All of my life I have battled perfect – being perfect, not being perfect, expecting others to be perfect, wondering what is perfect…on and on the thoughts unravel…I think I have mastered my driving need to be “perfect” only to have it show up somewhere else. 

 It is during these times I am reminded of my stumbling and bumbling through life.  Things are so clear cut in my mind, but when I really step back, I view my “two-steps-forward, one-step-back jig” over and over.  And in fact, I am grateful.  When I see this need to be “perfect” revealed - I see my hurts, but also the hurts of those around me.  Not only do I have more compassion for others, but most importantly - I have more compassion for me.

 When I surrender in my battle with perfect, I discover peace and acceptance.  Not a peace built on certain circumstances, events or people, but a peace with self.  True peace. 

Do you ever feel like you are emotionally spinning?  Maybe you have just had a difficult encounter with a relative or even a friend?  You may be able to identify – this person drives me nuts, but the real question is, why?  Why has this person been able to affect you?  Chances are you have been “triggered.”

 “Triggering” happens when some hidden emotional response is activated.  My in-laws are professionals at this by using guilt to trigger emotional responses.  For example, my husband’s parents will “talk” about each sibling to the other siblings trying to get them to speak to each other…”Oh, so-and-so, really does want to be more involved with your life, but he just doesn’t feel like you care enough…”  This is an attempt by someone on the outside to “trigger” or force events in a certain way.

 Even though my in-laws intentions are to bring the family closer, their manipulations stall any positive outcomes and actually inject more distance within the family structure.

 Often you can identify “triggering” by how you feel inside…When someone or something is “triggering” you, you may feel a tightness in your stomach or chest.  Your breathing may change.  Things may feel more emotionally intense or you may even feel cornered into a certain defensive reaction.  You are being “triggered.” 

 Now, no matter how well-adjusted and balanced you are today, each of us gets “triggered” every now and then.  The trick is not to fear being triggered, but to manage your reaction to whatever happens to illicit an emotional response.  So the real trick is, how to stop triggering? 

 You “trigger” because some place inside of you is feeling under attack.  For example, my in-laws use guilt to “trigger” the idea of “being a good son, brother – a good son would call his brothers, visit more, etc.”  The fact is my in-laws miss their family and want them to be close.  Instead of stating this desire or want, they use manipulation to “make” it happen.  They use passive aggressive tactics to avoid themselves getting “hurt” because when you overtly state your desires and wants to others, you make yourself vulnerable.  You give others choice - they can choose to say, “No, I don’t want to do that,” and then what? 

 So, how to get from, “they drive me crazy - triggering,” to witnessing what is really going on, i.e. the in-laws miss their family.  One technique I discovered years ago is “writing with God.”    

 Whenever you are feeling uncertain about things or are triggering, get a few sheets of paper out and begin writing with God. 

 For example:

 Kelly:  I hate my in-laws.  They f*&5ing suck.  If I have to hear another passive aggressive crap out of their mouth, etc…

God: Yes, they do suck.

Kelly:  Yeah, they really suck. Why are they so crazy?  Who tortures grown children this way?  Etc, etc…

God: Kelly, they are sad and miss something that is lost to them. Etc…

 (Notice rational voice begins entering the conversation in opposition to ego-centered defensive response.)

 The fact is your ego is the “triggered” response.  Using this technique allows you to release all your negative thoughts and comments – your ego defense, instead of the usual biting your lip and stuffing all these words deep inside.  By using this technique, you are able to release your own negative reactions, thus begin to detach and witness truth – your highest self, your God-response is brought forth.  This “higher” place is present inside you right now, waiting to lift you up, but first you have to release your “triggered-ego” by acknowledging the hurt and pain that is present first. 

 Give it a try…you will be surprised to discover your highest self is waiting, inside you right now, waiting to help you transform your life.  Your highest self is the path to happiness and peace everyday.  The choice is yours.

Guided meditation was at the center of my own personal transformation years ago.  I discovered what was blocking me from my best life was my own self-sabotaging believes that cycled over and over in my mind, and body dooming me to repeat the same mistakes again and again.  These beliefs stemmed from my own childhood – created as a way to survive a very dysfunctional environment. 

