I am not one of those people who have New Year’s Resolutions, but I do have intentions for a better year. I feel the New Year offers a chance of rebirth, a fresh start, a cleaning away of the old to make way for the new. Over the years, I’ve developed an exercise for myself and my clients to enhance the process of cleansing from the last year and welcoming a fresh, abundant new year into your life.

I do this exercise once a year, sometimes in January or around my birthday in the springtime. I don’t think the calendar date matters as much as your own personal desire for a clean slate and a new beginning.

First, write down everything you did not like about last year. No censoring. Include all your disappointments. Difficulties in love. Financial struggles, fights with family or coworkers. Concerns with health. The loss of someone you love. Ended relationships. Possibly the loss of a beloved pet. Moments you let others down, even yourself. Get everything out.

This may bring you to tears: that’s ok. Let it out. By writing these experiences you can release the negative energies that tie you to the past.

Once you have finished, read through the pages. Upon finishing say out loud, “I am grateful for the lessons I have learned from these experiences. I now release myself of the past and the pain.” Then destroy the pages through burning, or the like. Once the pages are completely gone, say out loud, “I welcome love, joy and abundance into my life today and every day.”

Now write out all the things you did like about this past year. Things you’ve learned. New relationships. Advances in your career. Family. Vacations. Spirituality. Great books or movies that have stayed with you. Write about any experience that brings you profound love for others or yourself. Acknowledge all the gifts this year has brought into your life.

Again by writing it all out you experience the joy of those moments all over again. It becomes tangible and more real. Once you’ve completed the pages, read through them and then say out loud, “I am grateful for the love I have received and freely given. I am blessed. Thank you.” Set the pages aside for later.

The next part is truly my favorite part of this exercise; write a letter to yourself. The letter is everything you would like to see happen or accomplish this next year. I divide the letter into seven parts; self, career, financial, relationship with significant other, health, motherhood and spirit.  In each of the seven sections, ask yourself these questions; 1.  How do I want to feel about this aspect of my life this year?  2.  What will I do differently this year?  3.  What do I want it to look like?

For example, take your finances, say you are in financial difficulty today, here’s how to get specific…In 2009, I discover balance and unbelievable financial independence.  I feel confident in the abundance that continues to flow into my life by the reality all my credit card debt is paid off easily and effortlessly in 2009.  I am comforted by money now, instead of stressed.  I will stay focused on the big picture and not get pulled down by my own fears of “not enough”.  I now accept the blessings and good fortune that come directly into my life, every day… 

Please feel free to modify the seven sections identified above to fit your life. Everything you write down is for your best life. Think big and stay positive. Dream the very best year and write it down. Be specific. Your thoughts become words, your words become deeds and your deeds build your life. Notice any “what ifs” or fears that come up as you write and let them go.  I encourage you to not be distracted by any negative thoughts and stay focused on your very best year.Personally, I have struggled with fear my entire life. I read somewhere once that, “fears are dragons that keep us from our most precious treasures.” For me those treasures are love and freedom. What are your most precious treasures? What blocks you from those treasures?

Once you have completed the letter and are satisfied with it, take this letter and the pages you set aside previously and put them in an envelope. Address the letter to yourself, place a stamp on it and put it in the mail. This is very important: DO NOT SKIP THE POSTAL SYSTEM. The message must go out into the universe, freeing you to receive your most abundant year ever. When I get the letter back in the mail, I don’t open it. I put it in a drawer, knowing my message has been received and the universe is conspiring to make it so.

I have been doing this exercise for several years with great success. Not everything works out the way I envision. Sometimes it is even better and sometimes not, but I am always surprised. This exercise helps you release the negativity and pain of the past year thus not bringing it into the New Year. It also allows you the opportunity to bring the good things of the past into the next year. Most of all it opens the door to a more abundant life in the New Year.  May it be so. 

Some of my favorite things that made life in 2008 just a little bit better… 

1.       Aura Cacia - Natural Aromatherapy Bubble Bath.  Without a doubt, the best bubbles I have ever encountered – creamy, luscious and long- lasting (you will still have a tub full of bubbles in 15 minutes).  The product is so good you don’t have to use a lot of liquid for each bath – so it could last awhile, but because the experience is so awesome, well, bubble baths become a nightly affair – thank GOD.  Price: $10 a bottle.

