Yes, it’s stick season again – frigid temperatures, no snow, no green grass, only dead brown for miles and miles with barren trees appearing like sticks planted in the ground.  Warm sunshine seems far off and the dampness begins to seep into your emotions.  Maybe you are a little more irritable, have a nagging cold or even just feeling a little blue…These are a few suggestions I’ve used in my own life and offered to clients to bring a little sunshine back, days before Spring has sprung. 

1.         Buy fresh flowers.  Put them wherever you can see many times a day.  The room will immediately brighten and you will feel just a little bit lighter inside.

2.         Get a birdfeeder and watch spring come to you.  This gives you something to look at besides the blur of sticks and brown that your backyard has become.  I have hung one right outside my kitchen window and I watch them while I am cooking or washing dishes.  Now, instead of seeing a barren, lifeless space out my window, I see families of nuthatches having breakfast while I sip my tea.

3.         Read a book or go to a movie about someplace warm you would like to visit.  You can fall into a different world - soaking up the fresh berries and brilliant colors to your heart’s content. These images can become postcards in your mind to revisit for their warmth as you shiver in your cold car on the way to work, usually in the dark.<

/span>4.         Plant seeds.  I know you did this is first grade, but you will love it, again.  It is like watching a miracle unfold before your eyes.  Pansies are easy to grow and a longtime bloomer.  Take it one step further by getting a pretty pot, dirt & seeds (under $5) and give it to a friend – share the sunshine! 

5.         Get back into your community.  Winter can be very isolating.  I personally struggle with not becoming a hermit.  Not because I don’t want to see anyone – but because it is so cold out there!  Get out there anyway.  Go to church, meet friends for lunch, go to a party, even throw a party yourself, anything to reconnect with people.  I think January sometimes becomes a month of retreat.  The holidays can be a time of stress for many.  Retreat is a good option, but only for awhile - too long and your healthy retreat becomes isolating and depressing.  So call a friend and make a date.

6.         Take a class or workshop.  Try out something new and that appeals to your “fun” self.  You will meet new people and maybe even discover a new skill you never new you had before.  And I bet when the workshop is over, Spring is right around the corner.

7.         Plan a vacation.  This is my all-time favorite distraction from cold weather and brown – beaches and umbrella drinks.  Go to Tripadvisor.com and begin dreaming, planning and manifesting.  Pick a place and visualize yourself there on vacation.  Feel the water, the sand between your toes, the sun caressing your cheeks…The more you do this, somehow things begin to fall into place…money shows up, time frees up and you are on the beach.  Thinking it into being. 

  I hope these suggestions help you as much as they have helped me and my clients.  My kids and I planted seeds this weekend and we all are eagerly anticipating the miracle about to unfold.  Are there any tips you have discovered?  Please let me know as I am always interested.

Over the years I’ve “done a lot of work” on my spirituality and emotional well-being.  I have been compelled to live “differently” than my family of origin.  Amusingly, what I discovered is to “live differently” you have to make different choices in essentially the same circumstances that first caused pain…perplexed?  Let me explain…

 Over the years I prided myself (should have been my first clue) in not being competitive - like the rest of the family.  Both my parents were coaches and teachers – intense competitors ultimately ending in an ugly divorce and my brother was a fantastic athletic with a keen desire “to win at all costs.”  So, I turned my back on all things to do with sports and competition – not me.  You wouldn’t catch me screaming at the TV, radio, team member, players because my team didn’t win.  I was better than that…or was I?  I came to discover my competitive streak lay in the covert - I am most competitive with myself and how I “should” be. 

When I grew up, after my parents divorced, my Mom would ask me this over and over, “Mad, sad or glad?”  - a phrase she clutched to from her new-found therapy.  I would always say, “glad.”  My mother used up all the mad and sad, so I was left with “glad.” 

