Along with the celebration of the holidays, can be almost unbearable sadness. The loss of loved ones is most keenly felt, for better or worse, during this season. Death is a topic each of us often avoids – like a dirty, little secret that if we just ignore it long enough, maybe it will go away. However it doesn’t…It just waits for each of us…death and taxes are about the only guarantees we’ve got.
I have a comfortable relationship with death. I believe in a Christian model, however, I also believe we come back over and over. Each of us has certain work to do in our lifetime along with the free will to realize that work or not. I believe most of the people involved in my life today, I have been with before in previous lives.
Several years ago my step-sister died. She died sadly – alone. At first there were hints of a suicide and that is what distressed me. I was worried her soul was lost and wandering – not knowing the grace that was available to her. I learned of her death on a Sunday night and that Monday I had already planned to visit a mentor to train on Mediumship.

So the next day I went to my mentor very upset – worried that somehow Nicky was lost. We set the space and called Nicky to us. Immediately she came in…she was so sad, but her first words were about suicide. It was not a suicide, but a mistake – she just wanted to feel better with a little more drugs, “just a little more.” That was Nicky. After she made the “no suicide message” clear, you could feel her sadness and she taught me about free will.

She had said in this life she thought she could do it – beat the addictions, but she couldn’t. She spoke of the love that was in her life always available (family and friends) but that she never accepted while she was alive. She helped me to understand each of us has choices. Nicky chose drugs over and over – she couldn’t help herself and that is when I found peace.

I understood each of us has our own “cross to bear.” Nicky didn’t choose the drugs because of any one person. No, this was her life, her choices and I could love her still. I remembered her as a child and making friends with everyone – she accepted each person as beautiful and interesting. This probably led to problems as an adult, but I know the very essence of Nicky’s soul is love – not perfect, but love all the same.

When we closed the session that day, I knew Nicky would be ok. I believed in her – her soul. I know her beauty and kindness will come back again and we will meet again. Maybe not in this lifetime, but I know she is never lost from me. She speaks with angels now, across the thin veil – healing her wounded places and biding her time until she comes back again…

Are you looking to be happy? Maybe you wonder if it’s a place you just keep missing on the map? Here’s the thing, it’s not a destination, it’s more like a movable feast.

The definition of happiness changes. What you thought would make you happy years ago, often becomes a source of frustration later. You discover it’s in those middle moments that happiness really blooms. It’s in the imperfection.

You still chuckle about that rained out picnic so many summers ago or that unexpected late night card game with friends, wine and oh so many jokes…Happiness happens. It’s a feeling that grabs hold you and usually all those around you, if you allow it. It depends on flexibility, kindness and compassion. Something we all need a little bit more of each day.

Instead of looking for happiness today, I invite you to let it happen. When this day unfolds, with its ups and downs, respond with flexibility, kindness and compassion. You will be amazed how in the most unexpected of moments – happiness blooms.

I love Christmas music. From the trite to the spiritual hymns, it all makes me happy. Below are suggestions to add some new tunes to your own musical library…and even what to skip…

Saddest Song – Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, Judy Garland. Her voice just aches, so good.

Coolest Song – I’ve Got My Love to Keep Me Warm, Dean Martin. Hip and unbelievably cool. I want to be fireside with Dean…

Most Fun – Donde esta Santa Claus? Guster. Mamasita, where is Santa Claus? Love it.

Most Feel Good – Winter Wonderland, Rosemary Clooney. Happy, happy music.

Best Drummer Boy – Do you Hear What I Hear? Martin Sexton. Sweet and strong. His voice and arrangement will you singing all day…

Best Jingle Bells – Sammy Davis Jr. Obviously.

Best Swing – I Believe, Frank Sinatra. Me and Frank – we believe in wishing wells and Santa Claus…

Naughty in the Best Sense of the Word – Maybe Next Year, Meiko. Breathy and delicious.

Best Surprise – Just Like Christmas, Low. Bittersweet, just like Christmas…

Best New Song – Winter Song, Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson. Haunting and gorgeous. December never felt so long…

Most Disappointing CD – Harry for the Holidays, Harry Connick, Jr. For all practical purposes this should work, but it doesn’t. He sounds phony and over-produced. Skip it.

Worst Song – White Christmas, Katy Perry. Screeching and off-key. Can’t believe it made its way onto a CD…

Best Instrumental CD – Celtic Christmas ’06. Penny whistles and hymns = lovely background music.

Best Get in the Spirit Song – It’s Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas, Bing Crosby. Enough said.

Happy Listening!

Salvia flowers have been popping into my mind all morning, so I began doing a little research…Salvia flowers represent healing and are given as a gift to others recovering from an emotional stress. A wish of healing and happiness born of self-esteem vibrates through these blooms, may it flow to your heart.

Somehow it just felt very right for cyber-Monday, so many relatives, so many to-do’s and all that really matters is – you. Peace be with you.

Today is your choice. You can choose to experience this day with the past firmly holding on or, you can choose peace. Peace does begin with you. It begins with compassion for yourself and all those around you.

Look for ways to be peaceful, maybe go for walk with a favorite relative or friend. I encourage you to reflect on the many gifts you have received this year (a vacation, a new or renewed friendship, a job, a healing…the possibilities are endless) and say “thank you” from deep within your heart. For gratitude is a key to opening the doors to an abundant life. It’s available to you at this very moment – will you use it today to unlock a new Thanksgiving Spirit???