 2.       RJ’s Natural Licorice – Black.  You either love black licorice or hate it – I’m a lover and was wowed to discover this licorice.  It is soft, chewy, with an unbelievable taste and just the right size so one piece satisfies your craving.  Side benefit – good for your tummy.  Price: $6 a medium bag.

 3.       Olay Quench Therapy Body Lotion.  Last February a friend told me about this lotion as I complained of dry, scaly winter skin and miracle of miracles – it works.  Here in Colorado, it is dry, dry, dry and I had been a fighting a losing battle with itchy winter skin for years.  That is until I found this lotion.  Tip: apply every day and within a week your skin will feel soft again all the time – not just after application.  Price: $7 for large 22oz bottle.

 4.       Italian Ice Sodas.  This is a light refreshing drink I would always order when out…then I realized I could make them at home too!  Fill your glass to the top with ice, pour in the mineral water to the brim (Pelogrino is what I use) and add a dash or two of any flavored Torani Syrup (can buy at World Market).  Yummy, refreshing and low-cal.  Total cost: Less then $5 for 3-4 glasses.

 5.       Morning Joe.  During this year in elections 2008, I became an avid watcher of all things politics.  Being an early riser, I discovered Morning Joe and soon it became part of my regular routine.  I am a democrat through and through, but what I like about Morning Joe is he (Joe Scarbourough) is not, nor are many of his guests.  They argue, debate, joke - sometimes heatedly, about the issues of the day.  Yes, there are some mighty egos on the set, but I like hearing all points of view in a variety of issues.   

6.       iTunes.  I was a late to come to the iTunes party, but now, to have all that music and movies available in moments?  Heaven.  Price $.99 and up.

 7.       Angels by Victoria’s Secret Lace Trim Bikinis.  Want to feel better and a little sassy?  These undies are a delight – so pretty, comfortable and no rising up.  Price: $16, however there is a big sale going on right now…

 8.       Cuisinart Ice Cream.  My husband received an ice cream maker this year and much to my pleasure, it makes fantastic ice cream and so easy to use.  If you are an ice cream lover – this is a must-have.  Price: $49.99 and up.

 9.       Hotel Collection at Macy’s - towels.  There is nothing more decadent then wrapping up in a soft towel upon exiting a shower or bath…As my friend exclaimed when she touched the towels, “Oh my God, that is like velvet!”  Need I say more?  And the best news is, they have a “Slightly Imperfect Selection” that costs less than half the regular price.  (The imperfects have not measured to be exactly the right size for the bath towel, hence they are imperfect and an amazing deal…)  Price: $25 per bath towel, imperfects - $10.

 10.     Hats.  Bad hair day?  Please put on a Newsboy Cap.  Suddenly, instead of being appearing slightly disheveled, you are instantly hip and look about 5 to 10 years younger.  The caps are everywhere and are so much fun to wear.  Hint: Try on a lot of hats and when you find a goody – buy it no matter the price.  Finding the right hat is worth the $38 - $50 because not all hats look good on your head, but once you find a gem, you will be surprised how often a hat becomes a simple solution to those inevitable bad hair days.  Price: $10 and up.

 11.     Anthropologie Stores.  A new Anthropologie Store opened near me this year and basically, it’s like walking into my closet – the nicest version.  Absolutely everything in the store is my style – feminine, sexy and keen on detail.  Only problem – ridiculously over-priced, but again – sales abound.  This is the place to find unique pieces to spice up your wardrobe or reward yourself for any job well done…Price: variable.

 12.     The Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch.  This book will change your perspective forever on marriage and relationships.  How many of us read marriage, self-help books with a mindset of “if my partner would just get it…he/she is holding me back from my best life…if I could just figure out a way to make her/him see how they need to change…”  One of the most startling and truthful revelations in this book is that your partner is not the only one not getting it.  You are stumbling just as much – it just may not appear so on the outside.  Be fairly warned though, this is an emotionally exhausting book because you are faced with the truths of your own behaviors and how they impact your life – for better and worse.  The good news: your life and all your relationships will improve after reading this book.  Price:  $13.

 These are just a few of my favorite things of 2008.  Please feel free to share some of your favorite things of 2008 in the comments below…

I told myself to be still and wait… 

Without love, for I don’t know what to love…

 Without hope, for I don’t know what to hope for… 

But, in the waiting, there is faith… 

There is love, hope and faith in the waiting.

 I told my soul to be still and wait.