 Secretly I was really, “mad.”  This mother of mine was no mother – I think they call it manic/depressive.  She made me so nervous inside - I tried to hide away, blend in with the wallpaper, until I left the house…Then I could be something, drawing attention without wincing inside.  I used to use my body, my female wiles to draw attention from those around – jealousy and envy my favorite emotions to play upon.  In those fleeting moments – I felt enough.  The eyes upon me fed a craving to be seen – I am not wallpaper!

 That craving “to be enough” or seen, has changed over the years, though I’m not sure how much since at this moment my thighs are screaming out in pain from the lunges I decided to add to the exercise routine as beach days lay ahead…I digress and am chagrined at my own limits…

 Mad, sad or glad.  Still don’t like it, but I like the possibilities.  Most of my days now are, in fact “glad,” gratefully so.  A friend gave me the most amazing compliment last week that I want to share with you, “Kelly, you speak your life into being.”  I can not even begin to express how powerful this was to me – I have been focusing my life in this manner for years and out of the blue, I was seen.  I had my very own witness – not from how I looked, but by my being.  Magic.

 Sometimes when you least expect it – grace happens.  And if you are lucky, you are even reminded you are loved just for being…So be it.

Recently several of my friends and clients have had babies and are experiencing some new issues with nursing and babies.  Here are a few tips to survive and thrive during this time…

 1.         To breast feed or not:  Do not let anyone bully you into this choice – including your husband.  You have given 10 months to growing this precious bundle of joy inside and if nursing is not for you – don’t.  Yes, we all know the benefits of nursing, but all are outweighed by “over-whelmed, stressed-out mom.”  I did breastfeed for 7-8 months each time, but truly, besides the painful, sore nipples in the beginning – I had no issues with milk production, infections or the like…So this was not difficult for me.  Really look at yourself and decide what is best for you?

2.         Nursing and bottles: If you do decide to nurse, you will hear a lot of different advice about when to introduce bottles as to avoid nipple confusion.  Personally, if you have a baby who does not have difficulty “latching on” - use a bottle of pumped milk within the first week.  The experts will tell you to wait 4 -6 weeks as to avoid nipple confusion – wrong.  By waiting all that time, it becomes a big drama to introduce the bottle later.  One of my children would not accept a bottle at all – nightmare…Also, have your mate provide the bottle as to help support baby bonding for them and go take a shower or break.  Continue to have your mate provide bottles as to avoid the situation that only “you” can quiet the baby – this can feel gratifying in the beginning, but trust me, you will be setting yourself up for headaches later when the crying is louder.

3.         Are you the only person that can quiet the baby?:  When the baby starts crying, do you immediately begin breastfeeding?  This is dangerous territory for both you and your mate.  Of course, in the beginning this makes sense, but as you master nursing – are you allowing your mate to really bond with the baby?  I remember when we had my daughter and the odd sense of power as to be the “one” who could quiet the baby by merely handing the baby and breastfeeding.  However this dynamic becomes your worst nightmare as suddenly any time the baby starts crying she/he is handed immediately over to you for you to “fix.”  This gets old – quick, and then you become resentful of your mate for not being able to help out with the crying baby – the problem you helped to create…Hence, vicious circle.  So make a bottle for the baby and mate, and leave the house, go for a walk, whatever – they will work it out.

4.         Have you become a chew-toy?:  Are you breastfeeding all the time?  Not just during growth spurts?  Guess what?  You have now passed from providing comfort and sustenance for your baby to “chew-toy.”  Have you tried a binky?  Again this has been the cause of much debate – the whole nipple confusion issue again and teeth…I again go back to, what is good for you and the baby?  My daughter had a binky in her face ‘til three and my son never touched it - much to my dismay.  Babies like to suck on things - plain and simple, some are more oral then others.  You decide what is best for you and your family. 

