Are the days dragging?  Has February got you down?  And there’s even extra day this year too – Leap year!  Help is here.  Try these suggestions I’ve developed over the years for myself and clients to get out of a rut and into my best day. 

1.  Intention.  Set an intention through breathe, prayer or meditation each morning.  Every morning before my husband and I part for the day we hold hands and take turns saying a short prayer, usually not longer then 30 seconds.  This act creates intimacy in your relationship and yourself because you are connecting to what is important and voicing your desires.  This can be done alone, with a spouse or friend, even with children, and still the positive affects will slip into your life magically.

 2.        Make your bed.  I know it sounds silly, but it works.  It takes maybe a minute and half - tops, to pull the covers up and fluff the pillows and viola – an oasis is born, just waiting for you at the end of the day.  This creates a small space of order in your life that quietly expands outward.

 3.       Breakfast.  Even a granola bar will do.  Again, I know you’ve heard this before, but this too works.  Skipping breakfast can lead to becoming a starving lunatic by lunch where binge eating and a need for a nap take center stage.  Breakfast helps you to stay more balanced through the morning and it is even good for staying trim!

 4.       Smiling and laughter.  Any chance you get, smile and laugh.  Immediately you will feel better and best of all - smiles are contagious.  The people around you will enjoy being around you so much more with a smile on your face and an easy laugh.  If you are having trouble finding your smile or laughter – call a friend who always makes you laugh, or flip back in your mind to a funny image or story from your past and re-visit the joke again.  You will feel better – lighter, so smile.

 5.       Sun and nature.  We’ve all read the studies – no sunlight leads to depression.  If you have ever wintered in New England – you know the truth of this statement.  I have had friends who buy those special lambs and sit under them for 15 minutes a day – swearing by the positive effects.  If possible, try sitting in a sunny window or better yet, get outside and go for a walk.  During the winter, it is so easy to only walk outside going to and from your job or the mailbox – resist this trap and take a walk during your lunch break.  You may even be surprised by noticing Spring flowers beginning to break though and realizing Spring is in fact coming this year!

 It is my hope that these suggestions help you to connect to a more balanced and joyful day each day.  May it be so.

Who hasn’t heard all the hype surrounding this book – Oprah’s book.  Several of my friends and family have recommended it to me and reluctantly, I read.  I say reluctantly because I am not a big fan of reading journals.  I’m a prose-girl.  I have only found a few (David Sedaris, Dr. Beryl Markham, Anne Morrow Lindbergh…go to my resources page to get reviews/info) that have a voice that not only resonates with me, but doesn’t bore…She bores a little – do I really need to read about her urinary track infection, the drama of embarrassment and alternative healing?  I’m sorry this just isn’t that big of a deal – obviously no childbirth experience…

Please listen to a discussion about possible blocks while meditating and some easy solutions to “fix” them.

Over the years, both through meditating myself and supporting my clients in their practices, I have discovered some blocks that may be halting your progress with meditation.  Here is some guidance to help you through these blocks…

 1.         “I can’t quiet my mind.”  I believe this is the first big hurdle in meditating to overcome.  First, try guided meditation instead of attempting to pick meditation up on your own in the silence.  This gives you something to guide you out of your incessantly thinking mind.  Don’t worry, as your practice develops you will be able to meditate in silence and find peace, but first, you have to open the door to this quiet place inside gently.  Berating yourself for “not getting it” fast enough just hurts you and really plays to your ego.  Think of it like any hobby or sport you pick up – it takes time and guidance to become comfortable. 

 2.         “I don’t have time.”  Almost all my clients in my private practice want to add meditation to their life, but time is a big stumbling block.  Even for myself I sometimes run into this problem.  That’s partly why I created my Everyday Meditation series – daily ten–minute meditations.  I’m not of the school you have to meditate for 20 minutes or more a day.  I’m a Mom, wife and  business owner…I do not live in an Ashram where I have hours to devote to a meditation practice – I live in the very real, busy world.  So if you only have 5 minutes right now, take it – spend five minutes concentrating on your breath.  I promise you will feel better and surprisingly, the 5 minutes will stretch longer as you feel more comfortable and relaxed with your practice.

