Using your Natural instincts to empower your Life

 Hopefully you have discovered which one or two instincts drive many of your life choices.  Now the question is how to make it work for you?  Simple answer, detach.  It may seem kind of complicated or cold at first, but it’s easy once you get the hang of it.

 When you discover the drivers of your behavior, you are able to cross into the next level in life transformation – becoming the witness.  For example, say you have a dominate social instinct – guess what?  You automatically know how groups work and you can use it to your advantage as to which careers you follow or simply in any unknown social environment.  If you feel yourself being pulled into an old pattern of trying to please everyone, this can now signal you that something is amiss.  Now you can stop and re-assess what’s really going on by detaching from your pattern and stepping into a witness space to ‘see’ what’s really going on.

 A dominate sexual instinct can be fun because you always know who’s ‘got-it’ and that’s not always who you would expect.  Usually with a strong sexual instinct you are able to feel not only individual energy shifts but situational or environmental shifts.  Being so closely aligned with the physical, helps you identify even the most subtle energy shifts – thus listen to your body.  When you get that icky feeling, it’s time to go, no questions asked.

 A strong self-preservation instinct can help you see solutions and options where others can not.  You are willing to look at all the sides to discern the best path.  Sometimes this can delay or even paralysis your decisions, but it can also lead to the most empowered decision – you aren’t going with your gut, you’re making an informed decision.

 All three instincts can lift you up or cripple you, depending on how you choose to use them.  It’s an opportunity.  An opportunity to live your most empowered life, if you choose. 

For each of us there are unconscious drivers, or instincts that frame all our decisions-making processes.  The instincts can be broken down into three separate groups – sexual, social and self-preservation.  Now remember this is not a conscious choice, just a part of who you are automatically and understanding your own drivers helps you make more empowered decisions.

 Here is how the three instincts work – we use all three.  However one instinct is usually dominate, with another instinct right next to it to reinforce the imbalance.

 For example, my husband’s dominate instinct is social.  When you have dominate social instinct you can walk into any room and know almost automatically who’s who.  You know who has the power, you understand the politics of the group and you know how to get them to like you.  Being liked by the group is very important to you…This instinct can be very helpful in your career if you learn how to use it to your advantage, not to an obsession.

 A dominate sexual instinct does not mean you are sex-crazed (though it could…)  For this individual, when you walk into a room, you know immediately who has the ‘mojo.’  You could care less if the group likes you, it’s just a few that are important to you.  Again this can be very helpful as you feel more empowered in yourself as a person, however too out of balance and you are making poor life choices.

 The final dominate instinct is self-preservation.  This person brings a sweater with them and a snack in their bag, just in case.  This person is prepared.  Sometimes too prepared - fearing the worst case-scenarios around every corner.  Being liked by the group is really only necessary to this person as a way to stay safe.

 Each of us are able to choose from all three instincts to use in a  specific situation, but you tend to go with the same one or two, often leading to imbalance.  As I said before my husband has a very strong social instinct with self-preservation right behind.  As a child he was the peacemaker and his world felt safe if everybody liked him and got along…Unfortunately that’s a lot of work as an adult – everybody liking him to get along…That strategy may have worked as a child, but now it creates problems.

 Myself, I have a dominate sexual instinct with self-preservation right behind.  In my past I have used sex to feel safe in relationships and to feel empowered.  Unfortunately if I operated exclusively from this mindset, I am not allowing myself to be more than sex.  The world is too big and exciting to have to operate from such a narrow vision of self.

 Another friend is dominated by a self-preservation instinct with social instincts directly supporting it.  For her, there is never enough.  Many of her decisions about career and relationships hinge on the question, is this safe?  So much of life passes her by because she is paralyzed by the what if’s and what will they think?

 Take a look at yourself.  What is driving your decisions?  Do you want to feel safe?  Do you use sex as a tool?  Does being liked by the group matter too much?  Email me with any questions that may arise.

 Next time we will discuss how to use your instincts to empower your life instead of hindering it…

I was thinking this as we got out of the car in front of the San Jose airport in Costa Rica.  We were flying home.  The driver was paid and tipped.  I would never convert this money back into US dollars as it would be a too much of a hassle for less then $10.  I knew when I got home I would stuff my few colones in a drawer, only to discover it again a few years from now…almost useless to anyone.

 Then I saw him.  An old man sitting in his wheel chair, missing parts of both legs clutching his begging jar with the words crudely written, God Bless.  I felt elated as I walked over to him. Looking him squarely in the eyes and whispering, God Bless, I handed him the money.