5.         When to wean:  The experts push for a year.  Not for me.  At seven months old my daughter had become so busy during the day that she wanted to nurse all night.  After several nights of this, I soon realized I was becoming the meanest person in the room due to no sleep.  She weaned in about a week.  My son was/is plagued by allergies and I weaned at eight months because I could not get my diet clean enough as to not affect him.  His skin problems cleared up a day or two after I stopped nursing – probably should have stopped earlier.  Again, do not be pressured by anyone – they do not give any prizes for nursing the longest, etc…A girlfriend stopped nursing after about a month – she had run into problem after problem, stressed-out, but her husband still wanted her to continue…She stopped and was able to calm down because she wasn’t always worried about the baby not “getting enough.”  And then, I have lots girlfriends/clients easily nursing for a year – personal choice, no wrong decisions.  Look at where you are in your life and decide what would support you and your baby best.

 I hope these tips can help to answer a few of your concerns.  Please remember that this is a vulnerable time for new Moms and Dads – sensitivities run high.  A little patience with yourself and others goes a long way…Experts are just people with another opinion and in most cases; you can weigh the choices/options best for your family - not a stranger from a book.

Who hasn’t heard all the hype surrounding this book – Oprah’s book.  Several of my friends and family have recommended it to me and reluctantly, I read.  I say reluctantly because I am not a big fan of reading journals.  I’m a prose-girl.  I have only found a few (David Sedaris, Dr. Beryl Markham, Anne Morrow Lindbergh…go to my resources page to get reviews/info) that have a voice that not only resonates with me, but doesn’t bore…She bores a little – do I really need to read about her urinary track infection, the drama of embarrassment and alternative healing?  I’m sorry this just isn’t that big of a deal – obviously no childbirth experience…

Please listen to a discussion about possible blocks while meditating and some easy solutions to “fix” them.

Over the years, both through meditating myself and supporting my clients in their practices, I have discovered some blocks that may be halting your progress with meditation.  Here is some guidance to help you through these blocks…

 1.         “I can’t quiet my mind.”  I believe this is the first big hurdle in meditating to overcome.  First, try guided meditation instead of attempting to pick meditation up on your own in the silence.  This gives you something to guide you out of your incessantly thinking mind.  Don’t worry, as your practice develops you will be able to meditate in silence and find peace, but first, you have to open the door to this quiet place inside gently.  Berating yourself for “not getting it” fast enough just hurts you and really plays to your ego.  Think of it like any hobby or sport you pick up – it takes time and guidance to become comfortable. 

 2.         “I don’t have time.”  Almost all my clients in my private practice want to add meditation to their life, but time is a big stumbling block.  Even for myself I sometimes run into this problem.  That’s partly why I created my Everyday Meditation series – daily ten–minute meditations.  I’m not of the school you have to meditate for 20 minutes or more a day.  I’m a Mom, wife and  business owner…I do not live in an Ashram where I have hours to devote to a meditation practice – I live in the very real, busy world.  So if you only have 5 minutes right now, take it – spend five minutes concentrating on your breath.  I promise you will feel better and surprisingly, the 5 minutes will stretch longer as you feel more comfortable and relaxed with your practice.

 3.         “I fall asleep.”  During workshops this often comes up because my clients believe they fall asleep during the meditations. Upon ‘waking’ from the meditation they don’t remember anything, except they feel much better.  This “falling sleep” response is when your conscious mind goes to sleep because it is not interested in what is going on.  For example, maybe you’ve gotten in the car to go to the store and upon arrival you don’t remember driving there?  Well, you’ve probably driven there dozens of times and now it has become automatic, your mind is free to think of other things instead of directions.  Another reason for this “falling asleep” response is the topic of the meditation may be too upsetting to look at directly and again, your mind is protecting you by falling asleep and allowing the healing to first begin in your sub-conscious.  I often intentionally fall asleep to meditations knowing its healing affects on my sub-conscious.  If you are feeling better after the meditation, except it, don’t fight it.  Again, as you heal your sub-conscious, this ‘falling asleep’ response will just slip away and you will become more present and ‘awake’ during your meditation.

