I bought this book as I was traveling - stuck in an airport as I recall and about to spend the next three hours sitting in a cramped seat - 5C - on the tarmac waiting for weather to pass and I barely noticed.  This book is absolute trash – like a soap opera and I loved it.

 I remembered the author from Sex and the City and thought; at least this will be funny – it was.  The characters are cutting and all-too-real.  Definitely gets you to thinking about what makes people tick and how one deed leads to another and another until you are down a road maybe you didn’t expect…

 This is a very light, amusing read that will keep you chuckles even in the worst of circumstances.     

I’m not sure you can teach happiness.  It’s really a by-product of listening to your heart, laughter or of even appreciating the beauty that surrounds you each day.  I’m not going to spin some ‘Polly-anna’ nonsense that every day could be sweet bliss.  Nope, it just doesn’t work that way, but what I can promise you is most days could be happy.

 It’s about where do you put your attention.  Do you focus on what you don’t have or what you do have?  Not sure - just try listening to yourself for a day.  Are you complaining or celebrating your life?  Are you pointing out the flaws in life, people, yourself?  Or are you noticing the leaves are just beginning to turn golden and fiery and maybe, just maybe that heralds in a more abundant time, a new beginning…

 What do you see?

The other day as I ate lunch in a café and two tables over sat a new couple.  The man was in his fifties with a sleek, fit physique and a silly soul patch on his chin.  His date – attractive, late twenties, yoga attired leaned in for a kiss.  Not a daughter kiss, but a real lingering kind.  I shuttered, ugh, get a room.

 Ok, yes, I might sound cruel, maybe a bit, but let me explain, I was that idiot girl dating too old men in my twenties.  I loved them, perfect dates – gentlemen, paid for everything.  We went to cool places and I was still an idiot.  Every stupid, idiotic “what-not-to-do” when dating mistake I have ever made happened while dating older men. 

 These are some of my favorites, “Oh no I don’t mind that you are two hours late, just calling now, to explain the business meeting rolled into supper so you wouldn’t be coming over after to all,” or “Sure, I like hot, burn the insides of your mouth food,” or “I know you were too busy with work/your kids to buy me a present for my birthday” and the capper, “of course, I understand you just had to sleep with your old lover when you were in China on business, thanks for your honesty…And since we’re being honest, I also slept with someone while I was in Ireland.”  True story, and happily the relationship crumbled after my statement of a ‘doormat no longer.’

 Every time I think of these stories I can not stop laughing – what was I thinking?  Who replaced the redhead when I wasn’t looking?  And then I recall where I was in my life at that time, I was sad.  I had just gotten out of a long-term relationship, heartbroken and penniless.  I was looking for someone to take care of me and here comes the divorced parade of forty-somethings.  I was easy pickings for awhile - I can’t deny it.  We all gained though – we were just borrowing. 

 These men were borrowing my youth, dare I say my ‘awe’ of them.  They had the answers – knew more, jez, they lived longer after all 15-20 years my senior.  Hence I let them lead without a word really…well, at least until Ireland then all bets were off again. 

 While I dated them, I was borrowing security, support, and honestly, escaping into another world.  I was playing house in some ways and then suddenly, it’s just was not that fun any more.  I didn’t want to borrow security from anyone and I certainly didn’t want to follow for the rest of my days. 

 The concept of borrowing was further emphasized when I read David Schnarch’s The Passionate Marriage where he discusses this borrowing phenomenon in all long-term couples. 

 So, as I glance over and see the overt signs of borrowing, I am also reminded of the three fingers pointing back at me.  What am I borrowing from my husband today?  Is it helping me or hurting me????

Maybe you are fighting with a spouse, a child, a parent or even a co-worker, guess what?  The problem is you.  I know this is annoying, but it’s true.

 Years ago, I would walk into my therapist office to report all the things my husband was doing wrong and the therapist would constantly redirect me back to myself – much to my annoyance.  Didn’t she get it?  If he would just do this different and that, then everything would be fine.  Uuuuummmmm, nope, she didn’t buy it and after awhile I understood.  The only, only person who is really going to make you happy is you.

