Something akin to the hell found in the movie Groundhog Day.  Every day is spent making beds, cleaning bathrooms, freshening towels, vacuuming…I have either slipped into a twin 1950’s marriage or I am in fact in hell. 

More exciting than the hell of cleaning, is the buyers - who have discovered it’s a buyer’s market and some of whom would like to steal your home.  I never understood how the foreclosure market would negative affect the prices until now…

What I have discovered in the process of selling our home is responsibility.  Have you ever read the book, The Little Prince?  It is one of my favorite books because it speaks to the responsibility of taming or loving something.  Once something becomes yours, you are responsible for taking care of it.  If you can no longer take care of it, you must find a way for someone else to care for it.  That is our home.

If we were to accept one of these low-ball offers we would hurt the energy of our home.  Foreclosure houses tend not to have good energy – how could they?  Too much stress and anxiety locked inside.  Hence I have all these buyers wanting to buy my house at a foreclosure/avoid bankruptcy prices – they see it as the same house physically.  However they are not the same houses – you get what you pay for.  There are no deals, because you are buying a life.

Look at the history of a house – how many times has it flipped?  Foreclosure houses tend to flip a lot – the ‘deal’ the buyers got on the front end will be their problem on the other side.  It could be as simple as placement.  Is the house at the top/end of road?  Interestingly this is a horrible energy pattern – the energy of the road flows directly into the house constantly.  Hence the house/inhabitants can never get grounded enough to make it work…

Our house is a home.  It is energetically excellent with color, scent, layout, comfort and lush, abundant gardens.  It has been the support our family has needed to refresh, cradle and ultimately launch us into another adventure that is something akin to stepping into a fairy tale (more about that in a few weeks…) 

It was the same for the previous owners and I will not give this house less.  Our buyers are not looking for a steal, but a home that will cradle them.  In this safety, dreams unfold and manifest into reality.  Here in this house, our family began living an enchanted life, unbelievably blessed and magical truly (got the medical miracles and passport vacations to prove it!)  So we wait, knowing the new family is coming - we are just holding their place a little longer…Frankly I can’t wait to meet them, because I know what waits for them…peace, warmth, beauty, family, love, healing, laughter and abundance.  And so it is.

Looking for daily inspiration?  Join my Facebook page, The Indie Spirit, to connect to others and feel good.  Each week I co-host a radio show about all things Spirit with Jeff “Classic” Popka on http:www.blogtalkradio.com/indieonair.  It’s Thursday evening 6pm MST - we meditate, discuss, answer call-in questions - everything from matters of the heart to career guidance to connecting to peace.  Hope you can join us.

Here is the bitch of it: for all my understanding and faith in a higher power – life is still not fair sometimes.  How can this be?  Where is my God from the 1^st Testament?  A righteous and violent God who punishes those who sin?  He will cast out the unworthy, right?  Then I remember rainbows. Later in the 1^st Testament, God gave up leveling the ‘fallen’ or debauched communities with floods and plagues to punishment them.  He became the God of boundless Grace.  I like to think he matured, he grow-up and discovered you can’t punish someone out of bad, but you can love them out of it. 

According to the Bible, rainbows became his personal sign of his infinite love for each of us.  However personally, some days I long for the Bad-ass God who likes to smite the wicked.

When I am caught in the unfairness of a situation or with a person, I try to comfort myself with the belief, “I can only see in part, You (God) see all.”  Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn’t.  I am reminded of Jesus on the cross crying out his last to his Father – have you Forsaken Me?…I know that desperation, the fear of being abandoned as you know in your heart you have done all that has been required of you, yet still you hang on the cross, waiting.  How can this be?   “I can only see in part…”

“Gentle” doesn’t come easily for me.  I was raised to work hard – achieve.  There isn’t a whole lot of room for ‘soft and gentle’ when you are in competition, even if the person you are competing against is yourself.   

I wonder though is this a part of our culture too?  A couple years ago as I was watching the Olympics with it’s random interviews of the athletes.  I was surprised when a ping-pong champion was asked, “Why hasn’t ping-pong taken off in the States?” 

“Well, Americans don’t like things to be soft.  They want to go outside for their sports.  Hard,” she said.  How right she was!

