious choice, just a part of who you are automatically and understanding your own drivers helps you make more empowered decisions.

 Here is how the three instincts work – we use all three.  However one instinct is usually dominate, with another instinct right next to it to reinforce the imbalance.

 For example, my husband’s dominate instinct is social.  When you have dominate social instinct you can walk into any room and know almost automatically who’s who.  You know who has the power, you understand the politics of the group and you know how to get them to like you.  Being liked by the group is very important to you…This instinct can be very helpful in your career if you learn how to use it to your advantage, not to an obsession.

 A dominate sexual instinct does not mean you are sex-crazed (though it could…)  For this individual, when you walk into a room, you know immediately who has the ‘mojo.’  You could care less if the group likes you, it’s just a few that are important to you.  Again this can be very helpful as you feel more empowered in yourself as a person, however too out of balance and you are making poor life choices.

 The final dominate instinct is self-preservation.  This person brings a sweater with them and a snack in their bag, just in case.  This person is prepared.  Sometimes too prepared – fearing the worst case-scenarios around every corner.  Being liked by the group is really only necessary to this person as a way to stay safe.

 Each of us are able to choose from all three instincts to use in a  specific situation, but you tend to go with the same one or two, often leading to imbalance.  As I said before my husband has a very strong social instinct with self-preservation right behind.  As a child he was the peacemaker and his world felt safe if everybody liked him and got along…Unfortunately that’s a lot of work as an adult – everybody liking him to get along…That strategy may have worked as a child, but now it creates problems.

 Myself, I have a dominate sexual instinct with self-preservation right behind.  In my past I have used sex to feel safe in relationships and to feel empowered.  Unfortunately if I operated exclusively from this mindset, I am not allowing myself to be more than sex.  The world is too big and exciting to have to operate from such a narrow vision of self.

 Another friend is dominated by a self-preservation instinct with social instincts directly supporting it.  For her, there is never enough.  Many of her decisions about career and relationships hinge on the question, is this safe?  So much of life passes her by because she is paralyzed by the what if’s and what will they think?

 Take a look at yourself.  What is driving your decisions?  Do you want to feel safe?  Do you use sex as a tool?  Does being liked by the group matter too much?  Email me with any questions that may arise.

 Next time we will discuss how to use your instincts to empower your life instead of hindering it…