 4.         “I don’t like the imagery in the guided meditation.”  While I was teaching a meditation workshop a student complained that she hated meadows and couldn’t fall into the meditation due to this.  The meditation we had just finished was set in a meadow and connecting to safety.  She kept saying how barren and dead meadows are…This was surprising to me because meadows are magical places for me full of life.  I asked her to look at her language and her life.  The meadow she created was in her own mind – she made it barren, without life.  The meditation was in fact informing her of this barren view point.  I suggested she herself put life into the image in the meditation – adding trees, flowers, birds, etc.  This is actually a direct opportunity to heal.  This is a gift of meditation to gently heal yourself in your own time. 

 5.         “I know I’m not doing it right. I must be missing something.”    Maybe you’ve read you can be closer to God or manifest things through meditation, but you are not feeling this.  Relax. We live in a society that loves to compare – restrain yourself.  Ask yourself this, do you feel better – maybe calmer after meditating?  Yes, you are doing it right.  Let this practice unfold in your life gently.  I promise magic will happen.

 I hope this helps you overcome some blocks in your own meditation practice.  If you have any further questions or concerns, please contact me.  I am here to help.  So be it.   

I went to see the movie the Golden Compass last week.  I have read all three books in the series with waning interest.  What began turning me off in the second and third books was his obvious and negative view of religion.  The books – instead of making me question religion and its role in society – I became repelled by his obvious dislike of all things holy.

 Now I get the complaints about religion – violence in the name of God, a way to control the masses…Heard it all before, even spilling from my own lips at times.  I too had a Mother who identified herself as a recovering Catholic and pretty much my entire childhood was shrouded in negative views of any church and of course, God.  However, I was still curious…I have always thought it a bit naïve to criticize something not fully examined. So as an adult I joined a several different Bible studies to discover the truth for myself.

 Surprise of all surprises, I discovered a living book that spoke to my life right now.  Interestingly, the first Bible study I did was with a fundamentalist Christian (I am most definitely not) because I wanted to challenge myself.

 We read the Gospel of Matthew and one day we were reading Jesus words about his message.  He discussed how men would use his message and twist it to there own meaning, however love was truly the center.  Amusingly, as we discussed this passage, we began to disagree.  My friend really believed if you don’t follow the bible (really a fundamentalist interpretation) then to hell you go…What did you not read the loving words of Jesus – ALL are welcome????  She really could not see an all-inclusive loving God and certainly no other interpretations of God through other religious books were acceptable.

 Personally, I don’t feel any religion has a lock on God.  God is for all of us no matter how you find him/her whether through meditation, nature, different religions, books, whatever.  My image of God is clearly displayed in the story of the Prodigal Son. 

The father, i.e. God, runs arms outstretched for his wayward child.  The son only needs to turn to his father, who has been looking down the road hoping to see his child return.  The father celebrates the return and even chastises his other son for being resentful of the celebration.  I so understood that other brother’s anger and then I realized the truth.  No matter what you have done, God is there, pouring out his love and calling you home. 

 I don’t have to be perfect to be in relationship with God.  I can stumble, I can fail.  It doesn’t matter, God still waits and longs for me – each of us no matter what.  That is power, that is love. 

 So as I read each book in Philip Pullman’s series, I became more repelled.  It malice and distain for religion became more clear with each page; evil angels, the Magisterium (in the Catholic Church, an actual board of power,) the issue of souls, etc.  Honestly, it smacks of an immature and fixated negative view of religion.  I really wonder if he has done any real challenging scholarship on spirituality and religion.  I get the feeling that Mr. Pullman has no respect for spirituality and actually has a “less-than” view of those who do.

In fact when I finished the last book all I could think was, “Wow, this is sad.  How depressing to be so cut off from the magic of life.  How can do you find peace?  So lonely.”  I can honestly say I have no desire to read anything by him again, because I just have no interest in witnessing material that pedals hate, separation from God and violence towards kids guised as a children’s book.  Yuck.  This seems to at least be something that could reserved for adult books. 

What do you think?

In January I begin dreaming of the beach and my annual girl’s trip.  For years my favorite college friend and I escape to somewhere warm. Last year we went to Mexico - no husband, no kids, actual adult “me” time.  Often, I’ve discovered, during these annual trips, I see myself again.  Amusingly, I witness the quirks of Kelly Ellen.