 3.         “I fall asleep.”  During workshops this often comes up because my clients believe they fall asleep during the meditations. Upon ‘waking’ from the meditation they don’t remember anything, except they feel much better.  This “falling sleep” response is when your conscious mind goes to sleep because it is not interested in what is going on.  For example, maybe you’ve gotten in the car to go to the store and upon arrival you don’t remember driving there?  Well, you’ve probably driven there dozens of times and now it has become automatic, your mind is free to think of other things instead of directions.  Another reason for this “falling asleep” response is the topic of the meditation may be too upsetting to look at directly and again, your mind is protecting you by falling asleep and allowing the healing to first begin in your sub-conscious.  I often intentionally fall asleep to meditations knowing its healing affects on my sub-conscious.  If you are feeling better after the meditation, except it, don’t fight it.  Again, as you heal your sub-conscious, this ‘falling asleep’ response will just slip away and you will become more present and ‘awake’ during your meditation.

 4.         “I don’t like the imagery in the guided meditation.”  While I was teaching a meditation workshop a student complained that she hated meadows and couldn’t fall into the meditation due to this.  The meditation we had just finished was set in a meadow and connecting to safety.  She kept saying how barren and dead meadows are…This was surprising to me because meadows are magical places for me full of life.  I asked her to look at her language and her life.  The meadow she created was in her own mind – she made it barren, without life.  The meditation was in fact informing her of this barren view point.  I suggested she herself put life into the image in the meditation – adding trees, flowers, birds, etc.  This is actually a direct opportunity to heal.  This is a gift of meditation to gently heal yourself in your own time. 

 5.         “I know I’m not doing it right. I must be missing something.”    Maybe you’ve read you can be closer to God or manifest things through meditation, but you are not feeling this.  Relax. We live in a society that loves to compare – restrain yourself.  Ask yourself this, do you feel better – maybe calmer after meditating?  Yes, you are doing it right.  Let this practice unfold in your life gently.  I promise magic will happen.

 I hope this helps you overcome some blocks in your own meditation practice.  If you have any further questions or concerns, please contact me.  I am here to help.  So be it.   

Confusion runs high at the end of a relationship. Over and over, the same refrain, voiced by client after client, “Is he going to call?” The very words make my heart ache at their desperation. Ugh. The same thought enters my mind, “Of course he will, but hopefully, by then you won’t care.”

Let me tell you a secret, 99 times out of 100 he or she will call again. Maybe not this week or next, maybe in a year, but unless you are a total nut case, he’ll call. And here’s why: you have unfinished business. It is my experience that if you are “desperate” to hear from anyone, things are unresolved. To get to that level of anguish, I’m betting this has been an unhealthy or out of balance relationship for awhile. The clincher is when a client begins reciting all the ways she/he has helped the person in question “live a better life.”

I have found a better question to ask is, Why am I so desperate for him/her to call? What am I avoiding by focusing on him/her? Loneliness, isolation, depression, abandonment, addiction?

The truth is that breakups suck. There would not be so many songs, books and movies about the subject if it was otherwise, but there is an unhealthy and a healthy path. When a healthy relationship goes awry, of course, there are tears, deep sadness, hurts, but it does not lead to this desperate place of “Is he going to call again?” This phrase screams, “co-dependant, big fights, slamming doors.” All reason and rational thought go out the window and the anguished refrain, “Do you think he’s going to call?” begins falling from your lips with frightening regularity…

Let me ask you another question, if you are desperate for her to call right now, ask yourself, is this the first time you have felt this way in this relationship? This queasy, nervous space with aching all over it, or have you been here again and again? He left you waiting that time. You discovered something. This nervous, clinging space has become familiar, a habit really.

Let me tell you something else I have discovered: you can break a habit. It doesn’t happen overnight, but by new, healthier thoughts and beliefs you focus on everyday until you have the new habit of being in healthy relationships.

How to do this?  Try meditating or picking up a new habit such as hiking or just getting outside more.  Check out my resources page to discover an interesting book to support you during this process.  Go take a workshop about something that interests you and even meet new people interested in things you like to do.  Above all, get busy - so, when he/she does call and he will, you will see him for what he really is - someone you don’t want to call you.

Everyday we are bombarded with a noisy world.  Something is always buzzing in the background.  The so-called soundtrack of your life whether it is the radio, the hum of computers and appliances, planes flying overhead, the voices of others – it is constant.  We are ourselves uncomfortable with silence as we fill the quiet spaces in natural conversation with mindless chatter – embarrassed by the silent lapses.