 Now this doesn’t fit the fairy tail most of us bought with the castle and Prince Charming.  There is no one person as Jerry Maguire famously said, “who makes me complete.”  No, that’s a movie and this is real life.  You choose your thoughts and your life everyday.

 Now if you are rebelling right now, that’s good, because we are hitting close to the truth.  Let me give some examples of what I am suggesting…

 Say you are a stay-at-home parent and your mate is leaving you “stuck” with the kids/house while he/she goes out to work and sometimes play.  My question to you is, why aren’t you having any fun?  The reply of “who would take care of things” is not an answer but a set up.  Do you have a parent/child relationship with your spouse?  What role do you play? 

 Maybe your spouse is taking advantage of your kindness and guess who’s partly responsible for that dynamic? – yupe, you.  Why?  Because you are getting something out of this too – you get to be “better.” 

 Or maybe you go off to work and your partner has is so easy.  What do they do all day?  No stress, no schedule, get to exercise, no boss.  Can you feel the resentment building in this scenario???

 In marriage we make small concessions along the way to “take care of” our partner, however somewhere along the way we tend to get lost.  Our good intentions usually end up biting us in the bum later.  I wouldn’t say this is anyone’s fault as much as a natural course of learning and growing with another person. 

 What is interesting to note in the above scenarios is both are projections.  Although there is some truth in both situations, most of what binds us to a dysfunctional dynamic is “not enough.”  Not enough time, space, love, money, sleep, self-worth, sex…not enough, not enough me. 

 Hence, I invite you to look at your problems anew and discover what is your part and ask yourself, how can I take better care of me???

For several days upon return from vacation I feel slightly brain damaged.  Possibly like I began the day with a martini or two before breakfast.  The light hurts and I would like to snooze all day – could I be a vampire?  Are those bit marks on my neck?  No. Just the press of a harried life barging back into my sun-soaked, easy thoughts of, “shall I eat by the pool or at the café?” 

 Ah, I smile and am reminded how very blessed I am.  Though addled and blurred, I am happy.  I love slipping into a different experience – hopping on a plane and going somewhere new in just a few short hours.  It reminds me how much bigger the world is… 

 Sometimes, in the slog of daily life, I can get fixated on a narrow viewpoint.  I may only see a few options for the direction of my life, but when go on vacation – suddenly the world opens more fully.  Two things happen – 1. I appreciate more what I have already, and 2. I expand to see more. 

 This blurry feeling allows me the space to integrate this expansion back into my daily life.  Life is fuller.  It is more then, “what’s for supper?” and paying bills.  It is this AND that.  It is adventure AND the dull grind of daily life with laundry, meals, etc.  It is life, up and down, blurry sometimes and clear at other moments.  So I wait for the blurring to pass, and clarity to rise again. 

 Are you waiting for the blurring to pass as well or have you found clarity?  

I’ve never been to Vegas, so when my annual college girls’ trip came round this year it seemed like a great idea.  Stay in a swank hotel, see a show, excellent spas and pools, have some laughs – all good and innocent…Well, my girlfriend called two days ago with the news that her college boyfriend is headed to Vegas for his Stag party…

 Let me describe her college boyfriend – think English and looks like Ichabod Crane.  I am not kidding.  He is a fantastic fellow, I rarely stopped giggling around him.  I have memories of him sitting on the couch in his boxers, next to my boyfriend, also in boxers – playing N0-friend-o (Nintendo) for hours…what a pair.

 Needless to I expect to come home in five days with aching ribs from giggling at a merry band of pasty and slightly bloated Englishmen doing there very best impressions of “I’m too sexy for this shirt, too sexy for this shirt…and I do a little spin on the catwalk”…Viva Las Vegas…

I have never been a big fan of V.D. (my inside joke and nickname for Valentine’s Day – always makes me chuckle…) It’s a completely manufactured holiday by Hallmark and the florists, but still it is there.   And if you are alone – well, this holiday really magnifies that reality in sometimes frightening questions.  (Don’t you have a Valentine?  Why am I alone?  What’s wrong with me?)   STOP!  Take a breath – it’s 24 hours – pull yourself together and give these tips a try…

 1.  Reality check – this day shall pass.  Gratefully the day falls on a Saturday, so if you work in an office, school or the like – you do not have to see the relentless parade of delivered flowers and chocolates.  Mantra – this day shall pass.