Maybe it’s because America began with immigrants trying to make a better life - as they still try today.  Competition is a naturally outcrop of this path.  Or maybe it’s because we have so much already, organized competition has to be hard.  Or maybe it’s because Americans are driven to get their slice of the pie…

My grandfather came over from Ireland when he was about twenty and he was hungry.  Hungry for food, hungry for money and safety, hungry for love, hungry for a place be.  Unfortunately, he stayed hungry his whole life and passed this hunger, this ‘not enough’ feeling onto his children, my mother.  She too passed this message onto me, and my other siblings through her own words and deeds. 

And here I am today with a choice, “Do I too pass this hunger onto my children?  Do I continue the cycle of ‘not enough’?”  Of course the answer is easy, no I won’t pass it along…but do I anyway?  Through my own thoughtless deeds and words?  Sometimes horribly, yes.

So today I am working on - gentle and being soft.  Not to hear words spoken to me through a filter of fear and pain, but through light.  To expect the best from everyone and not to take it personally if another does not want to behave from their highest self.  That is their problem, their journey – my focus is with self.  And with myself - I am gentle and soft.  So be it.

Girl’s trip.  This year is was Belize.  No husband, no kids, no work, actual adult “me” time. It’s on these trips that I see myself again. Amusingly, I witness the unique quirks of me over and over without the distraction of kids or a husband…

In my mind’s eye, I am wonderful, flexible traveler. In reality, not so much - sensitive stomach, sleeplessness due to excitement, finicky eater…When I step back and really see it, it’s ridiculous.  The dichotomy of my hopeful mind’s eye (I am a world-class traveler, ready to win the Amazing Race!), and the starch truth of my behavior (porta-potties cause me to wince involuntarily.)  It is absurd.  This flexible person in my mind’s eye, well, she just doesn’t exist in reality. Do we all decide how we should be and quietly berate ourselves for not measuring up? The hum of disapproval vibrating in our minds.

I have discovered I am much happier when I operate in the world from the truth of my behavior. I am not a good traveler for all my so-called good intentions, and now, I travel prepared – stomach cures, sleeping pills and power bars. I am who I am and I will not be entering the Amazing Race, ever.

When I return from my girls’ trips, I feel softened and empowered. I only go now with one other girlfriend because, well, we’re selfish.  My girlfriend and I met in the first few weeks of college. We have always been mistaken for sisters as we look, dress and act similarly even to this day. We are so much alike, yet our life choices have lead us on very different paths. She is in international law and single. I am married, mother of two and working from my home…Yet we are still sisters. 

For about five days each year we live like sisters again…We giggle, gossip, tease, re-tell the same stories over and over again, shop, eat and drink too much, and listen to the new stories each has to tell.  We have tried to include others, but it doesn’t lead to good places.  The only men we talk to are named Hector and carry trays with umbrella drinks.  We have a fantastic time.

Even with our very different lives, we are able to support each other still. She helps me access my identity before the rest of life crowded in. She helps me play and frankly, stay young.

Several years ago she inspired me to get back into a bikini…I had not worn a bikini in maybe 10 years—I was a Mom, that time had past, my body wasn’t perfect. Again, I heard the hum of disapproval vibrating within. But I did it anyway, and you know what, I looked good.

I looked around the beach and everyone was in bikinis, with all their different bodies for the entire world to see. There were no perfect bodies. Even the sixteen year olds had cellulite. I didn’t have to be perfect. Finally, my mind’s eye had softened to embrace reality. The disapproving hum disappeared, only to be replaced by the crashing of waves and laughter of sisters.

Everyone disagrees at some point or another, the trick is how to “discuss’ without resorting to name-calling, finger-pointing or personal attacks.  This may be easy with a store clerk, but with a spouse or friend things can get complicated quick.  These are a few tips this Irish, red-head has picked up through ten-plus years of marriage and many clients…

 1.       Shut your mouth and listen.  Actually listen to the person you are in conflict with – do not plan your next verbal attack while the other person is speaking.  A way to force yourself to do this is to repeat back to the other person what their complaint is after him/her stops speaking.  For example, “I hear you are mad at me because I am late, correct?”

 2.       Walk away to take some time to settle down.  Sometimes whatever you are arguing about can be quite painful or upsetting and you may start feeling yourself becoming defensive and/or accusing – this is not going to lead to a positive outcome, so allow yourself some space to settle down.  Let your partner know you need some time to settle down and try to set up another time to discuss this later.  Doing this allows you to focus on the “real issues” instead of your “bad reactions” that may distract you from the “real issues.”  Some years ago when my husband and I were in marriage counseling.  My husband would do something stupid/selfish and I would go ballistic.  It took us a long time to get to his very, real bad behaviors because my reactions would be so outrageous as to eclipse his negative behaviors.  I had to learn to settle myself down before/during discussions as to deal with the real issues.

