This week in California a fifteen year girl was gang raped as 20 or more persons watched.  She was at her school dance.  It lasted longer than two hours.  The horror of this assault is stunning to me and it always, always has me shaking my fist at God.  Where was God?  How can a loving God allow this to happen?  What evil dwells in the hearts of men to do this? 

Too many times I have heard a version of this same event from friends and even lovers.  How can this happen?  I don’t know.  I try to tell myself, ‘there is a valid reason for everything that happens, everything in your life is a creation of you,” and these words feel hollow - insensitive really.  Why?

 I hear in my mind, you can only see in part, you can only see in part…My mind flashes when I was molested by a relative at fifteen and I think, oddly it has made me a better person.  I am more empathetic of not only the victim but surprisingly the perpetrator too.  I have come up close to darkness and discovered my light still shines.

 I discovered we are not defined by the horrific moments in our lives but there aftermath.  How do you put it back together and still live an abundant life?  Gently, one small piece at a time.

 Bad things will continue to happen and I will continue to occasionally shake my fist at God.  And God will understand.  I flash to Jesus, his son, abused and tortured.  I remember how much I struggled with the sign of the cross.  It was so depressing – a place of unimaginable agony and I smile. 

 Today I love the cross because now I see love.  I remember people saying this to me years ago and I thought they were nuts, yet now I see differently.  I see that God sent his son to be with us.  Be with us. Be with us in joy and in sorrow.  To experience not only the good in life but also it’s darkest corners.  Why?  To know God is with you.  Really with you - as he has felt the cut of the spear, the betrayal, nakedness and the abandonment – all before a crowd, who did nothing.  I guess things haven’t changed too much in 2000 years.

 I know some in that crowd were afraid and some joined in the game.  Both responses still make me sad. 

 I can only see in part, I can only see in part, I can only see in part…

Today we are going to discuss past lives and you will even discover how a specific past life is affecting your life today.  Recently the subject of past lives has been popping up everywhere for me – both positively and negatively and often, amusingly…discover new ways to unlock your life today. 

Feeling stuck?  Nothing is going your way? 

 Remember: it is only from the ashes that Phoenix rise again…

Can we get an editor here please???  As I read Dan Brown’s new book – I kept thinking, who edited this?  Half way through the book I completely forgot the title and main theme (finding the lost symbol) because I was caught up in another theme of pyramids, legends and noetic science… 

 Here’s the thing I like Dan Brown but this was a ridiculous meandering around several different plots never choosing a real focus or theme.  I did however love his tidbits about Washington D.C., forefathers’ lore and the Freemasons’ society.  Unfortunately the 500 plus pages was a complete slog to get through.  If you had any notion of theme, plot or critical thinking (or you were an English major) – stop, save your money and if you must, wait for the library copy to be in.

If you have ever been in couples therapy, this is funny, not hilarious or I can’t wait to see it again, but amusing.  It’s rather predictable and who cares.  Vince Vaughn does he’s usual thing, running at the month, and is most times successfully funny.  The shark attack and his whining afterward were priceless. 

 The rest of the cast is good and Jon Favreau – please step away from the plastic surgery.  He looks kind of scary. Overall: go to the matinee or wait for HBO (you know this one will be a continual loop one…)

Years ago I read or someone said to me – happiness is a by-product of a fulfilled life.  Of course I could see the truth of this statement at the time, but what I did not anticipate, over the course of living, is how much the definition of a fulfilled life would change…

 Let’s be clear we all strived to have a fulfilling life in the beginning, but what exactly does that mean?  It seems just when our lives are full with spouses, kids, work, money, debt, exercise, food…these very full lives aren’t so happy.  There is no time, too much to do, too full.  Aren’t you happy?  Can’t you feel the happy by-product of all this fullness???  No? 

