5.  What is stopping you from living the life you have always dreamed of?  Money issues?  Spouse?  Relationships?  Family?  Responsibilities?  Could it be a fear of failure?  What if it doesn’t work? 

 This is the hinge point in transformation – can you transcend your fear of what if?  I bid you, courage – walk through your own unique fire and see what’s on the other side.  Use your own tools to support you – humor, intuition, friendships and a focused eye on what you do want.  Take a chance on you, you are worth it and after all, what if it’s fantastic on the other side, just waiting for you to take a chance????

4.  Are you trying to keep it the same?  Why?  Does the cost seem too great to make a change?  Does it seem impossible?  Are you afraid of hurting someone else if you do shift? 

 Whether you like it or not, this is your life.  Right here, right now.  When you place the needs of others always before your own, guess what?  You are always last on the list – your list and everyone else’s too.  You are teaching yourself and all around you that you come last. 

 Of course, there are times when it is appropriate to place the needs of others in front of your own, but you would be surprised by how few and far between this is in normal every day life.  People are not infants forever and illness, well, this is tricky, but I assure you, you just you, whether a caregiver or a patient, need to put your own needs at the top of your own list.  We all serve best from a place of fullness, not lack…

 How about if when you place the needs of others in front of your own – this does not inherently mean you are last?  Maybe move yourself down to second of third?  Do you run into any hang-ups or negative thoughts?  Around deserving, enough or possibly love?  Well now, you are getting to the foundation of the problem – what do you want and what if you deserved it?  What is stopping you? 

3.  Notice the word my in the above question, my truth.  It’s no doubt you are relaying the facts as you experience them, but are you feeling them?  Are you really listening to that internal voice that is naggingly right?  Are you going along to get along instead of voicing your own needs?

 Sometimes in life we find ourselves in unexpected places.  It didn’t just happen, there were many choices and compromises made along the way that lead to this less-than place, and even though you may not have intended it, you are here.  

 Instead of blaming or getting angry that someone else isn’t showing up the way you would like, ask yourself, what do I want?  I’m betting you don’t have an easy answer to that, but you can probably tell me what you don’t want.  Your focus needs to shift from what you don’t want (this thinking only attracts what you don’t want – where your thoughts focus, things expand…) to what you do want.  Begin making a list or dreaming about what you do want. 

 More importantly begin taking responsibility for your own dreams coming true.  Yes, those around you can support and love you, but you and you alone are the writer of your own life.  Players come and go, but you continue to create your life every day. 

2.  Ok, you’ve identified you are in a pattern, now it’s time to look at your part – what are you doing the same?  Stop with the reasons why you are doing it the same and just focus on your part.  There is no one person to blame. 

 For a pattern to be established everyone has to go along with their part over and over again – especially if it’s a negative pattern.  The reason you are always broke isn’t because the universe is out to get you, it’s because not only do you make the same poor money decisions over and over, but you also believe yourself to be someone who is always broke.  The universe is just showing up how you believe it to be.  (Tip: Got to change your belief…)    

 As I have previously said, it does not do you any good to berate yourself for not getting it yet – you will.  To change anything it takes practice and time.  You have to intentionally respond differently to the same problems. This takes energy and a commitment to being present – you are not going to respond how you always have.

 It won’t feel normal at first to respond differently and that’s ok.  Some people around you may not like you changing the pattern and that’s ok too.  When you are ready, you will make a change.  For the alternative – staying in this less-than place – becomes more and more unacceptable as the days pass… 

1.  Is there a pattern?  Have you been here before?  It could be painful and frustrating to acknowledge, but if you have been in these shoes before, you still need to learn something.  Instead of getting bogged down in beating yourself up for being in this place again, I encourage you to try something new.  Respond differently.

 If you and your partner always fight about the same thing, I’m betting you are really fighting about the boundaries of your relationship or unmet needs.  If you are always broke, this is not about a job, but you and your deserving or being enough.  The problems are in fact opportunities for transformation, but first you have to transcend the beating up of self (ego trap.) 

 Beating yourself up keeps you down, stuck in your ego.  What if you responded with compassion and curiosity?  What if you used humor?  One of my self-defeating patterns is worst-case scenario thinking, because if I think of the worst thing, I’ll be ready, right?  Wrong, I’ll just be tired and anxious. 

 Here’s the compassion part – this strategy was born in my frightening childhood.  I was raised in a violent, alcoholic home, thus worst-case scenarios happened, but I am not a child any longer.  I don’t live in an alcoholic home; hence those strategies are hurting me today, instead of helping me. 

 Here’s the curiosity – what am I afraid of?  Afraid of losing?  Afraid of change?  Afraid of success? 

 We all will find ourselves in a pattern every now and then – it’s ok, we are always growing and expanding.  The key is to not get stuck in a pattern, but to use those moments to readjust and transform to what does work in this new day.

Instead of getting stuck in “Why me?”  Ask yourself, “What for?”  What do you need to learn?  If you are having trouble understanding your responsibility in this situation, ask yourself the following questions.

 1.         Is there a pattern?

2.         What am I doing the same?

3.         Am I telling my truth?

4.         Am I protecting someone’s feelings by keeping it the same? (can be your feelings…)

5.         What am I afraid of?