5.  What is stopping you from living the life you have always dreamed of?  Money issues?  Spouse?  Relationships?  Family?  Responsibilities?  Could it be a fear of failure?  What if it doesn’t work? 

 This is the hinge point in transformation – can you transcend your fear of what if?  I bid you, courage – walk through your own unique fire and see what’s on the other side.  Use your own tools to support you – humor, intuition, friendships and a focused eye on what you do want.  Take a chance on you, you are worth it and after all, what if it’s fantastic on the other side, just waiting for you to take a chance????

4.  Are you trying to keep it the same?  Why?  Does the cost seem too great to make a change?  Does it seem impossible?  Are you afraid of hurting someone else if you do shift? 

 Whether you like it or not, this is your life.  Right here, right now.  When you place the needs of others always before your own, guess what?  You are always last on the list - your list and everyone else’s too.  You are teaching yourself and all around you that you come last. 

 Of course, there are times when it is appropriate to place the needs of others in front of your own, but you would be surprised by how few and far between this is in normal every day life.  People are not infants forever and illness, well, this is tricky, but I assure you, you just you, whether a caregiver or a patient, need to put your own needs at the top of your own list.  We all serve best from a place of fullness, not lack…

 How about if when you place the needs of others in front of your own – this does not inherently mean you are last?  Maybe move yourself down to second of third?  Do you run into any hang-ups or negative thoughts?  Around deserving, enough or possibly love?  Well now, you are getting to the foundation of the problem – what do you want and what if you deserved it?  What is stopping you? 

3.  Notice the word my in the above question, my truth.  It’s no doubt you are relaying the facts as you experience them, but are you feeling them?  Are you really listening to that internal voice that is naggingly right?  Are you going along to get along instead of voicing your own needs?

 Sometimes in life we find ourselves in unexpected places.  It didn’t just happen, there were many choices and compromises made along the way that lead to this less-than place, and even though you may not have intended it, you are here.  

 Instead of blaming or getting angry that someone else isn’t showing up the way you would like, ask yourself, what do I want?  I’m betting you don’t have an easy answer to that, but you can probably tell me what you don’t want.  Your focus needs to shift from what you don’t want (this thinking only attracts what you don’t want – where your thoughts focus, things expand…) to what you do want.  Begin making a list or dreaming about what you do want. 

 More importantly begin taking responsibility for your own dreams coming true.  Yes, those around you can support and love you, but you and you alone are the writer of your own life.  Players come and go, but you continue to create your life every day. 

2.  Ok, you’ve identified you are in a pattern, now it’s time to look at your part – what are you doing the same?  Stop with the reasons why you are doing it the same and just focus on your part.  There is no one person to blame. 

 For a pattern to be established everyone has to go along with their part over and over again – especially if it’s a negative pattern.  The reason you are always broke isn’t because the universe is out to get you, it’s because not only do you make the same poor money decisions over and over, but you also believe yourself to be someone who is always broke.  The universe is just showing up how you believe it to be.  (Tip: Got to change your belief…)    

 As I have previously said, it does not do you any good to berate yourself for not getting it yet – you will.  To change anything it takes practice and time.  You have to intentionally respond differently to the same problems. This takes energy and a commitment to being present – you are not going to respond how you always have.

 It won’t feel normal at first to respond differently and that’s ok.  Some people around you may not like you changing the pattern and that’s ok too.  When you are ready, you will make a change.  For the alternative - staying in this less-than place – becomes more and more unacceptable as the days pass… 

1.  Is there a pattern?  Have you been here before?  It could be painful and frustrating to acknowledge, but if you have been in these shoes before, you still need to learn something.  Instead of getting bogged down in beating yourself up for being in this place again, I encourage you to try something new.  Respond differently.

 If you and your partner always fight about the same thing, I’m betting you are really fighting about the boundaries of your relationship or unmet needs.  If you are always broke, this is not about a job, but you and your deserving or being enough.  The problems are in fact opportunities for transformation, but first you have to transcend the beating up of self (ego trap.) 

 Beating yourself up keeps you down, stuck in your ego.  What if you responded with compassion and curiosity?  What if you used humor?  One of my self-defeating patterns is worst-case scenario thinking, because if I think of the worst thing, I’ll be ready, right?  Wrong, I’ll just be tired and anxious. 

 Here’s the compassion part – this strategy was born in my frightening childhood.  I was raised in a violent, alcoholic home, thus worst-case scenarios happened, but I am not a child any longer.  I don’t live in an alcoholic home; hence those strategies are hurting me today, instead of helping me. 

 Here’s the curiosity – what am I afraid of?  Afraid of losing?  Afraid of change?  Afraid of success? 

 We all will find ourselves in a pattern every now and then – it’s ok, we are always growing and expanding.  The key is to not get stuck in a pattern, but to use those moments to readjust and transform to what does work in this new day.

Instead of getting stuck in “Why me?”  Ask yourself, “What for?”  What do you need to learn?  If you are having trouble understanding your responsibility in this situation, ask yourself the following questions.

 1.         Is there a pattern?

2.         What am I doing the same?

3.         Am I telling my truth?

4.         Am I protecting someone’s feelings by keeping it the same? (can be your feelings…)

5.         What am I afraid of?

Last year I went to Vegas for the first time.  My girl’s trip was taking me to the Wynn that year and I was thrilled.  Almost everyone in my regular life had a negative opinion of this impending trip.   