 3.       Breathing.  Sometimes in the heat of an argument you may realize you are holding your breath or experience shallow breathing.  Stop speaking for a few moments and just breathe.  Use your breath to sooth yourself back down to more relaxed space – you will notice you can listen better and have more clarity after you regain your footing.

 4.       Do you want to be right or do you want to find common ground?  This is your ego wanting to “win” your arguments.  Being right all the time can ultimately lead to isolation and loneliness.  The real question to ask yourself is – why do I have to be right?  Ask yourself in the middle of an argument – am I trying to be right or can we compromise?  It takes two people to argument, but one to make a change for the better.

 5.       What is your part?  Be honest, you do have a part - even if it is very small.  The quicker you can focus on your part in the argument, the quicker you will get to resolution.  When you discover your part, you are able to learn - how to avoid this in the future, or what is important to you or even, why this isn’t working?  With better information and clarity you are able to make healthier decisions that meet the needs of both of you instead of just one. 

 6.       Humor.  Yes, some arguments are very serious and some would argue jokes are not appropriate.  However, I am Irish as I have said (gallows’ humor for sure) and the quicker I can laugh about whatever, the better.  Once I was with my sister-in-law taking care of both our kids (four in all) and my husband was two hours late getting back from a bike ride with friends.  Over the couple hours he was late – I was getting more and more pissed off.  Finally he walks through the door and my sister-in-law greets him with, “Hey, “dead-man-walking” – good to see you upright?”  I just about wet my pants I was laughing so hard.  Yes, I was still angry, but no longer at the point of inflicting bodily injury…A warning though, not everyone appreciates this humor as I have lost a friend by making this very same joke with her husband.  Needless to say, it would have happened sooner or later as I don’t take life/events nearly as dramatically as she did.

 7.       Flexibility and letting go.  Once you discover you don’t have to be “right” or recognize your part in the argument, you become more flexible.  As much as I hate it – disagreements, arguments are opportunities to bring your relationship closer be it a friend or lover.  There is no one person on the planet who you would get along with always – not even a soul-mate or twin-flame.  There will be disagreements in life if only because each of us is a separate, thinking individual with our own unique perspective.  Arguments are an opportunity to learn about yourself and your partner – it just doesn’t feel like an opportunity in the heat of the moment.  So breathe.  Be open to learning new information and once peace/harmony has been restored, let go.  Holding grudges or continuing to stew about past arguments is about you – not the other person.  These negative feeling hurt you every day and even draw more arguments into your life.  If you are having trouble “letting go” try journaling, talking with other friends or possibly seek professional help with a life coach or therapist to discover how to let go or what is driving your unresolved feelings.

 These are just a few tips I have discovered thus far in my many years of marriage and working with clients.  May they serve you well. 

Years ago my father introduced me to a tradition that was able to bring peace into our relationship.  My parents divorced when I was about ten years old and my Dad moved south, far away from me.  We really didn’t speak often as my parents had one of those horrendous divorces.  I probably saw him a half a dozen times before heading to college in Burlington, VT.

 Needless to say, we did not have much in common and frankly, I kept myself slightly aloof from him as he left long ago…During college he began making attempts to be a part of my life.  He would take me skiing with my boyfriend, send money finally and call more often.   

One memorial weekend he asked me if I would like to do the graves with him.  Strangely enough that was one place we both liked to go – cemeteries.  We both liked wandering around old graveyards reading headstones and admiring the artistry of the marble works.   

 My Dad grew up in Middlebury, VT.  Most of that side of the family still lives there and our relatives are buried in several different cemeteries in the area.  I agreed, although not really knowing what I was getting into.  He picked me up early that Sunday morning and I looked in the backseat to see all kinds of supplies – gardening tools, cups and to my surprise, chilled champagne. 

 We began chatting about where we were going first and my Dad started telling stories.  He loves telling stories, but this time the stories were of friends he had lost in Vietnam, Uncles wounded in WWII and scandalous adventures of my family I never knew.  I laughed, really laughed and I saw my father for the first time as more than the man that left.

