Lately I have been focused on the word surrender.  I can frankly say surrender is in exact opposition of my personality – I’m a doer.  In the beginning of the week a friend said to me, “Sounds like you have to surrender.” 

 What the hell kind of comment is that?  Can we say “useless?”  Imagine that I could surrender?  Me, the girl who’s name means “warrior?”  No, no there has to be something more I can do???  I think, think, think, twisting and turning the issues in my mind looking for anything not thought of – hopeful to see the puzzle finally set right, but no there are no new angles.  It is just beyond my control.  I can only see in part while so much has yet to be revealed…

 I tell myself the tricks – focus on manifesting, see the picture you desire, light candles, pray…yet still I am left in the dark.  I vacillate between shaking my fist at God and fear of what will be.  I feel myself on this hinge point between what was and what will be. 

 What I do know is life has changed forever – and amusingly, it was nothing I did or expected.  Life bumped into me – not tragically, but a powerful, unexpected awakening that blew apart long held beliefs of right or wrong.  A door I chose to close years ago burst open and I am grateful, even as I hear a chuckling God. 

 And I also see, surrender is my only path to peace.  I have done all I can do, said all the words that need to be said, I must wait for heaven to act.  So I light candles, say prayers, see the picture I desire in my mind and I comfort myself with the firm truth – I will not be in limbo forever, just awhile…Therefore I savor this life right now because it is shifting beneath my feet forever.  Things will be lost just as assuredly as new things will be found. I wait on the will of heaven to be revealed, confident I am protected and thrilled at what is to be…

Tags: change, confusion, god, peace, relationships, surrender, waiting

This entry was posted on Saturday, July 4th, 2009 at 8:25 am and is filed under Best Life, Communication & Relationships, Empowerment, Spiritual Self, Transformational Meditation . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.