As Turkey Day approaches here in the states, we are reminded of the messages of the turkey – blessings and abundance. The turkey has a long history of spiritual meanings and connection to Mother Earth. All parts of the turkey can be used, it is incredibly adaptable to food/environments and because of these traits, Benjamin Franklin wanted to use the turkey as our national symbol instead of the bald eagle. (Hmmm, not sure how the Fightin’ Turkeys sounds as a rallying cry though…)

As you enjoy Turkeys through meals or as they walk by your window, (these were walking through the front yard several weeks ago) I invite you to pause and reflect on the many blessings that have come to your life this year.

Abundance is unfolding now for you. Be open, be ready, be hopeful.

The holidays, that magical time of year, when families get together, break bread and more often than not – drive each other crazy. Oh, so much fun. Fortunately, through my own experiences and helping clients through these annual traditions, I have discovered the secret to better family holidays: detachment. Detachment can be done with love and even a sense of humor. Here are some tips to help you learn how to detach while being true to yourself in any situation.

1. Breathe. Maybe you become cornered by a family member in an uncomfortable conversation or maybe it is the things left unsaid that get your blood pumping, scattered your thoughts. You may notice your breath becomes shallow or even more rapid. Guess what? Stress has entered the picture. It seems so simple and obvious, but truly abnormal breathing is the first indicator of stress. Once you notice a shift within yourself, begin concentrating on your breathing. Breathe in deeply, letting the air fill your chest down into your belly and exhale slowly. Repeat several times to feel settled again.

2. Let go. Guess what? Those annoying habits of your family members are not going away. The aunt who asks, “when are you going to get married?” or “why don’t you come and see me?” She is not changing, but your reaction to her can. Think of a few lines that can stop an uncomfortable line of questioning. My personal favorite is, “Ummm, that is an interesting idea, I’ll have to think about that,” smile and excuse yourself to help in the kitchen or escape out back. These unseemly questions really don’t have as much to do with you as they have to do with the person asking the questions. If you look beneath the question, you will probably discover the pain or sense of lack that drives the person posing the questions.

3. Trust. I firmly believe there is a valid reason for everything that happens. Instead of falling into the old emotional traps of family dynamics, begin to practice the witness. How to do this? Watch and listen. This holiday season try being quieter and not engaging with your two cents over and over. You will begin to notice the poor behavior of those around you stem from their own wounds, not you. Once you see the raw places in those you love, compassion walks through the door. You begin to see their poor behavior is just a smoke screen to disguise their own pain, and suddenly you notice they don’t bother you as much. Surprisingly, you begin to feel grateful for your life and you trust yourself more.

4. Minimize. As much as I wish it were otherwise, sometimes there are family members who are just not pleasant to be around – period. Maybe they drink too much, play passive–aggressive games or are bigoted, whatever. Do not make yourself be around unhealthy people for the sake of the family. This may seem impossible, but in reality it is not. You are an adult now and no longer are you subject to choices of those around you. If the above three tips are not enough to make the situation work, leave – because you will do or say something you will regret later.

5. Do good things for yourself. Arrange for some time by yourself to do something you like to do – meditate, make a cup of tea and read a trashy magazine, watch your favorite movie, or go for a walk. No matter how loving a family can be, it’s stressful. Holidays bring out a variety of emotions, both good and bad. So take good care of yourself, and you will notice you will have more patience with that inquisitive relative that wants to know, “What are you going to do with your life?” Ummm, that’s interesting question, I’ll have to think…yeah, you know the rest.

6. Look for the gift. When you choose a different response to old family patterns, everything begins to change. This positive change may start with you but it will extend outward. You may discover things don’t bother as much or that you may even laugh inside when those inevitable inappropriate questions come your way. By not reacting, you change the dynamics within your family and open the door for better relationships.

7. Remember – this too shall pass, so laughter helps. Find the absurd amusing. The ridiculous gifts are an opportunity to smile, even if it’s on the inside. My mother-in-law goes around her house at Christmas time and seemingly picks out the most useless piece of crap, wraps it up and sends it off to me with some slightly insulting note attached. This is my Christmas gift. It’s not that she doesn’t have any money, this is her own game. This used to drive me nuts, but now, I laugh along with all my mom and friends as the gifts approach the absurd. I will never forget when she sent me a shawl she bought in Ireland years ago but hated, so she thought I would like it. What?!? Unfortunately, she cannot recognize she is really hurting herself with this passive aggressive behavior as it has a direct affect on her relationship with our family. I can choose to be hurt or see what is really going on – this is her stuff, her game and I don’t have to play.

So as you approach the holidays this year remember, there are only 24 hours in any day of the year. Sometimes this is a blessing and sometimes a curse. I offer you patience and courage. Patience with yourself and others and courage to be the change you seek. Breathe.

Are you getting anxious for another Holiday with the family? Can you feel yourself beginning to brace for those awkward questions posed by Aunt Judy? Or is it falling into old patterns that has you squirming?…This year can be different. Join us Thurs @ 11am on Indie Spirit for solutions, laughter, a Thanksgiving meditation and fantastic indie music…Come, join the Thanksgiving. http://www.blogtalkradio.com/indieonair

There are moments in each of our lives when we must stand alone. Can you take these moments and show to the world your most brilliant self? It’s waiting within each of us – shimmering, golden light ready to burst forth…Today can be one of those days…

Join us this week for a very special Indie Spirit as we Honor Veteran’s Day on Thurs, 11-11 at 11 am EST – an auspicious day and time indeed for Transformation, Gratitude, Unity and Renewal. Join us as we discuss the concept of Survivor Thinking, Loss and Gratitude along with enjoying some great indie music and a healing meditation. Come, join the thanksgiving. Indie Spirit Radio