I heard; it has bad energy, too much drinking, sleazy people, unclean and immoral and my favorite said to me by my acupuncturist, what good can come of a happily married woman going to Vegas?  Hello projections and opinions – where did these people think I was going to hang out?  Stripe clubs and street corners?  Of course all these negative comments only made me more determined to go…However I was concerned about the cost.  Vegas, unless you’re winning, can be expensive quick – of that much I was sure.  Thus I was confused – should I or shouldn’t I go? 

Meditation helps me to get clear and become quiet – within the quiet I can often hear guidance.  Loudly, clearly the message came through to go on the trip and the money would be taken care of.  My eyes popped open and I thought of course, I’ll throw dice and get a huge tip.  Off to Vegas.

 On the third day in Vegas I was down maybe twenty bucks but I was really enjoying myself.  I loved always dressing up, the shows, free drinks, the shopping, the lights, the dancing, the pools, our hotel…It was fabulous.  As my girlfriend and I walked through the casino that day, a few older gentlemen with piles of chips in front of them called to us to throw dice and I thought – that’s it, my money.  Before I could say a word, my friend waved them off and said to me, “Kelly, you of all people can win here.  Just feel the game call to you.  You know you can do this.”

 I thought, she’s right, I can do this, I can create my own winnings.  Not five minutes later I saw the slot machine for me – Queen of Hearts – redhead like me, nickel slot (I didn’t even know they had nickel slots…)  I pulled maybe three times, probably spent 40 cents total, and $868 appeared.  Happy, screaming day!  We were idiots, giddy with success and the best part – we cashed out and ran up to our rooms to lock it in the safe.  The trip paid for itself.

 I had been so quick to think someone else needed to give this to me instead of realizing I can create it myself.  Amusingly this was the beginning of a wonderful pattern – most of my vacations somehow pay for themselves now.  It’s remarkable really and I feel it is a direct result of being in flow with the universe, an abundant universe that is always looking to support and lift you up. 

 I invite you to slip into your own quiet meditative state and discover what magic is waiting for you…create your own winning today.

During the past couple months I have been witness to death.  A dear friend’s mother, small children and friends have died recently.  It has been an amazing lesson in living…

 Now is your time.  Today.  Nothing and I do mean nothing can make you appreciate life more than death.  Peace is to be enjoyed today and it is a choice…

 I have been honored, humbled and moved to receive updates of from a CaringBridge journal.  (CaringBridge.Org is a web site created to help you stay connected with loved ones during a serious health event.)  An old college frat brother of my husband’s is dying of brain cancer.  His wife updates the journal every few days.

 I can not begin to express how profoundly moved I am by her courage and grace as she moves through this transition.  Her beloved, the father of their child, her very best friend is moving onto another shore and she can but watch from the banks…How do you say good-bye?

 She is doing it well - celebrating small successes, humor, abounding love, tears and humbly she measures her days in conversations and words.  I am so grateful to be able to be an intimate witness of this family’s journey – I am better for it.

 Instead of shutting down, this woman’s heart bursts open – she has made to choice to celebrate and savor this moment.  Yes, she has made a choice to get into the boat with her husband.  To hold his hand until he reaches his own new shore…But she can not walk with him on his new beach, she must go back to the life they created together before this strange path unfolded.  She can only see in part right now…

 A couple weeks ago a dear friend’s mom died.  Unfortunately for this family there were many things left broken.  There are eight siblings in the family.  Before meeting the other siblings at the funeral, I only heard stories of the bickering.  In my mind I saw little kids fighting about who loves me best, hence when I saw this motley lot I was shocked to see they were all old people with gray hair.  For many of them, they had made the choice to be angry - forever. 

 Let’s be clear, most of us did not get the childhood we wanted.  There were real disappointments, betrayals, maybe violence and here we are.  I would say 90% of all parents are trying to do there best.  Unfortunately the best someone’s got can be stunning inadequate at times… 

 The wife I spoke of early could have made the choice to be angry – the situation is unfair.  Her husband was well just a year ago and now here they are.  I dare say this wasn’t the ending she wanted – it is cut too short. 

 And she responds with love, savoring the moments, the surprising conversations, thankful for the prayers holding them up and finding comfort in the sure knowledge – today she can only see in part, one day, one day she will see all…

 Information to create your own network of support through the CaringBridge.org. 

There are times in your life when surrender is the only path to peace.  You have done all you can do and the circumstances are beyond your control.  Today, begin to surrender with meditation…

Dance – Flip on the tunes, grab your microphone (aka favorite hairbrush) and shake-it!  Nothing and I do mean nothing can change your mood for the better faster than getting up and moving around to a grinding beat. 

 Play – a card game, Wii, draw, cook, create anything…Stop looking at the to-do list and begin having more fun.  How did life get so serious anyway?  Too much thinking, not enough playing.

 Dream – a vacation, a new job, a new beginning…Before dreams become reality, first the dreaming…Do some research online, journal, watch travel DVDs and begin talking to new people.  Expand your horizons, be open – who knows where your dreams will carry you…

 Set an Intention – What is one shift you could make today for the better?

 Forgive – does a name pop in when you see the word forgive?  Is it you?  Forgive yourself.  Remember you’re learning, growing into a better you.  Mistakes are to be expected (opportunities…)  When you really forgive yourself, others can be forgiven too and peace becomes possible again.  (Create forgiveness with meditation.)

 Be grateful – for the air you breathe, the food you eat, the warm bed you slip into each day…be grateful.

 Today is a good day to…be.  Who do you want to be?