 For example, I have always struggled with “not enough.”  What I remember of my childhood sucked – alcoholic, violent and little money.  It is no wonder I had a “not enough” believe system.  I learned from an infant, “there was never enough love, money, time, safety…”  This ”not enough” belief carried over into my adulthood driving my choices and decisions in desperate ways.  I became stressed, panicked and fearful…Then a therapist suggested guided meditation. 

 Through guided meditation I was able to “re-write” my thinking.  It was like I had these old, negative tapes looping within myself and I needed new, positive messages to replace them.  Listening to guided meditations daily allowing me the space and time to create a new, healthy inner dialog. 

 It took awhile and I kept at it.  Before long I realized I liked these new beliefs.  I liked seeing myself as lovable, capable, safe…and doors opened, opportunities appeared.  My life transformed.

 My two meditation series are a result of this transformation.  They are really a step-by-step guided path out of a blocked life through meditation.  I like creating spaces for you to discover specific issues that are blocking you today.  And most importantly, to experience the process of healing over and over within the meditations - a healing that expands outward touching all aspects of your life.  It is magic to discover the keys to all your dreams already waits inside – only to be revealed by you. 

There are times in your life when you may feel as though you are stumbling through, destination unknown.  Maybe you are.  And then time passes and you begin to see the stumbling was really moving you forward to a truth or goal that had not yet been revealed. 

 Years ago I received great advice – take one step each day toward your goal.  Of course, the “goal” may be defined differently during the many phases of your life, but it is that forward energy that is most important.  This energy drives your ability to gently expand into your fullest self easily and effortlessly. 

 It’s ok that there are periods in your life when you are confused.  In fact, expect it.  But know this is a phase.  As annoying as this truth is, confusion is an opportunity.  Confusion usually stems from some need inside of you not being met whether you are consciously aware of this or not.

 Try journaling or reading about places or people that attract you.  Meditate.  Talk to friends you admire.  Listen to the compliments you are receiving in your life right now.  And most of all - move toward your dreams and goals – no matter what they are. 

 One step, each day.  Read an article.  Make a phone call. Send an email.  Take a class. Create something. 

 When you focus on your goals and desires (even the fleeting ones!), you focus on what you want in life – not a negative, self-defeating idea of what you don’t want.  Your thoughts direct your words and your words create your deeds.  Your deeds are your life. 

 It all begins at the same place – choice.  Free will.  You chose to take that step each day or not.  So, what are your thoughts creating in your life today?  Is it leading to your goals or not?

There are sure signs of post vacation blues – the fading suntan, irritability, peeling skin, a far-off glassy look in the eyes – it’s all there.  Yupe, that’s me – post vacation blues.

 I want to go back to the beach where my most pressing issues of the day were; should we have breakfast in bed or at the café?  Trashy magazine or book?  Which bikini?  I’m about ready to cry right now thinking about it…Ughhhh.

 Ok, I know I’m blessed.  Don’t get me wrong.  I am grateful to get away and all that…It’s just - coming back from vacation reveals to me how I long to travel more. I miss water more acutely as we travel back to land-locked Colorado.

 When I am absorbed in my daily life – mom, work, wife…Traveling seems like a luxury for someone else, some far off life…and then I find myself on a beach.  I slip into the “other life.”  The cool life, without meals to fix, dishes to wash…without responsibilities.  Before the children.

 About the fourth day on vacation I begin missing the children, my home, my kitchen and the on fifth day I’m ready to go back.  A joyful return happens, gifts for the kids, the clothes are washed and a few days pass…Then - post vacation blues.

 I don’t want to make any meals – where is Hector?  Isn’t someone coming by to pick up the towels?  Why is it not 84 degrees outside?  Is someone coming by with my afternoon snack?  And I realize what I like about vacation is becoming a kid again.  I know my blues today really stem from a mild resentment as I’ve slipped into the adult again.  Driving the car, cooking, answering to the title, “Mommy.”

 Yes, I have heard all the “new-age talk” - bring vacation into your every day life.  Whatever.  If this was truly possible, why would you need a vacation?  Vacations to me are like “postcards” – a snapshot of a unique moment in time, both good and bad.  It’s ok that vacations hold a little glamour, little magic still.    