The constant noise around me sometimes draws me into its endless spinning.  I become like the sounds around me – constantly vibrating and moving, not listening.  I become so fixated on my sound and my moving that I forget to stop.  I become so fixated on the “I,” the Ego, that I forget to trust.  I become my own God – I am in charge, I can do it all - forsaking my true God in service of my Ego.

This is when I fall.  Somehow, something happens and I am reminded to stop and listen.  I see the Psalms of the Old Testament, “Be still and know that I am God,” and I remember I am the beloved child of God, and no one shall ever separate me from this knowledge.  A certain peace washes over me.  I am amused again to see my feet of clay that never do go away, but reappear again and again in new ways teaching me compassion.

In this humbled state, I am able to sit in the silence and know I am not alone.  This quiet does not call me to fill it with my own chatter, my own ego, but the silence draws me closer to my own longing to be whole.

When I meditate with this truth, this longing to be connected with a living God, I hear the silence talking to me - inviting me into the fullness of my life with opportunities and people who suddenly materialize as if by magic.  God is great and sometimes you need to provide the space, the silence, for a living God to speak directly to you.  May you discover the silence is waiting for you too, calling you to peace.

Sometimes, husbands are really annoying.  For an Irish, redhead like me, this can cause problems.  During private sessions with clients and over many years of marriage, I’ve discovered a few tricks to avoid homicide when faced with you own beloved husband disguised as the village idiot.  May these tips help you avoid temptation…

1. Pedicure.  Pretty toes are very good to look at while you are having a “talk” with your husband about whatever said grievance is occurring.  As the ridiculous phases float out of his mouth you can distract yourself by watching the light reflect off your pretty toes.  Hot red means business!

2. Music.  Anything you love to be sung loudly.  Girl-power, angry songs are particularly satisfying, such as Melissa Etheridge in her angry years.  It is very helpful to release all those suppressed emotions physically.  Exercise is very helpful too.  However, by singing you are actually speaking the words you may be holding back in “talks” with your husband for whatever reason.  If you are not ready to say these things to him, sing them and get them out of your body.  You will feel better.

3. Journal and meditate.  Write it all out.  Maybe this is just an off day and you will be able to see that as you write.  Or, maybe, this is a bigger issue — possibly a culmination of old stuff, whatever.  It is good for you to release these emotions and experiences through writing.  It forces you to become present.  Another tool to become present is guided meditation.  The meditations lead you out of your incessantly thinking mind back into balance where you can make empowered decisions.

4. Call a friend.  Sometimes just venting to someone you can trust is very helpful and can allow you to feel supported.  However, think carefully about who would be helpful to talk to before you call – chances are, whatever the issue is, it’s going to blow over sooner or later.  For example, calling your Mom to complain about your husband out drinking with the guys instead of being with you or the kids, is not going to endear him to your mother.  You could actually be creating more strain in your life.  Or, telling ALL of your girlfriends of your husband’s blunders keeps the past alive with many re-tellings and finger-pointing.  Hard to keep the high ground with petty behavior no matter how justified the indignation may be.

5. Girls’ Night.  Go have fun, laughter is essential.  Wallowing in self-pity is not productive for anyone.  Laughter will connect you to the space of, “everything is going to be ok.”  You’ll feel better and you may actually be able to breathe.

6. Send your husband out of your bed, either the sofa or guest room will do.  A little space is good.  I am not of the philosophy, “Don’t go to bed angry.”  Sometimes, you are angry and with good reason.  So give yourself the opportunity to calm down and get clear.  The separation will stop you from saying something you may regret later as well.

7. Get away.  Go on a vacation for a couple days, maybe even a week by yourself or with a girlfriend.  This is a last resort kind of thing.  Unfortunately, sending your husband down the hall doesn’t always work.  Either you are too angry, too tired, or just plain had it, to be able to find peace with this man you’ve married.  Getting away helps both of you detach a little and you get a break from whatever the problem is.  The problem truly becomes his problem when you remove yourself from the situation.

When you are finally able to relax and regain your footing, ask yourself this, real or imagined?  Is this a real issue or passing stupidity?  Let’s face it – men can say/do some pretty dumb things.  Not saying all men, but experience tells me I have heard some tales…

On the other hand, if this is a real issue - what is your part?  Unfortunately, you have a part in this too.  It is not, in fact, all him.  Maybe you just went along with it too many times, maybe he doesn’t appreciate you, maybe so many different things, but the truth is – somewhere inside, you said, “yes.”  Yes to less.

