What happens when you discover the ones you love best are intent on hurting you?  And what if, they are your family?  This book focuses on secrets, mental illness and childhood wounds.  Exquisitely written, the book reveals a family and a community still reeling from a past tragic event that threatens to be repeated today.

 Marnie and Diana are sisters, born into a dysfunctional family and they spend much of their early years clinging to each other for safety.  The father has left for greener pastures, thus leaving them with their mother, a brilliant artist.  Unfortunately, the mother is also mentally unstable and really unfit to be a mother.  Yet somehow the girls make it into adulthood on the kindness of their neighbors and own innate talents. 

 Both sisters battle their own memories and fears of turning into their Mother in some way, big or small.  Almost every woman I know fears this pull of becoming, “just like her.”  And when mental illness complicates the picture, this pull becomes even more real and frightening…

 I know this family.  Yes, a more extreme version of mine, but I recognized their mother – a confusing mix of love and cruelty.  Her intentions are to be a supportive, thoughtful mother, yet her fears cloud her words and deeds.  Her words and actions begin as support, only to twist oddly, thus inflicting pain… 

 I know this mother.  My mother has always been one to point out any flaws or mistakes I make because in her mind she is “helping me.”  She is revealing to me all my “not enoughs” before someone else can.  Instead of being my biggest fan growing up, she was my critic, “judging – to protect me from the others.”  Needless to say, this was crippling.  By trying to protect me from possibly failing or emotional pain, she guaranteed I felt “less then” because she always found fault.

 Interestingly, I know I am not alone in this dynamic.  When I went to college, I soon realized many of my friends also struggled with this type of dynamic with one or both of their parents as well.  Gratefully I also discovered my Mom may be difficult, highly dysfunctional,  but she is not the worst of them.   And I also was reminded; her unintended cruelty was always mixed with love.  (This does not excuse the offenses, rather to give them context…)

 People are not perfect.  Some battle demons daily to keep a tenuous grasp on reality.  Some days they succeed and some days they do not.  Some days I don’t hold it together and I fall into despair, only to crawl my way out later when I find the light again.    

 This book begins in the dark.  The characters crawl around each other and their collective issues blindfolded.  Each wounded in part, only to discover healing in the light of truth – as it is for each of us.

Tags: book review, death, healing, Karen White, mental illness, secrets, sisters, The Memory of Water

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 18th, 2008 at 5:30 pm and is filed under Communication & Relationships, Empowerment, Movies & Books, Spiritual Self . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.