2.  Make a plan.  Maybe you want to stay under the covers all day, but I encourage you to get together with friends and go bowling or ice skating – anything completely out of your norm.  Do something that takes you attention and focus off whatever negative spiral you are in.  It will distract you from “poor me” thinking and who knows who is ice skating today…

3.  Humor – if you are in a pitiful state, try to find just a little humor.  Watch silly movies, call friends who make you laugh…anything that can get you giggling will help you move through your emotions.

4.  Go outside.  Take a walk or go for a drive if it is too cold, but get out of the four-walls closing in!  A change of scenery will allow you to stop the incessant thinking of, “What did I do wrong?  Why me?  Will I ever be happy again?”  I promise you will feel better and be happy again (you were before, so why not?)

5.  Big girls/boys do cry.  It’s ok to be sad.  The tears do eventually dry up.  Just remember your tears are a wave, maybe of the tsunami variety, but a wave – you are the vast ocean.  Waves pass and the ocean remains.

6.  Get a new haircut, outfit and/or bedding.  Have you ever noticed how many people look better a few months after a break-up?  This is the upside of the break-up diet, i.e. can’t eat due to depression and sleeplessness.  As the song goes – wash that man (woman) out of your hair…your bed too.

7.  Buy yourself flowers and chocolate – the day before.  Whether you’re heart-broken or attached – don’t wait for someone else to tell you, “I love you, I value you.”  Do it yourself – then anything else that comes your way is gravy.   

 *Remember this is one day – 24 hours – this too shall pass…Happy bowling – don’t forget your socks! 

Recently I heard an interview with Doris Kearns Goodwin discussing Obama and his spaciousness in thinking.  Obama has a keen ability to stick to the big picture – leaving space for more information, points of view, sense of history and the possibility there is another way…Hence he was able to win the election with a fifty state strategy and keeping to his big message – change.

 Of course, keeping to the big picture can lead to problems (hello new bailout bill of good and bad) – so along with ever-expansive thinking, there needs to be the balance of making final decisions and taking action. 

 Look at your own life – where are you struggling?  Do you need to expand your thinking to a new way of doing things or do you need to make a choice?  Remember – there are no bad choices, because you learn and grow from ALL your choices.  As you already know, some of the best lessons are discovered when you make the ‘wrong’ choice.    

I did not want to like this movie.  Not a big fan of Hillary Swank (began on 90210 years ago as annoying girl…) and a movie about losing your husband?  Not particularly happy-feel-good, but I was wrong. 

 There are just as many laughs as tears and frankly, Gerard Butler using his Irish accent – oh my…I am a complete sucker for a brogue.  The entire cast is good – particularly Harry Connick, Jr.  The friendships are real with their fluid teasing - facing the realities of life with humor and stumbling grace.   The girls’ trip to Ireland is bittersweet and gorgeous. 

 However, it is still a “crier” movie.  Truly it is in essence an Irish wake – tears, drinking, songs, storytelling, and oh so much laughter…Feels like home to me.  Enjoy! 

Gritty, sexy, funny and violent, oh and don’t forget the accents – this movie is an all-around good time.  It is a true guy’s flick and I loved it.  Violent, but not bloody.  Crass humor, but not without surprising and amusing undertones.  I liked the quick dialog and twisting plot – I still want to see that damn lucky painting!  And the movie’s characters are sensational.  As much as the crank-head rock star is detestable, he is sympathetic…

 Only problem – the movie is kind of like all the rest of his films.  So if you are fan, you’ll see a lot of the same actors from his other flicks and a similar, yet fun plot.  You won’t be disappointed, but if you didn’t like his other flicks, don’t bother…However specifically for any dubious ladies, Gerald Butler is pretty easy on the eyes for two hours and funny too…Think of all the points you could get for going along with his movie choice this time?  It will come in handy in December when all the Oscar contenders come out…