When I grew up, after my parents divorced, my Mom would ask me this over and over, “Mad, sad or glad?”  - a phrase she clutched to from her new-found therapy.  I would always say, “glad.”  My mother used up all the mad and sad, so I was left with “glad.” 

 Secretly I was really, “mad.”  This mother of mine was no mother – I think they call it manic/depressive.  She made me so nervous inside - I tried to hide away, blend in with the wallpaper, until I left the house…Then I could be something, drawing attention without wincing inside.  I used to use my body, my female wiles to draw attention from those around – jealousy and envy my favorite emotions to play upon.  In those fleeting moments – I felt enough.  The eyes upon me fed a craving to be seen – I am not wallpaper!

 That craving “to be enough” or seen, has changed over the years, though I’m not sure how much since at this moment my thighs are screaming out in pain from the lunges I decided to add to the exercise routine as beach days lay ahead…I digress and am chagrined at my own limits…

 Mad, sad or glad.  Still don’t like it, but I like the possibilities.  Most of my days now are, in fact “glad,” gratefully so.  A friend gave me the most amazing compliment last week that I want to share with you, “Kelly, you speak your life into being.”  I can not even begin to express how powerful this was to me – I have been focusing my life in this manner for years and out of the blue, I was seen.  I had my very own witness – not from how I looked, but by my being.  Magic.

 Sometimes when you least expect it – grace happens.  And if you are lucky, you are even reminded you are loved just for being…So be it.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 23rd, 2008 at 3:37 am and is filed under Best Life, Communication & Relationships, Friend & Family, Spiritual Self. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.