 Absolute joy broke across his face, because here, $5000 colones is a lot of money.  What I could easily stuff in a drawer thoughtlessly can make his life easier, if just today.  Whenever I see a beggar I think of God and I want to share.

 I didn’t always believe this as I used to think beggars to be losers really.  If they wanted get off the streets they could was my thinking.  I wasn’t going to support their bad habits and drinking to say the least.  I then saw the movie Conversations With God and my entire belief was altered.  I realized how easily any of us could fall into this place with a few poor choices or even no choices, just a health crisis.

 I started looking at the homeless not as strangers but like me.  Haven’t I been like them?  Wouldn’t I go buy a bottle to comfort me if all was seemingly lost?  Haven’t I struggled for years with enough too? 

 This is when I decided to give – to show the world, including myself, I am a person who gives to the homeless for no other reason than gratitude.  I am grateful for these opportunities to share – out loud, without judgment.  Frankly I am joyful because I know I am saying to the world, “I live in the hand of God, all my wants will be met. Here is my open hand – outstretched for you, let me help you…”

 When the homeless man at the airport took the money from my hand, we looked deeply into each others eyes and before he could say anything, I said thank you.  He smiled, nodded his head and thanked me too.  It was I who felt blessed. 

 I felt like I had slipped into an old bible story with the stranger knocking at the door, begging for help, and I answered the door, warmly, knowing I have much to share easily and effortlessly… 

Yesterday I was reminded again how much I love intuition.  It has become an unbelievably helpful tool in my daily life that has shown up in surprising and rewarding ways…

 In March we are headed back to Costa Rica to celebrate my Birthday.  We’ve got the villa set, but unfortunately the plane tickets have seemed very expensive.  Several weeks ago I mentally decided the price and times that were fair and worked best for me.  I have been waiting for prices to drop accordingly.  Every day I checked kayak.com and specific airlines waiting for the sale I was sure was coming…

 On Monday Frontier’s prices dropped, but the dates weren’t right.  I woke up yesterday slightly panicked thinking, ok, switch the dates around Kelly, you’ve got to buy today!  As I am in the process of buying the tickets, the prices drop again and the right dates lined up – I’m golden.  The tickets were bought, and this morning when I checked the same flights - they had gone up $1700.  Joy of all joy!  Not only am I keenly aware of the benefit of listening to that little voice, but my pocketbook is oh so happy too!

 Are you listening to that little voice?  Need help unlocking your intuition?  Contact me. 

4.  Are you trying to keep it the same?  Why?  Does the cost seem too great to make a change?  Does it seem impossible?  Are you afraid of hurting someone else if you do shift? 

 Whether you like it or not, this is your life.  Right here, right now.  When you place the needs of others always before your own, guess what?  You are always last on the list - your list and everyone else’s too.  You are teaching yourself and all around you that you come last. 

 Of course, there are times when it is appropriate to place the needs of others in front of your own, but you would be surprised by how few and far between this is in normal every day life.  People are not infants forever and illness, well, this is tricky, but I assure you, you just you, whether a caregiver or a patient, need to put your own needs at the top of your own list.  We all serve best from a place of fullness, not lack…

 How about if when you place the needs of others in front of your own – this does not inherently mean you are last?  Maybe move yourself down to second of third?  Do you run into any hang-ups or negative thoughts?  Around deserving, enough or possibly love?  Well now, you are getting to the foundation of the problem – what do you want and what if you deserved it?  What is stopping you? 

3.  Notice the word my in the above question, my truth.  It’s no doubt you are relaying the facts as you experience them, but are you feeling them?  Are you really listening to that internal voice that is naggingly right?  Are you going along to get along instead of voicing your own needs?

 Sometimes in life we find ourselves in unexpected places.  It didn’t just happen, there were many choices and compromises made along the way that lead to this less-than place, and even though you may not have intended it, you are here.  

 Instead of blaming or getting angry that someone else isn’t showing up the way you would like, ask yourself, what do I want?  I’m betting you don’t have an easy answer to that, but you can probably tell me what you don’t want.  Your focus needs to shift from what you don’t want (this thinking only attracts what you don’t want – where your thoughts focus, things expand…) to what you do want.  Begin making a list or dreaming about what you do want. 

 More importantly begin taking responsibility for your own dreams coming true.  Yes, those around you can support and love you, but you and you alone are the writer of your own life.  Players come and go, but you continue to create your life every day. 

