For several days upon return from vacation I feel slightly brain damaged.  Possibly like I began the day with a martini or two before breakfast.  The light hurts and I would like to snooze all day – could I be a vampire?  Are those bit marks on my neck?  No. Just the press of a harried life barging back into my sun-soaked, easy thoughts of, “shall I eat by the pool or at the café?” 

 Ah, I smile and am reminded how very blessed I am.  Though addled and blurred, I am happy.  I love slipping into a different experience – hopping on a plane and going somewhere new in just a few short hours.  It reminds me how much bigger the world is… 

 Sometimes, in the slog of daily life, I can get fixated on a narrow viewpoint.  I may only see a few options for the direction of my life, but when go on vacation – suddenly the world opens more fully.  Two things happen – 1. I appreciate more what I have already, and 2. I expand to see more. 

 This blurry feeling allows me the space to integrate this expansion back into my daily life.  Life is fuller.  It is more then, “what’s for supper?” and paying bills.  It is this AND that.  It is adventure AND the dull grind of daily life with laundry, meals, etc.  It is life, up and down, blurry sometimes and clear at other moments.  So I wait for the blurring to pass, and clarity to rise again. 

 Are you waiting for the blurring to pass as well or have you found clarity?  

I’ve never been to Vegas, so when my annual college girls’ trip came round this year it seemed like a great idea.  Stay in a swank hotel, see a show, excellent spas and pools, have some laughs – all good and innocent…Well, my girlfriend called two days ago with the news that her college boyfriend is headed to Vegas for his Stag party…

 Let me describe her college boyfriend – think English and looks like Ichabod Crane.  I am not kidding.  He is a fantastic fellow, I rarely stopped giggling around him.  I have memories of him sitting on the couch in his boxers, next to my boyfriend, also in boxers – playing N0-friend-o (Nintendo) for hours…what a pair.

 Needless to I expect to come home in five days with aching ribs from giggling at a merry band of pasty and slightly bloated Englishmen doing there very best impressions of “I’m too sexy for this shirt, too sexy for this shirt…and I do a little spin on the catwalk”…Viva Las Vegas…

I have never been a big fan of V.D. (my inside joke and nickname for Valentine’s Day – always makes me chuckle…) It’s a completely manufactured holiday by Hallmark and the florists, but still it is there.   And if you are alone – well, this holiday really magnifies that reality in sometimes frightening questions.  (Don’t you have a Valentine?  Why am I alone?  What’s wrong with me?)   STOP!  Take a breath – it’s 24 hours – pull yourself together and give these tips a try…

 1.  Reality check – this day shall pass.  Gratefully the day falls on a Saturday, so if you work in an office, school or the like – you do not have to see the relentless parade of delivered flowers and chocolates.  Mantra – this day shall pass.

2.  Make a plan.  Maybe you want to stay under the covers all day, but I encourage you to get together with friends and go bowling or ice skating – anything completely out of your norm.  Do something that takes you attention and focus off whatever negative spiral you are in.  It will distract you from “poor me” thinking and who knows who is ice skating today…

3.  Humor – if you are in a pitiful state, try to find just a little humor.  Watch silly movies, call friends who make you laugh…anything that can get you giggling will help you move through your emotions.

4.  Go outside.  Take a walk or go for a drive if it is too cold, but get out of the four-walls closing in!  A change of scenery will allow you to stop the incessant thinking of, “What did I do wrong?  Why me?  Will I ever be happy again?”  I promise you will feel better and be happy again (you were before, so why not?)

5.  Big girls/boys do cry.  It’s ok to be sad.  The tears do eventually dry up.  Just remember your tears are a wave, maybe of the tsunami variety, but a wave – you are the vast ocean.  Waves pass and the ocean remains.

6.  Get a new haircut, outfit and/or bedding.  Have you ever noticed how many people look better a few months after a break-up?  This is the upside of the break-up diet, i.e. can’t eat due to depression and sleeplessness.  As the song goes – wash that man (woman) out of your hair…your bed too.

7.  Buy yourself flowers and chocolate – the day before.  Whether you’re heart-broken or attached – don’t wait for someone else to tell you, “I love you, I value you.”  Do it yourself – then anything else that comes your way is gravy.   

 *Remember this is one day – 24 hours – this too shall pass…Happy bowling – don’t forget your socks! 

Recently I heard an interview with Doris Kearns Goodwin discussing Obama and his spaciousness in thinking.  Obama has a keen ability to stick to the big picture – leaving space for more information, points of view, sense of history and the possibility there is another way…Hence he was able to win the election with a fifty state strategy and keeping to his big message – change.

 Of course, keeping to the big picture can lead to problems (hello new bailout bill of good and bad) – so along with ever-expansive thinking, there needs to be the balance of making final decisions and taking action. 

 Look at your own life – where are you struggling?  Do you need to expand your thinking to a new way of doing things or do you need to make a choice?  Remember – there are no bad choices, because you learn and grow from ALL your choices.  As you already know, some of the best lessons are discovered when you make the ‘wrong’ choice.    

I did not want to like this movie.  Not a big fan of Hillary Swank (began on 90210 years ago as annoying girl…) and a movie about losing your husband?  Not particularly happy-feel-good, but I was wrong. 