 What I really think needs to happens is more vacations…How ‘bout Disney in the fall?  Isn’t there some money from the government coming soon?  Ummm, I’m feeling better already.  Where to stay???

Spring is a great time to “smudge” your home or office.  “Smudging” or “cleansing the space of all negative energies” can be done any time of the year.  However, the Spring offers a certain kind of “forward energy” that can enhance any kind of intention or endeavor. 

 According to Eastern medicine, the energy of the Spring is “anger, a pushing through, sometimes even violent.”  This energy is required for new life to burst up through the ground – pushing the earth away, thus clearing the space for new life to grow.  Maybe you have noticed in your own life Spring is a time rebirth and renewal?  Maybe even new opportunities appear regularly during this season for you? 

 Smudging your home or office at this time helps to create more opportunities in your life today as well as setting an intention for the months ahead.  First, clean your home.  If you really want to maximize the positive effects of smudging, go through your closets and drawers too – giving away anything you have not worn or used in the past year. 

 Some people like to sell their old clothes/stuff – fine and beneficial, however, I invite you to donate the items if you can afford too (it is a tax write-off too!)  This act creates more positive energy for you because it activates a generous spirit and a feeling of plenty within. 

 What to smudge your home with?  I like to use Holy Wood just because I like the scent best – “brings the woods indoors.”  Some like Sage and others use rosewater, it really doesn’t matter.  It is the intention that is most important, not the scent.  Pick something that you have an immediate positive reaction to – that is the best indicator.

 Stand at your front door and begin saying something like…”I clear this room of all negative energies - to go back into the light from which it was born…This room now attracts love, joy, wealth, abundance, good health…”  As you speak these words, light your smudge stick and walk along the walls of the room.  The idea is to remove all negative energy from the room first and then replace these empty spaces with new positive energy of love and happiness. 

 When I “clear” homes and offices, this is when I “see” images that are stuck or blocking positive energies.  If this happens for you, just send these thoughts and images  into the light to be cleared as well.  You may even notice “solutions” to problem areas in your home as you smudge the rooms. 

 Don’t worry about your exact words you speak as much as the idea of clearing first each room and then setting the intention of what you want the room (your life) to attract.  

 Once you have smudged all areas of your home, you can also smudge the yard if you so feel compelled.  Otherwise go back into your house.  Play some great music.  Have something yummy to drink & eat and dream…Dream about the life you desire to unfold in your home.  See the love, hope, possibilities - all these for you, waiting for you to step into…And most of all – have fun.

I have many clients who wish to live a more magical life, but are unclear as to how to make this happen.  Somehow this concept of “this is for someone else, I don’t have it” keeps coming to the forefront.  Let me just be clear, you do have it – you just have to find a way to access it.  Here are some tips to open the door to a more magical life…

 1.  Look for connection.  I firmly believe there is a valid reason for everything, both bad and good.  Instead of viewing yourself as being a victim of circumstance – what if you chose to belief things happen for a reason?  What if you detached from life and looked for the pattern?  If you truly witness your life, you will see patterns emerging.  Those patterns are happening for a reason.  What are they saying to you?

 2.  Listen to the words people are speaking to you and also pay more attention to the words coming out of your own mouth.  Often the advice we give is really for ourselves.  Sometimes virtual strangers offer the most profound opportunities – out of the blue someone says something that hits you just right.  Do you listen or dismiss these moments?  The more you listen and accept these opportunities – the more often they will happen.

 3.  Go buy some divination cards or runes and begin playing.  Any divination tool takes time to build confidence, but I will tell you a secret – sometimes beginners are more pure and can get awesome insights just because they don’t “know too much.”  Angel Cards are a great place to start because they are single words, pick one every morning for a week and discover how this works for you.  I bet you will feel more connected.

 4.  Look outside in nature – animals, plants, etc.  Several years ago, I bought the book Animal Speak (go to my resources page to find the review/buy) and was immediately hooked.  It speaks of living in a connected universe with animals having specific meanings when they appear…Luckily, I live in a place with lots of natural animals (I just saw a bald eagle a couple days ago…) and I am always on the lookout.  Which is a big part of living magically – watching for it.