 Sometime I believe we get lost a little – we think fullness is a result of doing.  The more we do, the happier we will be.  Unfortunately instead of happiness, all this doing leads to exhaustion and dissatisfaction with life.  It leads to simmering anger and resentment – after all, I’m doing this for you! 

I encourage you to look at your life at this moment – are you doing too much all to be happy?  To make someone else happy? 

 Happiness is a by-product of a fulfilled life.  However a fulfilled life is defined through balance, gratitude, love, humor and expansion.  But here’s the deal, there are times in your life where the interior of your life has to be big because the exterior of your life is limited.

 What pops to mind are the months I spent sitting on the couch breastfeeding and watching trashy TV.  It was a boring period in our lives, just ask my husband, lots of DVDs, but I was happy.  A bit mind numbed certainly, but happy.  I surrendered; I shifted my imagined full life to fit where I was right then.  I stopped trying to put/fit everything/everyone in and I surrendered to that moment.  I was fulfilled, I was enough.

 I would love to say I have always found this balance wherever life found me, but alas not, feet of clay here.  I sometimes get caught back up in enough – having enough, being enough, doing enough…until I am angry and frustrated – with God, life, myself, my husband, family, work, the store clerk….But this is where I make the turn.  My anger tips me off that I need to make a shift, a shift to re-evaluate and find my footing again – the quicker, the better. 

 For I know happiness is a by-product of a fulfilled life and that changes all the time.    

Learn how  to unlock your own manifesting style.  First off – let’s remember each person manifests best in their own certain way – that is - there is no right way or wrong, just your own best way, which may take a little time to figure out. Hence here are a few places to start…happy listening!

These past months I feel a bit like I’m in the boat, sails up yet no rudder – the wind is sporadic.  Sometimes I seem to be spinning in the same circles around and around.  Other times – I feel dead in the water yet still other days, I find myself zooming off into directions unknown.  Interestingly I know I am not alone.

 I hear it over and over from my friends, from people I haven’t spoken to in months and from many of my clients – I just don’t know which way to turn, but something’s gotta give.  I’ve questioned myself - is this how it has always been?  Are we always on the edge in some way or is this something bigger?

 I am relentlessly optimistic.  I always, always, always believe there is a brighter day.  The darkest part of the night only emboldens me to hold on tighter and wait for dawn, as I know it comes.  Unfortunately it doesn’t always come in my timing however…Gratefully one of the gifts in being almost forty years old is I’ve known miracles.  I have seen amazing things come to pass out of nowhere, hence I know dawn comes…eventually. 

 I have learned that sometimes wandering the desert or in a rudderless boat can carry you to places unexpected and magical.  Somehow I had forgotten this – I had become one of the adults in The Little Prince…

 A few weeks ago, I decided to enjoy the boat again, even if the rudder seems to be missing for awhile.  I know my compass is true, the people I love are abroad and the adventure is now…

You either like Lewis Black or you deem him annoying – I am of the former group.  I enjoyed this book immensely particularly chapters jesus loves me, this I know; golfing in the kingdom and in the land of seagulls and gingham.

 Black is honest and funny.  He loves the ritual and mystery of a ‘higher power’ yet hates it’s translation through the tongues of fools, conmen or worse, murderers.  It seems to rattle his senses a bit and for a man who protests at having no faith, me thinks he protests too much.  An examined faith is a living faith.  I would say Black’s religion has a lot of wicked humor, love for all and a healthy dose of raunchy sex.  Enjoy!

I bought this book as I was traveling - stuck in an airport as I recall and about to spend the next three hours sitting in a cramped seat - 5C - on the tarmac waiting for weather to pass and I barely noticed.  This book is absolute trash – like a soap opera and I loved it.

 I remembered the author from Sex and the City and thought; at least this will be funny – it was.  The characters are cutting and all-too-real.  Definitely gets you to thinking about what makes people tick and how one deed leads to another and another until you are down a road maybe you didn’t expect…

 This is a very light, amusing read that will keep you chuckles even in the worst of circumstances.