 Merry Christmas, May Peace gather round like an old blanket…

Along with the celebration of the holidays, can be almost unbearable sadness.  The loss of loved ones is most keenly felt, for better or worse, during this season.  Death is a topic each of us often avoids – like a dirty, little secret that if we just ignore it long enough, maybe it will go away.  However it doesn’t…It just waits for each of us…death and taxes are about the only guarantees we’ve got.

I have a comfortable relationship with death.  I believe in a Christian model, however, I also believe we come back over and over.  Each of us has certain work to do in our lifetime along with the free will to realize that work or not.  I believe most of the people involved in my life today, I have been with before in previous lives.   

Several years ago my step-sister died.  She died sadly – alone.  At first there were hints of a suicide and that is what distressed me.  I was worried her soul was lost and wandering – not knowing the grace that was available to her.  I learned of her death on a Sunday night and that Monday I had already planned to visit a mentor to train on Mediumship. 

 So the next day I went to my mentor very upset – worried that somehow Nicky was lost.  We set the space and called Nicky to us.  Immediately she came in…she was so sad, but her first words were about suicide.  It was not a suicide, but a mistake – she just wanted to feel better with a little more drugs, “just a little more.”  That was Nicky.  After she made the “no suicide message” clear, you could feel her sadness and she taught me about free will.

 She had said in this life she thought she could do it – beat the addictions, but she couldn’t.  She spoke of the love that was in her life always available (family and friends) but that she never accepted while she was alive.  She helped me to understand each of us has choices.  Nicky chose drugs over and over – she couldn’t help herself and that is when I found peace.

 I understood each of us has our own “cross to bear.”  Nicky didn’t choose the drugs because of any one person.  No, this was her life, her choices and I could love her still.  I remembered her as a child and making friends with everyone – she accepted each person as beautiful and interesting.  This probably led to problems as an adult, but I know the very essence of Nicky’s soul is love – not perfect, but love all the same. 

When we closed the session that day, I knew Nicky would be ok.  I believed in her – her soul.  I know her beauty and kindness will come back again and we will meet again.  Maybe not in this lifetime, but I know she is never lost from me.  She speaks with angels now, across the thin veil – healing her wounded places and biding her time until she comes back again…

* If you are interested in reading/learning more about past lives, I suggest the book Many Lives, Many Masters.

Last week while I recorded my podcast on “flexible thinking” – I kept thinking, “If you want a flexible mind, a flexible mind doesn’t just happen – you are presented with opportunities to be flexible and you choose to be flexible…” 

 A week ago Monday we had a plumbing disaster in our home.  The downstairs was flooded and the carpet ruined, but we have the proper insurance to make us whole again minus the deductible.   Instead of focusing on the timing (x-mas in two week!), the cost of the deductible or even the gross factor – I celebrated all new carpets (900 sq ft) for really so little out of my pocket in the scheme of things.  I stayed in this flexible and humorous attitude for about 48 hours…Then the hassles began…

 We had to leave the house for three days because of the sterilization and drying out factor.  Only I did not know this until the fumes were affecting my thinking Friday afternoon.  Quickly I scramble to find a rental for all of us – yes, the dog too and here is where the rub truly begins – where to stay with a dog???  I discovered hovels and shacks except dogs (not where I like to stay.)  Needless to say this is where I ran up against the challenge of staying flexible and the reality of I like my comforts…I had been so good about all of this – making a joke of it, focusing on the good and now the hovel…

 It was that first morning in the hovel that I remembered my thought the day before, “If you want a flexible mind – opportunities.”  I started laughing aloud and looked around for something positive to focus on.  Ok, it’s got the wood fireplace I like and I’ve got this puzzle…Relax.  Then I realized my mistake – when I was looking for rentals I forgot to use my pendulum. 

 Part of the reason I was so unsatisfied with our rental is I always find the best places to stay – swank and an unbelievable deal.  I use my pendulum for all kinds of guidance including identifying the best place to stay, events to attend and a variety of other “small stuff” that actually affects the quality of your daily life.  Over the years my pendulum has become an invaluable tool to weed threw the quagmire of options and discover gems.

 Then I remembered I still needed to make a reservation for Sunday night - this time I used the pendulum and found a gem of a place to stay.  Suddenly my hovel I sat in wasn’t so bleak anymore and I started to notice more – the gentle snow fall outside, the kindness of the front desk staff, the mountains that surrounded us…

 We walked outside only to be greeted by huge Elks with massive antlers casually eating the pine needles out of the window box.  It was amazing and magically to be so close to these wild beasts…and a memory none of us will ever forget, hovel and all.    