In my mind, I wish to be a wonderful, flexible traveler.  In reality, not so much.  Sensitive stomach, sleeplessness due to excitement, finicky eater.  When I step back and really see it, it’s ridiculous.  Almost every time I come home with a cold.  Pathetic.  And I giggle.

It is a funny thing indeed to witness the dichotomy of my hopeful mind’s eye, and the starch truth of my behavior.  This flexible person in my mind’s eye, just doesn’t exist in reality.   Do we all decide how we should be and quietly berate ourselves for not measuring up?  The hum of disapproval vibrating in our minds.

I am truly so much happier when I operate in the world from the truth of my behavior.  I am not a good traveler for all my so called good intentions, and now, I travel prepared – stomach cures, sleeping pills and power bars.  I am who I am.

I always return from these trips softened and empowered.   My friend and I met in the first few weeks of my freshman year at college.  We have always been mistaken for sisters as we look, dress and act similarly even to this day.  We are so much alike, yet our life choices have lead us on very different paths.  She is in international law and single.  I am married, mother of two and working from my home.

It is in these very differences that we are able to support each other.  She helps me access my identity before the rest of life crowded in.  She helps me play and frankly, stay young.

I brought 3 bikinis with me on our last trip.  I had not worn a bikini in maybe 8 years—I was a Mom, that time had past, my body wasn’t perfect.  Again, I heard the hum of disapproval vibrating within.  But I did it anyway, and you know what, I looked good.

I looked around the beach and everyone was in bikinis, with all their different bodies for the entire world to see.  There were no perfect bodies.  Even the sixteen year olds had cellulite.  I didn’t have to be perfect.  Finally, my mind’s eye had softened to embrace reality.  The disapproving hum disappeared, only to be replaced by the crashing of waves and laughter of sisters…

There’s a plumber in my kitchen right now.  Trying to clear our kitchen sink.  I keep hearing rumblings of, “I have never seen this before,” and “Well, I’ll be.”  Frankly, I’m a little nervous about the impending bill.

This is the second time he has been here in four days.  The problem had been getting worse and worse.  The water would just not drain.  Dirty water, sitting in my sink, slowly, ever so slowly draining away. Leaving a ring of slime around the bottom.  I called the plumber after many vain attempts with maximum strength Draino and a plunger.

I am grateful the plumber is here, the expert.  The first time he came, we had thought it was fixed, but after a day, we realized the problem was still there.  It was better, but not fixed.  So back he is today.

As I hear him working and rumbling,  I can not help but look at the symbolism.  I do not believe anything happens in isolation.  As Wayne Dyer says, “There is a valid reason for everything.”

I believe the Universe is conspiring to make us whole, guiding us to our best self.  We receive information and/or signs all the time.  Much of our intuition is seeing/reading the signs all around us and gleaning the most insight to make the best decisions.

Water has many different meanings for me, one being emotions.  For the past few weeks my husband and I have been, shall we say, “discussing an issue.”  Needless to say, without resolution.  Thus it is  not surprising to me that my sink has been all clogged up.  Dirty, water, old stuff mixed with the new, sitting in my kitchen sink.  Truly in the center of my home, in the center of my life.

I was thrilled last week when the plumber came and seemed to fix the problem so easily and quickly.  My husband let me know the sink was still not working the next day.  I went to where we all seek refuge –denial.  “Dear, it’s fine.  You don’t know.  What did you put down there?”  Later too, I discovered he was right, the problem was still not fixed.  The next day I called the expert again, the plumber.

He came with much bigger equipment this time,  but today, happily, he fixed it.  The clog was very deep.  He had needed to go further down the pipe last time.  He was even baffled at times today before he finally completely cleared the problem.

As I watched the plumber drive away, I smiled and was gratefully  reminded that sometimes the clogs are very deep and with the right equipment, the right support they can be cleared away.

My husband and I resolved our “issue of discontent” later that day.  We had found the support we needed to make the best decision and the problem was cleared away.