 He was flawed certainly, but he was trying.  Trying to become a family again.  I saw for the first time how young he was when my parents got married and I found compassion that was not there before. 

 At each grave we cleared away the weeds, and planted pansies and marigolds.  We offered champagne toasts and funny stories to those long gone.  Quietly, without knowing when, a gentle peace had slipped into my Dad and my relationship.

 I finally had come to love my father again.  I realized wasn’t abandoned any longer.  I had found my way back to him and this family through the memories and stories of those long past.  That day, together, we found peace again in pansies and laughter.  This peace has made all the difference and I am grateful. 

Happy Memorial Day!  May peace find each of us.

It was just before midnight and I was driving home from the airport, alone.  As I pulled onto the deserted highway I looked at my gas gauge, two blocks full.  That’s strange I think, my husband always puts enough gas in the car if I am taking it to the airport.  It’s a brand new car, but he must know and I want to get home.  Five minutes later the low fuel light comes on and now there is half a block glowing on the gas gauge.

What???  First thought, perfect ending to my girls’ trip, are you kidding me?  There are no gas stations anywhere.  I am on a secluded highway with very few exits leading to nowhere.  Yep, raped on the last day of vacation, great.   I call my husband to yell at him, this has got to be someone else’s fault.

Through a confused and heated exchange, my husband guides me through complicated button pushing to discern I have 17 miles of gas left, yet 32 miles to my home.  Houston we have a problem. 

Ok, I’ll get off at the next major highway turn and hope there is a quick gas exit.  I am in the middle of nowhere.  Truckers flying by one after another. 13 miles of gas left, more yelling at my husband.

Finally I see an exit, there’s a Costco, home depot, but no gas station can I see.  Nine miles left, panic rising, I take the exit.

As I drive up to the exit ramp, I am freaking out, and then it hits me, Kelly, what the hell are you doing freaking yourself out?   You know you are divinely held, relax, call for Archangel Michael, relax, and through clenched teeth I say, I am fine.  Fake ‘til you make it is my motto…

Suddenly on the radio I here the words, “Have a little faith in Me,” over and over.  You know that John Hiatt song, which I don’t even like, but over and over I hear, “Have a little faith in me” and I am thinking relax, Kelly, it’s all ok.  Help please.  Where’s the help?

Just then a police car drives up next to me.  Thank you God!  I flag him down and we pull to the side of the road.  He comes over to tell me directions and although normally he would lead me there, he can’t just now as he has a prisoner with him…do you hear the chuckling God?

I have eight miles of gas left, the officer believes I should make it but he will have another squad car run the route just in case.  Great.

He walks back to his car and I think sarcastically, I love directions, I get lost in a paper sack.  Fan-friggin-tastic.  Pull it together Kelly, you’re held, remember you’re held.  I hear the music then, Latin music coming from the radio.  How did that happen?  I never touched the station.  And suddenly I’m laughing again; the Latin music is about the future.  Smiling, I feel comforted and drive on; it’s got to be just ahead.

Four miles later, on the right, just as he said, there was the gas station.  A SHELL station, I laugh again, I had been thinking about shells all day.  On the beach that morning, as I packed my bag, and most importantly as I dreamed of the future…another reminder.

I filled up with gas and got back onto the road.  I felt myself begin to panic with the ‘what if’s’ of worst-case scenario thinking – what could have happened.  Kelly, relax.  I laughed again and I was grateful.  These past twenty minutes have foreshadowed the future.  Yes, at times I will feel lost.  Worried I will run out of gas…but I have faith.  All matter of things will be well, I just have to remember I am divinely held and look for the help when I need it.  So be it!

Today I stumbled onto two women’s stories about faith, God and the truth. These two women are remarkable and standing firmly in their faith – held by love. Two divine daughters both tested by circumstances beyond their control. And both found peace through surrender…

It is not WHY ME?, the question is WHAT FOR?

I invite you to witness their answers…

Chely Wright

Stephanie Nielson

Such courage is celebrated from on high! Joy and Praise Be! Let the truth ring out and set you free…

When you are on your path, you are always creating a better today.  Moments bound together by the desire to live more fully.  Until the spark, the magic that pulls it all together.  The stars align. 

Sometimes you can’t see what you are building until you get there.  Yet you are drawn down the path.  Guided by a light inside, guided by your heart. 

I invite you to listen to your heart.  The bold and the seekers know this is where peace, joy and laughter dwell forever…Where is your heart guiding you?