 5.  Surround yourself with people who do believe or seem to have “magic.”  Being around these people will serve as a model – how do they react to new information in their life?  I remember meeting a wonderful mentor years ago and she just sparkled – there was just something special, lighter about her and all I could think was, “I want to feel/live like that.”  We worked together for awhile and I discovered that light was in me too, but I had blocked it for years for various reasons.  Once I was able to release those stumbling blocks – the magic poured in and I was able to transcend my limiting beliefs unlocking a brand new life – JOY!!!

 In the beginning, you consciously need to create opportunities for magic to enter your life (cards, looking to nature…) and then suddenly, you will discover - it is all around.  You’ll even be amused to discover it has always been here, just waiting for you.  You hold the key, in your mind and in your heart.  Come, the magic is waiting for you to step into…

Over the years I’ve “done a lot of work” on my spirituality and emotional well-being.  I have been compelled to live “differently” than my family of origin.  Amusingly, what I discovered is to “live differently” you have to make different choices in essentially the same circumstances that first caused pain…perplexed?  Let me explain…

 Over the years I prided myself (should have been my first clue) in not being competitive - like the rest of the family.  Both my parents were coaches and teachers – intense competitors ultimately ending in an ugly divorce and my brother was a fantastic athletic with a keen desire “to win at all costs.”  So, I turned my back on all things to do with sports and competition – not me.  You wouldn’t catch me screaming at the TV, radio, team member, players because my team didn’t win.  I was better than that…or was I?  I came to discover my competitive streak lay in the covert - I am most competitive with myself and how I “should” be. 

I’m not one of those people who has New Year’s Resolutions, but I do have intentions for a better year.  I feel the New Year offers a chance of rebirth, a fresh start, a cleaning away of the old to make way for the new.  Over the years, I’ve developed an exercise for myself and my clients to enhance the process of cleansing from the last year and welcoming a fresh, abundant new year into your life.

I do this exercise once a year, sometimes in January or around my birthday in the springtime.  I don’t think the calendar date matters as much as your own personal desire for a clean slate and a new beginning.

First, write down everything you did not like about last year.  No censoring.  Include all your disappointments.  Difficulties in love.  Financial struggles, fights with family or coworkers.  Concerns with health.  The loss of someone you love.  Ended relationships.  Possibly the loss of a beloved pet.  Moments you let others down, even yourself.  Get everything out.

This may bring you to tears: that’s ok.  Let it out.  By writing these experiences you can release the negative energies that tie you to the past.

Once you have finished, read through the pages.  Upon finishing say out loud, “I am grateful for the lessons I have learned from these experiences.  I now release myself of the past and the pain.”  Then destroy the pages through burning, or the like.  Once the pages are completely gone, say out loud, “I welcome love, joy and abundance into my life today and every day.”

Now write out all the things you did like about this past year.  Things you’ve learned.  New relationships.  Advances in your career.  Family.  Vacations.  Spirituality.  Great books or movies that have stayed with you.  Any experience that brings you profound love for others or yourself.  Acknowledge all the gifts this year has brought into your life.

Again by writing it all out you experience the joy of those moments all over again.  It becomes tangible and more real.  Once you’ve completed the pages, read through them and then say out loud, “I am grateful for the love I have received and freely given.  I am blessed.  Thank you.”  Set the pages aside for later.

The next part is truly my favorite part of this exercise; writing a letter to your self.  The letter is everything you would like to see happen or accomplish this next year.  I divide the letter into seven parts; self, career, financial, relationship with significant other, health, motherhood and spirit.

You can modify the parts to fit your life.  Everything you write down is for your best life.  Think big and stay positive.  Dream the very best year and write it down.  Be specific.  Your thoughts become words, your words become deeds and your deeds build your life.  Let go of the “what ifs” and any fears that come up.

Personally, I have struggled with fear my entire life.  I read somewhere once that, “fears are dragons that keep us from our most precious treasures.”  For me those treasures are love and freedom.  What are your most precious treasures?  What blocks you from those treasures?

Once you have completed the letter and are satisfied with it, take this letter and the pages you set aside previously and put them in an envelope.  Address the letter to yourself, place a stamp on it and put it in the mail.  This is very important: DO NOT SKIP THE POSTAL SYSTEM.  The message must go out into the universe, freeing you to receive your most abundant year ever.  When I get the letter back in the mail, I don’t open it.  I put it in a drawer, knowing my message has been received and the universe is conspiring to make it so.

