Yesterday, for the first time in months, I watched Oprah. Frankly, I was curious. There had been so much hype – Oprah’s fat again and talking. So I sat and listened…and I saw someone not getting it still…
She spoke about her blooming weight and exhaustion as being a sign of her life being out of balance – not taking care of herself, not putting herself on her own list. Her cure – love by way of manicures, eating right and exercise. Ummm, excuse me? What?
Yes, the blooming weight is a sign of her life out of balance, but the weight is a symptom of something bigger. The weight is the outward sign of her grief; her wounded place…food has become the comfort to keep grief away, the nagging hunger that is never quite satisfied. All of us carry this grief, born individually in needs gone unmet in childhood or in horrific moments; it looks different for each of us…
The pain is revealed through our addictions – addictions to food, drugs, alcohol, shopping, always being right, cleaning incessantly, victim mentality, control…Each of us finds our “fix” – the thing that blunts our pain – if only for a moment. It becomes our go-to-strategy when the pain or grief is triggered. The trickiest part is, no matter how much “work” you do – this grief/pain can be unexpectedly triggered at any moment. And this is also an opportunity – your life is speaking directly to you – help me…But how to?
With massages, manicures, and exercise? Well, yes and no…Yes adding these things will help you feel good, but alone, they are just surface fixes of the body. They are the surface part of taking care of self, but they don’t truly nourish your heart or soul. It is in your heart and soul that your grief, your pain waits with pleas of not enough…not enough love.
It’s the grief that drives the blooming weight, drugs, alcohol, controlling behaviors to fill the “not enough” places within…The grief can not be filled up with activities – no matter how healthy – the pain causing the grief has to be pulled out into the light and only you can heal it…Through quiet meditation, silence, journaling, creating art, music…through being with yourself – kindly, gently, accepting of all the good and the bad, humor…by being your own best friend, parent, child…
Instead of just finding outside strategies to handle your stress, anxiety, out-of-balance behaviors; I encourage you to you create more resources within, so when you are triggered, you don’t have to fall so far.
I absolutely agree with Oprah that we are constantly evolving, challenged to grow, no matter our place in life. Money or fame does not isolate you from the messy business of life, just look at the Travolta family. There is no plateau in enlightenment…life still comes with its ups and downs. It’s you who decides where to focus your attention and notice your own life calling out to you…help me.
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