2.  Ok, you’ve identified you are in a pattern, now it’s time to look at your part – what are you doing the same?  Stop with the reasons why you are doing it the same and just focus on your part.  There is no one person to blame. 

 For a pattern to be established everyone has to go along with their part over and over again – especially if it’s a negative pattern.  The reason you are always broke isn’t because the universe is out to get you, it’s because not only do you make the same poor money decisions over and over, but you also believe yourself to be someone who is always broke.  The universe is just showing up how you believe it to be.  (Tip: Got to change your belief…)    

 As I have previously said, it does not do you any good to berate yourself for not getting it yet – you will.  To change anything it takes practice and time.  You have to intentionally respond differently to the same problems. This takes energy and a commitment to being present – you are not going to respond how you always have.

 It won’t feel normal at first to respond differently and that’s ok.  Some people around you may not like you changing the pattern and that’s ok too.  When you are ready, you will make a change.  For the alternative - staying in this less-than place – becomes more and more unacceptable as the days pass… 

Last year I went to Vegas for the first time.  My girl’s trip was taking me to the Wynn that year and I was thrilled.  Almost everyone in my regular life had a negative opinion of this impending trip.   

I heard; it has bad energy, too much drinking, sleazy people, unclean and immoral and my favorite said to me by my acupuncturist, what good can come of a happily married woman going to Vegas?  Hello projections and opinions – where did these people think I was going to hang out?  Stripe clubs and street corners?  Of course all these negative comments only made me more determined to go…However I was concerned about the cost.  Vegas, unless you’re winning, can be expensive quick – of that much I was sure.  Thus I was confused – should I or shouldn’t I go? 

Meditation helps me to get clear and become quiet – within the quiet I can often hear guidance.  Loudly, clearly the message came through to go on the trip and the money would be taken care of.  My eyes popped open and I thought of course, I’ll throw dice and get a huge tip.  Off to Vegas.

 On the third day in Vegas I was down maybe twenty bucks but I was really enjoying myself.  I loved always dressing up, the shows, free drinks, the shopping, the lights, the dancing, the pools, our hotel…It was fabulous.  As my girlfriend and I walked through the casino that day, a few older gentlemen with piles of chips in front of them called to us to throw dice and I thought – that’s it, my money.  Before I could say a word, my friend waved them off and said to me, “Kelly, you of all people can win here.  Just feel the game call to you.  You know you can do this.”

 I thought, she’s right, I can do this, I can create my own winnings.  Not five minutes later I saw the slot machine for me – Queen of Hearts – redhead like me, nickel slot (I didn’t even know they had nickel slots…)  I pulled maybe three times, probably spent 40 cents total, and $868 appeared.  Happy, screaming day!  We were idiots, giddy with success and the best part – we cashed out and ran up to our rooms to lock it in the safe.  The trip paid for itself.

 I had been so quick to think someone else needed to give this to me instead of realizing I can create it myself.  Amusingly this was the beginning of a wonderful pattern – most of my vacations somehow pay for themselves now.  It’s remarkable really and I feel it is a direct result of being in flow with the universe, an abundant universe that is always looking to support and lift you up. 

 I invite you to slip into your own quiet meditative state and discover what magic is waiting for you…create your own winning today.

Before going to Costa Rica I had very romantic, if not naïve image of chickens – specifically Roosters.  I had this notion that at 5 am, maybe 4:30ish a rooster crows – maybe once, three calls at best.  Oh, what a fool was I.  For I learned roosters are dumb.  They cock-a-doodle-doo for about an hour each time (notice the each in the sentence…) – first in the morning 4ish, then sometime in the afternoon, and then if you’re lucky - the rooster will get spooked somehow for another hour about 8 pm…Let me repeat – they are dumb.

 Here’s the funny thing, after about four days, you don’t even hear them any more.  Every home there has chickens running around in the yard to the side of the road (like sheep in Ireland.)  The many cock-a-doodle-doos blend with the abundance of natural sounds that envelope you…Clicking hummingbirds; squeaking small, yellow birds; the distance calls of hawks circling above; the hum of crickets; a gentle breeze rustling the leaves…In Costa Rica, time drifts quietly into night and finally, all is well, all matter of things are well…

Learn how  to unlock your own manifesting style.  First off – let’s remember each person manifests best in their own certain way – that is - there is no right way or wrong, just your own best way, which may take a little time to figure out. Hence here are a few places to start…happy listening!