I have been doing this exercise for several years with great success.  Not everything works out the way I envision.  Sometimes it is even better and sometimes not, but I am always surprised.  This exercise helps you release the negativity and pain of the past year thus not bringing it into the new year.  It also allows you the opportunity to bring the good things of the past into the next year.  Most of all it opens the door to a more abundant life in the New Year.  May it be so.

Being successful is no far off place.  It is probably closer then you think, but, at this vantage point in your life it may feel a million miles away.  Ask yourself, do you have the mindset to see the opportunities to your best life?  Being successful is not about always making the “right” move every time, but about maximizing all your moves.

Once you’ve lived past thirty, you can finally get a little perspective on your life.  If you really look at your life, there is a pattern.  Even the mistakes, the “wrong” choices, taught you lessons.  You may not have enjoyed the process, but you can see the benefits in the chaos – the so called “silver lining.”

Sometimes delay is a good thing.  During delays you often acquire more knowledge and experience, laying a foundation for your future success.  However, it is during these delays that I believe people can veer off the path by becoming frustrated in the process.

Whether it’s losing faith in your product, yourself or the old “not enough time”, here are some suggestions that have helped my clients to remain on the path to success and may they support you…

1. Believe in yourself and your product.   This is where it all begins – you.  How is your self-esteem or self-confidence?  If you don’t think well of yourself, no one else will, plain and simple.  Which of course, will transfer to your product and you will miss opportunities.  So how you feel about yourself matters and directly impacts your success.  If this is an issue for you, try saying to yourself five different times a day, “I believe in myself.  Success enters my life easily and effortlessly from all around me.”  It may feel awkward at first, but soon you will notice a calming effect.
2. You deserve success.  How did that feel when you read this?  Any twinges?  If so, this is also an area to examine.  Not only do you need to believe in yourself, but you have to feel worthy of success too – back to you again.  You may try adding, “I deserve and accept a beautiful life,” to your daily mantra above to help support a new, deserving belief in your life.
3.  Have a plan.  It’s all well and good to believe that you deserve success, but what does that mean?  What would success look like to you and what are the steps to get there?  This is a big hurdle for many because it requires putting your words into action.  Just as your thoughts and intensions call new opportunities to you, you must be willing to act upon their arrival.  For example, maybe you want a new job making more money.  There are steps between today and a new job.  Do you know what these are?  Do you need more education?  Have you looked in the paper or online?  Think about what success is to you and then write it out.  Include the steps to achieve the success you desire.  Then each day, do one thing to move you in that direction – read an article, make a phone call, research, whatever, at least one a day.  You will notice your life shifting, easily and effortlessly almost, into a new, more successful direction.
4.  Be flexible.  This may seem a little confusing at first, but it kind of goes to the old saying, “Once you make plans, life happens.”  This is very true fortunately, so stay open.  Let me explain.  Once you shift your belief system to a successful mindset – you attract success.  Things that were blocked before come flying into your life.  This, in turn, disrupts your “plans” –  well, maybe not.  Sometimes, you discover your plans were too small and life has something better in store for you…So stay flexible, be ready to expand into the fullness of life as it unfolds.
5. Use your fears to balance yourself.  Whenever you get really close to success, fear walks in the door, almost its final hurrah.  Fear hides as doubts, anxiety, sleeplessness, certain people, the list goes on and on…but I now see fear as an opportunity.  Fear to me is an indicator of imbalance which means I need support.  Sometimes I can give this to myself through meditation and prayer, but sometimes it means I need to reach out to my husband, friend or a mentor for encouragement and reassurance.  Find  a support system for yourself as you transition to this new life.

Finally, remember patience and courage — the patience to allow yourself the opportunity to transform your life to its fullest potential and the courage to walk and stumble through that transformation.

Years ago a friend whispered, “Courage,” in my ear during a pivotal time in my life.  I can still remember the strength hearing that word vibrated through my body.  Courage, not condescending, “It’ll be ok.  Don’t worry,” but strong and faithful courage.  It actually helped me to be a little more patient too.  So I offer you courage, as you discover your path to a successful, abundant life.