If you are looking for some hip Christmas music try Hotel Café Presents Winter Songs, Various Artists – go listen to Winter Song by Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson first thing.  It is tender and exquisite.  The tune reminds me of waves with its ebb and flow rhythm - which immediately connects you to shifting emotions…”My voice a beacon in the night…my words will be your light…to carry you to me…Is love alive?…I’ll be your harvester of light…and send it all tonight…so we can start again…”  Trust me, go listen.  Unbelievably romantic and haunting…and haven’t we all tried to be beacons in the night, hoping to carry you to me?

 Other memorable songs on the CD – The Christmas Song, Frosty the Snowman, a lovely Mistletoe, Sleigh Ride, a playful All My Bells Are Ringing, and the sexy Maybe Next Year (X-mas Song) – who doesn’t love a bad girl?  Maybe next year I’ll be good…

 Skip Katy Perry’s White Christmas and bullet-to-my-temple Blue Christmas…Horrible, please ladies, go back to your real genres.   Happy listening!

Learn a few easy tips to shift your thinking to a more flexibly mindset.  It’s not that the other guy is living a much easier life – it’s that the other guy has learned how to bend and not cling to “worst-case” scenarios…Join me and discover for yourself how to make “lemonade out of lemons.”

Do you find yourself thinking, “If he/she would be more supportive, then I could feel better about us,” or “If I don’t get a raise soon, then I am ruined…”?  “If…then” thinking is a vicious circle that can block our own empowerment, but it can also be an opportunity.

 Last Sunday I noticed this “if/then” concept tripping from my own lips…I wanted my husband to behave or really react to an incident the way I wanted.  If he did this, then I could let go.  What???  Did I really frame my response, my mental/spiritual well-being, on his behavior?  Red lights flashing – what is really going on here?

 Fortunately, the incident in question happened as I was on the way out the door to a sound healing mediation group – so I was able to detach and really see my crippling “if/then” thinking.  Why is it crippling?  Because his behavior/reaction was the barometer of how I would feel.  I was willingly giving and blaming him for my emotional well-being.  The silent dysfunctional pattern of co-dependence…

 Let me go further in saying “if” implies two things – not being present and fear.  The “not being present” speaks to time – you are either worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet or something that has happened in the past, only to repeat again, maybe.  The fear is sticky – appearing a little different for each of us on the outside, but at is core is a longing for love, acceptance…to be enough. 

 I invite you to watch your own language for this “if/then” pattern…I think you will be surprised to discover how this concept sneaks into our thinking only to cause problems.  If you discover this pattern, I encourage you to be gentle with yourself and explore what is really going on… Are you trying to control the situation as to give yourself the illusion of “everything is ok” or safety? 

 Try meditating, journaling or go for a walk by yourself to explore what is really going on within.  Remember, you are half way there - seeing where you are tripping yourself up is half the lesson.  You have the choice to continue tripping in this old pattern or to go within and discover a new response…Here’s to a new day! 

One word: rental.  Yes, there were some good parts (wrestling at Dad’s house while setting “boundaries” and the house of cougars…) however, a plot would have been nice.  Kind of left you waiting for Vaughn’s character to make jokes…My husband fell asleep.

I did really enjoy the white trash sister-in-law though.  Definitely a glimpse of what Britney Spear’s life would have looked like if she had not gotten famous years ago, but that does not make a movie.  Even one sprinkled with a few poignant moments…Trust me, wait for the rental. 

Don’t do it.  I bought this book after returning from the beach in Martha’s Vineyard this past summer.  I thought it was about girlfriends at the beach…What I didn’t know was that none of the female characters were likable.  I think this is an important hook for any book – likable characters…instead we are presented with the worst of feminine traits – martyr, hysteria, anxiety, selfish…Ughh.

 Honestly I couldn’t get over the beginning when they head to the beach and all hell breaks lose – a child goes missing, cancer illness, pathetic behaviors of so-called “dear” friends…I made myself finish the book in hopes that I might like one of the women, but alas no.  So, please cross this off the Christmas list and replace it with something fantastic like Northern Borders or Broken Music or even another beach read, Gift From the Sea.