It is difficult to accept that you could be the one creating these opportunities to sabotage your life, but once realize this, you actually become empowered.  Empowered because you can make different decisions.  With clear and balanced thoughts and behaviors, you can make good decisions no matter what the situation.

So, when you are watching the light reflect off your very pretty toes as your beloved husband blurts out some offending nonsense, you will remain calm and think, “Is this a real issue or passing stupidity?”

Meditation sounds so evolved, so Eastern philosophy, “way out there.”  But I’ll tell you a secret; it works.  Through meditation, I am able to bring into my life today that which I seek, be it peace or abundance.

This isn’t a new concept.  Oprah has been talking about “The Secret” all year.  By focusing your thoughts on a specific issue or desire, you bring it into your life.  For me, it is during meditation I am able to manifest my best self and bring that force into my life today.

Years ago, when someone first suggested meditation to me, it seemed too hard.  How could I possibly focus on one thing and be quiet?  I imagined myself sitting in a room with a flickering candle, soft new age music in the background and smiling like a lunatic.   Are you kidding me?  Not likely. However, the concept achieving a quiet mind through meditation was still very attractive to me as I struggled constantly with a busy, worrying mind.    Then I found guided meditation.

Guided meditation differs from other meditation practices, because you are verbally led throughout the experience.  The “experience” being at the core for me as I can finally be free of my incessantly thinking mind by concentrating on the unfolding meditation.  I become part of the true present and this is where I find my quiet mind.  It is within this quiet place I find healing and am able to create a beautiful life.

That’s why I began using meditation with my clients.  Early on in my private practice I discovered at the end of the sessions, my clients were in a balanced and receptive state for positive change in their lives.  I began using short guided meditations at the end of sessions to ground positive change into their bodies and open their lives to the abundance that always surrounds us.

Quickly, my clients and I noticed how effective this process had become.  It is through meditation that each of us can connect with our deepest desires and needs.  The more you stay in touch with these needs or desires, the quicker they can manifest in your life.  You become your highest self and begin living your best life every day.

What’s all this talk about “manifesting abundance and prosperity” and why, you may ask, is it not in your life today? The answer is simple. You haven’t found the path to allow abundance into your life. Maybe you have certain negative beliefs about money, maybe you don’t think you deserve it, or maybe you just haven’t thought you could manifest abundance into your life today. Well, you do deserve an abundant, beautiful life and you can manifest that life into reality with meditation.

As you grow up, you acquire belief systems through your experiences and the modeled behavior of the adults around you. Since many of us come from dysfunctional homes, it is quite possible that you have created certain belief systems or habits of thinking that bind you in unhealthy life patterns. You are always broke. Nothing ever works out. As a child, you needed these beliefs systems to explain and survive the world you were in, but now, you are no longer a child.

Now these “survival beliefs” are in fact sabotaging your life. You are not a very good partner in life if you have an underlining belief that, “Nothing ever works out.” Guess what? You will prove your self right time and again as nothing works out.

Try this exercise; think about all the things you want, that you don’t have right now. Love? Prosperity? New house? New car? Money? Anything…now, notice how you feel inside. You are feeling the lack, the cold empty spaces that begin to make you feel smaller and smaller. Isolated and trapped in your own unhappy experience of “Not enough,” as the list of all your unsatisfied wants increases.

Now imagine that you have in your life today, that which you seek. Say to yourself, “Abundance flows into my life easily and effortlessly. All my needs and wants are met today.” Take a breath and feel quiet peace relax your body. Balance returns. Notice where you feel this in your body. Warmth expands from the inside making you feel larger, more connected to today.

As you work with guided meditation, new beliefs begin taking the place of self-defeating thought patterns and you become more connected to your own thoughts. Instead of sabotaging your experiences with old beliefs, you actually become more present in your life. You are in charge of your thoughts, instead of your thoughts being in charge of you.

Finally, you will be empowered to make the best choices in your life for you, instead of reacting to the choices made by others. Through meditation you can become your highest self and manifest your best life into reality. As the saying goes, where your mind goes – your thoughts expand. Expand into your most abundant life