 There are just as many laughs as tears and frankly, Gerard Butler using his Irish accent – oh my…I am a complete sucker for a brogue.  The entire cast is good – particularly Harry Connick, Jr.  The friendships are real with their fluid teasing – facing the realities of life with humor and stumbling grace.   The girls’ trip to Ireland is bittersweet and gorgeous. 

 However, it is still a “crier” movie.  Truly it is in essence an Irish wake – tears, drinking, songs, storytelling, and oh so much laughter…Feels like home to me.  Enjoy! 

Gritty, sexy, funny and violent, oh and don’t forget the accents – this movie is an all-around good time.  It is a true guy’s flick and I loved it.  Violent, but not bloody.  Crass humor, but not without surprising and amusing undertones.  I liked the quick dialog and twisting plot – I still want to see that damn lucky painting!  And the movie’s characters are sensational.  As much as the crank-head rock star is detestable, he is sympathetic…

 Only problem – the movie is kind of like all the rest of his films.  So if you are fan, you’ll see a lot of the same actors from his other flicks and a similar, yet fun plot.  You won’t be disappointed, but if you didn’t like his other flicks, don’t bother…However specifically for any dubious ladies, Gerald Butler is pretty easy on the eyes for two hours and funny too…Think of all the points you could get for going along with his movie choice this time?  It will come in handy in December when all the Oscar contenders come out…

These were the words recently spoken to me by a client.  My response was easy, “What makes you think you haven’t already?”  She looked at me blankly for a bit and I continued…

 Soul mates aren’t just restricted to your lovers.  Friends, relatives, even animals can be soul mates.  I do not believe you have just one soul mate (you do only have one twin flame, but that’s for another day…)  Soul mates are here to help you become your best self. 

 Yes, of course, love is a component of this usually, but not always.  Someone who really drives you nuts could be a soul mate because he/she is challenging a very core issue in you or they wouldn’t drive you crazy.  Soul mates are really a reflection of you – good and bad. 

 Today we have a very romantic concept of soul mates; one person just for us – someone who makes it all better, completes us.  Unfortunately, this thinking limits us and others.  Soul mates don’t complete us – we complete ourselves through loving and struggling with the soul mates that come and go in our lives.

 So look around in your life today – how many soul mates do you have?  And one step further – who or what are these soul mates encouraging me to become?

I’m painting again.  Not because I felt the pull of some artistic calling, but because I wanted to cover a grate in the wall at home.  I found the perfect sized canvas to cover the spot and I decided it would be easier to just to paint something…Well, that was Monday, I am still painting and I am happy.

 I remember putting my paints and brushes away when the babies came years ago – no room, no time.  I put those talents away, in storage – maybe for another day… 

 Yet here I am, paint smeared on my fingers and sweatshirt, smiling to discover that happy girl with talents aplenty… 

Recently a new door has appeared – an unexpected opportunity now lay on the horizon.  Unfortunately, at this moment, all we can do is wait – just staring at the door, trying to will it open with our desires…

 I have never been good at waiting.  I am an action-oriented person, none of this “sitting around and waiting for life to tap me on the shoulder,” I’m already down the road…

 Last night as we were walking the dog, my daughter asked me, “Mommy, when will this happen?” 

 I smiled and heard myself offer a very reasonable answer, “Sweets, only God knows that – we can only see in part.  All will be revealed in the right time.  Not to worry, everything is being taken care of.”  And like kids do – she bought it and shifted to a new topic.  Ummm, I think I’m supposed to learn something here…

 When I am waiting, I try to distract myself with the knowledge that everything is happening in its right time.  I repeat over and over in my mind, “I can only see in part…”  The last time I used this mantra so fiercely was years ago when my son was suffering from multiple daily seizures and we couldn’t find any answers.  Interestingly, the healing happened months before the answers were revealed…So it’s good to notice, this time we wait on our heart’s desires, instead of our worst fears…

 I have come to believe in active waiting.  I like the old Arab saying, “Trust in God and tie up your horses,” because it implies a partnership with God and your future.  Sometimes you act and sometimes you wait – knowing the difference is the rub.

 So today, we wait on the will of heaven, and pray for this or something better yet to be revealed.  So be it.   

Recently I was on vacation in Martha’s Vineyard and noticed lots of people wearing “Black Dog” apparel.  The Black Dog is a local business established in 1971 (I know this because I too now have a t-shirt with this information…) that has become quite popular on the island.  Quickly I realized is this is part of the “vineyard uniform” – daily wear for everyone. 

 And it hit me – every destination vacation has it’s own uniform…Hawaii, yupe, all the tourists wear Hawaiian shirts, skirts and dresses; in Disney – buttons, clothing of all sorts, hats…In Caribbean – braids, they only look good on 10% of the population but about 90% of woman give this a try…Boots/hats in Texas…In Ireland, throw me a wool sweater and some plaid…etc, etc…and the worst part is – I’m guilty of most these fashion blunders myself (thank God not the braids though.)  I suffer from the old motto, “When in Rome…” 

 A friend that I travel with believes this is a display of each person’s desire to bring vacation home, hence you buy the same crap.  I agree but I also think it’s about sharing the experience.  The uniform, however silly, makes vacation feel even further away from your reality left at home.  Not many of us can imagine wearing Caribbean braids to a sales meeting with the boss or how about a sarong?  However on vacation – anything goes…

  Hence you can find me buying Hawaiian music on Maui dressed in a bikini/sarong or t-shirts in the Black Dog Café for everyone in my family.  When in Rome, baby…